Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year OHN, and oh yeah, it's cancer.

Okay, so she wasn't quite that blunt, but it was still a shockerooo.

A few weeks ago, I went to have three "things" removed. The dermatologist felt that they were probably all nothing.


One of them came back as squam0us cell carcin0ma.

The really yucky, sucky bad part is, the location of the cancer.

Good gawd it is in the part of the body where the inner thigh connects to the heybaby. Yep. Bad enough to have one doc messing around down there, now I get another one who specializes in this type of thing.

I wouldn't have known it was there if it weren't for BigD. He was poking around down there.....looking to see if there was anything worth taking a little blue pill for.....and asked when I grew another eye, and that it was kinda creepin him out.

Just in case any of you think I am a floozie (is that a real word?), it is nothing transmitted via sex cooties.

So I went to the dermatologist, hoisted up the bloomers, spread like peanut butter, and she had a gander at the goods. This was the second dermatologist I went to see. The first took a look and said it was "nothing" and she wouldn't even remove it.

I am glad that I didn't listen to her, or I might be sitting here typing my obit rather than a post telling you ALL to check your WHOLE body (grab a mirror and spread 'em) for anything that you weren't born with (or were born with that looks different than it did a few weeks ago).

I always thought that skin cancer only happened when you were a sun goddess. Well, actually that does make sense as I AM a goddess. I have blue eyes, freckles, and used to have red hair, so I have sizzled with the best of them. BUT, this Squ. cell is not where the sun reaches. I can pretty much guarantee you that I have rarely, if ever, sunbathed bottomless with my legs in stirrups. (for you men that read this, I am not talking about a saddle).

On top of that, I am wearing a heart monitor for the next month because of the ER trip I posted about a week or so ago. Fun times folks. Fun times.

I feel like I am falling apart. Physically. ......... Mentally, that happened years ago.

I spent this morning with S3 while he had an MR.I on his shoulder that he trashed while "training" with a "coach" (really just a dad with delusions of higher things) for pre-pre season training for lacr0sse. We have our fingers crossed that it is a non-surgical injury and the MR.I will tell us that. As for this dad's training sessions....well, S3 won't be going back. Had I realized that this wasn't a school sanctioned training (he presented it as such) S3 wouldn't have been allowed to go to begin with.

In two weeks, I am taking S1 to the Clevel@and Clinic to see not one, not two, but three specialists. He is having two weeks of testing in one day. It's gonna be a long one! I pulled the mom card on this one. He was balking about going for all these tests, and I told him it was ALL I wanted for Christm@s. Peace of mind. I told him, the only thing it would cost him is having to spend a day with me and eat crappy hospital cafeteria food between appointments. Unbelievably, he agreed. We are very concerned about a genetic disorder, that I will detail further here, once the tests are done. The only thing that is bothering him....he knows they are going to ask about genetics (one of the specialists is a geneticist) and family. We have nothing. No info except his birth-father did have some relatives drop dead young. S1 HATES to have people make inquiries about his parentage because he is an analytical kid and not knowing background, doesn't fit into one of his neat little boxes.

I sounds like we are a bunch of sick, poorly constructed humans, and we really aren't. It just all seems to be happening at once.

So kinda suck.

2010....don't you dare start with me, or you will be in serious trouble mister.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Timing and over-the-head thought bubbles

Remember last post I told you that I wanted a puppy or camera for Christmas?

This afternoon we went to an open house for a friend that is retiring(very young) ...and who also got a puppy for Christmas ....(the lucky bastard) and when I asked him what he was going to do beside, cook, clean house and do all the laundry from now on, while his wife is at work, he told me he was going to get back in to photography.

It was just this guy, BigD and me standing there at that moment. I asked him what kind of camera he has, and we started talking about cameras, lenses etc. BigD stood there and looked at me like he had never heard before, that I want a camera. Honest to God. He just looked at me like it was all new information.

I told the friend that I am close to getting one, had been looking for deals, talking to pro's (hi Tina) and doing quality and price shopping.

So, now, when I go get my sweet ass a camera, BigD will undoubtedly say he knew all along that I wanted one. He does that. I can say something, and weeks later he "thinks" of the idea and is certain that it originated in his brain, when in fact, it was my seed that was planted.

I am fairly certain this is a male genetic trait. Many of my friends have complained about the same thing. We women make decisions, then suddenly it is a new idea in our mates brains.

Anyway, I just thought it was funny that I got to show my excitement about something that I have been wanting forever, while the man that supposedly knows me so well, stood there and was surprised.

*Can someone please explain to me why men and women are allowed to be married, when we clearly are so different? This whole g.ay marriage thing makes much more sense to me. People of common thoughts spending time novel is that?

*No, I am not even remotely g.ay and am not championing a cause, just thinking out loud, though I do wonder why people are so afraid of two people loving each matter who they love.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

No puppy and I am an ungrateful bitch

It wasn't even on BigD's radar. Christmas morning I asked him when the puppy would be delivered and he gave me that blank stare that I have known and loved forever.

It never crossed his mind.

Even with the hint/suggestion that was given to him. (I think "God, I would love one of those puppies!!!" is a fairly significant hint) .

He said "really? you thought I might get you one of the puppies?"

What he got me........

v v v v v


Yep. Can't tell you the last time I left my town for anything. The town I have lived in for 30 years.

He was so excited to give it to me. I seriously had to concentrate to not have the "why in the hell would you get me a GPS?" look on my face. I was able to pull it off.

He has no idea I am here being an ungrateful bitch complaining about a gift. I mean, how horrid am I?????

He was beaming, thinking it was the best gift ever.

For those of you that are thinking 'he probably wanted one for himself'.....he has one.

The only time I have left my town in the last year, we were together so we used his.

Now we have 2.

For a couple that 99% of the time is together when go anywhere in a 30 mile radius of our home.

I wanted a puppy or a camera.

Think he would notice if I traded the GPS for a camera, and stuck it to the windshield whenever I went anywhere?

See...I told you I was an ungrateful bitch. BUT, he doesn't know it, because I wouldn't have the heart to burst his perfect gift bubble.

On the flip side....S3 told me this was his "favorite Christmas ever". S1 and S2 were equally thrilled. (If you remember, we gave them tickets to the C.leveland C.avaliers--fairly good seats and they each got 2 tickets so they can take a friend). I filled in with some necessities, undies, sox, a couple bathrobes (sorely needed!) and all were happy campers.

BigD got stuff for his man-cave, so all he needs now is something to prop his feet on and I will probably never see him again.

That's ok, if I ever need to go anywhere alone, I will have my own GPS to get me there, and his will be sitting in his car in case he ever leaves the man-cave.

Happy New Year from the ungrateful bitch.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Jail is too good for this guy

I bet the parents of his victims would like 10 minutes alone in a room with him. I know I would. He is the worst of the scum. Adults who prey on children are reprehensible and no punishment is good enough in my opinion.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Because you all want to know more about me....right?

Eggnog or hot chocolate? Both, but not at the same time.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? He wraps everything. When I was a child he always left some open things under the tree, but BigD said that was stupid so we never did it. (do you think I am still resentful ? ;)

Colored lights on a tree or white? Colored, BUT in past years I have put white lites on the inside of the tree, forgot to do it this year.

Do you hang mistletoe? Yep. It hangs in my office doorway.

When do you put your decorations up? I start the day after Thanksgiving and finish when I can't stand seeing the boxes sitting around and put them away...finished or not.

What is your favorite holiday dish? Cookies. They are considered a dish aren't they, I mean I do use a plate.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Nope. Another thing BigD ixnayed when we got married. As a kid, I always opened the smallest gift. (yep, still resentful I didn't have the backbone to tell him we WERE going to continue the tradition).

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? It is loaded with all the ornaments the boys made when they were little and I wouldn't have it any other way. (though a fancy tree with gold and shimmers would be nice in another room :)

Snow: love it or hate it? Love it until February then I start craving 70 degree days.

Can you ice skate? YES! I actually was a competitive skater when I was young. (Didn't know that did you ?? :)

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Cookies. Specifically my mom's recipe, which happens to be the cookie that my boys compare all cookies too, and they think mine are best. So there.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? Not letting the boys come downstairs on Christmas morning until everyone is up. (they still abide by this, much to my shock).

Candy canes: yum or yuck? Yuck.

Favorite Christmas show? Because of the memories, it would have to be one of the early animated shows...Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Rudolph, etc. I love the jerky movements of the original claymation figures.

Feel free to play along.....I stole this meme from Devan at

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Want to get seen IMMEDIATELY in an ER?

When you go up to the triage window, just casually mention that you are having an arrhythmia.

I was having an arrhythmia last night that didn't go away (I have had it before but after a bit it disappears and I go back to whatever offending behavior caused it:) so I had to head to the ER.

I know just enough to be dangerous, so I knew that it could either be completely benign or something that could cause me to drop on the spot. There is no way to tell just by "feeling", because you can't "feel" which heart chamber is goofy. Atrium...not too bad, ventricle....pretty darn bad.

I am fine. It turned out that for some reason my potassium was quite low (eat your bananas people) and it caused the electrical disruption. Unfortunately, the ER doc, who is yet ANOTHER friend (I know more medical people than one human should be allowed to associate with) insisted that I follow up with a cardiologist this coming week.

It's only Christmas week and I have to finish shopping, start and finish baking, wrap, and oh, too. Not a problem doc...I can slip on that monitor and run like the wind.

So folks, if you have a hangnail and head to the ER, just casually mention the word arrhythmia and you will be in a bed faster than you can say cardiac arrest.

(Big D told me that the person they shuttled to the waiting area to triage me, was PISSED and bitched about having to wait the couple minutes it took to process my immediate need......the kicker, she was there for a pain in her foot that she has had for the last 3 weeks, that she was very loud and vocal about (no privacy laws broken here folks) care in reform phfft. )

Oh, and as promised the story of S2's crazy stalkers is in the works....just been a little busy.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

SCG=spoiled crazy girl

I wanted you to see a photo of S2 for a few reasons.

1) I wanted you to see that he wasn't some creepy, weird, kid that would warrant all the crazy stalkers that he attracts.

2) I think he is really cute :)

3) He has been told for years that he needs to get into modeling,but nobody seems to know how to tell him to get started. If any of you have any connections, he could use the work to pay for school, and I would thank you by, at the very least, washing your car.

This will be a long one, you may want to get comfortable, go ahead, I'll wait.

This poor guy is one of the most kind hearted people I know, but for some reason, he seems to attract psychotic females. He is the kind of person that likes to take care of other people. Last year, a cute, and I thought sweet girl (I only met her once when they had been dating for a couple weeks....I should have known, when in front of me, she was all over him, that this was a clue of what was to come.

Alas, she was a partier. A HARD partier and S2 doesn't drink, he works out 6 days a week etc, and he got tired really quick of having to babysit her while she got wasted. The final straw was when he went over to take her home from a party and she was laying in bed with some random guy. Not cool. After he told her that he really didn't want that kind of relationship, she started calling, texting at all hours, and for two months would not leave him alone. She even started showing up in his lecture halls (she wasn't taking the classes) and every time he went anywhere, the store, the rec center, she would show up. It got to the point where he had to tell her that it just wasn't going to work. Period. She didn't take it well, but fortunately soon after, found another guy to latch onto.

Fast forward to this year.

S2 was working out at the gym. As I said, he works out most days so being at the gym is like a second home to him.

One day, he noticed a beautiful girl across the way. He was too shy to say anything to her, but she smiled and he smiled back. About 20 minutes later, he went up to the second floor to use a certain machine, and lo and behold this beautiful girl, lets call her SCG for spoiled crazy girl, walks up to him and says, "is that machine hard to use?". He was a little psyched, because as I said, she is beautiful.

You would think he would have learned his lesson last year.

So, they talked for about 45 minutes, exchanged phone numbers and S2 decided she probably wouldn't go out with him (did I mention that he has no idea that he is good looking, sweet, hysterically funny etc....he is clueless.), and didn't call her.

He didn't know then that it wouldn't matter.

She called him right away and they began seeing each other.

At first, he was pretty flattered that all of his friends thought she was "hot", but slowly, he started seeing things and hearing things that just didn't add up.

He called home and ran a few things by me, and I had to shut my mouth. I could tell by the things he was saying that she was going to be extremely high maintenance but it wasn't my place to point that out. He needed to figure it out for himself.

Here are a few examples: She repeatedly told him that her daddy was very wealthy, and would buy her whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. She spoke of $300 jeans, $400 boots, designer bags, first class flights to Chi.cago to shop after a difficult test that week in school, and the list goes on and on and on and on.......

He told her that if that is the type of guy she was looking for, she was barking up the wrong tree. He plans to become a child psy.chologist and probably wouldn't be making a six figure income.

At one point, they were at a store where there was an electronic device that S2 was admiring and she told him she might have her daddy buy it for her. To the tune of $2000. For no reason. Just because she wanted it.

So, S2 was becoming a little less enchanted with her. Looks are nice but he needs substance and fun behind the beauty and she was sorely lacking.

Then the lies started. She lied about things that were very easily checked, if not common knowledge.

She repeatedly tried to impress him about the area her family home is, (actually only about 10 minutes from where we live and we know the area very well), and when S2 Bin.g mapped her home, he realized our home was about twice the size of hers, but he didn't tell her, he didn't want to embarrass her.

So as the disillusion started to become more apparent, he suggested to her that maybe they weren't a good fit. He was trying to be kind and let her down easily.

Then the proverbial shit hit the fan. She would show up at his apartment in the middle of the night, (he found out later she was not only drinking those nights but blowing cok.e like it was her job), she would beg for rides here and there, she tried to hit on one of his room-mates to make him this time, all the guys in the place were getting REALLY tired of her crap.

She would come over and walk right upstairs to S2's room to see if he was there (hello?? lock the door boys!) and would leave him "presents" on his bed. Things got weirder and weirder. One night S2 was asleep and woke up and she was sitting on his bed. (This completely freaked me out. It reminded me too much of G.lenn C.lose and boiling bunnies). She wanted to talk him into "trying again". He told her no and asked her to leave. She sat for another hour. He was afraid to get up and guide her to the door, not knowing what she would do.

He had found out that this is her second college. She left her first after claiming to have been assaulted, had a young man arrested, then the charges were dropped because she had lied.

So, S2 decided to write her a letter, that explained in direct terms, WHY they would never work out. He sited the lies and fabrications of her stories, the ridiculous incessant talk about how rich her daddy is, the delusions about how 3-4 times a day she is "hit on" by other guys...blah was officially over in his eyes.

He was home at the time and read the letter to me, to get my opinion, and I gave my thumbs up. There was nothing mean spirited, it stated only facts, and pointed out to her that she may want to rethink her ideals in life, in hopes to find a suitable mate, and she may want to kick her cok.e habit.

Within minutes, we're talking 2-3 minutes, his cell rang. IT WAS HER MOTHER.

This very classy, incredibly wealthy (according to SCG) woman. This very classy wealthy woman then a stunned 19 year old guy....





S2 was completely stunned and had no response. He figured by the number that came up on the screen it was her mother, not her, as it was a home number with the first 3 digits in her location, and all he could come up with was "excuse me?"

She then went on to say that the letter would be going to the ^&** police department, the ^&** police department (our town and her town-neighboring) and the dean of stu.dents. Then she hung up.

At NO time in the letter was there anything remotely harassing, threatening or anything other than direct talk and reasons why they weren't a good match.

To say I was infuriated would be putting it mildly. Obviously the girl got her crazies from her mother. I cannot even imagine calling a guy (that she had told her daughter was the "perfect" guy) and saying those things. BigD got a chuckle out of it and agreed there was nothing in the letter that any department would even look at twice. In fact, he said he would bet that mom wouldn't pass on the letter if for no other reason that the mention of the fact that her beautiful perfect daughter is a cok.e head.

My worry, is that if this girl cried assault once, she could do it again. But, according to S2 and BigD, there are too many people that are on to her ways that she couldn't get away with it again.

S2 is on winter break now until mid January and won't have to run into this crazy girl thankfully. He is a tad worried about seeing her on campus though. Hopefully by that time, she will have dug her talons into some other guy, hopefully one as rich as her daddy, and she will leave S2 alone. I told him if she contacts him again, I would seriously consider getting a restrai.ning order against her and for gawd sake, lock the damn door at the apartment!

Thank you all

for your kind comments and emails. Cosmo did wake up the next morning, after sleeping between BigD and I all night, with us keeping a hand on him to make sure we would know if he started seizing.

We dodged the HUGE bullet of sudden death, now we have to just follow up on his liver, through blood work, to make sure there isn't permanent damage.

S3, is so relieved that I can't even express it in words. He adores Cosmo and the thought that he would have something to do with hurting him, was more than he could bear.

He is 15, and is somewhat typical of a 15 year old boy....farts are funny, LOUD farts are hysterical, girls are now hot and not gross, he eats from the time he gets home from school until he passes out, after hours on f@cebook and texting (after homework of course, yeah, right) but unlike most 15 year olds, he actually LIKES hanging out at home and most of the time I hear about weekend parties from other parents. Don't get me wrong S3 is very popular, he is just very selective about who he spends time with. A few of the guys on his teams have gotten into trouble (caught drinking, smoking weed, TP'ing houses...things that I think are pretty common in that age group) and he doesn't want any part of it.

He has a goal. His strongest desire is to attend the US Na.val A.cademy. Now, between you and me...he doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell of getting in. His grades are good, not outstanding. He is kind and caring, but his actual volunteerism is scant. He is athletic, but not the star of the team. You get the idea.

I think it is wonderful that he has the dream, and I would NEVER let him know that it probably isn't within his reach, because it is keeping him focused. Trust me, when the times comes for college, he will be just as happy at normal university and he will have avoided a rocky high-school experience. I am ALL for that!P> He also watches his brothers. Every time they talk about someone that is in trouble for something stupid, S3 is listening and absorbing. Now, S1 and S2 are not angels. They have luckily avoided serious problems, but have done their share of partying, and rowdy behaviors....and continue to do so...but they keep it from S3. Having been his age not too long ago, they know the temptations and peer pressure he is under and are outstanding at lying directing him away from some of the temptations and telling him to be true to himself and not cave to peer pressure.

All of the boys are completely different. If I had to put one or two words together to describe each one, it would be tough, but would probably look something like this..

S1---BRILLIANT and focused (as I have said before...he is freakishly smart, and literally has a photographic memory)

S2---FUNNY (he needs to be on a stage somewhere..he would be rich) and laid back.

S3---KIND and sometimes maybe a little quiet.

So, again, thanks for all of your notes about Cosmo. I am glad that all of you said you would make sure your other friends were aware. The only way people will know about this is if they are told. It is such a new finding that there are vets that aren't very informed.

Oh, and wait till you read my next post. It has to do with S2 and the psychotic girls he attracts. You won't believe it!

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Don't let anyone in your house with a pack of gum.

No joke.

We just had to call the emergency vet because Cosmo, my sweet Cosmo, the rescue that will eat ANYTHING because he was rarely fed before we got 1/2 pack, about 7 pieces of Orbit gum that has the ingredient xylitol.

Thankfully I came into the room as he was finishing the last of the package and was able to call the vet right away.

I had to give him a tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide to make him vomit and pray that the gum was in the vomit...meaning that it hadn't digested enough to kill him.

S3 was sobbing. It was his gum that Cosmo got into while S3 was napping. He had left the package on the coffee table (we had the xylitol talk before but until tonight, he didn't understand the severity of it).

I guarantee you S3 will never leave gum laying around again.

The emergency vet said we need to watch for sleepiness (yeah, right..this dog has two speeds, very slow and stop, so sleepiness will be hard to determine). But, at this point there is really nothing we can do other than hope he is still ok by morning.

The thought of losing this little guy is more than I can stand. He is the 8th dog I have had in my lifetime and is absolutely the best dog I have ever had.

I know to those of you that aren't animal people, this may sound silly, but he is not "just a dog", he is family. If you don't get it, you don't get it, but trust me, people like me love our pets more than some of our relatives. Sad but true.

Please tell your family and friends about the toxins in plain old ordinary gum (almost all gums now contain the xylitol, which is the dangerous component).

Public service announcement over.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Thinking of remodeling?

Go get drunk instead.

Seriously. Even if you are a nondrinker, it is a better option than having any part of your house ripped apart.

Those of you that know me on Fbook know that I have been bitching about criminal painter for the last week.

I had him come in to do a small patch and paint job, and it has snowballed into a full blown redo of my master bath involving tearing out a wall, 1/2 of the ceiling, removing a built in 8 foot tall cabinet, etc etc.

You wanna guess how many times I have gone to shower in the other shower and forgotten something?? Like a towel. Routine is my friend. I like consistency. Not knowing where the qtips are...makes me nuts.

I would not have chosen this particular man to do this project but I really didn't have a choice. He did the wall/ceiling patching (from what we thought was an OLD leak, from a freak sideways rainstorm long ago) and when he came in the following day to paint.....THE AREA WAS WET AGAIN.

I know, I know, it is a good thing that it was found, but I had already paid him 1/2 for the repair when we discovered that in fact there was a roof issue, and that was considered a separate, he seems to have forgotten the payment for 1/2 doing it the first time. I wouldn't mind if it had be been done, he left, and rehired, but since he was here already and had only completed part of the first repair, I am a little ticked that he started the clock at the beginning again so to speak.

I contacted the insurance agency, you know the people that suck money out of my wallet for homeowners, car, life insurance, yet getting a check for repairs is nearly impossible.

I have had to have 3 separate discussions with the adjuster that came out to assess the damage. Finally after the third conversation, she upped my payout by 40 bucks. Yeah. Woohoo.

Anyway, criminal painter was here when she came and he started getting involved in MY conversation with her. I think because of his big mouth, trying to impress her that he could do all this work for very little money, she came in ridiculously low on the payout. We are talking about ripping out walls and ceilings people....this isn't cheap. In the meantime, he keeps hitting me up for a "little more" money, while telling me how much money he is "saving me".

I told him today, the well was dry, and when the project was completed he would see another check.

OHN may be nuts, but she sure isn't stupid. I called the adjuster and asked her to please not take his calls....oh, yes, he had been calling her asking what they were going to "give me" and, as he said "keeping her up to speed" HELLO? She had already closed the claim and doesn't need a blow by blow of how amazing he is. So, I called her and asked her to leave him out of MY business. Like I said, I would not have chosen him, but since he was here working and had, the day before, patched etc, it was basically already in progress so I had to give him the work.

He made sure that there was no bidding. He sealed the deal with the adjuster outside in the driveway. I wondered why he walked out with her.

I could see the twinkle in his bloodshot, hungover eyes, and he was smelling Christmas money.

We are in the downhill slide of the "project", he should be done by Thursday. If not, I may have to kill him. Please start thinking about chipping in for my bail money.

Everything in the house is covered in plaster/drywall dust, he is very very messy. For the life of me, I can't figure out why he didn't at least cover the heat register on the floor before he started ripping out the wall.

Then there is the plaster crap on my cherry cabinets, the ceiling paint on everything below the ceiling, the paint smudges on my cherry/oak window trim, and on and on.

The thing that makes me crazy is that he keep closing the bedroom door and honestly I trust him as far as I can throw him. At about 285 lbs, most of it beer gut, that wouldn't be very far.

I keep going upstairs and opening the door, half expecting to see him dancing around the room with my underwear on his head.

I think I have hidden anything he might steal, but guys like him are sneaky and he could snag something and be long gone before we would notice..I am thinking ID theft, more than anything. BigD is very lazy about keeping important papers put away....they land on the nightstand, the dresser, wherever. It doesn't matter when it is just us here, but this could be a recipe for disaster.

To make things even worse, he talks about ALL the people in town that he has done work for....naming names and telling me things that are none of his business. I have lived here for 30 years and he has too, so we know many of the same people, I guarantee you, if these people knew what he was telling me, they would be mortified.

He has spent countless hours over the past 10 days telling me how broke he is, how he can't make his house payment, how his wife is getting screwed in her work hours (she is working 35 hours a week in retail) and that she made more on unemployment (they are trying to figure out a way she can get fired so she can go back on unemployment--lovely), how his daughter is married to an asshole, how his business has hit the shitter, (wonder why), and basically complaining about EVERYTHING.

When I tell him I have to get back to work, he follows me into my office. I have to get up and physically direct him back upstairs, where he promptly closes the door, and the whole cycle begins again.

If I survive the next few days, it will be nothing short of a miracle.

Yes, I know this is rambling. That's what you get from a distraught woman with plaster dust in her lungs and sinus rot from paint fumes.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I don't have a title

I really don't.

I just have a jumble of thoughts blowing between my ears.

21 years ago this morning, a social worker placed my new son in my arms for the first time. I was terrified, thrilled, excited, nauseated, did I say terrified?

He had been in foster care for the 3 weeks since his birth because they wanted his birth mother to be sure she was making a decision that wasn't rushed or hormonal.

As I was typing this last sentence, my cell rang and it was that baby....asking for money. Some things never change :)

I reminded him what day it was and he, with all the love he could muster, said, (and this is a quote) "Yeah, I don't really celebrate this day, it is a pretty dark day in my life"...for those of you (which is all of you) that don't know him....he WAS kidding. He has a very wry wit and loves to bust my balls (bust my boobs just doesn't have a good ring to it).

Also--yesterday, a friend that I have never met, but have gotten to be friends with through this whole passing internet phase (not sure it will catch on), is a new mom. She is bringing home her son today. She and her husband have been on that dreaded roller coaster ride of "will we be picked"...well, they were and now she gets to go home with a new baby, and basically be as terrified as I was that first, oh, 15 years. I would link to her blog, but it might be by invitation only.

Lets see..what else is new? I have 1/2 of my Christmas decorations up. If this year is like most other years, the other 1/2 of the decorations will sit in the boxes shoved off to a corner. I have some serious A.D.D. F.O.L. (attention deficit disorder for old ladies) and have a habit of making WONDERFUL looooonnnngggg lists of things that need to be done, then I misplace the lists. I take inventory around my house. Bathroom needs to be scrubbed...check. Check, as on the list, not completed. I am pretty sure this is an actual disorder but I can't find the list of doctors in my plan that take care of this problem.

OH...I almost forgot...criminal painter is back. He is fixing a wall in the master bath that had some water damage, painting then hanging the border that was wrecked. (Here is one area where my ADDFOL comes in handy....I still have a new roll of the border>>>>>>>that we originally hung 6 years ago. Score.

He is then moving into S2's room. Well, he isn't moving in as in LIVING here, just moving in as in painting. The room is empty so now is the time. It has the most horrid shade of red paint in there now and I am changing it to INA BLUE (yes Ina, I am naming a paint after you). Ina lives in Alaska (who knew that people really LIVED there???). She just did a redo of her bathroom and the color screamed at me. I would link to her blog but my linky thing still isnt working. I will try, but you may have to go to all the hard work of copy/pasting. When criminal painter is done, I will post photos. Now I need to find someone that is moving and selling a solid oak or mahogany bedroom set for about 200 bucks. Wish me luck.

***DAMN.....I just clicked on view blog after I hit publish, and my linky thing DID out world, OHN learned something new!

I know there is more crap I wanted to say, but I can't remember so I will probably come back later with some huge news that has temporarily leaked out of my ears.

Oh...I just remembered one thing. Do you F.acebook? I started, but I find that I am afraid to ask people to be my friend. What if they really don't want to? It would be like 9th grade all over again. So, how do you handle the friend request thing?

Friday, November 27, 2009


Because of my deep and undying love for all of you....I feel that I need to inform you about Mi.crosofts newest suckyouintoourworld shopping experience.

If you haven't done so already, do yourself a favor and go to (without the period after the b) and open an account. When you go through to do your shopping you will get cash back.

Yes people. Free money.

I just bought BigD's Christmas present, got it on sale, got free shipping, and got 15% of my purchase price back....thrown right into my pay.pal account.

As I have told you before, I am known for being cheap thrifty and won't give up until I know I have the best deal.

In case you were wondering what I got him, since he doesn't read this, or really know how to do anything online but play games and check email, I snagged for him something that will make him make a little discharge into his undies...or at least raise the flag.

We have an antique television in our bedroom. Since he simply cannot miss an episode of anything that has to do with investigating homicides, where M.ike Row.e (or as I call him-hottie) is making his latest mess, or those guys that find out if things are myths---or can you really blow up a car with tea leaves and vinegar.....I bought BigD a new (no refurb etc) T.oshiba H.D.T.V. 32 inches, more inputs and outputs and any other kind of puts you could ever need, full year warranty, and the list goes on and on.

Guess how much it cost me by the time I got my discounts, shipping and cash back???

$280 bucks.

Yeah baby.

It is a little more than what we typically spend on each other, but I think I know what he is getting me this year (I have dropped enough hints...for cripes sake, I did everything but take a staple gun and nail the ad to his forehead) and this tv will be a HUGE surprise.

(I am guessing he is going to get me a camera. I have bitched and moaned about my $59 ebay camera for about two years now. Every photo has a ghostly orb floating near the head of the persons picture I am taking--and thanks to Tina way up there in the frozen tundra...I even hinted as to the brand I want).

I mentioned before that I sprung for basketball tickets for the boys, so we will wrap up a little cash for each of them and they are done too.

Now I have to shop for the dogs and me.

Me you ask?

Hell yes. When else am I ever going to get such a great deal on a new sweater or maybe that 4 slice toaster I have my eye on today....originally $ $15.

Happy shopping gang..and check out for your online shopping. **

**I am not getting paid to tell you about them, but if someone from reads this and wants to pay me....feel free. **

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

WHAT? Tomorrow is Thanksgiving?

Why didn't anyone tell me????

I actually am going to have 4, yes people~4 days off IN A ROW. All of my clients offices are closed so OHN gets to sit at her computer, smellin stinky, eating pie, and getting caught up on blog reading.

Oh, and the new-old job? I love it. For those of you new, I worked at one of my clients offices for about 9 months and left for what I thought would be greener (as in cash) pastures....and when I quit that less than green-more like vomit brown, jobfromhell a couple months ago, on a Friday..that next Monday(3 days later) my old client called me up and asked if I would ever consider coming back. They had no idea that I had spent the weekend looking on M.onster and C.raigs list looking for some work.


This week, the manager looked at me, and smiled and said ---and this is a quote---"do you know how wonderful it is to have you back? " It could have made a girl cry.

It is sooo nice to be appreciated. She said I am the only one that has held that position that hasn't screwed up something significant enough that she had to scramble to fix it.

Too bad the doc is a solo practice or I would nudge for more bucks. The larger groups have more cash flow, but they are also more stressful and this job is so low stress it isn't even funny. The manager and I have a freakish ESP between us and I know what she needs before she says it...together we are unstoppable :)

So, I leave his office, come home to my office and continue to work, but I am such a good boss to me, that I give me as many breaks as me needs...and I don't dock me pay for having to pee. Yes, the other job docked me for a 2 minute pee break...they said I could go, but I had to make it up at the end of my shift. (Because of the way I was logged into their system, they knew when my fingers weren't flying across the keyboard. Assholes.

Also, no puppy yet. My next door friend picked theirs up last night and brought it over to shove that knife a little deeper into my heart. is the cutest puppy I have ever seen..EVER.

So folks, I will be eating tomorrow until my pants break. How about you?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I am making a prediction and rambling.

Remember I told you that I was feeling weak and losing my willpower about getting another pup?

No, I don't have one....BUT

I made up my mind that I didn't want one. I really wasn't sure I wanted to start all over with a puppy since my others are housebroken and have the calmness that comes with age.

Anyway, when I took my friend over to see the pups, I was relieved (sort of) that they only had 3 boy puppies left. All 4 females were spoken for. I had told myself that IF I got one, I wanted a female, because I am so completely outnumbered in this family by testosterone, and for Gods sake I needed a little estrogen support.

The pups owner told me at the time she was holding one of the females for a lady that wanted one, but her husband had said no. In the meantime, the husband called up the owner and told her he DID want one, but he was going to surprise his wife with it. For a fleeting second, I thought.....could I be that wife? Was that husband MY husband??

This lady would definitely be the kind to tell me that to my face, knowing full well it was me, but keeping it a secret. She would love to regale later, the story of how she told me about the lady getting a surprise, when in fact, it was me. I let that thought go and didn't really think much more about it. My friend did pick out one of the boy pups and is picking it up this coming Friday.

Then the other day, BigD and I had to end up at the same place, where one of last years pups goes to work with her owner....when I got there, he was holding one of the pups. The owner told me she had her dog AND the pup at work.(.her dog goes to work with her every day)...but she said she had the pup there because after work she was dropping it off at its new home.

There was something in her eyes that told me she was lying.....BigD was holding the puppy and looking at me the same way he has done in the past when he has lied to me.....yes, I know the look and that is a story for another day. I am thinking it was a setup and he wanted to see my reaction to holding the puppy and this lady would TOTALLY be the kind that would love to be in on this.

After all these years, I know when BigD is being evasive.

He asked if I wanted to hold the pup and I am telling you, that puppy breath about convinced me that I needed to stick that dog under my sweater and smuggle her home.

I later told BigD that it was good that they didn't have any of the females left because I would be on my way over there to bring one home.

He didn't say a 'you're nuts' or 'are you out of your mind?'.

Therein lies the reason I think he is surprising me with one. He most certainly doesn't hesitate to tell me he thinks I am wrong, AND he never hesitates to tell me I have a Noah complex, desiring my own ark.

Honestly....I can't decide if I want a surprise puppy or not.

I mean, I DO have a name picked out just in case, but I also don't think I will be disappointed if I am wrong.

The photo is of the puppy mommas first litter last year, but they all pretty much look like this. Have you seen a cuter face lately? Oh, and the mom and dad dog, they both belong to BigD's best buddy...guess I should have mentioned that connection earlier huh?

SO...for the prediction...I am guessing next weekend or possibly for Christmas, I will be "surprised" with a puppy. We shall see.

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Friday, November 13, 2009

Serial killer and laughing??

You want to know how the story of a serial killer made me bust a gut last night?

For those of you that may not have heard, there is a man in Cle.veland O.hio that was being served a warrant for his arrest, for rape. When the detectives arrived, they were stunned to find bodies in various degrees of decomposition in his home. Well, one thing led to another and to date, they have discovered 11 women in and near his home. They are beginning to dig in the yard etc....yeah, really bad stuff.

It appears as though all of the women were "troubled" and lived near the killer. Most of the women were drug addicts/prostitu.tes. (Many had children, and when many of the women had disappeared, the families didn't report them missing because the women had a habit of doing that).

Anyway. Last night I was listening to the news with S3. In the news here, they are calling it "The house of horrors". When the newscaster referred to it as that, S3 looked at me and said "wow, that's not very nice". I told him it really was a house of horrors and then he said......





"Oh, I thought they said house of whores".

I'm sorry. I am a sick woman with a warped sense of humor, and even though this is a serious and sad news story, I laughed.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Where did it go?


I am talking about time.

Do you ever sit back and really think about all the things that have happened in your life over a certain period of time? It seems to zoom by.

Exactly 21 years ago this morning, a naive, yet mature, 15 year old gave birth to a baby boy.

At the time she was an honor student, athlete, youth group leader in her church, and she was in love. She was in love with an 18 year old boy and they had plans, like so many kids do at that age. They dreamed of getting married some day, having a family and the life that so many people long for.....what they didn't plan, was a pregnancy.

Suddenly their world of future plans were staring them in the face. Right now. Not down the road, or someday....right now.

The girl was very fortunate. When she told her family, instead of chastising her and telling her that she had to have an abortion, or raise the child as a consequence of her actions, they were very supportive, and let her decide what path her life, and the life of her baby would take.

After some careful thought she made the decision that the baby she was carrying needed much much more time, money and attention, than she was able to give him and made a plan for him to have a family, that didn't include her.

Many people make generalized statements about how birth-mothers are so unselfish, and it is true. But to be honest, there is a little bit of selfishness there too. She knew that at 15, her dreams of college and all the years of growing up, would be gone if she became a full time mother. The baby's father was also supportive of whatever she decided. He came from a family that was not supportive and from what I understand, breathed a sigh of relief when the girl decided to not raise the child, as it relieved him of any parenting responsibility.

While this all was going on in their lives, we had no idea how our life was going to change.

It is a strange story of timing (once again), friends, and a little bit of luck.

We had gotten the heads-up from a friend that worked at an international adoption agency, in the town next to us, that they were looking for 5.....yes, just 5 couples to put portfolios together for their first (and it turns out, only) domestic adoption.

We put together all the necessary documents, but there was one problem. We were not of the religion that this agency required. To be honest....I was ready to lie through my teeth to be accepted. By that time, we had been trying to have a family for 8 years. Enough was enough. I would have memorized the bible, word for word, if they had asked.

To attempt to circumvent the faith requirements, we asked our family and friends if they would consider writing to the agency, telling them honestly, the kind of people we are. I later had a chance to read those letters, and was blown away at how great we sounded :)

My biggest fear at the time, were the two things in the profile, that I was certain that a 15 year old girl would be turned off by, but yet, we had to be honest about our current occupations, so we didn't get our hopes up. BigD is in a profession that many teens dislike/fear, and at the time I was obviously working full time, and we didn't know if I would be able to switch to part time or not. So, there was the distinct possibility that I would have to continue to work, though we were hoping I could be a full time mom, but if I did have to continue working, our intent was to work opposite shifts, so that one of us would be home caring for the child.

Ironically....the two things that worried me the most....were the two things that made her select us. She was wise beyond her years. The social worker told me that the girl thought that it was a good thing that I had an education and career, in case something ever happened that I needed to provide for the child, in the event that something were to happen to BigD.

Hell, when I was 15, those kinds of thoughts were pushed so far to the back of my head, I am not even sure they were in there to begin with.

We were not told that she selected us. Unbelievably, our dear friend from the international agency was the one the agency board selected to represent the girl. Our friend tried to have another s.ocial worker assigned, she was fearful that somehow her connection to us would cause a problem down the line...impropriety issues etc. The higher-ups didn't budge. So, our dear friend sat with this girl as she looked at all 5 profiles. She told me later, she was sweating, because part of her wanted to recommend us, but ethically, she had to remain neutral and in fact, until the baby was placed with us, the girl never knew that our friend knew us personally. Our friend told her after she made her decision, that she had made a great one, that we were known very well to her......this made the girl even more at peace with her decision.

So, 21 years ago this morning, my son was born. I was about 45 miles away and had no idea of his existence.

Two weeks later, BigD and I were getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving with family when we got a phone call from our friend telling us to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. We had known her for 10 years and she had never done that before. My little hmmmmm antennae went up and I told BigD that something was up and I thought maybe we had been picked.

This agency does not do direct placements soon after birth. They are advocates for the birth-mother and want her to be sure she has made the decision that is right for her and the baby, so they placed her baby in a foster home, to give her time to be sure, and not make a hormonal decision.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, we the THE call. The call that we had prayed for and dreamed of, for soooo long. Our son's birth parents had both seen him that morning, to say goodbye, and sign the final papers.

We had a son.

We were to meet him three days later.

So much of that week is a blur. There were bosses to be told that we were taking time off (unlike when you are pregnant, give birth and automatically get sick time etc , we had to take our time off as unpaid leave--that is an issue for another post). We shopped for all the necessities that are needed for a baby, we had gotten nothing ahead of time, as having a room ready before that, was just too painful. Walking past an empty nursery is miserable.

I probably don't even need to say that neither of us slept on Wednesday night.

Thurday, 1, 1988 was the best day of my life. We had to wait at the agency for over an hour as the s.ocial worker got lost coming from the foster family's home to the agency so I was a total wreck, worried there had been an accident, the paper work fell through, the birth-mom had changed her mind, etc etc.....little did I know, that was only the first time I would worry about my actually hasn't stopped since that day :)

Every N.ovember 10 I think about the young girl and the big decision she made. He is MY son, but in a sense, he is hers too. I know he is a part of her heart and that she thinks about him frequently. (To read a little more about her and how I found her 3 years can go back and read my post entitled (I think), G00gle rocked my world).**actually I just went back to find it so I could put the link, and I remembered that I had deleted it because at the time I was afraid of recognition....I will repost that story in the near future.

So, if you will excuse me, I am going to go have a good cry (I do that when I am happy sometimes), look at some photos, and try to figure out how 21 years have gone by without me knowing. (Yes, I have talked to him this morning. He went out with two guys, and his brother, last night at midnight, and bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate---I forgot to ask him if they carded him!)

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Strange week and "Eddie" update

First the Eddie update.

He is awake and talking. (for those of you that have no idea what I am talking about, read my post from last weekend).

He has no memory of what happened, and in fact, when he woke up enough to realize he was in the hospital, the first thing he said was "why am I in the hospital, is my cancer back?". His father told him no, that he tried to kill himself....Eddie said he didn't believe him.....that he would never do that and Eddie asked "did you do it dad?" . There are many inconsistencies in this whole scenario....I can only hope that the investigation doesn't stop, because I have a sick feeling there is more to this than it appears.

Earlier this week, the mom called the school and asked if they could do anything about "kids talking" about the event. She told them the family is "embarrassed". When I first heard this...I thought surely she wasn't making this tragedy about her and her husband. But, it appears that her worry was what people would think of them as parents....not what help her son obviously needed. BigD thought I was being too hard on her, but I cannot imagine caring what people thought of ME when my child was hovering near death. If anything, I would hope it would open up dialogue at the school about reaching out for help when you need it. What I didn't post earlier in the week was that the detective that was on the scene that night, interviewing the father, said he has never seen a parent with such a LACK of emotion. He said it did not appear to be shock, just indifference.

Dad and Eddie were the only ones home at the time. He had told the detectives that he had been administering CPR, yet, after being released from the chin-up bar where he had hung himself with a belt, the father laid him down on the landing of the stairs, with his torso down over the first two steps. Also, when the paramedics removing his shirt at the scene, there was no evidence of any pinkish skin irritation on the chest, which would appear if CPR had taken place.

There are so many things about this event that just don't add up.

This whole week has been one strange thing after another. Bizarre calls at work, the military base shooting, the office shooting in, and the serial killer about 20 miles from here and just various odd happenings.

I went to bed last night at 8:00 because I was just drained..... and had a crazy crazy nightmare. It involved my mom, a police cruiser and my beagle. It is too weird to even type about, but it woke me up confused and shaken.

The moon must be in a very weird place right now.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

The most horrible of nights *UPDATE

If you are a believer in prayer, or angels, or any higher power making decisions, tonight, please give a thought to one of S3's teammates.

This afternoon, a boy (I will call him Eddie....because he reminds me of Eddie Munst3r) got in trouble for shooting off M-80's in the woods by his house...(those are big firecrackers for those of you not in the know) and the police were called. He and his friend were taken to their homes for their parents to take care of the discipline.

Eddies father, is a drunk. He is loaded at every game he comes to. He reeks of booze, and yells at his son from the sidelines.

If Eddie misses a pass (he and S3 play lacrosse and football together), his father yells at him --and everyone within shouting distance--that he is pissed. His son has to be the star.

The ironic part is that Eddie IS a good athlete. Amazingly he BEAT brain c@ncer when he was just 10 years old. It was a very rough road but the kid is tenacious and he rallied back.

Consequently, he is a couple of years older than his classmates, but on par emotionally. He has had some issues with temper, and sadly, doesn't have a lot of friends, as he is somewhat unpredictable and difficult to be around.

S3 only has two "friends" out of dozens that I have told him are not welcome in our home....Eddie is one of them.

He was here once for a little gathering S3 had, and when all the other kids were outside shooting hoops, eating hot dogs and having fun, Eddie was wandering around inside. I was keeping an eye on him and at one point, picked up our cat, held him like a football and drew back to make the pass. Yes. He was going to throw the cat across the room.

I came in just in time, yelled his name and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me, as though nothing was wrong, set the cat down and walked outside. hint of remorse or acknowledgment that anything was amiss.

This afternoon, after the M-80 incident, he went to his room and tried to commit suicide.

My heart is devastated for his mother. His father, will drink himself into oblivion and I can't help but wonder if whatever he said to Eddie when the police brought him home, is what sent Eddie to that dark place.

We have known this family for years through sports. At one tournament, the mother and I were the solo mom's...our husbands couldn't make the trip so she clung to me, and I could tell she was breathing life without her oppressive husband with her. She talked, she laughed, she smiled....all things that were never present when Eddies dad was around. I saw a very different woman that weekend.

By the time the rescue squad got to their house today, Eddie was barely clinging to life. He was unresponsive, unconscious but he was breathing shallow breaths. On the way to the hospital, he was posturing. (this is a body's reaction to significant brain injury).

Our hospital is a small town hospital, but we are very close to several trauma centers and they flew him there.

As of the time I write this, we don't know if Eddie is going to make it or not.

I feel as though someone kicked me in the gut. Now, I feel terrible for not welcoming him into my home (though, truth be told, very few parents welcomed him, so I am sure I am not alone in my guilt).

I wonder if he needed someone, and that breaks my heart. His mom has been through so much, I cannot even imagine where her head is tonight.


The last word we got last night, was that Eddie is on a ventilator in ICU. Later today, they will do a more in depth assessment, but as of last night, he had a 50/50 chance of survival, depending on what the amount and duration of his lack of oxygen did to his brain. If he survives, he has a very great chance of significant brain damage.

I am still stunned that his boy really believed this was his only option.

Friday, October 30, 2009

His mother warned me

BigD's mother warned me before we were married that BigD has never taken criticism well.

As a child, teen, and even adult, he would have an internal meltdown when he was called out for a mistake....either big or small.

You see, he doesn't think he is ever wrong. E.V.E.R.

It is the one thing about him that drives me batty. When I make a mistake, I own it, and try not to do it again.

Two days ago he got a letter from the bank notifying him of an overdraft in his account. He shook his head and said they must be wrong and I foolishly thought he would promptly call them and correct the "error" (which I knew was his, not the banks, but I kept my mouth shut).

Fast forward to today. ANOTHER letter. He never even picked up the phone. Did he think that it would just solve itself?????

Now he is seven days over-drafted at 8 bucks a day, plus the initial overdraft fee, and the actual FOUR HUNDRED dollars he spent, when it wasn't there to spend.

He has no idea how he did that....but I know. He was away with 3 other guys at a training seminar and I know that he was using his debit card, without even giving it a thought.

We have several checking accounts and this one is the one he uses for his stuff. About 10 days ago, I deposited $1500 into that account and he was like a kid in a candy store.

New boots, a fancy new power washer, etc etc.

He debited and debited until he was happy with the amount of toys he had, subtracting incorrectly in his head, not bothering to write any of the debits down.

This would be a good point to tell you that I take care of all the bill paying......because of the fact that when he did it earlier in our marriage this sloppy math happened on a regular basis.

So, today, he asked if I could transfer money to cover the damage.

He could tell I was pissed. I honestly don't care what he buys or what it costs, I just want him to freaking pay attention!

So, being the horrid woman that I am, I asked him "how on earth do you spend $400 and not know that there isn't enough to cover it". It wasn't said in anger, just disgust.

He told me not to give him "attitude". I dropped it there and walked out of the room. Had I stayed, it would have gotten ugly. Really ugly.

I am so pissed right now I can't see straight.

He has issues with appearances. He always has. If we are out with another couple, he always insists on picking up the tab, because he doesn't want them to think that we can't.

He has to have things for show. He wants people to think that we don't struggle to live where we do, to drive the nice cars we have etc etc.

Both of his brothers are very very well off. Lots of bucks, and no worries. BigD has always felt lesser because of his 'average' financial status in the family. This is so stupid I can't stand it. Neither one of his brothers has ever looked down on him in the least.

We don't have tons of debt, (thanks to me paying things off whenever I can--not to brag, it is just important to me, and much less stressful for me, if I don't have to worry daily about who we owe--so call it self preservation).

He does know that me handling the money is for the best....but he wouldn't say it out loud to save his life.

So...he is now pissed at ME, because I had the nerve to point out to HIM that this is something that he caused by his carelessness. (though I never used those words). He left here with S3 for a Friday night football game with a huge chip on his shoulder. How in the hell is this MY fault?

It is times like this, that make me even more sure, that I would never ever get married again.

Yes, I know, never say never.....but honestly, sometimes the bad outweighs the good.

Marriage is even harder than parenting. At least the kids learn from their mistakes.

What makes a person unable to accept their flaws??? None of us are perfect.

S1, S2 and S3, all know that their dad cannot admit failure at anything. Thankfully, they have been able to use it as a lesson, and all of them are able to say, "I screwed up" and move on.

I know this is rambling, but I had to get it out. I am sure I will toss and turn tonight and have to resist the urge to smother someone that is in bed with me.

And I don't mean the dogs.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

High school--friends or foes

Did all of you love your high school years? Most of my adult friends go on and on about all the fun they had in high years ever....would love to go back....

I must be very very odd. I really don't remember much about high school, and the parts I do remember, do not include a significant amount of great times.

I was always hovering between mortified, terrified, and humiliated.

I have recently been contacted by a couple of girls from my Alma Mater about a possible reunion. They actually seem very nice. I do remember them, and remember that they were the "smart ones" in the class.

We have reconnected via f@cebook and to be honest, when I got the first note from one of them, I IMMEDIATELY felt 15 again. Nervous, envious, uncomfortable, wondering why they friend requested me, was there an ulterior motive, did they just want to see if I had gotten fat...did I say insecure?

Today, after I sent a catch up letter to one, she sent one back. She said (and these are her words) I must admit I was quite surprised to read that you considered yourself, shy and insecure in high school, I remember you as a friendly girl who was nice to everyone.

I had to read that twice. Certainly she couldn't be remembering ME. It is so strange to hear how other another person observed me to be.

If I was nice to everyone, it had to have been because I was terrified of being made fun of for not being rich (it was a private girls school), for not smoking pot (though there was that one time in a cornfield...never mind), for not drinking (I drank B@@nes Farm Strawberry Hill with my friends from the wild public school) and I was dating a senior from the wild public school when I was a sophomore (and he was reaaallly hot), and I never went to any of the parties that the cool girls had (though, since I was never actually invited, that wasn't a stretch).

It was a long 4 years of my life that weren't exactly fun. My home life was a little hard (bizarre step-father) and I felt very disconnected from people--I thought. I didn't find out till years later that I most likely was suffering from a combination of anxiety and depression. If I had only known then.....I wonder how my life would have been different.

So~~what were your high school years like?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A story and a two question quiz

Sadly, this week in our small city, a 7 year old boy lost his life in a house fire.

It was not long after midnight when a passerby noticed the fire and called 9-1-1.

An officer was very close by, and was at the scene in less than 90 seconds.

By the time he arrived, the 31 year old mother and her 4 other children were outside. She told the officer that her 7 year old was upstairs.

The officer tried to go up the stairs, but was pushed back by flames.

The fire department was on the way, but a neighbor brought over a ladder and the officer climbed to the second story bedroom, broke the window, climbed in and grabbed the boy from his bed.

He handed the boy out the window to the firefighters/ paramedics that were on the scene by this point, and the squad took the boy, and the cut, and burned officer to the hospital.

It was determined that the boys 4 year old brother had accidentally started the fire, lighting a cigarette, from a lit candle. He was afraid he would get caught, so he tossed the cigarette into the closet to hide it.

These are the facts. No embellishment, no exaggeration.

Last night, the police department got word that the family is blaming THEM because they didn't save the boy.

The word lawsuit is being tossed around.

Am I crazy to think that the fact that a 4 year old was up at midnight, playing with fire, no parent was supervising, that maybe the fault has nothing to do with the officer that is burned and sporting stitches all over his arms from trying to rescue the boy?

Call me crazy then, because I am disgusted that blame for this tragedy is being shifted to the person that had nothing to do with this child's primary care.

I know this officer. He is a wonderful human being. He is married with young children of his own, and this tragedy has torn him up, not only with his numerous physical cuts, but his heart is broken that he couldn't save the little boy.

Here is the quiz. Am I missing something? Is it somehow not a parents job to know what their 4 year old is doing at midnight?

Monday, October 26, 2009

Fall photos

The last roses of the season.

Our trees are in full color right now, and the leaves will probably be gone within the week.

This means that soon, we will be in for 7 months of cold, and crazy heat bills, before things come back to life again.

I need to move. This is what I see every time I have to leave the house. They know when I put on my "good" clothes, fix my hair, and I smell good, that means I am leaving...and boy, do they get pissed.

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Sunday, October 25, 2009

criminal painters

It is done....and I love it. Because of my cheapass camera, the color isn't represented exactly, but this gives you an idea.

As you can see, the room is very tall, and since I don't do ladders, I had the criminal painter do this room for me.

I love to paint, but I know my limits.

(The white spot you see in the center, isn't a ghostly orb, it is just another flaw in the cheapass camera).

I also had him paint the ceiling in the kitchen. I was STUNNED to see the difference. I thought the ceiling was white already. Wow. I guess all of my years of fabulous cooking took its toll on my ceiling.

BigD is usually annoyed when I forge ahead and have projects, that I have asked him to do for years, completed when he is away. But, this time...he was very happy to have this task completed. He is not a patient man, and when you have to gut a room of years worth of belongings, well, they have to go somewhere, so the rest of the place looks like a temporary junk yard. Believe me, it is much less stressful to do these things when he isn't around for a couple days. Call it self preservation on my part.

So, one room down, too many more to go.

18 years of boys in a house, well, lets just say, criminal painter needs to stay out of jail and on my speed dial.

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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

15. YEARS??!!

15 years ago this morning, I was sliced and diced and became a mother for the third and final time.

My baby turns 15 today.

He woke up and announced: "ONLY SIX MONTHS TILL I GET MY TEMPS! YES!"

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Criminals and remodeling

Ok. So here is the story. This kind of shit can only happen here in the nutty household.

A couple of years ago S2 worked one summer for a local painter/remodel guy in town, who is the father of one of S2's friends.

If you have been reading here for awhile, you may recall that this painter, though a really nice person, took 3 months to pay son the last $90 he owed him. This really ticked me off and I swore I would never hire this guy again for any jobs.

Fast forward to now. I am a couple years older, the bedroom that needs to be painted is two stories high, and I hate being on ladders.

BigD is out of town at a school till Friday, so I get the big idea to have the room painted as a surprise for him (also I want it done in this century, which meant hiring someone outside of this house to do it). I thought of this 3 days ago. So, since I don't do heights, I went on the prowl for a painter to do it for me.

When you only have a 2 day window, you sort of have to take what you can get. Yeah, you know where this is going.

Yep, friends dad was available this week. Now, in his defense, he is good at what he does. But, in the past he has had some significant legal charges leveled at him for his lack of paying bills. Well, I guess to be truthful, he DOES pay but with check paper that is only worth whatever the paper is worth.

Yep..he is a check kiter.

I really don't care, as long as he does my painting for a fair price and does a good job.

Here's the kicker though. Back when S2 was working for him, we found out that this guy had some warrants out for his arrest. Not cool. If you recall, BigD is a whoopdeedoo in law enforcement guy, so our son working for a criminal wasn't a good idea...hence the quitting and waiting for his last check part.

Ok, fast forward to today again. As I sit in my office, painter man is in the room right above me spackling, cutting in edges, and cleaning up woodwork, and basically doing what I can't/won't do.

On a whim, I decided to go to our city/county courts website to see how his old cases turned out. THERE WERE 26 CASES DATING BACK TO 1996. Shit.

The ones at the top had case numbers that were much higher than the ones at the bottom of the list, thinking they were probably newer, I clicked on them.

They are current and active. Right now he is being sued for over $8000.

The kicker.....the dude is supposed to be in court TODAY!!!

I almost shit. is a wanted man, in the house of a law enforcement professional, painting, while the law enforcement professional is in another state.

I am hoping that the swat team doesn't come to the door. It would be a little hard to explain to BigD.

I called S2, because I knew he would get a reeealllly good laugh and his advice~~~

"Wait till the turd is done, then turn him in for the bounty".

Yep, that's my boy.

So, if I don't post for, oh say, about a week......send help.

Take the stairs

This is one way to get us up off our butts!

Friday, October 16, 2009


Is one of my biggest pet peeves!! I am really beginning to think that people really don't give a shit about their quality of work.

I have been having an issue with my bank for about the last 6 months. All of my "regular" tellers have been moved "UP" the chain to other branches and I am convinced they have trolled the rosters of idiots to fill their positions.

We have 5 accounts with this bank. Yes, 5. I am there frequently and am very familiar with the way things are done there. There are times when I need to transfer money from one account to another...the ones that are linked online are no problem...type a few numbers and boom, money from one to the other.

Twice in the last week, I have had to transfer to my business account that isn't linked to my other accounts, which necessitated a simple phone call and request. I AM LISTED ON ALL ACCOUNTS since I am the bill-taker-carer of the family.

Twice in the last week, I have had to actually argue with the dingbat that tells me I am not allowed to transfer. Twice I have had to talk to the manager to get this taken care of. People, this is a simple thing. She just has to click a few keys on her keyboard. This last time, she told me it would take 48 hours to process....WHAT???? This is money that is already there....we are not waiting for checks to clear etc. This money is sitting in one account being shifted to another account, owned BY THE SAME PERSON.

The last straw was three days ago when she transferred it without an argument. I should have known it was too easy. She transferred it to the wrong damn account.

Is it so hard to do your freaking job? It is all there in front of you. I asked the manager if this was her first week on the job and he told me that she has been with the bank for several years, just not at my branch. I think I know why they shuttle her around.

So, this morning, S1 asks if I can check where his online contact lens order is, as he is over two weeks on his current pair of lenses.

I call the nice people at Len$.com and they tell me the hold up is with my bank. They are denying the charge. It is on my debit card for cripes sake and there is three times the amount needed, already in the account.

Please say a prayer for the person that picks up the phone at the bank in ten minutes when I call. They will really need it.

(For those of you that suggest that I change banks, please realize what a complete pain in the ass that would be. We have had these accounts for over 15 check numbers are in the 3000's, all of my online bills, household etc are all linked with these accounts and it would literally take me days to change everything to new accounts...and honestly....would any other bank be any better??? Customer service sucks. Nobody really cares any more.)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Mama Kat's at it again

She left her prompts, for elaboration, on this gloomy Thursday.

The Prompts:

1.) Interview your mom...questions might include, How has motherhood changed you? What ages were your favorites? Do you miss having having kids in the house? What was the most difficult part of being a mom for you? What was the most rewarding part? etc... I think I'll ask my Mom if I'm her favorite child and when she dodges the question (again) I'll scream, "DAMMIT WOMAN! Answer the QUESTION!!" Feel free to steal my idea.

2.) Tell us the story of your birth.

3.) How did you parents choose your name? What does it mean? What would you change your name to if you could?

4.) Describe a moment when you realized your mom was more than just a mom.

5.) Write a poem for your Mama.

I chose #4.

I remember that day VIVIDLY even though it was about 4000 years ago.

She and my father had FINALLY divorced and I had already noticed a calmer, less distracted woman taking the place of where my worried mom was. We lived in a nice little ranch style house (the one with the creepy wooden doors that I mentioned previously) and the two of us has settled into a nice routine of me being a kid and her finally being a woman that didn't have to worry about being beaten to death.

One day when I was about 8 the doorbell rang.

Like most kids, I ran to the door, like it was my job, but on the other side, was a man. A man that looked like he was my mom's age. I had no idea who this was, but he asked for my mom, so I yelled to her that there was a strange man at the door for her. I remember him laughing at me because I called him strange.

I remember he was wearing a suit and tie and he smelled good. The kind of good smell that meant you were going somewhere special.

When my mom came to the door, after I had not bothered to let the stranger in the house, my mom let out an "OH MY GOD" and invited this man in. It turns out, they had been friends in high-school and he was back in town visiting family and stopped by to say hi. (I found out much later that he was also divorced and was snooping around to see if my mom was available--yuk, yeah, even all these years later, yuk).

Anyway, this man took up residence in our living room for what felt like an eternity. Laughing, recalling "old times" and talking to my mom about dancing.


I hadn't known till then that my mom was an incredible dancer, and after high school, went to the big city to teach dance. Apparently, she was very well known and well regarded and when she was building this life, she met and married my father and her life went to hell.

But that is only part of when I realized she was more than a mom.

When the good smelling man in the suit got up to walked him to the door (I was in and out of the room the whole visit, because I didn't really like the way this man was looking at my mom, and she was giggling...LIKE A KID...and it was weird.

They get to the front door, promise to keep in touch, then it happened. He kissed her. ON. THE. MOUTH. I was completely repulsed. Nobody had ever done that to MY mother. The kicker...when he left, she was SMILING. She had actually LIKED it.

At that moment, I knew she was not just a mom. She was a mom that liked being kissed my men in suits that smelled like dressed up men smell.

As far as I know, he never came back. She explained to me that he was just an old friend, but I think with the horrified, traumatized look on my face, she couldn't have told me anything else!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Do deer eat marshmallows?

We have a huge deer population in our area. Most of them live in MY BACK YARD. At any time of the day, there will be several wandering around. We have identified the same 9 over and over again. There are two momma's with their babies, that we have watched since they were very very small...smaller than a big dog...and now they romp and play like it is their job.

Yesterday there were 3 bucks, antlers and all, parading back and forth. They were huge. We are not a hunting family, but have friends that spend DAYS in tree stands waiting for deer to "thin the herd", never seeing any. I think it is because they are all roaming around our fire-pit snacking on leftover hot dogs and marshmallows.

Needless to say our herding dog, Harley (part sheltie, part mommawasawhore), loses his little mind. He can either smell them, or hear them, but somehow he knows when they are there. On occasion he misses the fact that they are there, until he jaunts to the yard. Then all hell breaks loose. He barks and barks and barks, running back and forth trying to get them all in order, and they just look at him and laugh. Yes, the deer laugh. Harley is not a very effective herder.

Please excuse the fact that I took the picture through a very dirty kitchen window (where the hell IS that maid anyway??) and enjoy my daily diversion from the real world.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I swear

I had the craziest conversation today with an office manager of a former client. This client switched to an in-house electronic records system so they didn't need my services any longer (if you have been reading for awhile, this is the client that had no intention of telling me they were switching of their staff was concerned about me not knowing, and being cut off financially without any warning and she told me....yes, it is that office, and that manager that knew for 4 months about the change before I ASKED HER about the "rumor" going around that they were changing.

Last April, I had written her an email asking if they were planning on returning my digital equipment to me. They had a total of 5 units that retailed at close to $300 each. I had let the client use them, at no charge, since I was providing their tr@nascription. Once they converted and wanted to keep the units "just in case", I told them I would need to charge her a nominal fee each month ($10 per recorder) so they could continue to leave them in a drawer gathering dust, rather than me using them for another client.

During our email exchange in April, the manager informed me that they would like to return 2 and keep 3 for incidental use, so the $30 a month (I used to bill out about $1000 a month to them) was a courtesy to them. Two weeks ago, I emailed her again, telling her that since I had not had any work from them in close to a year, I would either like to have my equipment returned, or if they desired, they could re-think the purchase of the remaining 3 units. I told her new they retailed for $300 per unit, but that because of the fact that they were now "used" (though in perfect condition) I would only be asking $150 each. (This is what these units are going for on Ebayy and Am@zon).

I never got a response.

So I sent another email.

No response.

One day I had the need to speak with one of their staff regarding a personal matter and asked her if the nasty manager had quit---nope, she was still there making everyone crazy.

So, today, S3 needed to see a doctor and his doctor happens to be one in that practice.

When I called for an appointment, I told the girl to tell manager that I would be in and wanted to see here either before or after S3's appointment. When we got there, she summoned me into an exam room, glared at me and very defensively stated " I sent you an email twice"...this is before I even had a chance to say--hey, how ya' doin? So right off the bat she was defensive.

So, I very politely repeated the information that was in my very polite email, requesting the return of my equipment or payment for purchase.

She scrunched up her nasty little face and said with great attitude "how much are they??" (seeing it in writing does not convey, in the least, the snottiness of the tone). When I told her they were the same as I had stated in the email, $150 per unit, she harrumphed and said "THAT'S $300 DOLLARS".

I then corrected her, telling her that in fact they had 3 machines, not 2, and she gritted her teeth...honest to god, and started to argue with me. I wonder why for the last year she has been paying me $30 a month for 3 units if she only had 2...hmmmmmm.

She said "but we still use those" ok, but they are MINE and I either want them back or you can buy them from me--flake. She had the audacity to tell me they are using my equipment and don't want to have to install another (extremely-brainlessly-simple) program with new units, into their computer, and expected me to say,,,,,oh, that's fine, keep using them.

I told her that I have another client that needs units from me, and I either needed those back (since I no longer receive any work from them, I think I have been rather generous in not getting them back before now!) or bought out, so I could in turn, supply the other client.

So after listening to her argue, watching her face turn red, and seeing her head, damn near explode, I told her I would check my records (knowing that, I am not only a hoarder of useless crap in my house, I also hoard emails ;)

I had put all of our earlier communication from April in a mail folder, so when I got back to my office, I opened the mail and forwarded it right back to know, the one where she told me they were returning 2 of the 5 units. Now, I am not a genius, but I am pretty certain that leaves 3. All the details were laid out in that April email...cost, alternatives etc etc.

Later this afternoon, I got another email from her. She wanted me to ONCE AGAIN, tell her the cost "as you said to me today" (even though she had hit reply to me, from the email that already had the info--duh) so she could present it to the docs.

Being a complete sarcastic bitch that I am, I simply copy/pasted the old email, on top of the chain of emails, only adding the line "as I told you earlier today, and also stated in my previous email of April 6th".......

Let her try to tell the docs that this came "out of the blue". No way sistah. I have a paper trail of your lower case, non-punctuated, no greeting emails.

Trust me, the next time I have to take S3 to see the doc, he will get the truth from me. I am a bitch like that.

To be continued...........