Where did it go?

Time.

I am talking about time.

Do you ever sit back and really think about all the things that have happened in your life over a certain period of time? It seems to zoom by.

Exactly 21 years ago this morning, a naive, yet mature, 15 year old gave birth to a baby boy.

At the time she was an honor student, athlete, youth group leader in her church, and she was in love. She was in love with an 18 year old boy and they had plans, like so many kids do at that age. They dreamed of getting married some day, having a family and the life that so many people long for.....what they didn't plan, was a pregnancy.

Suddenly their world of future plans were staring them in the face. Right now. Not down the road, or someday....right now.

The girl was very fortunate. When she told her family, instead of chastising her and telling her that she had to have an abortion, or raise the child as a consequence of her actions, they were very supportive, and let her decide what path her life, and the life of her baby would take.

After some careful thought she made the decision that the baby she was carrying needed much much more time, money and attention, than she was able to give him and made a plan for him to have a family, that didn't include her.

Many people make generalized statements about how birth-mothers are so unselfish, and it is true. But to be honest, there is a little bit of selfishness there too. She knew that at 15, her dreams of college and all the years of growing up, would be gone if she became a full time mother. The baby's father was also supportive of whatever she decided. He came from a family that was not supportive and from what I understand, breathed a sigh of relief when the girl decided to not raise the child, as it relieved him of any parenting responsibility.

While this all was going on in their lives, we had no idea how our life was going to change.

It is a strange story of timing (once again), friends, and a little bit of luck.

We had gotten the heads-up from a friend that worked at an international adoption agency, in the town next to us, that they were looking for 5.....yes, just 5 couples to put portfolios together for their first (and it turns out, only) domestic adoption.

We put together all the necessary documents, but there was one problem. We were not of the religion that this agency required. To be honest....I was ready to lie through my teeth to be accepted. By that time, we had been trying to have a family for 8 years. Enough was enough. I would have memorized the bible, word for word, if they had asked.

To attempt to circumvent the faith requirements, we asked our family and friends if they would consider writing to the agency, telling them honestly, the kind of people we are. I later had a chance to read those letters, and was blown away at how great we sounded :)

My biggest fear at the time, were the two things in the profile, that I was certain that a 15 year old girl would be turned off by, but yet, we had to be honest about our current occupations, so we didn't get our hopes up. BigD is in a profession that many teens dislike/fear, and at the time I was obviously working full time, and we didn't know if I would be able to switch to part time or not. So, there was the distinct possibility that I would have to continue to work, though we were hoping I could be a full time mom, but if I did have to continue working, our intent was to work opposite shifts, so that one of us would be home caring for the child.

Ironically....the two things that worried me the most....were the two things that made her select us. She was wise beyond her years. The social worker told me that the girl thought that it was a good thing that I had an education and career, in case something ever happened that I needed to provide for the child, in the event that something were to happen to BigD.

Hell, when I was 15, those kinds of thoughts were pushed so far to the back of my head, I am not even sure they were in there to begin with.

We were not told that she selected us. Unbelievably, our dear friend from the international agency was the one the agency board selected to represent the girl. Our friend tried to have another s.ocial worker assigned, she was fearful that somehow her connection to us would cause a problem down the line...impropriety issues etc. The higher-ups didn't budge. So, our dear friend sat with this girl as she looked at all 5 profiles. She told me later, she was sweating, because part of her wanted to recommend us, but ethically, she had to remain neutral and in fact, until the baby was placed with us, the girl never knew that our friend knew us personally. Our friend told her after she made her decision, that she had made a great one, that we were known very well to her......this made the girl even more at peace with her decision.

So, 21 years ago this morning, my son was born. I was about 45 miles away and had no idea of his existence.

Two weeks later, BigD and I were getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving with family when we got a phone call from our friend telling us to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. We had known her for 10 years and she had never done that before. My little hmmmmm antennae went up and I told BigD that something was up and I thought maybe we had been picked.

This agency does not do direct placements soon after birth. They are advocates for the birth-mother and want her to be sure she has made the decision that is right for her and the baby, so they placed her baby in a foster home, to give her time to be sure, and not make a hormonal decision.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, we the THE call. The call that we had prayed for and dreamed of, for soooo long. Our son's birth parents had both seen him that morning, to say goodbye, and sign the final papers.

We had a son.

We were to meet him three days later.

So much of that week is a blur. There were bosses to be told that we were taking time off (unlike when you are pregnant, give birth and automatically get sick time etc , we had to take our time off as unpaid leave--that is an issue for another post). We shopped for all the necessities that are needed for a baby, we had gotten nothing ahead of time, as having a room ready before that, was just too painful. Walking past an empty nursery is miserable.

I probably don't even need to say that neither of us slept on Wednesday night.

Thurday, Decemb.er 1, 1988 was the best day of my life. We had to wait at the agency for over an hour as the s.ocial worker got lost coming from the foster family's home to the agency so I was a total wreck, worried there had been an accident, the paper work fell through, the birth-mom had changed her mind, etc etc.....little did I know, that was only the first time I would worry about my child....it actually hasn't stopped since that day :)

Every N.ovember 10 I think about the young girl and the big decision she made. He is MY son, but in a sense, he is hers too. I know he is a part of her heart and that she thinks about him frequently. (To read a little more about her and how I found her 3 years ago...you can go back and read my post entitled (I think), G00gle rocked my world).**actually I just went back to find it so I could put the link, and I remembered that I had deleted it because at the time I was afraid of recognition....I will repost that story in the near future.

So, if you will excuse me, I am going to go have a good cry (I do that when I am happy sometimes), look at some photos, and try to figure out how 21 years have gone by without me knowing. (Yes, I have talked to him this morning. He went out with two guys, and his brother, last night at midnight, and bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate---I forgot to ask him if they carded him!)

Strange week and "Eddie" update

First the Eddie update.

He is awake and talking. (for those of you that have no idea what I am talking about, read my post from last weekend).

He has no memory of what happened, and in fact, when he woke up enough to realize he was in the hospital, the first thing he said was "why am I in the hospital, is my cancer back?". His father told him no, that he tried to kill himself....Eddie said he didn't believe him.....that he would never do that and Eddie asked "did you do it dad?" . There are many inconsistencies in this whole scenario....I can only hope that the investigation doesn't stop, because I have a sick feeling there is more to this than it appears.

Earlier this week, the mom called the school and asked if they could do anything about "kids talking" about the event. She told them the family is "embarrassed". When I first heard this...I thought surely she wasn't making this tragedy about her and her husband. But, it appears that her worry was what people would think of them as parents....not what help her son obviously needed. BigD thought I was being too hard on her, but I cannot imagine caring what people thought of ME when my child was hovering near death. If anything, I would hope it would open up dialogue at the school about reaching out for help when you need it. What I didn't post earlier in the week was that the detective that was on the scene that night, interviewing the father, said he has never seen a parent with such a LACK of emotion. He said it did not appear to be shock, just indifference.

Dad and Eddie were the only ones home at the time. He had told the detectives that he had been administering CPR, yet, after being released from the chin-up bar where he had hung himself with a belt, the father laid him down on the landing of the stairs, with his torso down over the first two steps. Also, when the paramedics removing his shirt at the scene, there was no evidence of any pinkish skin irritation on the chest, which would appear if CPR had taken place.

There are so many things about this event that just don't add up.

This whole week has been one strange thing after another. Bizarre calls at work, the military base shooting, the office shooting in Orlan.do, and the serial killer about 20 miles from here and just various odd happenings.

I went to bed last night at 8:00 because I was just drained..... and had a crazy crazy nightmare. It involved my mom, a police cruiser and my beagle. It is too weird to even type about, but it woke me up confused and shaken.

The moon must be in a very weird place right now.

The most horrible of nights *UPDATE

If you are a believer in prayer, or angels, or any higher power making decisions, tonight, please give a thought to one of S3's teammates.

This afternoon, a boy (I will call him Eddie....because he reminds me of Eddie Munst3r) got in trouble for shooting off M-80's in the woods by his house...(those are big firecrackers for those of you not in the know) and the police were called. He and his friend were taken to their homes for their parents to take care of the discipline.

Eddies father, is a drunk. He is loaded at every game he comes to. He reeks of booze, and yells at his son from the sidelines.

If Eddie misses a pass (he and S3 play lacrosse and football together), his father yells at him --and everyone within shouting distance--that he is pissed. His son has to be the star.

The ironic part is that Eddie IS a good athlete. Amazingly he BEAT brain c@ncer when he was just 10 years old. It was a very rough road but the kid is tenacious and he rallied back.

Consequently, he is a couple of years older than his classmates, but on par emotionally. He has had some issues with temper, and sadly, doesn't have a lot of friends, as he is somewhat unpredictable and difficult to be around.

S3 only has two "friends" out of dozens that I have told him are not welcome in our home....Eddie is one of them.

He was here once for a little gathering S3 had, and when all the other kids were outside shooting hoops, eating hot dogs and having fun, Eddie was wandering around inside. I was keeping an eye on him and at one point, picked up our cat, held him like a football and drew back to make the pass. Yes. He was going to throw the cat across the room.

I came in just in time, yelled his name and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me, as though nothing was wrong, set the cat down and walked outside. ....no hint of remorse or acknowledgment that anything was amiss.

This afternoon, after the M-80 incident, he went to his room and tried to commit suicide.

My heart is devastated for his mother. His father, will drink himself into oblivion and I can't help but wonder if whatever he said to Eddie when the police brought him home, is what sent Eddie to that dark place.

We have known this family for years through sports. At one tournament, the mother and I were the solo mom's...our husbands couldn't make the trip so she clung to me, and I could tell she was breathing life without her oppressive husband with her. She talked, she laughed, she smiled....all things that were never present when Eddies dad was around. I saw a very different woman that weekend.

By the time the rescue squad got to their house today, Eddie was barely clinging to life. He was unresponsive, unconscious but he was breathing shallow breaths. On the way to the hospital, he was posturing. (this is a body's reaction to significant brain injury).

Our hospital is a small town hospital, but we are very close to several trauma centers and they flew him there.

As of the time I write this, we don't know if Eddie is going to make it or not.

I feel as though someone kicked me in the gut. Now, I feel terrible for not welcoming him into my home (though, truth be told, very few parents welcomed him, so I am sure I am not alone in my guilt).

I wonder if he needed someone, and that breaks my heart. His mom has been through so much, I cannot even imagine where her head is tonight.

**UPDATE**

The last word we got last night, was that Eddie is on a ventilator in ICU. Later today, they will do a more in depth assessment, but as of last night, he had a 50/50 chance of survival, depending on what the amount and duration of his lack of oxygen did to his brain. If he survives, he has a very great chance of significant brain damage.

I am still stunned that his boy really believed this was his only option.

His mother warned me

BigD's mother warned me before we were married that BigD has never taken criticism well.

As a child, teen, and even adult, he would have an internal meltdown when he was called out for a mistake....either big or small.

You see, he doesn't think he is ever wrong. E.V.E.R.

It is the one thing about him that drives me batty. When I make a mistake, I own it, and try not to do it again.

Two days ago he got a letter from the bank notifying him of an overdraft in his account. He shook his head and said they must be wrong and I foolishly thought he would promptly call them and correct the "error" (which I knew was his, not the banks, but I kept my mouth shut).

Fast forward to today. ANOTHER letter. He never even picked up the phone. Did he think that it would just solve itself?????

Now he is seven days over-drafted at 8 bucks a day, plus the initial overdraft fee, and the actual FOUR HUNDRED dollars he spent, when it wasn't there to spend.

He has no idea how he did that....but I know. He was away with 3 other guys at a training seminar and I know that he was using his debit card, without even giving it a thought.

We have several checking accounts and this one is the one he uses for his stuff. About 10 days ago, I deposited $1500 into that account and he was like a kid in a candy store.

New boots, a fancy new power washer, etc etc.

He debited and debited until he was happy with the amount of toys he had, subtracting incorrectly in his head, not bothering to write any of the debits down.

This would be a good point to tell you that I take care of all the bill paying......because of the fact that when he did it earlier in our marriage this sloppy math happened on a regular basis.

So, today, he asked if I could transfer money to cover the damage.

He could tell I was pissed. I honestly don't care what he buys or what it costs, I just want him to freaking pay attention!

So, being the horrid woman that I am, I asked him "how on earth do you spend $400 and not know that there isn't enough to cover it". It wasn't said in anger, just disgust.

He told me not to give him "attitude". I dropped it there and walked out of the room. Had I stayed, it would have gotten ugly. Really ugly.

I am so pissed right now I can't see straight.

He has issues with appearances. He always has. If we are out with another couple, he always insists on picking up the tab, because he doesn't want them to think that we can't.

He has to have things for show. He wants people to think that we don't struggle to live where we do, to drive the nice cars we have etc etc.

Both of his brothers are very very well off. Lots of bucks, and no worries. BigD has always felt lesser because of his 'average' financial status in the family. This is so stupid I can't stand it. Neither one of his brothers has ever looked down on him in the least.

We don't have tons of debt, (thanks to me paying things off whenever I can--not to brag, it is just important to me, and much less stressful for me, if I don't have to worry daily about who we owe--so call it self preservation).

He does know that me handling the money is for the best....but he wouldn't say it out loud to save his life.

So...he is now pissed at ME, because I had the nerve to point out to HIM that this is something that he caused by his carelessness. (though I never used those words). He left here with S3 for a Friday night football game with a huge chip on his shoulder. How in the hell is this MY fault?

It is times like this, that make me even more sure, that I would never ever get married again.

Yes, I know, never say never.....but honestly, sometimes the bad outweighs the good.

Marriage is even harder than parenting. At least the kids learn from their mistakes.

What makes a person unable to accept their flaws??? None of us are perfect.

S1, S2 and S3, all know that their dad cannot admit failure at anything. Thankfully, they have been able to use it as a lesson, and all of them are able to say, "I screwed up" and move on.

I know this is rambling, but I had to get it out. I am sure I will toss and turn tonight and have to resist the urge to smother someone that is in bed with me.

And I don't mean the dogs.

High school--friends or foes

Did all of you love your high school years? Most of my adult friends go on and on about all the fun they had in high school...best years ever....would love to go back....

I must be very very odd. I really don't remember much about high school, and the parts I do remember, do not include a significant amount of great times.

I was always hovering between mortified, terrified, and humiliated.

I have recently been contacted by a couple of girls from my Alma Mater about a possible reunion. They actually seem very nice. I do remember them, and remember that they were the "smart ones" in the class.

We have reconnected via f@cebook and to be honest, when I got the first note from one of them, I IMMEDIATELY felt 15 again. Nervous, envious, uncomfortable, wondering why they friend requested me, was there an ulterior motive, did they just want to see if I had gotten fat...did I say insecure?

Today, after I sent a catch up letter to one, she sent one back. She said (and these are her words) I must admit I was quite surprised to read that you considered yourself, shy and insecure in high school, I remember you as a friendly girl who was nice to everyone.

I had to read that twice. Certainly she couldn't be remembering ME. It is so strange to hear how other another person observed me to be.

If I was nice to everyone, it had to have been because I was terrified of being made fun of for not being rich (it was a private girls school), for not smoking pot (though there was that one time in a cornfield...never mind), for not drinking (I drank B@@nes Farm Strawberry Hill with my friends from the wild public school) and I was dating a senior from the wild public school when I was a sophomore (and he was reaaallly hot), and I never went to any of the parties that the cool girls had (though, since I was never actually invited, that wasn't a stretch).

It was a long 4 years of my life that weren't exactly fun. My home life was a little hard (bizarre step-father) and I felt very disconnected from people--I thought. I didn't find out till years later that I most likely was suffering from a combination of anxiety and depression. If I had only known then.....I wonder how my life would have been different.

So~~what were your high school years like?

A story and a two question quiz

Sadly, this week in our small city, a 7 year old boy lost his life in a house fire.

It was not long after midnight when a passerby noticed the fire and called 9-1-1.

An officer was very close by, and was at the scene in less than 90 seconds.

By the time he arrived, the 31 year old mother and her 4 other children were outside. She told the officer that her 7 year old was upstairs.

The officer tried to go up the stairs, but was pushed back by flames.

The fire department was on the way, but a neighbor brought over a ladder and the officer climbed to the second story bedroom, broke the window, climbed in and grabbed the boy from his bed.

He handed the boy out the window to the firefighters/ paramedics that were on the scene by this point, and the squad took the boy, and the cut, and burned officer to the hospital.

It was determined that the boys 4 year old brother had accidentally started the fire, lighting a cigarette, from a lit candle. He was afraid he would get caught, so he tossed the cigarette into the closet to hide it.

These are the facts. No embellishment, no exaggeration.

Last night, the police department got word that the family is blaming THEM because they didn't save the boy.

The word lawsuit is being tossed around.

Am I crazy to think that the fact that a 4 year old was up at midnight, playing with fire, no parent was supervising, that maybe the fault has nothing to do with the officer that is burned and sporting stitches all over his arms from trying to rescue the boy?

Call me crazy then, because I am disgusted that blame for this tragedy is being shifted to the person that had nothing to do with this child's primary care.

I know this officer. He is a wonderful human being. He is married with young children of his own, and this tragedy has torn him up, not only with his numerous physical cuts, but his heart is broken that he couldn't save the little boy.

Here is the quiz. Am I missing something? Is it somehow not a parents job to know what their 4 year old is doing at midnight?

Fall photos

The last roses of the season.

Our trees are in full color right now, and the leaves will probably be gone within the week.

This means that soon, we will be in for 7 months of cold, and crazy heat bills, before things come back to life again.

I need to move. This is what I see every time I have to leave the house. They know when I put on my "good" clothes, fix my hair, and I smell good, that means I am leaving...and boy, do they get pissed.

criminal painters

It is done....and I love it. Because of my cheapass camera, the color isn't represented exactly, but this gives you an idea.

As you can see, the room is very tall, and since I don't do ladders, I had the criminal painter do this room for me.

I love to paint, but I know my limits.

(The white spot you see in the center, isn't a ghostly orb, it is just another flaw in the cheapass camera).

I also had him paint the ceiling in the kitchen. I was STUNNED to see the difference. I thought the ceiling was white already. Wow. I guess all of my years of fabulous cooking took its toll on my ceiling.

BigD is usually annoyed when I forge ahead and have projects, that I have asked him to do for years, completed when he is away. But, this time...he was very happy to have this task completed. He is not a patient man, and when you have to gut a room of years worth of belongings, well, they have to go somewhere, so the rest of the place looks like a temporary junk yard. Believe me, it is much less stressful to do these things when he isn't around for a couple days. Call it self preservation on my part.

So, one room down, too many more to go.

18 years of boys in a house, well, lets just say, criminal painter needs to stay out of jail and on my speed dial.

15. YEARS??!!

15 years ago this morning, I was sliced and diced and became a mother for the third and final time.

My baby turns 15 today.

He woke up and announced: "ONLY SIX MONTHS TILL I GET MY TEMPS! YES!"

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Criminals and remodeling

Ok. So here is the story. This kind of shit can only happen here in the nutty household.

A couple of years ago S2 worked one summer for a local painter/remodel guy in town, who is the father of one of S2's friends.

If you have been reading here for awhile, you may recall that this painter, though a really nice person, took 3 months to pay son the last $90 he owed him. This really ticked me off and I swore I would never hire this guy again for any jobs.

Fast forward to now. I am a couple years older, the bedroom that needs to be painted is two stories high, and I hate being on ladders.

BigD is out of town at a school till Friday, so I get the big idea to have the room painted as a surprise for him (also I want it done in this century, which meant hiring someone outside of this house to do it). I thought of this 3 days ago. So, since I don't do heights, I went on the prowl for a painter to do it for me.

When you only have a 2 day window, you sort of have to take what you can get. Yeah, you know where this is going.

Yep, friends dad was available this week. Now, in his defense, he is good at what he does. But, in the past he has had some significant legal charges leveled at him for his lack of paying bills. Well, I guess to be truthful, he DOES pay but with check paper that is only worth whatever the paper is worth.

Yep..he is a check kiter.

I really don't care, as long as he does my painting for a fair price and does a good job.

Here's the kicker though. Back when S2 was working for him, we found out that this guy had some warrants out for his arrest. Not cool. If you recall, BigD is a whoopdeedoo in law enforcement guy, so our son working for a criminal wasn't a good idea...hence the quitting and waiting for his last check part.

Ok, fast forward to today again. As I sit in my office, painter man is in the room right above me spackling, cutting in edges, and cleaning up woodwork, and basically doing what I can't/won't do.

On a whim, I decided to go to our city/county courts website to see how his old cases turned out. THERE WERE 26 CASES DATING BACK TO 1996. Shit.

The ones at the top had case numbers that were much higher than the ones at the bottom of the list, thinking they were probably newer, I clicked on them.

They are current and active. Right now he is being sued for over $8000.

The kicker.....the dude is supposed to be in court TODAY!!!

I almost shit. So...here is a wanted man, in the house of a law enforcement professional, painting, while the law enforcement professional is in another state.

I am hoping that the swat team doesn't come to the door. It would be a little hard to explain to BigD.

I called S2, because I knew he would get a reeealllly good laugh and his advice~~~

"Wait till the turd is done, then turn him in for the bounty".

Yep, that's my boy.

So, if I don't post for, oh say, about a week......send help.

Take the stairs

This is one way to get us up off our butts! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXh2n0aPyw

SUCKY CUSTOMER SERVICE

Is one of my biggest pet peeves!! I am really beginning to think that people really don't give a shit about their quality of work.

I have been having an issue with my bank for about the last 6 months. All of my "regular" tellers have been moved "UP" the chain to other branches and I am convinced they have trolled the rosters of idiots to fill their positions.

We have 5 accounts with this bank. Yes, 5. I am there frequently and am very familiar with the way things are done there. There are times when I need to transfer money from one account to another...the ones that are linked online are no problem...type a few numbers and boom, money from one to the other.

Twice in the last week, I have had to transfer to my business account that isn't linked to my other accounts, which necessitated a simple phone call and request. I AM LISTED ON ALL ACCOUNTS since I am the bill-taker-carer of the family.

Twice in the last week, I have had to actually argue with the dingbat that tells me I am not allowed to transfer. Twice I have had to talk to the manager to get this taken care of. People, this is a simple thing. She just has to click a few keys on her keyboard. This last time, she told me it would take 48 hours to process....WHAT???? This is money that is already there....we are not waiting for checks to clear etc. This money is sitting in one account being shifted to another account, owned BY THE SAME PERSON.

The last straw was three days ago when she transferred it without an argument. I should have known it was too easy. She transferred it to the wrong damn account.

Is it so hard to do your freaking job? It is all there in front of you. I asked the manager if this was her first week on the job and he told me that she has been with the bank for several years, just not at my branch. I think I know why they shuttle her around.

So, this morning, S1 asks if I can check where his online contact lens order is, as he is over two weeks on his current pair of lenses.

I call the nice people at Len$.com and they tell me the hold up is with my bank. They are denying the charge. It is on my debit card for cripes sake and there is three times the amount needed, already in the account.

Please say a prayer for the person that picks up the phone at the bank in ten minutes when I call. They will really need it.

(For those of you that suggest that I change banks, please realize what a complete pain in the ass that would be. We have had these accounts for over 15 years..my check numbers are in the 3000's, all of my online bills, household etc are all linked with these accounts and it would literally take me days to change everything to new accounts...and honestly....would any other bank be any better??? Customer service sucks. Nobody really cares any more.)

Mama Kat's at it again

http://www.mamakatslosinit.com

She left her prompts, for elaboration, on this gloomy Thursday.

The Prompts:

1.) Interview your mom...questions might include, How has motherhood changed you? What ages were your favorites? Do you miss having having kids in the house? What was the most difficult part of being a mom for you? What was the most rewarding part? etc... I think I'll ask my Mom if I'm her favorite child and when she dodges the question (again) I'll scream, "DAMMIT WOMAN! Answer the QUESTION!!" Feel free to steal my idea.

2.) Tell us the story of your birth.

3.) How did you parents choose your name? What does it mean? What would you change your name to if you could?

4.) Describe a moment when you realized your mom was more than just a mom.

5.) Write a poem for your Mama.

I chose #4.

I remember that day VIVIDLY even though it was about 4000 years ago.

She and my father had FINALLY divorced and I had already noticed a calmer, less distracted woman taking the place of where my worried mom was. We lived in a nice little ranch style house (the one with the creepy wooden doors that I mentioned previously) and the two of us has settled into a nice routine of me being a kid and her finally being a woman that didn't have to worry about being beaten to death.

One day when I was about 8 the doorbell rang.

Like most kids, I ran to the door, like it was my job, but on the other side, was a man. A man that looked like he was my mom's age. I had no idea who this was, but he asked for my mom, so I yelled to her that there was a strange man at the door for her. I remember him laughing at me because I called him strange.

I remember he was wearing a suit and tie and he smelled good. The kind of good smell that meant you were going somewhere special.

When my mom came to the door, after I had not bothered to let the stranger in the house, my mom let out an "OH MY GOD" and invited this man in. It turns out, they had been friends in high-school and he was back in town visiting family and stopped by to say hi. (I found out much later that he was also divorced and was snooping around to see if my mom was available--yuk, yeah, even all these years later, yuk).

Anyway, this man took up residence in our living room for what felt like an eternity. Laughing, recalling "old times" and talking to my mom about dancing.

DANCING?

I hadn't known till then that my mom was an incredible dancer, and after high school, went to the big city to teach dance. Apparently, she was very well known and well regarded and when she was building this life, she met and married my father and her life went to hell.

But that is only part of when I realized she was more than a mom.

When the good smelling man in the suit got up to leave...mom walked him to the door (I was in and out of the room the whole visit, because I didn't really like the way this man was looking at my mom, and she was giggling...LIKE A KID...and it was weird.

They get to the front door, promise to keep in touch, then it happened. He kissed her. ON. THE. MOUTH. I was completely repulsed. Nobody had ever done that to MY mother. The kicker...when he left, she was SMILING. She had actually LIKED it.

At that moment, I knew she was not just a mom. She was a mom that liked being kissed my men in suits that smelled like dressed up men smell.

As far as I know, he never came back. She explained to me that he was just an old friend, but I think with the horrified, traumatized look on my face, she couldn't have told me anything else!

Do deer eat marshmallows?

We have a huge deer population in our area. Most of them live in MY BACK YARD. At any time of the day, there will be several wandering around. We have identified the same 9 over and over again. There are two momma's with their babies, that we have watched since they were very very small...smaller than a big dog...and now they romp and play like it is their job.

Yesterday there were 3 bucks, antlers and all, parading back and forth. They were huge. We are not a hunting family, but have friends that spend DAYS in tree stands waiting for deer to "thin the herd", never seeing any. I think it is because they are all roaming around our fire-pit snacking on leftover hot dogs and marshmallows.

Needless to say our herding dog, Harley (part sheltie, part mommawasawhore), loses his little mind. He can either smell them, or hear them, but somehow he knows when they are there. On occasion he misses the fact that they are there, until he jaunts to the yard. Then all hell breaks loose. He barks and barks and barks, running back and forth trying to get them all in order, and they just look at him and laugh. Yes, the deer laugh. Harley is not a very effective herder.

Please excuse the fact that I took the picture through a very dirty kitchen window (where the hell IS that maid anyway??) and enjoy my daily diversion from the real world.

I swear

I had the craziest conversation today with an office manager of a former client. This client switched to an in-house electronic records system so they didn't need my services any longer (if you have been reading for awhile, this is the client that had no intention of telling me they were switching over......one of their staff was concerned about me not knowing, and being cut off financially without any warning and she told me....yes, it is that office, and that manager that knew for 4 months about the change before I ASKED HER about the "rumor" going around that they were changing.

Last April, I had written her an email asking if they were planning on returning my digital equipment to me. They had a total of 5 units that retailed at close to $300 each. I had let the client use them, at no charge, since I was providing their tr@nascription. Once they converted and wanted to keep the units "just in case", I told them I would need to charge her a nominal fee each month ($10 per recorder) so they could continue to leave them in a drawer gathering dust, rather than me using them for another client.

During our email exchange in April, the manager informed me that they would like to return 2 and keep 3 for incidental use, so the $30 a month (I used to bill out about $1000 a month to them) was a courtesy to them. Two weeks ago, I emailed her again, telling her that since I had not had any work from them in close to a year, I would either like to have my equipment returned, or if they desired, they could re-think the purchase of the remaining 3 units. I told her new they retailed for $300 per unit, but that because of the fact that they were now "used" (though in perfect condition) I would only be asking $150 each. (This is what these units are going for on Ebayy and Am@zon).

I never got a response.

So I sent another email.

No response.

One day I had the need to speak with one of their staff regarding a personal matter and asked her if the nasty manager had quit---nope, she was still there making everyone crazy.

So, today, S3 needed to see a doctor and his doctor happens to be one in that practice.

When I called for an appointment, I told the girl to tell manager that I would be in and wanted to see here either before or after S3's appointment. When we got there, she summoned me into an exam room, glared at me and very defensively stated " I sent you an email twice"...this is before I even had a chance to say--hey, how ya' doin? So right off the bat she was defensive.

So, I very politely repeated the information that was in my very polite email, requesting the return of my equipment or payment for purchase.

She scrunched up her nasty little face and said with great attitude "how much are they??" (seeing it in writing does not convey, in the least, the snottiness of the tone). When I told her they were the same as I had stated in the email, $150 per unit, she harrumphed and said "THAT'S $300 DOLLARS".

I then corrected her, telling her that in fact they had 3 machines, not 2, and she gritted her teeth...honest to god, and started to argue with me. I wonder why for the last year she has been paying me $30 a month for 3 units if she only had 2...hmmmmmm.

She said "but we still use those"...um ok, but they are MINE and I either want them back or you can buy them from me--flake. She had the audacity to tell me they are using my equipment and don't want to have to install another (extremely-brainlessly-simple) program with new units, into their computer, and expected me to say,,,,,oh, that's fine, keep using them.

I told her that I have another client that needs units from me, and I either needed those back (since I no longer receive any work from them, I think I have been rather generous in not getting them back before now!) or bought out, so I could in turn, supply the other client.

So after listening to her argue, watching her face turn red, and seeing her head, damn near explode, I told her I would check my records (knowing that, I am not only a hoarder of useless crap in my house, I also hoard emails ;)

I had put all of our earlier communication from April in a mail folder, so when I got back to my office, I opened the mail and forwarded it right back to her....you know, the one where she told me they were returning 2 of the 5 units. Now, I am not a genius, but I am pretty certain that leaves 3. All the details were laid out in that April email...cost, alternatives etc etc.

Later this afternoon, I got another email from her. She wanted me to ONCE AGAIN, tell her the cost "as you said to me today" (even though she had hit reply to me, from the email that already had the info--duh) so she could present it to the docs.

Being a complete sarcastic bitch that I am, I simply copy/pasted the old email, on top of the chain of emails, only adding the line "as I told you earlier today, and also stated in my previous email of April 6th".......

Let her try to tell the docs that this came "out of the blue". No way sistah. I have a paper trail of your lower case, non-punctuated, no greeting emails.

Trust me, the next time I have to take S3 to see the doc, he will get the truth from me. I am a bitch like that.

To be continued...........

When I look in the mirror

This is for mamakat http://www.mamakatslosinit.com. Every Wednesday she gives out assignments that need to be posted on Thursday.

This week, I decided to participate, using the prompt : When I look in the mirror.....

I see a women that is much older than the person making the reflection. In my mind that lady in the mirror still thinks she is in her 20's, yet she is more that twice that, but thankfully, has twice the experience than that 20 year old had.

I see tired eyes, where there used to be bright blue, innocent eyes.

I see wrinkles, and creases, where there used to be pale white, smooth skin, covered in freckles.

I see someone that is worried about growing old and losing her ability to take care of herself. Independence should be cherished.

I see a woman that has always worked, but has been blessed to have work that enabled her to be home when her children hopped off the school bus, and sat at the kitchen table telling her about their days at school. This is a very very grateful woman.

I see a woman that could write at least 2 books about her life. The life that has caused those wrinkles and creases.

I see a woman who has had most of her life dreams fulfilled. Only needing to see her children happily married, and with their own children, to make her life complete.

I see my mother.

There is a wonderfully creative, incredibly sweet and very generous artist/blogger that you should be following if you aren't already. Her name is Lorrie Veasey...she lives in my favorite city in the world and she has put her creative juices to work in so many areas, and her contributions to her community are many(Yes Lorrie....I read newspapers from your city;)

A couple of weeks ago, I had the amazing luck to win one of her contests and she told me I could give her a few ideas for a custom piece that she would create for me. To say I was excited would be an understatement.

I shot off a couple of ideas to her and she actually blended both ideas into one very creative piece. This travel mug will see so many commuter miles--to S3's sporting events, work, etc. I did have to cover the boys names (to maintain some anonymity here;) but if you ignore the sticky note, you can see the creation she made JUST FOR ME!!!!!

http://ournameisblog.blogspot.com --- check her out :)

THANKS AGAIN LORRIE!!!!

Uh-oh...

These pups were born this morning. Momma is all of 11 pounds and the pups are the smallest pups I have ever seen. The one that I am holding........I may have to keep her. BigD doesn't know what is twirling in this devious little mind of mine. Bwahahahahah. If you look closely enough at the top photo, you will see that the pup on the end has a little thread stuck to her belly......at least I thought it was a thread, it is her umbilical cord! How this little dog delivered 8 babies (sadly one was stillborn) I will never understand. Bodies, even animal bodies are amazing!! When we walked in momma dog got right up, and came over to us wagging her tail and I swear was leading us back to her babies to show them off. So, do you think I am certifiably crazy to add to my menagerie? Never mind, don't answer that.

I knew it, I JUST KNEW IT!

Remember a couple of posts ago when I told you about S1 and his dalliance with the would-be slut? Well, we have some new developments that I KNEW would happen.

(No, she is not pregnant and no his maleness hasn't fallen off due to a form of crotch rot)

Remember I eluded to the fact that S1 doesn't do 'casual' well?? Yep, you guessed it...he has started to develop feelings for this chickypoo.

He had to head here, to hometown, yesterday for an eye exam ** and since dad and S3 took off for an away football game, it was just S1 and I here to eat and chat. He opens up when it is just the two of us. If dad is around or his brothers, it is all jokes, all the time. But, with me, he is himself because he can trust me (yeah, except that I tell the entire world here-nice mom!)

So, when he says the phrase "I need to ask you something", I know that it is going to be him asking my advice or opinion.

He then went on to ask me what I thought he should do about bootycallgirl. He said they are spending more and more time together, when they aren't in class they are together, and no, it's not always sex. He described her as a "female me" (meaning intellectual, politically aware, etc etc) . I asked if he was himself around her...actually sharing thoughts, not being a smartass, or argumentative -he often does this to create a debate-which he ultimately wins ;) He said yes. He is himself with her.

To me, that is HUGE. He is a kid that has a protective barrier around him most of the time, only letting his true self come through at home. Most people that meet him would think he is incredibly mature for his age (which he is), but they don't EVER see the side of him that will cry or show any emotion.

So, I asked where she stood on feelings, and he said he had not shared his feelings with her. She has told him that she really doesn't have a "reason" to break up with the older guy that she dates/sleeps with one day a week, when she goes to her hometown to work. To me, she is fishing for a "reason". I KNEW he wouldn't be able to keep it casual.

I asked him if he thought, if they dated, if she would screw around on him too. He said he didn't know. (At least he knows enough not to be deluded into thinking that she is not capable of doing so).

I was very blunt when I talked to him about the fact that if he is sleeping with her, and she is sleeping with the old guy, old guy is most likely screwing around on her too, so in essence, S1 is sleeping with A LOT of people. I directly warned him about herpeeez, wartz, HIVv, and just cooties in general. He assured me he was very well versed on cooties and never, ever, is without protection.

So, when he left late last night to go back to college town, he said he was going to talk to her and ask her if he was enough of a "reason" to let the old guy go.

To say I have mixed feelings is an understatement. My only requirement in life is that my sons are happy. When they pick a mate, I will welcome them with open arms. My boys aren't stupid and hopefully can see through any crap and make a good decision. Although, we all know that hormones can make you nuts and blur your vision.

As of this minute, it looks like I might, at some point, at least have to meet this girl. How in the hell am I going to look at her and not think she is a cooty carrying skanky ho? On the other hand, I am sure if my early 20's were held up for inspection, I might have not liked MYSELF, so I will reserve judgement until I can look her in the eye.

Updates will continue as the S1/skanky ho relationship develops :)

**He has horrid vision without his glasses. In fact his eyesight is one of my WORST PARENT IN THE WORLD moments. He was in second grade and a teacher suggested that he have a real eye exam, rather than the ones the schools provide, and off we went. (In my defense he was my first child and I didn't know as much as I do now). The eye doc determined that yes, S1 did need glasses. On the day of the fitting, he looked so cute and wasn't bothered at all by wearing the things. As we walked out of the office and he looked up the street...he stopped dead in is tracks. Up the street was our towns old movie theater. It showed hit movies in what is called 'second run', meaning they had been out and popular earlier and this theater snagged them the second time around. He looked at me and said "mom..The Lion Kin@ is at the theater" I said I knew, and told him to hurry up, we had to get somewhere. He then looked and me and said "but mom, I can SEE THE WORDS".

You could have dropped a piano on me right at that moment and I wouldn't have known. My child was telling me that for all of his 7 years, he couldn't see things beyond the two foot distance of his nose. He was reading and writing several years beyond his age, but couldn't see the chalkboard in his class.

The whole ride home, he was mesmerized by the sights. He told me, when he was older, that he had no idea that anyone could see that the leaves on the trees weren't just a mass of green color when driving by.. that you could actually see the shapes of the leaves.

I still have tremendous mommy guilt that I wasn't the one that saw his problem....but I thanked that teacher for changing his life.

Spending my first paycheck, two weeks before I get it.

If you knew me...you would know this is not characteristic of me. I am the brigadier of budgeting, the counter of coins, the furiousest (yes, that is a new word) of frugalers (another new one for you), yet this morning, I spent my entire first paycheck before I even worked for it.

Why you ask?? Because my sons and husband are basketball fans. This morning, pre-sale tickets went up for sale to the Clevel@and C@valiers and I bought three sets of tickets. Each boy will get two tickets for Christmas. They are all different games so if they want to trade with each other, that works too.

I have mentioned before that LBJ (no Jerry, not the dead president), the "King" Mr. James, lives down the road and is seen with his "boys" roaming around in their Escalades. Now that we have the Shaqq man, the boys will LOVE these tickets. I spent the extra bucks to get seats close enough to the floor that the only way any of them will get nosebleeds will be if they get hit by a ball, not from being so far up in the seating, they could swing on the moon.

So how does BigD get to benefit from this? S1 is too young to drive so his second ticket will undoubtedly be used by dad, the driver.

As for me? I am guaranteed a quiet evening with cuddly pups and a good book. It is a win-win situation.

The hard part will be keeping my yap shut till Christmas!

A boy and his dog

I think this kid is going to love being a dad someday. This is S2 and Cosmo. This is the dog that lived the first three years of his life in a cage, never getting out except to breed. He is a rescued Amish puppy mill dog. He has landed in heaven at the OHN house, where our animals are family. This little guy didn't even know how to play. Seriously. We would dangle a toy, roll a ball...nothing. He wouldn't even move. It took a few months of watching Harley to learn how a dog really acts. Well, at least a dog in THIS house. Now, if anyone is still for more than a few seconds, Cosmo is connected to your leg, your side, your head, whatever he can reach. The closer the better. There have been mornings I awaken to the vision of his nose a few inches from mine, having wiggled his way up the bed and deciding to share my pillow.

Also, please note the cute guy above. He is closing in on 20 years old and needs a job to make tuition. A buddy of his does some modeling and is trying to convince S2 to try it. This kid makes crazy ridiculous money for a days work and I don't think I am biased when I say, I think S2 could probably give it a run. I could see him in a catalog couldn't you? So, any of you that happen to know someone that could employ this very sweet, kind, loving guy, let me know :)

When is a slut not a slut?

Friday night, we were surprised by a visit from both college boys. S2 came home because he needed to get something on his car fixed, plus he wanted some real food.

S1 called, and said he was bored and going to come home for a visit.

Saturday afternoon I was on a mommy high, having all the boys sprawled all over the family room, rooting on their favorite college games when S1 gets a text, smiles and announces that he is leaving.

For the last few weeks he has been seeing a girl, very casually. Someone he met during a moving party in his apartment complex. The first night, there was alcohol and sex involved. Ew. Once I got over the initial reaction that my son has sex (which, yes, I know he has....I am not stupid, but just like kids don't want to think about their parents experiencing the horizontal rumba...parents don't want that image either).

But, the real kicker is.......she has a boyfriend. Back home. She is 20, the boyfriend is 38. Her parents hate it. So now, she is using S1 for carnal pleasure at school and going home to see the MAN she is dating, on alternate weekends.

So those of you men reading and virtually high-fiving my boy, my big worry is that S1 is going to get attached. He doesn't do casual very well. Every girl he has dated, he foresees a relationship. He is a guy that wants the life companion, no ripples in the water, and status quo. He doesn't like change or anything that alters from the consistency of what he has in focus.

When I asked him how he felt about this casual (SAFE) sex, he said it's fine, they both know they are just casual. His words said that, but I saw his eyes. A mom knows the look in her son's eyes. I am worried he is headed for another heartbreak.

The thing I repeated twice and hope he heard, is that if she is doing it WITH him, she will do it TO him, and to keep that in mind if he starts to develop feelings for her.

So, when I meet this girl, I am going to have such a hard time thinking of her as anything but a skanky booty call. What the hell will I do, if they actually get together? I have told myself----step back away from the boy's life, it is HIS life and he can achieve his own goals, and survive his own failures----and I am doing that on the outside, but man, in my head, I want to run screaming--SHES A SKANK DON'T FALL IN LOVE.

S2 has enlightened me that sex is different now. It isn't like it was back in the stone age when I was in college. Now friends have sex. Nothing else is expected. Lonely? Call a friend.

I am not a prude. People can have sex with whoever (or is it whomever? I can never remember) ....as long as it isn't with my son. Cause..Ew. Just Ew...and I don't want my boys heart broken because you can't make it work with one guy.

I live in bizarro world

Well the pain in the ass house guest left this morning. I could spend all afternoon with story after story of things he said in the last 72 hours, but I will just jot down the highlights~~

He was off to get some pop (soda for those of you that aren't hicks), and asked if I wanted one. When I said "no thanks", he chuckled and said "Oh yeah, that's right, you are, what? about 6 months into a 2 year diet?"

I asked him what in the hell he meant by that and he said "well...you said you lost 20 some pounds and that probably took you six months, so you are six months in to a two year diet". Through gritted teeth, I told him it isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change and that I started in mid June. The inference he was making was that I still had much more weight to lose, which is sooo wrong it pissed me off. Would I love to make it an additional 20? Sure, but I am far from being "fat". The thing that blows my mind is that he has a huge gut and thinks he is some kind of stud muffin. Those of you that have seen photos (or the real me) know that I could stand to shape up and the 20 lost is a very good thing, but if I kept losing, in two years you would all be at my funeral.

He also managed to put down my housekeeping,(yeah, working 14 hours a day leaves tons of time for me to clean the "dusty" chandelier, my dogs not being well mannered (they lay under the table while we eat hoping for droppage;) questioned the steadiness of my marriage,(twelve years ago, we hit a rough spot and the only reason he knows about that is because I had to cancel his visit or BigD would have moved out....and that was TWELVE years ago...we have been married for 28...he has been married twice and totaled up they come close to the length if time I keep a toothbrush) and made fun of S3 being a "typical freshman, with braces, zits and a scrawny body". I wanted to kick him in the nuts.

He left here to go back to his daughters place (my niece...we are only 10 years apart in age and have more of a friendship than an aunt/niece relationship). I had made a very pretty blanket for her, in her favorite colors, that would match her couch. When I asked if he would take it (shipping would be costly because of the weight and size) he looked at it and said "what the hell is that ugly thing"? He thinks he is funny. HE IS NOT.

To top things off, he is a major hypochondriac. He has had more surgeries than you and I combined and bitches constantly about the fact that he has to pay for his prescriptions. I found out by accident that a former employer (yes, the Jewish man referred to in the last post)is still paying him a dividend on a project and brother is raking in $40,000 a year for sitting on his ass, but the whole time he was here his phone was ringing from collection services. He will go have surgery, etc, then never pay the bill and laugh about it. I told him he is the reason that the rest of us have to pay such high premiums and he thinks that is perfectly fine because he paid premiums when he was younger, so in his mind he is OWED these things for free. That is a huge part of his personality, the sense of entitlement.

In case you are reading this and thinking, boy that OHN sure is a bitch, he can't be that bad.....well, lets put it this way....he has 3 friends. No, I am not kidding. There are 3 people that can stand him in more than small doses.

Anyway, the list goes on and on and on and all I can say is I am so glad he left and I won't have to see him again till the holidays, and hopefully I can get a refill of Xan@x before that :)

Now, for the bizarro world part. Remember last Friday when I came to the end of my ropes with the crappy job? Well I have been looking online for something, talked to a few friends about maybe doing some elder/respite care, working with animals, etc...just testing the waters thinking about what I wanted to do.

Out of the blue this afternoon, I got a call from one of my clients ( I worked in his office for about a year and actually quit to take the nightmare job), and they asked me if I would ever consider coming back. I busted out laughing. They had no idea that I wasn't still working at the other place. The manager is a real sweetheart and said she would work around whatever hours I wanted, they just wanted me back. Talk about weird timing. I told her I would think about it overnight and call her tomorrow.

I am extremely flattered, and may take her up on it, but I do have to think about it. If I go back, it will be for the duration, and not short term and I know he plans on being in practice for 5 more years. I just don't know if I want to be locked into exact hours and days, since that is what I just left. If I get more clients on my own, then my schedule is my own, and I really love that. The pay is OK but not outstanding ($10 an hour). The office is closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving, but open the following day and I would have to work those days so it would prevent any "get-aways" with BigD and the boys.

I will weigh the pros and cons tonight and hopefully come up with a decision by tomorrow. She wants me to start ASAP if I am willing to come back.

As for now, I am off to have an annoying lump removed from the back of my head. You want to know my luck?? I had the same thing removed 5 years ago, and was told I only had a 5% chance it would come back. Tada. Lucky me. Now I will have a bald spot, stitches and pain. He had better give me something to make me loopy!

update on brother

He is here. Got here at 1:00. I haven't killed him yet, but the night is still young.

So far, he has put down my weight loss efforts (I went to the doc today and am down 21 lbs--woohoo), telling me I look the same. He is the ONLY one who has said that. Everyone I run into can see a difference.

He made fun of S3's face...a 14 3/4 year old with a few zits on his chin.

BigD is doing a special project for the city we live in...it is a very positive thing and brother laughed and said that it was stupid.

When I told him about S2's new honey (will post about that later) and told him how pretty she was, athletic, funny etc, he stopped me when I said her mother is catholic and her father is Jewish and told me that he was going to tell S2, to not see her any more because "You know what the f'ing Jews have done to me over the years". (Yeah, I do know, they EMPLOYED your lazy ass and you are still getting residual checks 4 times a year from those f'ing Jews, you asshole).

Dear lord, it has only been 6 hours.

I still want to know how in the hell we are related. Certainly my mom must have dropped him on his head, more than once, as an infant.

Just when I started to relax

My brother is coming. Today. For those of you new here, I will explain at some point why this is such a sucky way to start the week.

For those of you that have been reading and know the back story....just think of me today. I am gearing up for the verbal nasties that are coming. Unfortunately for him, after the week I had last week with the sick son and the ex-employer....big brother may go down for the count.

Bloodshed is not out of the question.

I cannot even tell you

how unbelievably relieved I am to be rid of that job.

Thank you all so much for your support.

I knew I would be glad, but, honest to god, I can't remember the last time I was this relaxed. I am not even stressing about the lack of income. I know it will be temporary...I have been looking for a new job for a few weeks anyway, I had just planned on having that new one before I chucked the old one.

Even BigD was shockingly supportive. He knew all the back stories and day to day BS that they were coming up with, and he thinks I need to send copies of all of the conflicting "orders" from all the different supervisors, to the owner of the company. (I learned long ago, because of a shady cousin, to save copies of everything...well that, and I am a bit obsessive about covering my ass...again because of said shady cousin). BigD then laughed and said it wouldn't surprise him if the owners called and asked me to come back in a managerial position. While I was rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter, I told him...not for a million bucks.

Problem solved

I had the most unbelievably unprofessional email from "the company" this morning after being locked out of my account. After several volleys of emails, I told them that in my 25 years of working,(but only 2 jobs in that time--10 years and 15 years respectively) I had never encountered an employer such as them. I asked them if they needed my final time sheet or if they could pick it out from their system and then I deleted their programs from my system.

I feel like a thousand pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Now, it is off to my new project that will make so many peoples lives richer and certainly more life fulfilling for me.

(But if you want to send cash, let me know and I will give you my address;)

Opinions requested

Here's the deal. I have to have some outpatient surgery next week (no big deal, nothing scary, just annoying) and I have a question about an email response I got from work.

As you all know, from my endless whining, I am less than thrilled with the treatment of employees at my current (second) job.

On Monday, when I scheduled the surgery, I thought the proper thing to do would be to let my supervisor know that I would be out for a day, possibly two, for an outpatient procedure. I was very polite, and my thinking was, that since they had a week and a half notice, they could shift work around to others wanting to pick up a little extra. (versus just calling in sick on the day of the procedure)

So, this morning I get the following email (the ONLY thing I changed was my name) :

OHN, re next weeks surgery, you dont have any vac time yet, therefore please plan on making up the anticipated missed hours (for that thurs) before that day. Do it as an extra 2 1/2 hours on that tues and wed.

Firstly...HUH? For a facility that is supposed to be accurate with grammar, punctuation, sentence structure etc, the way it was written, makes me think it was done as a text message, written by a 13 year old.

Secondly...HUH? I didn't tell her I was taking a vacation. I made it clear it was a medical procedure. My question to you is, since I have been self employed for so many years and am unaware of current labor rules, etc, are they allowed to A) make me use vacation time for a medical procedure (assuming I had vacation time available).. and.. B)tell me I need to work past my normal hours as a part-timer with no benefits?

They have no idea what my responsibilities are before I clock in or after I clock out.

Honestly, if these people were a little bit more employee friendly, I wouldn't hesitate to do whatever was expected, but their attitude (and this email is just the tip of the nastiness iceberg) really ticks me off.

If you think I am off base, please feel free to tell me. Maybe being self-employed for so many years as made my brain mushy and I am just not getting this whole 'we are wayy more important than you and you will be our slave' mentality.

On another note....this is a conversation I had with S2 this morning:

S2: Hi mom.

ME: Hi honey, what's up?

S2: Nothing. I am just sitting in my psych class. It doesn't start for 8 more minutes. It's really weird though, nobody else is here.

ME: That is a little strange. You told me that the flu was going around there, did they cancel class maybe?

S2: Oh. Shit. I forgot the professor canceled class for today..he told us on Tuesday he wouldn't be here.

ME: (Laughing). How long would you have sat there before remembering that?

S2: Shut up.

I know my S2. Believe me, he would still be sitting there :)

Go ahead and tell me what you think about my work....the job that I am sooo close to telling them to cram.

work bs

Oh dear god I need a new job. I just spent the last 5 hours trying to decipher quasi-English and my ears are bleeding.

Do you ever wonder if your foreign born doctor understood his teachers and can read English any better than they can speak it??????? Just sayin.

So, I am off to the strip clubs to look for a job. (yes, I AM kidding, I would not torture other humans by allowing them to see me naked).

I really pissed off my supervisor when I corrected her (I was right and she was wrong and admitted so begrudgingly) and now she is seeing to it that the only files that are deposited in my in-box are of impossible dictators. She is petty, and has the illusion of power and this is how she is using it.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest her armpits.

Why the uproar??

I am not trying to cram politics down your throat. I simply want to know why so many school districts have refused to allow our Presidents speech to be shown in our schools. Are our children not the ones that will be leading our futures? Do they not need encouragement (that many, sadly, are not getting from their families) ? What is the big deal?

We got an email from our superintendent last week stating that our school district had decided not to show the speech. He gave a lame excuse about lunchroom chaos and what they would need to do to separate the kids whose parents refused to let them listen, logistics about student placement, blah, blah, blah.

For the life of me, why would a parent not want their child to listen to the freaking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA on the subject of standing up and being counted, and doing their very best in school? Would they rather the kids just morph into extensions of the parents and share only their political views?

All of my children's lives I have encouraged them to think and make decisions. I do not always agree with their interpreation of all events but to not let them listen to an encouraging speech...well, that just blows my mind. So, for those of you that have read this far, below, I have posted the written speech that will be broadcast tomorrow. If you see anything anti-American or wholey democratic please let me know, as I see only a President that is encouraging our youth to go for the brass ring.

Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama Back to School Event

Arlington, Virginia September 8, 2009

The President: Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we’ve got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today.

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could’ve stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.

Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."

So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.

Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.

I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.

I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.

I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve.

But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.

And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine – but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.

And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.

You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.

We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.

Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork.

I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in.

So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.

But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.

Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.

Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.

Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn’t speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall.

And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.

Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.

That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.

Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things.

But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.

It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.

So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.