Thursday, August 31, 2006

Quiet days

Well the kids have gone back to school. Yesterday was my first day that all three of them were gone at the same time. Since my office is in my house the silence was very welcoming but it also gave me a glimpse of the future. The oldest is a senior this year and next year at this time I am sure I will be beside myself because he will be off to college. There are days where I wish it was this year but for the most part I am going to miss him terribly. All of my kids are so different. Their temperaments and personalities are so opposite that it is hard to believe that we have raised them all the same way. I am a true believer that you are born the person you will be. Sure the nature vs nurture argument is a big one, but from the viewpoint in our house it is obvious that nature has the most to do with it. One of our kids we were blessed with through adoption and he has certain mannerisms, characteristics, thoughts, etc that have had absolutely nothing to do with nurture. I would love to someday find his birthmother and secretly watch her for an hour or two and see if he is like her. Ironically, I think he became my son because someone somewhere knew that I would understand him and what makes him the way he is. Now it is time for me to get back to work and appreciate the quiet hours.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Faithful friend

Two weeks ago I walked into the vet with our 130 pound baby and left without him. He trusted me so completely and trotted along beside me knowing that I would never harm him-yet I had to hand him over and walk away. I have only had to do that one time before in my life and it was just as hard then. Ironically this dog was only 3 years old and our other dog is 11, has cancer, and we thought for sure would be leaving us before the younger one. I have heard different opinions about whether there are pets in heaven, but I honestly can't imagine a heaven without them. We hope to run with you again someday Boz.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Infertility, adoption, pregnancy and parenthood

When I was little and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I couldn't understand how they didn't already know that I wanted to be a mom. I was blessed with a wonderful mom and thought it was the greatest thing to be. After kissing a lot of toads I finally kissed the man I married. Almost from the minute we were married I (not so much him) was trying to get pregnant. We tried and tried and it wasn't happening. For about a year I took a mild fertility drug-no results. Then for about another year we went to the shots that made my ovaries the size of grapefruit and just as comfortable. The doc took me off the shots because I was popping out 12-13 eggs a month and he was afraid my innards would explode. The month after I stopped, I got pregnant but lost the baby in the8th week. I was devastated. Hubby was very upbeat and really pissed me off. I wanted him to understand how horrible I felt. He kept saying "it will happen" etc but I didn't want it to happen someday, I wanted it NOW! Then we were told of an agency that had started a domestic program (they dealt with Korea, China etc primarily) and a friend got us on the short list. Amazingly -unbeknownst to us- two very young (teen)and very courageous birthparents selected us to raise their baby. The agency didn't tell us until they had signed over permanent custody. We were called on Monday and told to pick up our son on Thursday. Those 3 days are a blur of shock, excitement, fear, shopping and about a thousand phone calls. When we arrived to pick him up we had to wait for about an hour because the social worker got lost--I thought I would pass out. Then she walked in with our new son in her arms. I don't think I put him down for at least 3 months after that. People would come over to meet him and when they asked to hold him I would mutter something about him not liking to be held except by me...I was so incredibly overprotective of that small wonderful boy. When he was about 7 months old, I got what I thought was a horrible case of the flu, actually I was pregnant--A few months later I had another wonderful baby boy--I got the same flu 4 years later and it was another son. Ironically, I also had 3 more miscarriages in between those years and we found out from a genetic counselor and DNA person that all four pregnancies that were lost, were all girl babies..since then I have read articles that say that is somewhat common to not be able to carry to term one sex or the other..hmmm. One of these days I will take you through the pregnancy traumas and fears but I must end here and get back to the work that pays me to feed all these boys!

Thursday, August 24, 2006


It has been very unsettling for me this last week reading about this guy Karr that may or may not have been the person that killed JB Ramsey. I have never understood how anyone could think that it is normal to want sex from a child. When I was about 5 or 6 my father (who was a horribly abusive drunk) used to take me to the local bar where I would sit drinking "Shirley temples" till I thought I would puke. He would sit there and proceed to get hammered, talking with the other bar flys. I remember all too vividly some "hugs", "pats" and other signs of affection from these smelly men that even at the age of 5 or 6, I knew were gross and unsettling. I had the misfortune of being a cute freckled face quiet kid and never let my fear show but I was terrified most of the time. I finally told my mom and it broke her heart that she didn't know that I was so scared every time I was with my father. I look back now and realize how easily I could have ended up like little JB Ramsey.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

6 more days

6 more days till the kids go back to school. At the beginning of summer I am so excited to have them all home but by mid-August I am sending emails to the school board requesting year round schooling. I read a few blogs that are done by moms that home-school and they seem like they are sane but I have to wonder. They must have some secret to getting their kids to actually listen to them. If can't even get them to wipe the toothpaste out of the sink when they brush how in the hell would I get them to listen while I try to explain Shakespeare or trigonometry. I have never been accused of having patience.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Here I go~

I have absolutely no business wasting my time blogging but I figure it will be cheaper than a shrink and I don't have to worry about running into anyone that knows all my problems in the middle of the bagel aisle at the store. Today I think I will tell you about my kids. There are three of them. They are the reason I am half nuts. I was totally sane till they came along. I am convinced that as a baby breast feeds, parts of the womans brain gets sucked out. It is kind of a built in defense mechanism to aid you when the little darlings become obnoxious teenagers...your brain is half mush by then so you don't follow through with the urge to change all the locks when they are at school. Don't get me wrong, I truly do love my kids, but they smell like old sneakers and have managed to cost me more than some small countries are worth. For the sake of anonimity I will call them B1, B2, B3-did I mention they are all boys? Enough said.

Once upon a time...

All I really wanted to do was leave a comment on some guys blog, but I wasn't allowed if I didn't have my own blog. Since I have thought about doing this for the past year, I figured today was as good a day as any other. I have a lot of things stuck in my head from all my years of life and I am sure I will manage to bore some of you, but hopefully entertain others. I haven't decided if I am going to tell my name or location..there may be things I want to tell that would be better if left anonymous. I hope you enjoy the ride.