As a child, teen, and even adult, he would have an internal meltdown when he was called out for a mistake....either big or small.
You see, he doesn't think he is ever wrong. E.V.E.R.
It is the one thing about him that drives me batty. When I make a mistake, I own it, and try not to do it again.
Two days ago he got a letter from the bank notifying him of an overdraft in his account. He shook his head and said they must be wrong and I foolishly thought he would promptly call them and correct the "error" (which I knew was his, not the banks, but I kept my mouth shut).
Fast forward to today. ANOTHER letter. He never even picked up the phone. Did he think that it would just solve itself?????
Now he is seven days over-drafted at 8 bucks a day, plus the initial overdraft fee, and the actual FOUR HUNDRED dollars he spent, when it wasn't there to spend.
He has no idea how he did that....but I know. He was away with 3 other guys at a training seminar and I know that he was using his debit card, without even giving it a thought.
We have several checking accounts and this one is the one he uses for his stuff. About 10 days ago, I deposited $1500 into that account and he was like a kid in a candy store.
New boots, a fancy new power washer, etc etc.
He debited and debited until he was happy with the amount of toys he had, subtracting incorrectly in his head, not bothering to write any of the debits down.
This would be a good point to tell you that I take care of all the bill paying......because of the fact that when he did it earlier in our marriage this sloppy math happened on a regular basis.
So, today, he asked if I could transfer money to cover the damage.
He could tell I was pissed. I honestly don't care what he buys or what it costs, I just want him to freaking pay attention!
So, being the horrid woman that I am, I asked him "how on earth do you spend $400 and not know that there isn't enough to cover it". It wasn't said in anger, just disgust.
He told me not to give him "attitude". I dropped it there and walked out of the room. Had I stayed, it would have gotten ugly. Really ugly.
I am so pissed right now I can't see straight.
He has issues with appearances. He always has. If we are out with another couple, he always insists on picking up the tab, because he doesn't want them to think that we can't.
He has to have things for show. He wants people to think that we don't struggle to live where we do, to drive the nice cars we have etc etc.
Both of his brothers are very very well off. Lots of bucks, and no worries. BigD has always felt lesser because of his 'average' financial status in the family. This is so stupid I can't stand it. Neither one of his brothers has ever looked down on him in the least.
We don't have tons of debt, (thanks to me paying things off whenever I can--not to brag, it is just important to me, and much less stressful for me, if I don't have to worry daily about who we owe--so call it self preservation).
He does know that me handling the money is for the best....but he wouldn't say it out loud to save his life.
So...he is now pissed at ME, because I had the nerve to point out to HIM that this is something that he caused by his carelessness. (though I never used those words). He left here with S3 for a Friday night football game with a huge chip on his shoulder. How in the hell is this MY fault?
It is times like this, that make me even more sure, that I would never ever get married again.
Yes, I know, never say never.....but honestly, sometimes the bad outweighs the good.
Marriage is even harder than parenting. At least the kids learn from their mistakes.
What makes a person unable to accept their flaws??? None of us are perfect.
S1, S2 and S3, all know that their dad cannot admit failure at anything. Thankfully, they have been able to use it as a lesson, and all of them are able to say, "I screwed up" and move on.
I know this is rambling, but I had to get it out. I am sure I will toss and turn tonight and have to resist the urge to smother someone that is in bed with me.
And I don't mean the dogs.