Saturday, February 20, 2010

So much to say

but I don't know where to start. Topics to consider: 1) My sudden communication with S1's birth father. 2) My medical updates. 3) My kitchen redo update (also called, BigD is still alive, but I may have to kill him yet). 4) Reverse discrimination. 1) When we last met, I had just told you about S1's birth father sending me a message on F.acebook, or as I call it suckyouinandwasteyourtime-book.

In a 24 hour period, he and I traded 18 messages. They got longer and longer and more informational. I have to tell you...he is a great guy. So often, people (me included) think of birth fathers as mere s.perm donors. Wham, bam, oops and I'm outta here. They are rarely portrayed or thought of as people whose lives change with the adoption. They sign a paper and are never heard from again.

This is most definitely NOT the case with this birth father. He was so traumatized by the pregnancy and subsequent adoption that he decided that he didn't want children. He married, not to S1's birth mother, then divorced. At the end of his marriage, his wife told him she was pregnant. He was terrified and really didn't want to become a father. He didn't want to open up his heart like that again. They still divorced, but he is now the father of a wonderful 6 year old that he adores.

He said he has thought about S1 almost every day for the last 21 years. He has hoped that he was in a loving home and was thrilled to hear all that I told him. He told me that for the first time, he felt immense relief, and that I had given him the peace he had needed all these years.

I talked to S1 (in brief bursts) about this whole scenario. He really doesn't want to be in contact with either the birth father or birth mother right now. He knows they are merely a click away, when and if he is ready.

What I will tell you, is that I am stunned at how many things S1 has in common with his birth father. It is almost scary, yet intriguing at the same time.

So, now after 21 years of not giving this guy much credit.....he is now one of my suckyouinandwasteyourtime-book friends. Bizarre, to say the least.

2) My medical dramas.....all the medical crap that I ended 2009 and began 2010 with....the heart is normal. Completely normal. In fact fabulous. I will live to be 100.

Then the cancer thingy. While it was removed, a friend managed to completely freak me out with some g.oogle research and now I am following up with an OBGYN cancer guy just to be sure. It will most likely be a colossal waste of time, but I also don't want to every say "why didn't I?"

3) That brings us to the kitchen redo. So far I have bitten my tongue so many times it resembles ground beef. BigD isn't one to rush into decisions on the homefront. In the meantime, I have picked the granite, the sink, the light fixures have been researched and narrowed down, the length of the island extension that will become our new eating area etc etc. BigD? He is okay with the granite choice. I can't even address the other things because he simply cannot absorb this type of data. Give him some bloody fingerprints and an errant hair, and he is all over it like stink on shit. I KNOW that he will, at some point, decide that all of these choices were originally his, and it will be full steam ahead. The waiting...ugh. Lets just say, I would like this project done already. Waiting two or three more weeks just to come to the same conclusion is torture for me.

4) That brings us to #4. Reverse discrimination. I don't know if it is a real term, but if not, I declare it here. I have never mentioned much about my home here, because I don't want people forming opinions about me because of where I live or how I live here. Lets just say, that the area where I live is nice. Very nice. Many years ago we had the opportunity to either invest in stocks or real estate. We chose real estate. (good thing too, cause in case you haven't heard lots of people got really screwed in the market). We figured real estate is typically going to hold or increase its value. (at least until recently....those of you that have been hit by the housing heart goes out to you. Seriously.)

In the last 20 years, the value of our home has increased significantly. Our neighborhood is small and desirable. This brings me to the reverse discrimination part. Many times I am expected to not take advantage of a good deal when it comes along. People assume that because of where I live, I can afford to pay full price or at the very least, not get the discount that is offered someone across town. This is just plain wrong.

We work very hard to keep up our home, and don't waste money. You have read here that I am the queen of cheap. Not chintzy cheap, but get a good deal cheap. Why should I not be given the same consideration that everyone else gets? People also give me the 'how can you live THERE" look and attitude when they know what BigD and I do for jobs. They make assumptions that there must be something untoward going on. No, assholes, we made a great investment, and work hard to enjoy it.

So, if you want me to spend money on your service, give me the same quote for the same job that you give everyone else. Believe me, I know what the going rate is, and if you don't offer it, you will lose my business and I will move on to the next provider of the same service you offer....and I will tell my friends you are a jerk.

So, that gets us caught up for now. Do you have readers cramp yet? Thought so.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Are there statistics?

On how many men are killed by their wives while trying to make decisions about updating a room in the house where the WIFE spends 90% of her life by a sink or near a stove?

I know one man that most likely will not survive. At the very least, blood will be shed.

This is one of those times where I sit back and ask myself, again, why do women have to marry men?

It's MY kitchen damn it. He can do what he wants to the man cave, garage, yard, whatever...leave my place alone. Trust me when I say that a shiny silver finish light fixture will look like shit in my Tuscan inspired, exposed brick kitchen.

I am too pissed to even write about it. THAT'S PISSED.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

perfectly ordinary day

I am working on the follow-up post to the birth-fathers sudden appearance on my f.acebook. In the meantime, I wanted to post this link. To those of you that have children, you will be nodding your head. To those of you waiting for your children, it is a little bit of advice from those of us that have crossed over to being parents. (this may require a tissue for some of you) I can almost guarantee that you will be sending it on to your parents, or friends.