Sunday, December 30, 2007


I have been tagged by to come up with seven things about me you don't know. I think I am pretty much an open book but I will try: 1) I have absolutely no artistic talent. NONE. I know people often say that while they are showing you their wonderful creations, but I truly can't even draw a straight line. 2) I am chronologically older than I feel. Some days I am truly surprised when I look in the mirror and see who is looking back. She is old. 3) I like to be alone. I love my family but there are many times where I am so overwhelmed by their loudness and needs that I secretly wish I could have a week with the house all to myself with the animals. (For the record my family includes 3 teen aged boys and a husband-I am not sure if it would be different with daughters...maybe they are less needy and quieter??) 4) I am a terrific bargain shopper, though I hate to shop. If I can't get it online or at my friendly neighborhood tar*et then, I probably won't buy it. I think EB$Y was invented for me. 5) I like to drive fast. I would love to get behind the wheel of a race car on a track and let loose! 6) I am very afraid of heights. In some weird way, I feel like I don't trust myself, that I would let myself jump or something. I am also terrified of snakes, especially small ones. The huge 10' pythons don't scare me as much as a garden snake. It literally sends me hyperventilating, at a dead run, to get away. 7) I hate cleaning and wish I could afford a cleaning lady to come in for about an hour each day, just to help me keep up. Now if you have read this, it is only fair that you pony up on your blog and tell me 7 things about you..c'mon, let 'er rip!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

He does have 4 legs

I started to walk up stairs last night and not only was there a new gargoyle sitting on top of the railing (how he got there and stayed balanced, I have no idea) but there was what appeared to be a three legged dog sitting on the step talking to the gargoyle.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Relatives UGH!

You are about to hear all the gorey details of my trip with S3 to see my beloved family. BigD and the other boys should be sooo completely in my debt for not bitching at them to go. I have mentioned before that my brother and I have an odd relationship. He is many years older than I am and we have NOTHING in common. To give you a glimpse into what he is like I have to give a description, which believe it or not, is hard to do. I can't even say..oh yeah, he is just like so and so because he isn't. He is very unique. Lets start by saying he has been divorced a couple of times and neither time was because of him (this is his thought anyway). The first wife..who by the way I am still very close to, he walked out on because she "just didn't do it for me any more". I guess it didn't matter that he had been screwing anything with a hole while this wife was lovingly caring for his two kids. He left one day on a business trip and never really went home. She was devastated as were the kids. As his kids grew up, in his fantasy world he felt like he was a GREAT dad because when the mood struck, he sent money to them or bought things for them. These were usually items he bought while globetrotting..skiing in Aspen, boating up and down the Atlantic, zooming in and out of Vegas, etc. In the meantime both his kids needed braces on their teeth and grandma talked to the walked out on wife and convinced her to let grandma pay for them. She knew the kids needed them and since their mom was working just to keep them in a good school district, housing and feeding them, grandma helped out. Same with a portion of the kids college expenses. I could go on and on and on with stories but I will leave you with the most recent installment that happened on this most recent visit....... He is a big guy...6'5" and big..not fat, just big with a BOOMING voice (that is louder since his hearing started to go--haha)..Anyway, we went to an area sportsy type bar/restaurant, small but great food. I am getting ahead of myself there is more to tell before the food even arrived. He is an avid fan of one particular football team that happened to be playing on TV that night. This place had two TV's and both were tuned in the that city's team that was, this city is known for its fans. Anyway, we had to go through 3 tables and 2 separate waitresses before big old uncle rob was positioned to see the TV just right. We had to move condiments, appetizers, drinks, utensils etc. oh joy. Then he found out that at 9 pm a live band was scheduled to begin. That is when the shit started hitting the fan. He called over the manager, demanded that the TV he was closest to be changed to watch his favorite team (12 states away) instead of the local pro team, and he asked if it was necessary for the band to play. NO SHIT, I am not kidding. This guy obviously feels that the world revolves around him..unbelievable. When the manager assured him that yes, the band will be playing and no, he wasn't going to cancel their evening for big old uncle rob, he resigned himself to being the grumbly customer. Of course the food wasn't right (mine was fabulous) and had to be sent back....I am picturing the cooks spitting on his food at this point..then when it came back it was "better" but not really right. When the band started warming up, there were several ladies doing a line dance on the dance floor..which happened to be directly in front of the big TV...guess what he did?? He YELLED at the ladies "what the hell are you doing"? I wanted to kick his ass at this point, but what I did do was look him directly in the eye and told him they had as much right to be there as he did. He looked at me like I was the crazy one. This is the guy that wonders why there aren't many second dates when he goes out with a woman....honestly, I couldn't even make this shit up! The final straw was when my niece and her husband were having a discussion about something she wanted him to do dear brother took it upon himself to get into the middle of the discussion, that had nothing to do with him, and start repeatedly asking when he was going to get the task done and why hadn't he done it earlier?? If I were this guy I think I would have punched old uncle rob right in the nose. I could literally write a book about him. BigD and the boys can only take him in very small doses and I hate to say it but I am joining the club. (this is yet more proof that you can be genetically related to someone and be polar opposites!)

Friday, December 21, 2007

Family visit do or die

Tomorrow bright and early I head out for a 3 hour drive to visit my niece, her husband and my brother (her father). So far the only other member of my immediate family that I have been able to con into going is S3 and that was only after promising junk food for the duration of the trip. BigD really doesn't care for my family...I admit they can be an acquired taste. S1 and S2 have gracefully declined the trip preferring to stay here and pick fuzz out of their belly buttons. You see, my brother is a tad annoying. Dear old uncle rob is very loud, very opinionated, has atrocious manners and is a completely ignorant know-it-all. Other than that....he is a great guy. We weren't raised together because of a huge age difference and I truly believe that one of us was found in a cabbage patch because there is no way on this earth that the two of us were conceived by the same sperm and egg pool. Well..the same pool spread out over many years. I like to think that by the time I was conceived the sperm and egg had aged like a fine wine. When he was conceived it wasn't past the grape juice stage. I only have to put up with him for 24 hours. In case you were wondering why I am going there instead of having him time I invited him and he stayed for almost a month...yeah, yet another time I almost ended up divorced. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Early Morning Conversation

The following conversation happened this morning in my house.... HIM: Hey honey have you seen my dickie? ME: It's right between your leggies. HIM: Very funny, have you seen my dickie? ME: Not in a very long time. HIM: Never mind. Someone woke up without his sense of humor this morning. (For those of you that may not know, a dickie is a fake shirt that only has a collar, so you can wear a shirt or sweater and LOOK like you have another shirt on underneath but really you just have 1/3 of a shirt with no body or arms, only a collar). Do they even make these any more????

Monday, December 10, 2007

Awwwww moment

I have no idea how old they are but they look young.....ahhhhh, nothing like young love. (and when your head hits a rock knowing that you will still end up together:)

Saturday, December 08, 2007


At a gas station in Minocqua Wisconson an employee accidentally changed the price of gas from $3.299 to 32.9 cents before closing up for the night. People using a credit card at the pump after the station was closed were treated to an early Christmas present. AOL polled people if they would go ahead and buy the gas, knowing that most probably it was someones error. So far 29634 people answered and 4055 said no. I would like to meet those people and see what makes them tick. I am an honest person (note previous post about my stupid desk lamp) but if I were to be truthful...I would have to say that I would fill up my tank, all 22 gallons of it, spending $7.26 instead of $72.57, and probably call my kids to fill theirs up too. I am honest but not stupid. But....if I found out that the employee was forced to pay the difference, I would cough up the dough to help him/her cover the loss----on the other hand if it was some oil exec that would feel the pennies shift in his pocket then honesty be damned and pump away. The bastards.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

weird week

I almost don't want to even go over what has been going on this week because I will have to think about it again. Most of the chaos was work related but some was family fueled. I get the normal stress this time of year but for some reason this year it is not a happy stress. I have a couple of accounts that I typically have to bail out of confusion on a regular basis. One is an office manager that micromanages every freakin detail of the office. Every time my caller ID says it is her calling I truly don't want to answer. The girls that work in her office like her has a human, she is not evil, she is just hovering constantly and refuses to let people do the work they were hired to do. She called me completely freaked out this week about a minor problem with their equipment....which I have nothing to do with.....and she was talking so fast and asking 10 questions in a row without even taking a breath. I half hoped she would suddenly gasp and quit breathing altogether. As I tried to address her panicked questions one by one, she would interrupt and ask a totally different question before I could address the first one. I finally told her to STOP. I think my mom voice booming through her earpiece caught her attention because she did stop-for a second-long enough for me to tell her to relax, that all was well. I told her I could help her (at least 8 of the 10 rambling questions she asked were similar enough to answer fairly easily) and that she was going to have a stroke if she didn't calm down. Yep..I really did tell her that...I couldn't help it. Anyway, within a reasonable amount of time I had taken care of HER problem. Later that day she called again..once again that valuable caller ID tempted me to take a quick trip to the bathroom or outside to scream but I answered and the most unbelievable thing happened....SHE THANKED ME. Wow, I didn't see that one coming. She told me that even though she rarely tells me (yeah, like never) that she appreciates all the things I do for them and that they don't go unnoticed. Wow. She then told me that if she ever hears of another office that needs my service she would gladly sing my praises. So, I guess the migraine that she induced was worth it after all. I have another client that is one of a large chain of extended care facilities. (they used to be called nursing homes but that is such a downer they changed the name to sound less like a smelly, dank, depressing place to somewhere you might want to vacation). Anyway this facility has about 200 clients (actually patients but again we are trying to sound vacationy) and a huge staff. Out of that huge staff, they have ONE person that is trained to send the work to me. One, uno and guess what????-she got very sick and had emergency surgery and is now out for 3 months. The administrator called me in a panic and this situation is a lot more difficult than the micro manager situation above. This facility has to conform to the standards of their national headquarters and they are a tad behind the times. In their efforts to control their facilities, they have set up their computers so that it is impossible for anything to be sent beyond their own network and since I am not technically an employee there (I am an ancillary service) I don't have employee access. Trust me when I tell you it is a huge clusterfuck of details but I have to figure this out because they account for about 1/4 of my income and I can't lose that account so I have spent countless hours on this problem, on the phone with the headquarters in another state, talking with their tech support etc headache is coming back just thinking about it. Then last but not least I found out that S2 got into some trouble last week. Big D and I talked it over and amazingly Big D didn't over react in a cop kinda way (which is shocking as any other time he would have screamed, yelled, etc--this time he sat with S2 and talked for 2 So this has been a huge stressor for me. I won't go into details here because I have already rambled enough this morning but I will probably tell you about it down the road. Lets just sum this up by saying that these events on top of a few more things that I have suppressed from my consciousness have caused me to have a horrid week. I am now inundated with work (one of my best girls is off too) and will be stuck at my computer all day and night. Tomorrow I have to take S2 on a college visit ( it is either tomorrow or next Monday-the call came during one of my chaos days this week and honest to God I can't remember which Monday it is)..shit, does anyone have any valium???