Day 4 of a month of posts

I don't know if I am going to be able to pull off this daily posting. I am very boring and not sure if I have anything of value to share that frequently. OH--and the time change thing...whose idea was it anyway? It always screws me up for a few days. I guess I am not the only one tired. I am taking this guy and heading upstairs...though I hate to wake him :)

Taking a poll

Okay..moral dilemma here. S1 is home for the weekend. Before he left for work today he gave me a laundry list (also some real live laundry) of things he needed back at school. Since he is heading out right from work tomorrow I had to go today to spend more money than I have in the checking account so I whipped out the old trusty credit card and headed over to Wally-Mart on the other side of town. I threw in the stuff he needed, workout wear, paper products, shoe inserts, and about $40.00 worth of other useless crap. Since everyone knows when you are using a credit card, it isn’t really money so I thought, "what the hell, I will get a few things for me while I am here". I am a candle freak and have one burning almost all the time so I found a delicious smelling vanilla one, then stumbled upon this cute little lamp for my office desk. I have been using an old one that I dug out of a closet and the shade doesn’t really fit so I thought this new one would be great. I then found a leather shade that I plopped on the lamp and it was a perfect look. Now fast forward to this evening. Because some of the things are for the office they are tax deductible so when I was filing the receipt I was marking off the things that could be deducted and saw that the check out boy…you know the one, he has the 3 eyebrow piercings, a tongue stud, and wears the spiked dog collar around his neck, the one with the lovely shade of black fingernail polish ..yeah, that guy…..he didn’t charge me for the shade. Since it went down the conveyer belt ON the lamp he probably thought it was all one item. So, do I go back over and tell them that I accidentally stole a shade and pay for it? (I have no idea what it cost but probably in the $8-$15 range if that even makes a difference). Had I just pitched the receipt I never would have even known about it but now that I do, I should probably do the right thing but then I think there are probably times where I was overcharged and not noticed. So, I am taking a poll…what would you do?

out to dinner

Now I know how our turkey feels on Thanksgiving morning..stuffed like I am right now. Honestly I can't remember the last time I was in a restaurant...I seriously think it was back in July when we were on vacation. We went out tonight because all the boys were here for the first time in awhile and wrangling everyone to be at the same place at the same time is not an easy task..oh and also because we had a gift certificate to use from a wonderful family that thanked us for doing something that we enjoyed doing for them so it was almost like we got "paid" for doing something nice...which I guess makes it doubly nice for us :) I undid my pants about 1/2 way through the meal so I could eat even more. Gluttony suits me well. I had forgotten how great it is to eat food that tastes nothing like the stuff I make. I used to love to cook until my dwellers started complaining about things...you know..."whats that green stuff in there", "this tastes weird", "do we have any peanut butter".. so I quit experimenting with fresh wonderful ingredients and stuck with the crap that comes in freezers and boxes. Now please excuse me while I go lay down and listen to my arteries harden.

Do I HAVE to post??

I was reading some of my favorites today and was surprised to note that apparently since I have a blog I am required to post every day this month. I was trying to think about what I could possibly have to say that could make up 30 posts but I think I am going to give it a try.

Today's post isn't really going to be poetic or terribly intelligent. I thought I would post a picture and ask for advice. I have lost a couch cushion...do you have any idea where it might be?

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I think he ate it. None of us can figure out how this cat became such a porker. He eats very little but on the other hand, the only time he moves is when he waddles from wherever he is sleeping to the next spot where he is going to nap. We have had him since he was a teenie little guy, having brought him home from a lady that was giving kitties away from her shopping cart. Now he is about 6 and he is still afraid of any noise that doesn't emanate from him. The only time he will go near BigD is when we are in bed. He will get up with us and purr so loudly that it is actually funny, he snuggles with the other cat and also the dog, but if BigD gets up, the cat scurries and hides. Watching him run is one of the funniest things I have ever seen..he crouches down so low that his belly slides along the floor. . None of us have every given him any reason to be afraid of us at all. When the house is quiet he loves us and especially loves his brother animals. My question to you is what in the heck can we do to help him lose weight? The obvious answer is to feed him less but he eats very little as it is now. Our other cat is on a special dry Purin* for cats with urinary problems so that is what this one eats too. I have tried feeding them separately with this one getting a low calorie food but they steal each others food so I gave up because I didn't want the other one to go into kidney failure. OH..and on top of all that...his meower is broken. It has never worked. The poor little guy will try and try to make a sound but it is a pathetic little peep of a noise. So help me out...I am counting on you because I don't think Je**y Cr*ig or Wei*ht Watc*ers accepts feline clients.

My life

Wow…now that Jenna gave me a shout out I feel like I have to write something incredibly inspiring or thought provoking. This is not easy for me. While at times I can be delightfully witty and charming, a good portion of my life is spent in the whirring of thoughts that spin through my brain. I have opinions on just about everything and while that can be a good thing, it can also be confusing. I think my life was more destined to be a UN ambassador because I am one of those annoying people that can usually see both sides of an argument, with the exception of my arguments with BigD, because then I am right and he is always wrong. In looking back over my life so far I am sometimes amazed at the amount of struggles I have overcome. If I were to watch a lifetime movie of my life I would walk away thinking that it was a fabrication of a writers imagination. There are so many things that just seemed insurmountable at the time and yet, here I am, alive and kicking to tell you about these events. I just don’t know where to start. My early years were spent in a very violent home. I was adored by my mother but she had her own struggles. My father was a very abusive alcoholic and when he was around nothing was stable. There are 3 times that I know I should have died because of him. Actually his feelings toward me were rather indifferent. I was more of a pawn in the game he played in terrorizing my mom. When I was 5 mom decided that she couldn’t take it any more and divorced. This was not an easy thing for a woman in a small, very Catholic, town (think seminary school, Catholic university, large mother house (this is where the nuns lived), and just about everything Catholic you can imagine. My grandmother went to mass every morning at 5 am her entire life. Even after they took her keys away, she used the one she had hidden to drive herself. As you can imagine a divorce was a scandal then (the early 1960’s) in that town. One of the reasons that I refer to myself as a "recovering Catholic" is because of the way the church handled the abuse my mom was suffering. At one visit with her priest, asking for help, with a broken arm, a body covered with bruises and a heart broken, she was told "this is your cross to bear" by her church counsel. She walked away, helpless. The defining moment that caused mom to divorce was the time that my father had beaten her and I was in the house. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother, lying on the floor, there was blood, and my father standing over her. I remember it as though it happened this morning. At that moment, she wasn’t afraid of what people thought any longer, her only thought was to protect me from such horrible sights in the future. After word got around that she was divorcing, people told her they couldn’t believe she had stayed married so long. If she had known she had their support, she may have divorced him earlier. In those days, domestic violence was not talked about. It was kept behind closed doors and nobody interfered, though they knew what was going on. I often wonder what course my life would have taken had someone reached out to my mom years before. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have been born so life apparently worked out the way it was destined. There are stories of abuse, kidnapping, and terror all in my little girl life. If any of the things that happened were to happen to a child today, the father would be in jail. I have too many memories to put into one post but the most vivid were the times he took me for a court ordered weekly dinner visit and we would end up 150 miles from home, at his families house, where he would dump me on cousins and aunts that wanted nothing to do with me, and would disappear to the local pub. I never felt welcome in his family’s home. I was always left to sit by myself and wait for him to return. To a child, those hours were like years. On one of the most memorable visits, I was to be returned home by 8 pm and that was when we were well into our drive to upstate New York. Finally at midnight, on our way home, my father decided he needed another one for the road. We stopped at an obscure bowling alley somewhere between where we were and my home. I was ordered to sit and wait till dear dad came out of the bar for me. I had finally had enough and mustered up all my courage to go to the phone and try to call my mom. This was back in the day where you could call the operator and tell her who you wanted to talk to and she could place the call and would wait on the line till your call was answered. When my mom answered, I told her I wanted to come home, I was crying, and now as an adult, I can only imagine the terror she was feeling. She asked me if there were any women near me and told me to go get one. I found a lady changing her shoes ready to leave and she came to the phone and spoke with my mom. I couldn’t really understand what they were talking about but just then my father appeared from the bar and grabbed the phone from the kind lady. There were very angry words exchanged and the ride home was terrifying. My father was drunk, the roads were winding and very dark and he was very angry. Later I found out that was the night that my mom decided that she would never let me leave with my father again. She called the court the next day and his visitations were stopped. I honestly think the saddest part of the whole story is that my father was a very handsome, incredibly intelligent man that built and lost several businesses because of alcohol. Well…I have no idea where that all came from this morning but there you have it. A small snippet of my life’s beginnings and I managed to survive and thrive even with all the ghosts in my past. There are more stories that I will post off and on but for now, I have to return to work.

A tidy dozen things about me

Well I guess I freaked out some blogger friends because I was a bit surprised about the lack of comments on my last post. Anyway...I have decided to further alienate you by telling you a bit about myself. I have always been a bit jealous when I see other bloggers getting tagged for things. I feel like the last kid picked for the cool team in gym class. Since nobody has asked, here are a few tidbits about what make me ....well... me. 1) I am a worrier. I worry about things that I have absolutely no control over so it really is a waste of time but I can't stop it. 2) I talk to my animals like they understand what I am saying...because they do. 3) When I am watching TV I don't always look at the actors in the scene. If there is a crowd scene or city street background I am scanning the sights instead of automatically looking at the actors speaking. 4) I hate walking on wet grass with bare feet. Actually I hate stepping in ANYTHING wet (except the shower of course). 5) I never drank coffee till I was 47. One day I was driving with S1 and we stopped at McDonalds and he got a cappuccino. It smelled so good I tried it and loved it. Now I am a drinker of Hill's Bros. French Vanilla/Fat Free cappuccino at least once a day, sometimes twice. 6) I don't drink the coffee when I first wake up. I have to drink a cold drink first thing, even when it is cold outside. It is either Peach Sna@@ple or Lipt@n green tea, citrus flavor. 7) The little inserted cards in magazines drive me crazy. When I get a magazine I go through and rip them out. 8) When I was a kid I was certain that I wanted 13 kids. Yeah I was crazy. 9) I also thought that if I accidentally swallowed a watermelon seed I would grow a watermelon in my stomach (see, I even worried when I was a kid) 10) As an adult I have realized that I had ADD as a kid. I completely zoned out in school and I wonder what my grades would have been like had ADD meds been around back then. ( I NEVER opened a book or did any homework in high school and managed C's but I will NOT EVER admit this to my kids). 11) It really pisses me off when people identify my kids when saying something stupid like "she has 3 kids, one is adopted" WTF...they are ALL my kids you asses. 12) I wish blogging had been around when I was younger. I wouldn't have felt so isolated when we were going through the IVF crap or adoption wait. Well...there are a dozen things about me. I will stop now, leaving you begging for more.

One childs story

This post is the one that I have gone back and forth about posting. The post itself it written by a fellow student in S1 college lit class. The assignment was to get to know something interesting about your subject and then write a paper. S1 opened up about his medical struggle and honestly I was floored. I have not changed anything below except everywhere the student placed S1's name, I have replaced it with ++++ to protect his identity. The reason I have hesitated about posting S1's condition is because there are many of you that read this that are in the midst of TTC or adopting and honestly, I didn't want this to freak you out. Even though this condition has NOTHING to do with either, I didn't want to add fear to your already strained worried minds. This post will also show you why I feel so incredibly guilty at times for not knowing something was wrong sooner. We really thought S1 was imagining. He is frighteningly brilliant, extremely witty, very artistic, and has a very old soul. From the time he was very very young he has had the soul of someone that should have lived long ago. He has always far surpassed his peers on so many levels that at times he had trouble making friends. He would get frustrated if the kids weren't playing fair or if someone couldn't remember the rules. He is also a killer at Mon*ply. Nobody has ever beaten him..ever. So ---with all that said, here is S1's story as told by a fellow student in a writing assignment. (I will also add a little addendum at the end). ++++ seems like a normal kid. Well, aside from telling people he loves them and to meet them in his room after class. That’s a little creepy. Besides that though, he is a typical college kid. Goes to class, parties on the weekends, has a job. But people do not know about the battle he waged with his mind when he was a kid. One that haunted him for years until it almost beat him, had him pinned up against the wall with nowhere to go. To tell this heroic tale, I need to take you back to when ++++was seven years old. That’s when it all started.In the movie “The Sixth Sense”, Halle Joel Osmet saw things that no one else could see. Dead people. Everywhere he went. This is what ++++went through. Whenever he would go to bed at night, people came into his room. They would walk around, act crazy and belligerent, and scare little ++++. The problem was, these people weren’t real. No one else could see them because they were in ++++head. It started out as a few people just walking around aimlessly in ++++room, but every night more and more people started showing up. They had twisted faces, evil sneers, and eventually they would try to attack ++++. One night, one of these “people” hit ++++in the face. This was one of the reasons that ++++slept in his parent’s room until he was twelve. His parents just thought that he was having nightmares, bad dreams. They didn’t realize the extent of the problem. When ++++would tell them about the people, they would tell him that it was all in his head, he was imagining it. It was in his head, but they didn’t think or know that he had an actually medical condition. ++++wouldn’t find this out for years, but he was bi-polar. The years passed, and ++++learned to live with his condition. He would sleep in the day, watch TV. at night to avoid his “friends.” Once he got the hang of it he thought that it wasn’t that bad. He thought he had it under control. He made a routine of sleeping after school, doing his work at night, and eventually he never saw the people and could sleep at night without being disturbed by his own mind. That was until they came out of hiding and into the daylight. ++++was now a sophomore in high school. It had been almost ten years since he first saw the people in his room. He had just gotten his driver’s license, and was heading home from work on the highway. He was a cautious driver. Keeping his distance from the car ahead of him, following the posted speed limit, checking his mirrors. He was looking in his rearview mirror when he saw them. The twisted faces. The people were following him and they were gaining on him fast. ++++couldn’t believe it. He thought he had gotten over them, thought he had beat them, would never see them again. He was wrong. The people were coming up fast so ++++put the pedal to the metal and started zooming down the highway. The once cautious driver was weaving in and out of lanes at one hundred thirty five miles an hour. The people still kept up. When he made it home, he turned around, expecting a confrontation with the people. But they were gone, nowhere to be found. ++++was confused, frustrated, scared that they would come back. He knew that if he didn’t do anything about this, maybe he’d be safe for now, but one day the people would come back. It could have been that day; it could have been 10 years down the road. ++++didn’t want to live in fear, never knowing where the people would show up. So he told his parent the full extent of these “nightmares” and they took him to the doctor. He was diagnosed with being bi-polar, and was prescribed medicine. Now the people are dead, and ++++can live his life without having to look over his shoulder. Well...there you have it. I just wanted to clarify one thing. One physician also suggested that instead of bipolar this may be a variant of autism. With all the talk in the news lately regarding the increasing evidence of Autism in our children, I have been doing alot of reading and personally I am leaning more toward one of the Autism spectrum disorders than I am bipolar disorder but in any case S1 is my son and I love him more than life itself.

A kid with a sense of humor that makes me old

This is just another little tidbit that adds to the wrinkles in my face and the rate at which I am aging. All the boys are usually fairly up front with me (not so much with BigD--cause, well, he carries a gun:) and there are times they will tell me things and say..."hey mom, don't tell dad". Shit. If they only knew how that puts me in an awkward position but I would rather they keep telling me things so I have to weigh my knowledge of their errors and decide which ones are "tell worthy" (similar to sponge worthy for you Seinfeld fans). Yesterday S2 was telling me a story about something he did. It was a year ago. (I said they tell me, I DIDN'T say it was instant). I have decided not to share it with BigD but the entire internet world..well, thats ok. Last year S2 had alot of trouble in school. He has some ADD issues but hates the way the meds make him feel so I don't force him to take them (my decision folks...yell at someone else). There are times when he takes them but he isn't consistent. Anyway, he had one class last year that was a real bear for him. The dreaded chemistry. (a bit of history here...it was the only class I ever failed) Sooo he is a bit like old mom in this area. Well he knew that things were snowballing into an F and a period of being grounded, no driving, no friends and heaven forbid no eleventh finger known as the beloved cell phone. S2 is a good looking kid, fun, loves to laugh and fortunately doesn't really know that he could get away with A LOT more than he does. People love him. Women love him. Bosses love him. Teachers love him. He lights up a room when he walks in, the only problem is sometimes that light is blinding to his common sense. When walking into his dreaded chemistry class last year, he saw there was a sub teacher that day and his little wheels started turning. He politely said good morning like a good boy, but he said it with a perfect British accent. It took him only an instant to decide that he was going to be British that day. This poor teacher spent the entire class thinking S2 was an exchange student and the thing that kills me...not one kid in that class blew his cover!! He even told the sub that he was excused from the scheduled exam that day because his class over in London was a bit behind. She then sent him to a desk in the back to listen to his Ipod. For those of you wondering..he never did take that test and this could explain why his final grade was horrible. Fortunately he didn't need that class as a grad requirement having taken all his sciences already but it sure didn't help his GPA. There are days when I just want to strangle him ~then there are days when I really wish I could hang out with him because he makes me laugh so hard.

follow-up

Hi All...I just wanted to pop in and say thanks for all your nice comments....it really is funny how people that I only know from blogworld can make me feel better.



S1 is fine. He had a very eye opening experience and at this point swears that it won't happen again. He was very humilated and humbled by his behavior and the consequences that followed. Lets hope he still feels that way 6 months from now.



We did find out a few more details than we originally knew (from people that witnessed the event) and it involved large amounts of vomit, nakedness (after an attempt at a sobering up shower-towels were lost between the bathroom and dorm room and a female security personnel got an eye full..S1 is mortified :) His blood alcohol content was higher than we originally heard and wasn't even drawn till he had been done drinking for 3 hours..UGH. He still doesn't remember much, friends have been filling in the details and each detail that is added is like salt in a wound to him so I have hopes that he got this out of his system early in his college days and can now concentrate on getting a great education so he can become very well employed and set me up in a great retirement!



I have always been very open and honest with my boys...I just hope he never asks me if I ever did that in college...sometimes a mom has to lie ;)



I also just had to post this photo..this dog really has it made. What you can't tell in the photo is that the cat is kneading his back..the darn dog was getting a massage and this whole thing lasted at least 10 minutes...whoever said dogs and cats are enemies, has never been to our house..(OH, and yes I know this cat is massively obese, so don't scold me. We have NO idea why he is so fat, he doesn't eat any more than our other normal sized one!)

parenting is forever

This may be a long post, and it may ramble a bit, but I have to say what is going on in my heart and head this morning. It is one of those feelings where you feel if you don't get it out, you just might explode. Early this morning, around 1:40 am, our phone rang. That by itself is heart stopping when all of your children are not at home tucked safely into bed. BigD answered and quickly sat up and started talking in his "professional" voice. There is nothing worse than only being able to hear one side of a phone conversation and hearing the words, "unconscious", "ambulance", "hospital" coming out of your husband. His voice that is usually incredibly strong, became a higher pitch, and took on a very worried tone. After a series of questions BigD was asking the person on the other side of the line, I was able to piece together that Son #1 was taken from his dorm where he was found lying in the hall, in his pajamas, confused, disoriented, unaware of who he was or what was wrong. One of his floor mates called for help and the campus police and ambulance were dispatched. The caller was the campus police officer and he told BigD that he didn't think son was drinking that it seemed more like a medical problem-hence the transport to the ER. Husband and son #2 (who woke up when he heard me scrambling for an insurance card and SSN for the ER) took off for the hospital near the college which is about 45 minutes from here. (the only reason I didn't go was that BigD knows his way around all things police and ER related so I knew he could get all the important info and the fact that son#3 was blissfully sleeping and waking him would serve no purpose so I stayed home). Let me tell you, until BigD called about an hour later, I was a series of emotions from terrified, to nauseated from the adrenaline. When BigD called he said son 1 was talking and seemed to be somewhat oriented. On the medical end his blood sugar was very low and they were concerned about that. I had spoken with son1 around 9 pm when he was eating a steak sandwich with double meat (ahhh-campus restaurant food) and seemed fine. There is something about S1 that I have never really posted about because so many of my blog buddies are adopting and I didn't want our story to frighten them away from the most wonderful time in their lives. S1 has a medical condition that ironically didn't show up till he was older and I am so glad that it didn't. Honestly as a potential adoptive mom, had they told me my child would have this disorder, I would have been terrified and I am sure it would have changed the way that I parented him...but as they say, ignorance is bliss so we knew nothing until later..the same as MANY birth parents so I am not "blaming" anything on the fact that S1 is adopted..he is our son, just like the other two..no difference. Anyway--S1 takes a couple of medications to keep him on a constant level so to speak and my guess was that he probably wasn't taking the medication. Then the bombshell. BigD called about 3 am to inform me that son was shit faced drunk. He was able to SOMEHOW not give any indication of intoxication. Even the seasoned police officer was clueless. S1 had a blood alcohol level of .231 (HUGE). He is a scrawny 140 pound kid and it is amazing that he wasn't in serious condition. He confessed to BigD that after he talked to me he went with a group from his evening class and they all celebrated their good grades with a fruity punch that 'someone' made. No idea who made it or what was in it. I have a friend that has talked to her daughter about roofies etc being placed in drinks...I never gave a thought to tell son not to drink anything that wasn't his. (Before you yell at me, I HAVE told him not to drink at all but I am not stupid and I was no angel in college...though he doesn't know that). I am so torn this morning. I am angry, sad, confused, disappointed, worried and the worst feeling of all is that somehow I feel like I let my son down. In my next post, I am going to post a journal entry that a classmate wrote about son1. It was an assignment that had them interviewing each other about something that changed their lives....son1 doesn't know that I read these entries but since they are to publish it in a blog type format, I have access and have been blown away by some of his entries. This particular entry will explain to you why I feel like I have let him down. I just hope he knows how much of my world revolves around my love for him. Nobody ever said parenting was so damn hard...or if they did, I didn't listen.

Life is short

I saw this video (it is short, about 4 min) and I really really want this guy to live. Some things hit you when you aren't expecting to be hit...this was one for me. http://video.aol.com/video/video-category/1973821

DO THIS

Hey all---everyone has at least ONE story about their in-laws that they need to get off their chest. Head over to this blog and post your best one--even the best inlaws are outlaws sometimes. http://inlawssuck2.wordpress.com

Really bad watchdog-free to good home

Please note the dog pictured below really really sucks as a watchdog.

While we were sleeping peacefully last night(including the lazy K9 above) S2 was the recipient of a very loving tradition of TP'ing. For those of you that are not aware of the tradition it is when a group of jovial youth purchase roll upon roll of toilet paper and decorate your home in the festive manner shown below.

The actual finished product is much more grand than I can show you here (at the risk of displaying photos of my house, but trust me there wasn't a bush left unwrapped). But let me tell you that S2 knew who did this and found out they used 48 rolls of toilet paper....thats A LOT of TP. Last night there was a girls team sleepover at one of the girls houses. S2 is very popular with the ladies and they all thought it would be fun to give him a day outside cleaning up--thanks girls. But as for Harley, having failed miserably to alert us...he will be spending some time in the naughty chair later today.

Feeling cold and other rants

I woke up freezing this morning. BigD stole the covers once again and Harley had decided that sleeping on my bed is waaay more comfortable than under the bed where he has been sleeping. I am sure it is because he was freezing too. I think if BigD could somehow steal Harleys fur he would have taken that too.

Actually I had a pseudofight with BigD last night as I was falling asleep. He came home po'd that S2 was at work--at a JOB--because he has missed school yesterday. He was mad that I let him go to work. Ok,...on the surface if you don't know the circumstances I could think he might be right. BUT, S2 only has to go for a few classes since this is his senior year and he has taken all of his requirements and he is home every day by noon. In the morning he woke up with what I will politely call, the grumbellies, (for those of you that have no idea what that is, it is a serious case of the shits) and because nothing is worse than having to bolt from class to have diarrhea in a gross high school bathroom, I let him stay home to be near our pristine toilet. By late morning he was feeling better (ie:empty), but the only class he would have been able to attend at that point was art. Nothing against you lovely artists but I thought missing one class probably wouldn't alter his life plans, so I let him stay home.

Now, he didn't need to work till 7 pm so from noon till 7 he chilled around here with me and took it easy and since my thinking is that his employer is counting on him being there, it is his responsibility to go, I let him go to work, honestly without much thought. BigD is of the mind that if you miss school you are grounded to home for the next 24 hours as a punishment. You know the old story of "wheniwasyourageinevermissedschoolforanyreasonanddamnityouhavetogo" blah blah blah. We completely disagree on this point.

God, I just realized I married my father-in-law.

Anyway, BigD (today the D stands for dickhead not darling) comes in ranting at me as I was falling asleep (he was at an outing for the day) that S2 has "no business out running around" HUH? apparently he didn't hear me say he was at WORK, so I repeated and he still says--and I love this... "what if one of his principals saw him working after he wasn't at school today"...I was momentarily stunned into silence then managed a very articulate "WHAT"? Now to really appreciate how ridiculous that is let me tell you that he has over 2500 kids in his school and there are 4 principals and I am sure none of them even know who S2 is much less would care where he was at 7 o'clock on a Friday night....especially since he was at WORK and not out getting hammered at some aftergame party.

Sometimes this marriage thing really sucks.

On a brighter note, today was a beautiful day. I live a part of the country where the weather gets very cold and changes from day to day this time of year and it is only a matter of time before the snow flies. Today was spectacular. I actually closed the office and took one of my magazines outside and relaxed on the hammock. I felt guilty for about 10 minutes then the other 50 minutes I was totally guilt free and had to force myself back inside. I took time to actually look at all my dying plants and remembered that I had taken pix of them a month or so ago so I will post for your viewing pleasure the following photos of what my flowers looked like before these 40 degree nights have sapped the beauty from them.

An example of my life OR do boys ever grow up??????

Yesterday was the home opener of the Cleeeevland Browns vs the Pitttttsburg something and S1 was invited to go....great seats...fun times ahead. S1 watches sports but has really never participated as he is more cerebral than physical. Anyway, about an hour before he was leaving he decided to hit the local clothier for some team apparel. He found a jersey, a hat and a bright orange ski mask. (the teams colors are orange and brown). Since it is 78 degrees here, raining and humid he knew he wouldn't need the ski mask until a later autumn game, but he has a rather wry sense of humor so he bought it anyhow. Here comes the "I am a stupid 18 year old" part..he put the mask on, with the hat over the top and drove home through a couple of neighborhoods, waving at people and yelling "go Brownieeees". When he came through the door dressed in his festive attire we had a little chuckle and shook our heads because, well, he was just being himself.

About 5 minutes after he got home, while he was waiting for his ride, a police cruiser pulled into the drive. Since BigD knows most of the officers in the area, I was certain that one was stopping by for something regarding work...welllllll it seems someone saw a masked crazy person driving down their street, took down the licence number and called the police. Hmmm, seems as though they were afraid that a store had just been knocked off by this orange hooded person. When the officer came to the door, knowing Big D, he was pretty certain that the car that came back to this address PROBABLY wasn't carrying a thief...just a stupid 18 year old boy/man. Sadly, this is the type of thing that happens routinely in this family. Do you think therapy would help?

Goin postal with 1 update below, and the conclusion

If any of you are mail carriers, married to a mail carrier or even like mail carriers you may as well stop reading right now because I am about to piss you off. I have had issues with mail carriers for a very long time. When we lived in our old house about 3 times a week I got someone elses mail. Our address was 255 and theirs was 225..ok, I can see how a mistake can happen periodically but 3 times a week??c'mon!! When I called the postmaster to see what the problem was he told me, and I AM NOT KIDDING, that sometimes they hire college kids on school breaks..HUH? So he was in essence telling me that college students couldn't read. (and by the way dimwit this isn't limited to times where illiterate students are working) The last time they delivered 225's mail to me it happened to be his tax returns from his accountant...and he is a doctor. SO, I called the beloved postmaster and told him that I am sure Mr. Doctor would not be thrilled to know that all his personal data was delivered to someone else (thankfully me, who would not open it). When he started to give me yet another stupid excuse, I told him that I think from now on I will open all the mail I get without even looking at the address label...after all, it must be mine as it was delivered to MY mailbox. He started ranting that it was illegal blah blah blah and I told him he had better start hiring some carriers that new how to count and could read the alphabet. The problem only slowed down after I talked to Mrs. Doctor and told her how often this was happening and she went ballistic. I love this woman. She ripped the postmaster a new one and after that it rarely happened. Then we moved. We are still "in the city" but not. We now have a rural carrier as we have no sidewalks and the houses are all on about 1 1/2 acres the carrier drives. I thought this would be a much better postal situation until I started getting my credit card bills delivered AFTER they had been opened. Yep, you read that right. They had been opened on the top 1/3 of the envelope, just enough to see the account numbers, amount due or whatever else was in that portion of the bill. The first few times I thought it might be an accident (machine malfunction or whatever) but then I started to get worried. I am obsessive about my personal data and began to get suspicious about our mail carrier "peeking" into my mail. Identity theft is a big concern these days. Well, we have a new postmaster, so when I placed my call about my concern I was sure that it would be met with concern and action from him. Yeah, right. He said he that it was probably an isolated incident (so obviously he wasn't listening to me). I told him that it seemed pretty ironic that NONE of the junk mail was ever delivered partially opened, just the mail with important account numbers or personal data. He had no explanation and chalked it up to "one of those things". And for this we are paying a stupid amount of money for postage. No wonder people don't write any more and are using on line bill paying! Now to get to the reason for my current postal rage. Our character, um, I mean carrier, is an odd duck. He refuses to get out of the truck to deliver a package or anything that won't fit in the standard mailbox. He sits in the driveway honking his horn. This is supposed to bring outside whoever is home to retrieve their mail. (Did I mention that he only has 3 teeth and they aren't even in useful spots--I guess his lack of dentitia shouldn't matter, but it really does round out the whole picture, and I wish I had a picture to share because I cannot adequately describe this individual) Yesterday as I got out of the shower just in time to see him pulling out of the driveway. Usually this would be no big deal but he left a little card telling me he had a certified letter for me ...from a very important client of mine...and I hadn't run out to the driveway naked to get it. Swell. I didn't sleep last night worrying about why on earth this account sent me a certified letter. I am very concerned that they may be changing to EMR and if they are, and I lose that account, I will be asking all of you for donations to fund my chocolate habit. The real kicker though is the standard issue postal service notice he left behind it states, and I quote, "we will redeliver or you or your agent can pick up, available for pickup after 9/6 at 8:30 am". Ok, now bear with me and tell me if I should not be confused. Is my letter on the mail carriers truck for horn honking delivery today, or is it at the local facility for me to pick up? Should I leave or should I stay? I just want to know that the damn letter says!!! I will post an update once I find out where it is and what it says. shit. UPDATE #1 Well I guess now I know the answer of whether it will be redelivered or if I need to drive to the main postal facility to retrieve it. The mail person stopped briefly at the mailbox, deposited two pieces of junk mail and sped off. Now I need to find the main postal facility and retrieve what I hope is not a sweet letter telling me that they love me but don't need me any longer. More to follow. CONCLUSION: I know where 0sam@ is hiding! Or at least I found the perfect spot for him where he would never be found. As it turns out my mysterious, loss of sleep letter, was at the sorting facility (which for those of you that don't know, is not a post office). I had to travel 3 separate deserted roads and finally at the dead end of the last road stood the sorting fortress. After parking I had to ring a buzzer, be checked out through one way glass, and questioned as to my reason for being there, all before the door was buzzed open. (Glad to know that my Targ*t bill is in such secure surroundings. ANYWAY~ after proving I was me I was handed a 9"x6" manila envelope. Since they were waiting to buzz me out of the building I waited till I got to the car to open the envelope. Its contents....two identical booklets outlining the policies and procedures of this care facility along with a letter for me to sign, basically stating that I won't hop online and talk about any of the patients. To really get the irony of this, this facility has been a client for over 3 years and this was never done before. All day long I have access to literally hundreds of patient files and I have never, nor would I ever, talk about anyone to anybody. A good example is when Big D came home and told me his coworker Mr.X had told everyone he has cancer. My response was "what a shame" and not "hey I knew that 2 years ago bucko". This mans cancer had metastasized and he was telling people now. I don't ever discuss any of my work with anyone. In fact many of my friends don't know who my clients are because it is none of their business. I am sure most of you have signed HIPAA papers at your docs offices and that is basically what this states. So, I lost a night of sleep for nothing, they still love me :)

What to do?

We have lived in our home for 16 years and had a few neighbors come and go. From the time S2 (son#2--the boys will be referred to as S1, S2, S3 from now on:) was a very little guy he could be found running from our house to the next door neighbors house. They were very nice people with 2 daughters, the oldest being the same age as S2. As families we didn't socialize outside of being friendly neighbors and the occasional grill out on the deck. Mom is a very high ranking executive at a large corporation and dad has a similar position in a different company. (this isn't the reason we didn't spend alot of time together, we just had different life priorities) For awhile, when I was between careers, I did home daycare for other working moms. It was ideal for me as I was able to stay home with my kids and also able to make some money helping other moms that needed a safe, happy place for their kids. Most of the kids I watched had moms that worked part time (though there was an occasional one that felt my role was to raise their children but that is another whole post sometime) and it was a perfect blend of me having what they needed. Frequently when V's (the little girl that is S2's age) grandparents were away, (they were the ones that watched her while her parents were gone) she would come here and play. S2 loved it...she was his best friend and they spent hours and hours and hours on those day and on weekends running around, building forts, hiding in the bushes with walkie talkies pretending who knows what, skating, riding bikes, and on and on. One night when we were eating dinner I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up. I was sure she would say she wanted to be important like her mom or a doctor like her grandpa but she got very quiet and said "I want to be a mom like you that can stay at the house" BAM. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This little girl had the best of everything but the one thing she wanted...her mom to be home and do the simple things like bake blueberry muffins. She helped me do that one day and was amazed that you didn't only get muffins from the gourmet market! At the risk of devastating her mom, I never told her what she said. Even if I had it wouldn't have swayed her to stay home, she was very ensconced in her executive roll and lived for it. Well, S2 and V were inseparable when V was at home but the parents decided they wanted to live closer to their employers so they moved when the kids were about 12. While S2 and V kept in touch it was difficult because they were too young for constant phoning etc and this was pre-instant messages and texting so they were pretty much limited to the occasional visit and began to lose touch. Once they reached high school, though in different cities, they regained contact and periodically chatted and got caught up. Well, a few days ago S2 found her on Faceb**k and left her a message. He was a bit caught off guard with how she responded. As it turns out, she is in a relationship with another girl. She is completely confident, athletic, popular (she has tons of photos with friends in her faceb**k, including several photos of her with her girlfriend in some intimate poses). S2 was stunned but quickly recovered and it really doesn't bother him at all. I on the other hand was not stunned as I always suspected even when she was younger that her life would take a different path than a lot of other little girls. It all goes back to the nature/nurture question of sexuality. My personal belief is that you are born the way you are. I do NOT believe one can "turn gay" or be swayed one way or the other...you either are or you aren't. I truly think that if someone could turn their sexuality on and off, nobody would choose to be gay, it is still too hard in this world. People are ostracized for being gay and I can't imagine anyone willingly choosing to be slurred, denied opportunities, told they are going to hell, etc. I am very proud of V for having the courage as a young woman to admit to being different than her peers. It had to be very very difficult and I can only imagine the day she told her parents. With the "perfect family" image they always maintained, this announcement had to be totally shocking to them. I would love to know if they have even told their friends...my guess would be that they have not and that makes me sad.

Back by popular demand

Okay, due to popular demand (from both of you) I am back. I can’t believe it has been a month since I last posted! I have been reading all sorts of blogs and leaving brilliant comments but I have sorely neglected updating my own.

When we last talked I was on vacation…oh, it was wonderful. I did very little except sit on the beach and relax and it was exactly what I needed. You know you are waaaay over stressed when you arrive at the beach on Saturday and don’t completely unwind until Wednesday. Not good. We voted and decided that from now on one week is not enough time away, ten days would be much much better. I also decided that at some point in my life I WILL live directly on the beach and wake each morning with the sound of the waves breaking on the shore. I just hope that it isn't some crappy oceanfront nursing home.

Lets see..well I survived dropping off S1 (son#1) at college. That still seems so weird to me. I honestly don’t feel grown up enough to have a kid old enough for college. (I will decide by the end of his post if I am going to briefly post a photo of us in the dorm room—not sure if I should out myself or not here). Because we got started so late with kids, I have a lot of friends whose kids are out of college and because of our youngest, I have many friends that are in their late 30’s. When I was little I thought that being older would contain some magic that only older people knew but what I didn’t know is that inside, quite frequently, I am still that shy uncomfortable college student myself. I AM much more comfortable with myself at this age though. The one thing that is a cruel joke though is sending a child off to college at the same time that menopause is striking. Yeah it sucks monkey balls. I am way too young for this crap but then again my girlie parts never did act appropriately or on cue!! Not only am I waking up at night with adrenalin rushes that lead to drenching my nightwear with sweat, but once I am awake I lay there and worry about all the things that S1 is going to be faced with at school. He has never been one to cave to peer pressure but it could be because he knew that I would make his life a living hell if he came home loaded or got in trouble et cetera. Now…well, he is on his own for the first time and shit, I know what I was like in college-heaven help me. He did promise me that if he hits the occasional party he would not get into any car, as a driver or passenger. He can sleep in the park if he has to but don’t get into a car. He promised.
Since this is a long weekend, I am hoping that at some point I can take the time to figure out how to put links to all my wonderful blogs that I read. There are so many wonderful stories out there, adoptions, hopeful to adopts, new babies, new pregnancies and even a couple of guy bloggers. I would ask one of my kids how to do it except then they would know how to access my blog and no, no, no, can't have that. I want to be able to reference blogs in my posts when necessary and also have that nice little list off to the side that so many bloggers have. It can't possibly be that complicated but after all, between sweats, I don’t have a lot of free time.

TRAVELIN

We are traveling in a caravan. Sons 1&2 insisted they wanted a road trip, an adventure of sorts so we are at this moment following son 1 who has son 3 in his car while son 2 drives mine. Might I just say that I AM NOT a good passenger, especially when the driver is an overconfident 17 year old that feels that his whole year of driving experience is monumental and has no fear of anything. Please say a little prayer for me that 1) we arrive safely..2) that we arrive safely before I have to smack the snot into submission and 3) the bottle of wine that my friend gave me for my birthday doesn’t break before we reach our destination. I am not even a wine drinker but what the hell, after the first glass I won't care J. We did have an interesting experience last night. When we were going through Winston-Salem, we missed our exit for the next highway we were to take so we hit the next exit to turn around and backtrack ever so slightly to the previous exit….wellllll, we landed in a very, shall we say, TERRIFYING area? I have seen my share of bad areas in cities before but never before have I actually had a RAT meander across the street in front of me. Yes, a real rat, long tail and all. After an initial ewwwwww, I managed to laugh. We have walkie talkies between the two cars so I was trying to calm down son1 (who was actually the one that took the wrong turn). He is a very bright type A guy with a bit of neurotic paranoid when he is presented with the unfamiliar—he needs order and structure to not get rattled). Anyway, we finally got turned around in an incredibly seedy area with some incredibly unsavory characters looking at us like a bunch of lost people from Ohio (oh, yeah, we were) and got back on the road. About 30 miles later we decided to stop for the night and found a place that looked clean and decent. I related the adventure to the desk girl and she looked and me and in her wonderful slow southern drawl said “Oh honey, I am so sorry. That is NOT an area you want to get lost!” She then went on to tell me that one of the reasons the unsavory guys were milling around is that a lot of people get messed up with the way the exits are there and when some poor unsuspecting saps like us roll through the gentlemen step out in front of your car to get you to stop so you won't hit them then they pull out some darling little weapons and ROB you. She literally said “Usually the only way to avoid gittin robbed is to hit them with yall’s car”…she honestly said that with a serious face! One more adventure for the family memory book. We will be at our final destination later today and I will let you know if we manage to have any more little bits of excitement along the way…..

ON THE ROAD--soon

Tomorrow morning the boys and I are headed out to our summer vacation in South Carolina. I am so freaking stressed out right now getting ready to go that I am sure by morning I will have a killer headache. Big D is in another part of the country at a conference so he is flying in to meet us and on Saturday we check into our condo. Saturday is also my 50th birthday. I can't decide if I am excited or disgusted. I plan on donning my tiara that I ordered on Ebay and sailing down the resorts lazy river for most of the day. When I get back I will put up a couple quick photos. On the car damage front.....FINALLY today I got a call from the castle lady...she had contacted her insurance man who in turn contacted me. After getting the details, they told me to go ahead and get an estimate when we get back and go from there. It doesn't sound like they will be giving me a hard time but they did ask if I had a deductable...hmmmm....I don't think that matters as I HAVE NO INTENTION OF PAYING ANYTHING for the damage that was caused by their tree....we will see how the saga unfolds. Now, I am off to finish packing and getting ready to blow out of town....I can't wait to hit the sand!!!!!!! (BTW if any of you are going to be in the North Myrtle Beach area, let me know and I will buy you a fruity drink with an umbrella).

fun times

If you are ever invited to a wedding here~ please go. It is a beautiful setting for an outdoor wedding. But, I want to warn you, don't park under this tree-

or, when you are ready to leave, your car may look like this~

A very large limb came down upon my poor car while we were celebrating with the new bride and groom. (I was going to post a photo I took of the limb lying in front of my car but my license plate was too obvious for web posting-sorry). The photo really doesn't show the damage. there are several HUGE dents in the hood and also on the roof. It missed my sunroof by a couple inches. I am just hoping that the owner of the property is decent enough to pay the repair. This tree should have been taken down long ago by looking at the condition it is in now. Because of the wedding, I had my camera with me and loaded it up with photos to show the owner on Monday.

This place is amazing. It is in the middle of nowhere typically about an hour from our home. If you have a minute, look it up if you are wanting a beautiful spot for a night or two (anniversary, birthday, romantic get-away) http://www.landollscastle.com/. I bet it is beautiful in the autumn. Although,,,,,if the owner turns out to be an unfriendly butt head, I will let you know and will start an online castle haters club.

Last night on the way home I wished I had a computer in my brain so I could blog what I was thinking. Big D took a wrong turn and we ended up about 2 hours from home before he would admit he didn't know where he went wrong. We have been married 26 years and I can honestly count on one hand the number of times he has ADMITTED he was wrong about anything. Now, I am not saying he is never wrong, he is fairly frequently, he just WILL NOT admit it. When we were first married his mom told me that even as a young child he did not take criticism well...yeah, no shit. The hilarious part of last night is that the further we went in the wrong direction the more pissed he got and I sat there not saying a word. Finally he turned to me and said "quit being so mean". I busted out laughing...I had not said one negative word or one word at all for that matter. I have no room to talk. I can't tell you east and west unless the sun is rising or setting...but I ADMIT IT and have no shame. I am fabulous at many things, marco poloing isn't one of them.

Hope you had a good weekend.

catching up

Hi folks! I know I haven’t been here in quite a while but I assure you I have been reading and commenting (some) on all of your blogs. I have been so very very busy here in my little world. Since I last posted several of my lovely blog ladies have given birth, found out they were finally pregnant or are now on the 2 week wait. Their lives and postings are much more interesting than mine so that is why what little free time I have had, I have been reading instead of writing. Let’s see~probably the biggest event was son #1 graduating. He fought us tooth and nail about having a party (he is quiet and has a few friends but isn’t very outgoing so the friends he has are good friends, just not plentiful) but we finally convinced him he had to celebrate his accomplishments…once the party was over and he was opening envelopes he was rather tickled that we talked him into the whole thing! He is more than ready to head off to college,,,me..I am not so sure. I swear it was just a couple weeks ago we brought him home. I used to get so pissed when people would tell me that they grow up so fast..I got sick of hearing that but sadly all those people were right. I don’t know if I ever posted this or not but the social worker that counseled son #1’s Bmom is a very good friend of ours. Believe it or not she had nothing to do with us being picked as the parents. She presented the 5 familys in their domestic program to the young couple and it was just amazing that they picked us. She said her hands were sweating the entire time they were looking at our profile and the 4 other couple’s folders. To this day I don’t think that the Bmom even knows that the social worker is a friend of ours. Honestly we would not even have known about the ONE TIME domestic placement that this agency was doing (they place children from Korea as a rule) had I been suffering silently. My feeling was that the more people that knew that we wanted to adopt the better. In my mind, you have no idea who may have a cousin, neighbor, et cetera that is placing a baby so why not use networking to get the word out. My one piece of advice I give all couples wanting to adopt domestically is to talk talk talk about it to anyone. Even the cashier at your favorite store might have a pregnant sister..who knows!? I really shouldn’t have waited so long to post….too many things have happened and I have forgotten most of them. See what happens when you get old!? I am going to be suffering at the end of the month with a very big birthday. Actually we are going to be out of town because I refused to sit here at home or at work doing the same crap I do every other day of the year. So, I planned our vacation for that week. We will arrive in South Carolina the day before my birthday and on that special day, I will be lazing my way through the lazy river at the resort with a good book, most probably a drink and a beautiful tiara on my head. Yes, you read that right. I ordered a tiara for myself if for no other reason than to completely humilate my children. I can’t wait. So, if you see a slightly overweight woman wearing a tiara floating past you, that would be me. Stop me and say hi! Let’s see..what’s new with the boys? Well I already told you about #1. #2 quit his summer job and started his own business. He is detailing really amazing hot cars. I don’t even like cars but these are pretty amazing. Personally I can't believe how much people are paying him for this but lets just say he is making more in 2 days than he did in a whole week at work, he gets to work his own schedule, take breaks without permission and in general this has made him much nicer to live with. This child is the one that has a zillion friends, can’t go more than 15 minutes without talking to someone on his phone and if he has to miss an event he can slam a door better than anyone. He did find out today that his little donut in the parking lot stunt (see a previous post) is going to continue to haunt him. He was notified that his insurance has gone up—he was horrified. Yep kid, ya do stupid shit and the smell lingers. So, guess that it is a good thing he is making all that money, huh? I mentioned earlier that son #1 is leaving for college—little funny story here. First, let me preface this by saying that we are not racist, homophobic, or any other ist or obic so this is not intended to offend, we just think it is funny. Son was assigned a room-mate that we spoke to on the phone and he seemed nice. Sons good friend spoke to his assigned room-mate and he seemed nice too. But, (isn't there always a but?) he is very very active in gay rights programs, and causes and told friend that their room would probably be a meeting place quite often. Friend was understanding at first then started thinking about a revolving door with little privacy and he decided that it would be best for his studying if he got a room-mate that was a little less involved, like son#1. So, the two of them decided to room together. Great. Both quiet, studious, good match. When son requested the change in rooms he couldn’t believe how simple it went. Then 3 days later he found out that he and friend didn’t switch room-mates, they switched rooms. So, now son #1 is with the activist and friend is with son’s original room mate. Now they need to ask activist room-mate to move so son and friend can room together. Boy will that be an awkward conversation! I love seeing them go through lifes little lessons but it is very hard for me to stand back and not take charge. Well, that leaves son #3 and bigd. Son is enjoying his summer a little too much. What is it with these parents that schedule all these parties for 12 year olds? He is invited to something almost every night. Of course I am such a mean Mom because I restrict his partying. Maybe I am out in left field but I don’t think 12 year olds need to be constantly entertained and driven all over the place. Aside from the fact that I am evil and say “no” a lot, he is having a great summer. That leaves bigd. He is actually a post all by himself. There have been several times since I posted last that I have thought about how great single life sounds –ha! Getting ready for the party was hell. He is a perfectionist and drives all of us crazy. At one point the boys and I were calculating how much mulch it would take to cover him in one of the beds. We didn’t like him much for about a week but he is being sort of human again so he is working his way back into our hearts. Well, enough of this boring drivel for tonight. I plan on posting more frequent and shorter posts, hopefully clever or witty, and maybe with some really cool photos. I am also going to try to learn how to add all of your blogs to a list on the side of my blog and try to snaz it up a bit. Any help is welcome!

more soon

I have been crazed lately, reading blogs but no time for posting. I do have a bunch to say and I will soon but when I was reading T.K.O. earlier today she had a photo there that gave me a flashback and I HAD to post this one of son#1 that I swear was taken at the same place her photo was taken...(although many years apart) so, T.K.O this one is for you.

I will be back...maybe tomorrow.

memorable events

When you hear someone say that today is an anniversary do you assume it is of a happy event? It is one of those words that can mean so many things. When you are young and dating "like duh, an amazing guy" you celebrate your monthly anniversaries because you never really know if you will make it to the year mark. When you are married you celebrate that you have been able to stay together this long without inflicting severe bodily harm on one another with a mere death ray stare after your partner says or does something so completely stupid it is hard to believe they really did that, and that you are STILL married and CELEBRATING this anniversary. Then I think all of us have anniversaries that we would give anything to not have to remember. The babies lost, the parents lost, and multiple other moments in time that have formed you into the person you are. Seventeen years ago today my mom died. I can't believe it has been so long. Son #2 was 6 weeks old, son #1 was 17 months. Her death was totally unexpected and sadly the result of a medical resident's mistake. At the time countless people urged me to sue the resident, hospital and everyone in between but I couldn't bring myself to do that. He (the doc in training) was about my age and didn't harm her with any malice or intent. He made a mistake. A mistake that changed my entire world. It took my sons adoring grandmother that they would never know. She was the one person I could tell anything to and not be judged. (In fact she pretty much thought that I was brilliant--ahhhh a mom's blind love). I miss her every day and can't believe it has been so long and so much life has passed since then. All the important milestones in my adult life have happened without her knowing. Honestly it was about 2 years before I quit reaching for the phone to call her to tell her about something or about nothing at all, just to tell her hi and I love you. I realize after reading so many blogs about sucky moms that I was very blessed...though I already knew that but it just drives home the point. As for another subject...I have had a couple people email me asking what I ended up doing about demon boy (remember Damian the cat throwing devil??) well after thinking about it and talking with a couple of people that know the family well...apparently this would NOT be news to his parents. This boy has been banned from several homes and his parents really don't give a rats ass about why. There are some major issues going on in that house and it is best that I just keep son 3# away from there. What DOES break my heart is that he is being cast aside as a lost cause at 12. The rescuer in me wants to sweep him up and guide him into a productive adulthood. I will never understand people that have children and then fail them so miserably. Also since I posted last son #1 graduated from high school. I handled the whole evening great, nary a tear till one kid got up at the end and gave a fabulous little speech (which I might add, he did without note cards which is something that neither the superintendent or the school principal could do) and at the end of the kids speech, he asked the other students to join him in applause for their parents, to thank them for all their love and devotion all these years.... I lost it. Yep, tears 'o plenty. I sat there and watched the little boy that I first held when he was just 3 weeks old, graduate and begin the next chapter in his life. Where the hell did all the years go?? Well this post sure is dismal. I hope I don't drive you away with my droning on and on...I think it is just the day.

funny read for the week

Every weekend I get an e-zine that has the weeks news that you may not have heard from the usual newspaper, tv news etc. The publisher is a man by the name of Randy Cassingham and he offers subscriptions to this newsletter and also offers a free version. Each week I read the "news" and more than once find myself laughing. After my most previous post this week, I couldn't help but reprint the one I read in Randy's post---I think this schools dean went to the same school as the girl I posted about earlier this week. (you can sign up for the weekly edition at www.thisistrue.com ) JUST PLAIN DUMB: After a food fight in the cafeteria at Markham Intermediate School on Staten Island, N.Y., the dean sent a letter to parents to announce the entire eighth grade class would be punished for the mess. Dean Michael Levy declared the fight in the "caferteria" to be "unexcecpable" and that parents must sign the letter or their children will be excluded from "all senior activates" such as the prom. One student noted that "even some of the teachers were laughing" at the dean's poor spelling and grammar. Principal Emma Della Rocca said the dean didn't have her permission to send the letter, and she countermanded the collective punishment. (Staten Island Advance) ...Since Dean Levy thinks punishments should be public, why doesn't the principal announce his?

Thanks to the Independent Urologist

Thanks to IU for a post that triggered my memory. Awhile back I was looking to add someone to my staff and put the usual word out. I was contacted by an acquaintance that told me she forwarded my website and email to a friend of a friend...etc. Anyway what follows is THE ACTUAL letter (email) I received from this applicant. I saved it to read on those days when I need a good head shaking moment. I will delete or alter any identifying information but I will not alter any of her actual letter--for your benefit, I will highlight most of the errors: Hi *&^%, Thanks for getting in touch with me, it makes me that much more excited to get started. Im taking the home schooling medical transcription course threw education direct online. From wat i understand i will get a certificate to be able to start working, then after i work for 2-3 years i can take the AAMT licenced test to become a licenced MT? Well i guess my biggest fear is that i have already put so much work and money into the course and i have been looking for compnays to work threw that allows you to work from home, but i cant find any. Most of them require expierience as a transcriptionist in an office/hospital setting. I am in my last anatomy class then ill take transcription 101 and be done with the schooling. I know this field requires lots and lots of hard work and long hours but i enjoy working hard. Its almost a sence of acomplishment. I live in *&^%$#. I just got married july 4th and my husband is in *&^%$#. They are roomates, so thats how me and *&^%started taking. I lived in orlando and just moved here in august. I do like )(*&^ though. I do however have some expierience with medical records. When i was 14 i volenteered at the hospital in the heart center .. filing and pulling records and also making new records. My parents work in the *&^%$ field for hte goverment and i always volenttered at there work doing the same thing with medical records. I want to start as soon as possible though. I feel that the only way im gonna learn is by doing it hands on and threw repitition. I do want to work from home though but i dont mind working for someone or a company. I would work fulltime though but i cant say that ill be perfect at it at first but i know ill improve with expierience. I think that after i have learned enough to start on my own several years down the road i might venture out and try to be self contracted or even start having people work for me, such as yourself. But in time, of course. My daughet is very well behavied for two.. As long as u give her something to do (color, puzzles, books, toys, ect) she will be quite for hours, so i dont have it to bad with her. plus im living with my husbands parents and they help alot. another question i have... once im getting started ill have to purchase a head set, foot pedal, software, where is a good place to get this stuff? my phone number is %^&*()& for my cell and the house phone number is )(*&^%$ is the house number witch has long distance but i dont want to run my parents in law's phone bill up. thank you so much for getting in touch with me and giving me advice, i really apricate everything you can do. Yes folks..the above young lady wanted me to think about hiring her. I fretted for quite some time about what to tell her and decided that I would not blow smoke up her butt--I would tell her the truth. I told her she first needed to take a course at her local vocational school in grammar including the basics as she may have missed a few things while she was in school. She also needs to learn to use her computer to her advantage utilizing her spelling and grammar checker. The other thing I made clear was that she probably should think about a different line of work/education. I was kind but very firm. This poor girl has already been taken to the cleaners paying for the classes she already took...and I would say they were a waste of time, wouldn't you?? I cannot imagine ANY physician hiring this girl or any transcription company for that matter. It drives me crazy when I see these ads that tell people they can make $50,000 per year after they complete a 6 month course..Folks..IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! The girls I hire ALL have years of medical experience behind them...it is essential! I even have nurses working for me. These are legal documents and mistakes and errors just cannot happen. All of my physicians know that when they are distracted and state (for example) a med that doesn't go with any of the patients diagnoses, an inconsistent diagnosis from earlier, RT vs LT, etc I will contact them and verify. I have always been praised and thanked for catching an error and helping them maintain accurate records. We are responsible for a multitude of letters that end up in the hands of attorneys and eventually entered into court records..mistakes can make a huge difference in the outcome of the cases and most importantly can impact a physicians practice not to mention their lives. I love what I do, and that is a good thing since I spend a good part of my life doing it. So---Thanks IU for bringing this particular letter back to my memory and giving me the idea for the longest damn post I have ever written.

I need opinions

Wow! was I a Debbie Downer last post. Sorry about that. Sometimes I vent and feel so much better after and that was one of those times. Thanks all of you that expressed concern over my marriage. I am pretty certain that all is well. Next week we will have been married 26 years and honestly for the most part I wouldn’t really change anything,,,not even the bad times. Actually, those times have helped me grow into a much more confident and self sufficient woman. While the "bad" times are happening it is hard to see the bright side but once things have settled and I can think more clearly there is always a positive. Now for the thing I need your opinion about. I have a dilemma and I think I handled it correctly but let me know what you think…. About 2 weeks ago son#3 asked if his friend *Damian (name changed but fits the kid in question) over to play. Sure I said! Damian arrives and seems a little off to me but hell, he is 12 and aren't all 12 year old boys a little off?? Anyway I was upstairs folding clothes quietly (our laundry is on the second floor…best idea I ever had, btw). We have a 2 story family room so looking out of the laundry room I can see the family room/kitchen area. So, I look out of the laundry room in time to see Damian picking up one of the kitties. (insert awww moment thinking he was going to cuddle with our little fuzzball). In a split second I see him taunting the dog with the cat. Shaking the cat at the dog. If that wasn’t bad enough, in another split second Damian throws….yes, I said THROWS the cat across the family room, launching him about 12 feet. I was absolutely horrified. When I let out a very loud "DAMIAN what did you just do"? he looks up at me and says "oh, sorry" with absolutely NO remorse. The only thing he was upset about is that he got caught. The little demon child then shrugs his shoulders and walks out the back door. Needless to say my blood was boiling by that point. I went to tell Big D and he looked at me like surely I was mistaken..sorry, no mistake, saw it with my very own eyes. At that point I called in son#3 and told him to get Damian’s things packed up (yeah, Damian thought he was coming to spend the night even though I have never met his mother nor did she call to confirm this supposed arrangement). I was so incredibly pissed that I was afraid I was going to launch HIM across the room, so I had son#2 drive him home. Again no call from mom about why her son was home again after she thought he was going to be here, even though she never called in the first place about that! I sat son#3 down and for the first time in my momming history, I told one of my kids that they were not to play with a certain individual any more and that Damian was not welcome in our home. I was blunt, and honest with son#3, told him why and why it concerned me, especially the lack of remorse. This kid scares the hell out of me…do we have an upcoming Jeffr*y Dahm*r on our hands?? He started with animal abuse too as do many serial killers and just plain old nut cases. My question is…one of my friends thinks I went too far in banning the little (monster), um child from my home. What do you think?? Be honest, I can take it if you all agree with my friend I just need to hear from people who don’t know the kid and his family as my friend does. (To make matters worse, I saw him this weekend with his family and their PUPPY..I almost went up to his mother to tell her what he did but we were in a gathering for a game (son and Damian play on the same sport team) and I didn’t think it was the right place to tell someone that her kid is frightening. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you would do.

Families

I have avoided blogging for the past week because I was afraid I would blurt out something that I would regret later. I have learned over time that it is generally best I keep my mouth shut when I am distracted, confused or emotionally wrought. For starters Mother’s day sucked. I have only had one Mother’s day in my adult life that was great. For years I struggled to become a mother so those days were obviously joyous only in a fake smile for my MIL and a tearful hug for my mom while my heart was breaking. I loved being with my Mom on that day but since she wanted me to have children almost as much as I did, we usually ended up talking about that and we would end up with tears in our eyes. The first Mother’s day I was actually a mom was brilliant, wonderful, glorious and nothing could have brought me off my cloud. The following year my mom died. For me a large part of my life ended. She was my hero and my angel. She was an amazing woman. She never conquered any mountains or won any awards but she deserved a gold medal for her strength and courage and never ending love for me. (Yes, even when I was an obnoxious teen). This year Mother’s day sucked because Big D decided to have a meltdown with son#2. To be truthful, they are so much alike and it amazes me that #2's traits that bother Big D the most, are actually traits I see in him. Son #2 did something quite benign (IMO) and it sent Big D over the edge. There was yelling, crying, more yelling and it ended with Big D talking about moving out. I know that he wanted me to cry and beg him not to but I have reached the point in my life where I have decided that I cannot be his keeper and told him that while none of us wanted him to leave, I would not want him here if this isn't where he wanted to be. I think it is far more unhealthy for someone to stay out of guilt or obligation than it is for them to leave. He and I don’t agree on parenting styles. I am sure that most of it is because we were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum. He was raised with a firm father and a mouse of a mom (lovely lady but never ever uttered a feeling of her own…she always deferred to Big D’s dad for anything that required a decision). I on the other hand was raised alone with just my mom and we actually got along extremely well. Sure there were times between the ages of 13-17 that I wished she would disappear but the only time I ever remember being disciplined was at age 15 when I snuck to the mall with a friend and had my ears pierced(after being told that it was not allowed). That one got me grounded for 2 weeks because in moms generation the only girls that had pierced ears were sluts~a few years later I stood with her while she had hers done~then I grounded her. When our boys do something stupid I always hope that I am the one that sees because I can intervene and give a sensible punishment…you know, the kind that fits the crime. Big D on the other hand usually lowers the boom fast and furious. Groundings for a tool left out or clothes on a bedroom floor. I am sorry…I just really don’t agree. These boys are courteous, helpful, kind, generous, non-law breaking, non smokers, non drinkers, no drugs, and I think they deserve credit for the above..Big D thinks that is all stuff that should not need to be rewarded with any pats on the back. I don’t know if there is a right or wrong answer here. Not having had a dad I have nothing to compare D’s fathering skills to. Him having a meek mom that never stood up for him gives him nothing to compare me to. I think we are at a stalemate. He ended up not moving out and telling me that he loves all of us so very much but this isn't the first rocky road we have traveled in the past 25 years and it probably won't be the last. The first time we had a major marital problem was the summer of my 40th birthday and since that time I have grown into myself in so many ways and have discovered that I don’t NEED him here but I do WANT him here. There is a big difference. If the day comes where one of these events turns ugly and can't be worked out, I know I could survive and that is a great feeling. It is a self confidence that was severely lacking for most of my life. Sorry for the ramble..sometimes it helps when I write, then read, my feelings. It kinda clears out the cobwebs.

music

Do any of you recognize this song? Mare-zee dotes and dozey dotes and little lambsy divey, a kiddley divey too wouldn’t you? WHAT? You don’t recognize this?? It is a staple of childhood songs. I believe I was 30 years old before I knew that those weren't the real words. My entire life I thought it was a song made of nonsense words. I had a eureka moment one day and realized that the words to the song actually DID make sense if you sang them the way they were written. This is just one of the times in my life when I thought, shit, I am so stupid. When it comes to music I lip-synch with the best of them. I have to, because usually I have no idea what the words really are. I am one of those people you see driving down the road singing at the top of my lungs and when you see my lips stop moving or what appears to be me saying "la, la, la" it is because I have no clue what the words are. For some reason it is the melody that gets registered into my brain and the words are a distant second, though some are clear, many blend into one long word or phrase. (I do kick ass at the choruses though). I also can't tell you the names of the bands or the names of the singers. Big D is freakishly amazing in this department. A song will come on and he will know not only the band and the artist singing but what band the guy started with in 1968 and the name of his first song, who it was written for and what time of day the guy has his first drink. I like all kinds of music though. Anything from the Beatles, Steppenwolf, whose song Magic Carpet Ride I DO KNOW THE WORDS TO-YAY FOR ME! to current bands,The Fray, Snow Patrol, and there are a bunch more, but I don’t know their names. Son #1 for some mysterious reason loves the music of the 60’s and 70’s. The kid is 18 and you would think he would be jammin with some hip hoppers but I love it when he cranks up his music and takes me back to my high school days. Some of the songs immediately transport me to a party at Auggies house, or riding in Glenn’s Chevy Nova with the massive wheels in the back. Then there is John. My first real love. I was 16, he was 18 and absolutely the best looking guy in the world. We dated for over a year and he broke my heart by dumping me for that skanky little waitress from Perkins Pancakes. The one he ended up marrying. I even dedicated a song to him in my senior yearbook…it was Elton Johns song about the sun going down..don’t remember the name sorry. Speaking of John…(mine not Elton) about 6 months ago an old friend of mine ran into him and he told her that he has always regretted the way he treated me, that I was so nice, didn’t deserve the way he treated me and that he had really made a mistake…I hate to say it made me smile, but it did. When someone breaks your heart it is nice to know if they are truly sorry for it, even if it is 33 years later. Shit that makes me sound so old! How come my body is old but often I feel like I am still 18? There is some cosmic unfairness going on here. By the way the real words to the song are: Mares eat oats, and doe’s eat oats and little lambs eat ivy, kids will eat ivy too wouldn’t you? (at least I think those are the real words).