Monday, September 03, 2007

What to do?

We have lived in our home for 16 years and had a few neighbors come and go. From the time S2 (son#2--the boys will be referred to as S1, S2, S3 from now on:) was a very little guy he could be found running from our house to the next door neighbors house. They were very nice people with 2 daughters, the oldest being the same age as S2. As families we didn't socialize outside of being friendly neighbors and the occasional grill out on the deck. Mom is a very high ranking executive at a large corporation and dad has a similar position in a different company. (this isn't the reason we didn't spend alot of time together, we just had different life priorities) For awhile, when I was between careers, I did home daycare for other working moms. It was ideal for me as I was able to stay home with my kids and also able to make some money helping other moms that needed a safe, happy place for their kids. Most of the kids I watched had moms that worked part time (though there was an occasional one that felt my role was to raise their children but that is another whole post sometime) and it was a perfect blend of me having what they needed. Frequently when V's (the little girl that is S2's age) grandparents were away, (they were the ones that watched her while her parents were gone) she would come here and play. S2 loved it...she was his best friend and they spent hours and hours and hours on those day and on weekends running around, building forts, hiding in the bushes with walkie talkies pretending who knows what, skating, riding bikes, and on and on. One night when we were eating dinner I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up. I was sure she would say she wanted to be important like her mom or a doctor like her grandpa but she got very quiet and said "I want to be a mom like you that can stay at the house" BAM. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This little girl had the best of everything but the one thing she wanted...her mom to be home and do the simple things like bake blueberry muffins. She helped me do that one day and was amazed that you didn't only get muffins from the gourmet market! At the risk of devastating her mom, I never told her what she said. Even if I had it wouldn't have swayed her to stay home, she was very ensconced in her executive roll and lived for it. Well, S2 and V were inseparable when V was at home but the parents decided they wanted to live closer to their employers so they moved when the kids were about 12. While S2 and V kept in touch it was difficult because they were too young for constant phoning etc and this was pre-instant messages and texting so they were pretty much limited to the occasional visit and began to lose touch. Once they reached high school, though in different cities, they regained contact and periodically chatted and got caught up. Well, a few days ago S2 found her on Faceb**k and left her a message. He was a bit caught off guard with how she responded. As it turns out, she is in a relationship with another girl. She is completely confident, athletic, popular (she has tons of photos with friends in her faceb**k, including several photos of her with her girlfriend in some intimate poses). S2 was stunned but quickly recovered and it really doesn't bother him at all. I on the other hand was not stunned as I always suspected even when she was younger that her life would take a different path than a lot of other little girls. It all goes back to the nature/nurture question of sexuality. My personal belief is that you are born the way you are. I do NOT believe one can "turn gay" or be swayed one way or the either are or you aren't. I truly think that if someone could turn their sexuality on and off, nobody would choose to be gay, it is still too hard in this world. People are ostracized for being gay and I can't imagine anyone willingly choosing to be slurred, denied opportunities, told they are going to hell, etc. I am very proud of V for having the courage as a young woman to admit to being different than her peers. It had to be very very difficult and I can only imagine the day she told her parents. With the "perfect family" image they always maintained, this announcement had to be totally shocking to them. I would love to know if they have even told their guess would be that they have not and that makes me sad.


Sitting in Silence said...

Beautiful story and a really nice way to start my weekend ( day's off).

Your son sounds really well rounded.

What a great job you have done.

D x

Dr. Deb said...

I'm with you on all that!

PCOSMama said...

You have obviously done a great job raising your kids to be understanding!
I wonder if this girl still has a relationship with her parents. Hopefully rather than being the type to basically disown her they have instead realized how lucky they are to have a confident happy daughter.

hope548 said...

I couldn't agree with you more. I have several gay friends and they all feel the same way.