Bargaining

Ok, today I started bargaining with God. I don't usually do this. I was raised a Catholic and now refer to myself as being in recovery. To be completely honest when I hear people talk about their unwavering faith I either think how wonderful it is, or I think they are a kook. I understand that faith is just that...faith. You can't see it, touch it, smell it, taste it, but for many people it is as real as any of those things you can actually sense. I wish I had that. BigD does, his parents were very faithful. My family, well we are a bunch of degenerates. At least I don't usually tell God (and yes, we are on speaking terms, I thank him daily for my wonderful family and minimal problems compared to most people), I don't tell him that "ok, if you do this for me, I will promise to be nicer to people, etc". I am already too nice to a lot of people. I don't barter with higher powers, but if today for example, He would like to whip up one of his amazing miracles, that would be just super duper with me. We will probably get the path report back today. Yesterdays biopsy went well. The radiologist was hot so that helped (well it helped me, not so sure it helped BigD) and was very precise in his needle aspiration (he claimed he was 100% sure he was at the proper site) and was very comforting after. He was honest in telling us that most growths like this are typically cancer but that doesn't mean it can't be treated. Unless of course it is mesothelioma which is not treatable...i am whispering because i don't want to say it out loud... Even through all the weirdness of these events, there was a bright spot in the day. His name is Jimmy and he just had a stroke. He was BigD's roomie for the day. Jimmy was mostly aphasic (which means he was unable to talk) but the one thing he managed to blurt out repeatedly and LOUDLY was "goddamn nut". The fact that some of his timing was right during a conversation that we were having, brought us to near hysterical laughter. At one point the nurse came in to check a BP and she scolded BigD for laughing so hard after just having had his lung pierced by a large hollow needle. The one that really brought us down was when a commercial for Ob.ama came on and Jimmy loudly called out "goddamn nut" and BigD whispered through the curtain, "I think so too". Since I am voting for O.bama I wanted to hit both of them but I restrained myself. Thankfully Jimmy brought some laughter into an otherwise dismal day. Now, about that miracle...........