Monday, October 06, 2008

Update on Tom

When I got to work this morning I called the LG (lung guy, remember?) and told them to dial me at extension 1234 today as I was in the medical center next door, to tell me what time the biopsy would be scheduled. I figured if they called home and I wasn't here to get the call we could possibly miss the appointment. The front desk girl, the one with the nose and eyebrow piercings said "oh, ok" and we hung up. They didn't call before lunch so for sure they would call not long after. 3 o'clock came and went and still no call. Then 4, then 4:30. I would never dream of keeping a patient waiting and worrying like that but then again, I don't work for them, miss piercings does so they may be a little more laid back than I am used to. I left work at 4:45 and decided to go to the south medical building, I work in the north, and see if miss piercings had done her job. When I got there, and very politely asked if she had had a chance to set up the biopsy, she told me she didn't know how to do that. HUH?! Well right before I was about to fly over the desk and rip out her brow ring, the doctor walks out of an exam room and I made eye contact with him. He remembered me and muttered something about how he tried on Friday to call the radiologist but never got through (yeah, right and I bet you have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell me too buddy). I politely said that I would be happy to wait if he wanted to get it set up RIGHT NOW (I wanted to add "you stupid asshole, don't you know we are scared out of our minds that BigD has a malignant Tom in his lung"?) I gotta give him credit, he picked up the phone, dialed radiology and talked to Dr. Xray. The only thing was that he held the phone away from his ear so I could hear both ends of the conversation. I heard some things that I wish I hadn't heard. LG: Pull up the CT on BigD and tell me what you think. DrX: It looks like a probable malignancy. LG: That's what I thought too. DrX: You should probably do a bronchoscopy and biopsy. LG: But because of the plaques, I would be doing a "blind biopsy" and wouldn't be sure if I had tissue from the mass. Could you do a needle aspiration? DrX: Can the patient lie on his stomach? LG: Yes. Do you think you could aspirate that way? DrX: I think I could get to it that way with CT guidance. LG: Ok, we will fax over the order and you can call the patient and schedule. Oh my god. I am so glad I am not allowed to be in the room. I can feel the waves of nausea coming over me just thinking about my husband laying on his stomach while they pierce his lung from behind to take a chunk of Tom out for pathology. So, while I was hoping that this would be scheduled for tomorrow, chances are it will be later in the week. This is all so surreal. Two weeks ago we didn't have ANY of this knowledge and now it is all I can think about. There are so many what ifs. My biggest fear is that Tom is related to the asbestos. I can handle it if we need to get rid of Tom and a portion of his home. We can deal with chemo, hair loss, puking etc. I can't deal with the thought of losing my husband. Hell, it has taken me 27 years to get him just the way I want him.


My Prostate's in a Mason Jar by the Door said...

Thank you for your sensitive and thoughtful postings. You are clearly describing the misery of this stage of unknowing. Every person who goes through it hates it; it seems so unfair. Stay positive and enjoy all of the little daily things we tend to take for granted.


Rob, Tina and the boys said...

Sending love and virtual hugs from way up here. I wish it was more.

tz said...

oh OHN, I'm so sorry. Our prayers and loving thoughts are being sent your way!

Topcat said...

FUUUUUCCCKKK. Sorry - do you swear on your blog? You should have ripped her brow ring out. IDIOT.

And, the ONLY reason, OHN, that we got Mr TCs diagnosis when we did, was because I happened to be sitting in the chair next to his bed in the oncolgy unit, breastfeeding a five-day old baby. And the doctor walked in, and me and my sister spewed forth looks of anger the likes of which only Hades sees. The doctor shat himself and "hurried things up for us". How thoughtful of him.

Makes me so cranky they make people wait like that, when you are absolutely shitting your pants with fear. I have been thinking of you. Throwing you a virtual life raft my lovely, because I know you must feel like you are drowning.


OHN said...

Yes Topcat, I do swear, and I am pretty certain that I have on more occasions than necessary. In fact, my favorite word in the whole swear world is shit. It fits in so many sentences and is in fact a sentence all by itself these days.

Deathstar said...

And you are not going to lose him - orient every cell in your being to helping him through this, and determine now that he will be well. YOu don't need to know how or when or why, just determine to do your best.

Anonymous said...

Oh hell, if we are allowed to swear, then "shit!"