Sunday, September 27, 2009

When is a slut not a slut?

Friday night, we were surprised by a visit from both college boys. S2 came home because he needed to get something on his car fixed, plus he wanted some real food.

S1 called, and said he was bored and going to come home for a visit.

Saturday afternoon I was on a mommy high, having all the boys sprawled all over the family room, rooting on their favorite college games when S1 gets a text, smiles and announces that he is leaving.

For the last few weeks he has been seeing a girl, very casually. Someone he met during a moving party in his apartment complex. The first night, there was alcohol and sex involved. Ew. Once I got over the initial reaction that my son has sex (which, yes, I know he has....I am not stupid, but just like kids don't want to think about their parents experiencing the horizontal rumba...parents don't want that image either).

But, the real kicker is.......she has a boyfriend. Back home. She is 20, the boyfriend is 38. Her parents hate it. So now, she is using S1 for carnal pleasure at school and going home to see the MAN she is dating, on alternate weekends.

So those of you men reading and virtually high-fiving my boy, my big worry is that S1 is going to get attached. He doesn't do casual very well. Every girl he has dated, he foresees a relationship. He is a guy that wants the life companion, no ripples in the water, and status quo. He doesn't like change or anything that alters from the consistency of what he has in focus.

When I asked him how he felt about this casual (SAFE) sex, he said it's fine, they both know they are just casual. His words said that, but I saw his eyes. A mom knows the look in her son's eyes. I am worried he is headed for another heartbreak.

The thing I repeated twice and hope he heard, is that if she is doing it WITH him, she will do it TO him, and to keep that in mind if he starts to develop feelings for her.

So, when I meet this girl, I am going to have such a hard time thinking of her as anything but a skanky booty call. What the hell will I do, if they actually get together? I have told myself----step back away from the boy's life, it is HIS life and he can achieve his own goals, and survive his own failures----and I am doing that on the outside, but man, in my head, I want to run screaming--SHES A SKANK DON'T FALL IN LOVE.

S2 has enlightened me that sex is different now. It isn't like it was back in the stone age when I was in college. Now friends have sex. Nothing else is expected. Lonely? Call a friend.

I am not a prude. People can have sex with whoever (or is it whomever? I can never remember) ....as long as it isn't with my son. Cause..Ew. Just Ew...and I don't want my boys heart broken because you can't make it work with one guy.

10 comments:

greenchristine said...

Oh...ugh. I have such a scrunched up face right now.

I keep wondering what got her into a relationship with a 38 year old man when she's so young.

Hopefully this will end quickly and with as little pain as possible for S1. (and you).

Comedy Writer Jerry Perisho said...

There comes a time when you have to trust your kids' ability to choose. Trust his judgement; you taught him well.

FAR MORE IMPORTANTLY, make sure he is using a condom. If this 38 year old is screwing her, he is certainly screwing others, too. Your HAS to wear a condom when he is with this chick. Have this conversation with him. Make sure he isn't getting drunk and then "forgetting" to protect himself.

preppyplayer said...

Nothing ever REALLY changes. Tell your boy that back in the dark ages there was also "supposedly" casual sex. Then, just like now, there was usually one person in the "casual" relationship that hoped for more.

I think you should be happy ( I think) that he shares this with you.
Of course... you didn't need to sleep at night, did you?

buffalodick said...

Love and sex are two different headings with most males...when they become intertwined, marriage sometimes takes place! You are such a Mom, and a girl! Don't ever change...

Rob, Tina and the boys said...

Ewww. I couldn't meet her if I was you. And I agree with Jerry. Buy him a box of condoms.

Athena said...

Ew ew ew ew ew. I just can't wrap my head around this casual sex that seems to be so rampant these days. Do I sound like a parent or what?

Ick. I just can't do it.

It would be tough to meet her in person. Maybe before that might happen, your son will be swept off his feet by a decent girl and he will dump the 'ho'.

hope548 said...

I can't even imagine! I'm impressed that S1 even shares that information with you.

Dr. Deb said...

I bristle when the kids talk in sessions about their behaviors. I try to educate and re-set their value system. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It's scary how casual they are.

Ina in Alaska said...

Wow talk about keeping it real! She is a slut for sure, what in the world is she doing with an idiot who is 38 years old. What a situation. Maybe try to talk to your son some more. who knows what kind of infections she has too.

awomanmyage said...

Actually, worst case scenario is if she gets pregnant and she doesn't know who the father is. See? There's always something worse! I'm with Jerry, encourage condom use and send him videos of Jerry Springer shows or something. You can bet your son is the good guy and her boyfriend is the "bad boy".

You're a good mum, but you can't win here. He needs a bunch of female friends to school him. It's like with my hubby's nephew, who is in love with a girl he can't stand. I told him to zip it. Young love NEVER listens to grown ups. It just makes them cling together tighter. Perhaps you should invite her and her 38 year old (creepy) boyfriend over for dinner.