Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I live in bizarro world

Well the pain in the ass house guest left this morning. I could spend all afternoon with story after story of things he said in the last 72 hours, but I will just jot down the highlights~~

He was off to get some pop (soda for those of you that aren't hicks), and asked if I wanted one. When I said "no thanks", he chuckled and said "Oh yeah, that's right, you are, what? about 6 months into a 2 year diet?"

I asked him what in the hell he meant by that and he said "well...you said you lost 20 some pounds and that probably took you six months, so you are six months in to a two year diet". Through gritted teeth, I told him it isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change and that I started in mid June. The inference he was making was that I still had much more weight to lose, which is sooo wrong it pissed me off. Would I love to make it an additional 20? Sure, but I am far from being "fat". The thing that blows my mind is that he has a huge gut and thinks he is some kind of stud muffin. Those of you that have seen photos (or the real me) know that I could stand to shape up and the 20 lost is a very good thing, but if I kept losing, in two years you would all be at my funeral.

He also managed to put down my housekeeping,(yeah, working 14 hours a day leaves tons of time for me to clean the "dusty" chandelier, my dogs not being well mannered (they lay under the table while we eat hoping for droppage;) questioned the steadiness of my marriage,(twelve years ago, we hit a rough spot and the only reason he knows about that is because I had to cancel his visit or BigD would have moved out....and that was TWELVE years ago...we have been married for 28...he has been married twice and totaled up they come close to the length if time I keep a toothbrush) and made fun of S3 being a "typical freshman, with braces, zits and a scrawny body". I wanted to kick him in the nuts.

He left here to go back to his daughters place (my niece...we are only 10 years apart in age and have more of a friendship than an aunt/niece relationship). I had made a very pretty blanket for her, in her favorite colors, that would match her couch. When I asked if he would take it (shipping would be costly because of the weight and size) he looked at it and said "what the hell is that ugly thing"? He thinks he is funny. HE IS NOT.

To top things off, he is a major hypochondriac. He has had more surgeries than you and I combined and bitches constantly about the fact that he has to pay for his prescriptions. I found out by accident that a former employer (yes, the Jewish man referred to in the last post)is still paying him a dividend on a project and brother is raking in $40,000 a year for sitting on his ass, but the whole time he was here his phone was ringing from collection services. He will go have surgery, etc, then never pay the bill and laugh about it. I told him he is the reason that the rest of us have to pay such high premiums and he thinks that is perfectly fine because he paid premiums when he was younger, so in his mind he is OWED these things for free. That is a huge part of his personality, the sense of entitlement.

In case you are reading this and thinking, boy that OHN sure is a bitch, he can't be that bad.....well, lets put it this way....he has 3 friends. No, I am not kidding. There are 3 people that can stand him in more than small doses.

Anyway, the list goes on and on and on and all I can say is I am so glad he left and I won't have to see him again till the holidays, and hopefully I can get a refill of Xan@x before that :)

Now, for the bizarro world part. Remember last Friday when I came to the end of my ropes with the crappy job? Well I have been looking online for something, talked to a few friends about maybe doing some elder/respite care, working with animals, etc...just testing the waters thinking about what I wanted to do.

Out of the blue this afternoon, I got a call from one of my clients ( I worked in his office for about a year and actually quit to take the nightmare job), and they asked me if I would ever consider coming back. I busted out laughing. They had no idea that I wasn't still working at the other place. The manager is a real sweetheart and said she would work around whatever hours I wanted, they just wanted me back. Talk about weird timing. I told her I would think about it overnight and call her tomorrow.

I am extremely flattered, and may take her up on it, but I do have to think about it. If I go back, it will be for the duration, and not short term and I know he plans on being in practice for 5 more years. I just don't know if I want to be locked into exact hours and days, since that is what I just left. If I get more clients on my own, then my schedule is my own, and I really love that. The pay is OK but not outstanding ($10 an hour). The office is closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving, but open the following day and I would have to work those days so it would prevent any "get-aways" with BigD and the boys.

I will weigh the pros and cons tonight and hopefully come up with a decision by tomorrow. She wants me to start ASAP if I am willing to come back.

As for now, I am off to have an annoying lump removed from the back of my head. You want to know my luck?? I had the same thing removed 5 years ago, and was told I only had a 5% chance it would come back. Tada. Lucky me. Now I will have a bald spot, stitches and pain. He had better give me something to make me loopy!

11 comments:

Scandalous Housewife said...

WHY do you let that man stay at your house? Can't you just have him over for dinner and be done with it?

Hit 40 said...

I was reading and reading wondering how this awful person got into your home...

then I saw the next post title as I clicked!! I must go back to read more about the brother.

*mary* said...

Here's to guests, on their way out the door! Ugh. I can only imagine.

Frau said...

You need to change your number and not forward the new to your ass of a brother! end of story!

Comedy Writer Jerry Perisho said...

OHN, I have an in-law who reminds me very much of your brother. He/she is angry, thinks the world owes him/her everything they want, thinks they are the victim whenever something goes wrong, never takes personal responsibility. He/she used to make me very angry, too.

But, one day I realized that the person is "socially retarded". "Retarded" here is not being used as a pejorative term, but is used to accurately describe this person's incomplete ability to exist in social settings. Once I realized that this person simply was unable to be interactive like the rest of us, my anger went away. Instead, it became pity. I stopped giving this person power over me; I stopped arguing; I stopped giving any value to his/her opinions.

I know his/her parents, and brothers and sisters and they are all good people who get along just fine. But, this one person, the result of genetics and environment, had something go haywire during development and he/she just doesn't have the same ability to get along as do the rest of us.

I am encouraging you to write your brother's nasty comments off. Recognize him for what he is; damaged goods. Stop giving him power over you. Let his insane rants fly right past you. He sounds socially retarded; why spend your valuable time arguing with someone in that condition. You can't win.

Dodi said...

Holy crap - how is it we don't know each other in person? I SO GET THIS POST YOU WROTE!! My sister is 15 years older than me, and so much like your brother it's sad. (Her daughter and I, not quite 11 years apart, are really tight) My sister has NO friends. Not one. It's the only reason she's still in her "awful" marriage (she'll tell you she "settled", but he's a pretty great guy), because then she would be completely, utterly alone. She makes my life hell.

DD said...

You should have snuck into whereever he was shacking out the day before he was to leave and fill his shorts with itching powder.

And at first when you said you were having an annoying lump removed, I thought you were referring to HIM!

buffalodick said...

Hope all goes well with your procedure! As you know, I actually do feel your pain today!

tz said...

so are you related by blood?
i'm so sorry...i hope he doesn't visit often...

hey i haven't visited in awhile, i love your new pic w/ your title...

awomanmyage said...

You let him get to you about the weight comment. Spouses and family have a way of really pushing your buttons. His comments aren't really about your weight, kiddo, they're about him and trying to pull everyone down to a level that he's comfortable with. He ENJOYS sticking it to people. And he ENJOYS the fact that it gets a rise out of you. So you can either turn the comments back on him or ignore his sad ass existence. Or you can do the one thing that I am a master at with certain people - let them know how miserable and pathetic they truly are by pitying them. Shake your head and realize how lonely, angry and blind they are. Let them know without actually saying the words that you don't care what their opinions are on anything. You can still love him, pray for him, heck, try to get some Jewish/born again Christian/Muslim group to convert him (and then they can feed and house him) but as Jerry said, he's not a well adjusted person and he's envious of what you have. You can be sure he goes back to his maladjusted friends and tells them how you reacted to his comments, how funny he is, blah, blah, blah. It's sad, really, to not be able to form attachments to women, be living from hand to mouth, getting negative attention by seeking illness so strangers can tend to him, be unable to truly food positive emotions for someone else and hate an entire people for no good reason other than he can't stand to look at himself in the mirror.

awomanmyage said...

Oh, yeah, love your brother and stick the Xanax in HIS Thanksgiving dinner.