Wednesday, January 27, 2010

HOLY FREAKIN SHIT (* with an update)

First now

For those of you that have been reading for awhile, you will remember about 3 years ago( January posts 2006-I think), I was helping one of my blog buddies figure out how to do some sleuthing to try to find her child's birth parents.

In the midst of helping, goog.le rocked my world by popping up S1's birth mother. Yep. Smack dab in the middle of my monitor.

She had listed her contact info on his 18th birthday, (I discovered it 3 months later) and I got up the courage to email her. We had a few exceptionally nice emails, I passed on the info to S1 and told him he had my blessing if he was curious and felt the need to contact her. She sounds very sweet.

I honestly don't know if he ever did anything with the info. I printed out all of her correspondence to me and mine to her. I put it in an envelope with all the adoption info we had from the agency, along with the hospital photos of her and S1's birth father holding him. There was also a very sweet letter she wrote him. The kind of sweet that a 15 year old would write, wanting to sound so mature and articulate.

I don't think he ever even opened the envelope, because I think he would have told me. He knows that I am not threatened by them anymore ( I quit worrying they would swoop in and take him away when he was about, oh, about 15) and if he had been in touch, I am fairly certain he would have shared the experience with me., I am harvesting my farmv.ille crops, milking my cows and deciding whether to buy another damn pig. I open my home page to see what all my fbook buds are up to today, and read some of Jerry's jokes, and there is a message in the inbox.

Yeah, you KNOW where this is going.......

I open it up and it is from some guy with the subject line "Hi". I almost deleted it thinking it was some dude creepin on old ladies with fbook's. Lo and behold, I start reading the note and holy freaking is a note from S1's birth father. He says he emailed me a year ago and never heard back (HELLO?? no kidding???? I DELETE emails from people that I don't know who put "hi" in the subject line........doesn't everyone??)

So obviously, my stomach starts churning and I have to decide how I want to respond. I did, telling him that because of the way that you can find out almost anything, about almost anybody now, I needed more proof he was actually who he said he was.

While I sit here and wait for my inbox to show a message back, I decided to start creeping on his fbook. DAMN. S1 looks a lot like him. It is freaky to see the man that was part of bringing my son into this world, staring at me in photos.

He seems like an okay guy.

I looked to see who he is friends with, and they all look normal.

He is even friends with S1's birth mother......that I never even gave a thought to looking up on fbook before.

He doesn't share his info unless you are a friend, but I didn't see anyone that looked like a significant other in the photos, so I don't know if he ever married. I am betting I will find out though. He is probably about 40 now. He was older than S1's birth mother and in the adoption data we got, it stated he wanted to go into the military. On his fbook.....he posted a status that he had just passed his 2oth anniversary of service, so he obviously followed up on that interest.

I am just sitting here shitting myself. I have to decide the right time to call S1 and tell him. I have never kept anything from him about his adoption, and certainly won't start now. My biggest worry is that it will be upsetting to him. He really is very sensitive and HATES change. This is change people.

One thing I forgot to ask this guy was how he knew my name....hmmmmm. Maybe the birth mom told him..i dunno.

My stomach was upset all afternoon with a stupid GI bug, now this. Hell, by tomorrow, I will be able to fit into my skinny jeans. (if I can get out of the bathroom long enough to put them on that is).


I texted S1, NOT TO TELL HIM, that would be really crappy, but to tell him to call me if he was free and by himself. It wouldn't be cool to hear this with a room full of smelly room-mates.

He called a few minutes ago and the convo went like this:

Me: Hi you have a minute?

Him: Yeah, what's up?

Me: Are you alone?

Him: No, girl/friend is here, we are about to leave to go watch the game.

Me: Lets just talk later then.

Him: NO! I would just be wondering what you want...go ahead...just tell me.

Me: It is kind of mind blowing news honey, I would rather you be comfortable, and maybe it would be better if you were alone.

Him: JUST SAY IT (getting exasperated...a tone I know well).

Me: Well...I was on my Fbook and saw a message from someone I didn't know, and almost didn't bother looking at it.

Him: Aaaand...........who was it?

Me: Oh honey..are you sitting down? (he said JUST SAY IT again)

Me: It was from your birth father.

Him: Oh. God, I thought it was something bad, like they found out your skin cancer, mole thingy, was the worst kind or something. I really don't think that is big news mom. I reeaallly don't care.

I went on to tell him that he seems like he is an okay guy and that he did go into the military like he had wanted...blah blah blah. His only reaction was who cares. He was worried about his momma. Can I even begin to tell you how much I love this kid? There are no words.

Now, I do predict that in the upcoming days he will call and ask me the B-fathers name at least so he can scope him out. Oh, yeah, he didn't even ask his name. Can you believe it??

The only reason I went ahead and told him while he was with girl/friend, is that I know her and she is wonderful. If he had to be with anyone when he hears anything the least bit upsetting, it would be her. She is very grounded and he is really comfortable with her.

As for me, I am still reeling. Technology is great. I predict someday it will kill me.


preppyplayer said...

WOW. Never a dull moment around you!
I wonder how this will affect S1...
Could be good, kinda nice having so many people interested and invested in you.
Could be troublesome- could start more emotional churning...

I hope he investigates and faces whatever emotions come from this, I'm sure more good than bad.

edenland said...

Oh my God what a beautiful, amazing post. SHIT. WOW.

You certainly don't live a dull life over there, do you OHN??

I love love LOVE HIS REACTION. It just speaks volumes about you and the wonderful mother you are, to all your big hairy beautiful boys. Wow. I've often hoped that I have the same relationship with my boys that you do, as they get bigger.




PS Thank you for your email ..... I don't know why I've turned comments off for a while, but man it's freeing. Guilt-free, too ... I just get so guilty when I don't return comments. I am SUCH a self-obssessed arsehole. XOXOX

Tina said...

Holy crap. It would be interesting to see how he found out your name. So does he live anywhere near you?? And S1 needs a big hug. Pass on a big cold canadian hug for me. :)

Jen said...

Amazing. Have you ever been to this blog? You might like it.

It's touching how he was more worried about you. Keep us posted on what comes out of this. That must be a pretty heavy load for him, and you.

Yo-yo Mama said...

You know what I think is cool? Is that his birth father thought enough of you AND S1 to contact you. A good head on his shoulders and obviously S1 inheritated that kind of maturity that goes beyond his years.

Demeter said...

Wow! Technology is amazing! Brings people together. Hopefully if S1 is curious, his birth father will not scare him. He has the moat amazing mom. That is why he did not care much to know about his B father.

Unknown Mami said...

It's pretty mind-blowing. I'm glad the information is available to him if he wants it.

Michael Guzzo said...

I hope S1's curiosity overcomes his apathy and he meets his birth father, even just to know about his medical history and genetic dispositions.

Rebecca said...

Preppyplayer is right! Never a dull moment! I love how this one unfolded though. :-)

I guess this could be a preview into my future.


@hristine said...

Bravo, Mama! You are amazing.

Comedy Writer Jerry Perisho said...


You are an extraordinary mother! Your sons are blessed.

But more importantly, are you trying to tell us that there is someone on Facebook who is not a pervert? Amazing!

Congrats to you on being awesome!


By the way, the word verification that I have to type in for this message is "saggies"; does anyone want to do a joke with that?

V said...

Did I ever tell you what a great mom I think you are? Well you are.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm going to get that one day ... those Facebook enquiries. Already I ignored a friend request from our birthmother. We're not that open.

Do you think S1 said who cares, out of loyalty to you? Or do you think deep down somewhere he is really angry?

StorytellERdoc said...

What a great post. And what a great son. Good for you to see through his hurriedness to find the love and his acceptance of you, his mother.
Enjoy your weekend.

Lorna said...

Lots of mixed emotions with this one! The humor (hope those skinny jeans fit) and the passion (your love for S1 and vice versa) and outreach by birth parents, who probably just want the peace of knowing S1 is happy and healthy. As a birth grandmother whose only grandchild was put up for adoption, I long to know he is okay, happy with his life. Peace of mind. Perhaps that is all S1's birth parents are looking for. These are difficult times for a lot of folks, and it seems to make us all more aware of what matters most...Love.

Dodi said...

It would freak me out too, I think. That is a lot to process for an adoptive mother. But, it's a blessing that if he ever needs any family medical information you know where he can go to find it. However, he knows that you are his real mother, and your husband is his real father... in the end that is what matters.

Farmers Wife said...

What an amazing damn good is technology! Just visiting from mama kats..I love your header pic of the two naughty doggies lol

Anonymous said...

As an adoptive parent, I know the feeling of "please don't take my baby" but I know birth mom really well, I can't imagine if it was strangers. I am glad you got to connect with the birth parents for him though. Amazing how these technologies work, I keep finding old friends on FB!