Though, I am a practiced child of being able to smile and carry on when the inside of my head is exploding. I am not sure if it is the Irish in me, or the years of hiding my terror of my father, or I just come from "strong stock" as I have been told by some.
When I woke up this morning, I stayed in bed for about 1/2 hour just petting Cosm.o and trying to get my "center" back. I realized that if BigD and S1 can compartmentalize what happened the other night, and move on, I should try to do the same. Problem is......I get flashbacks. I have had them all of my life from various events that my mind has captured a permanent photo.
I can be cruising along great then out of nowhere, I hit a wall with images. It is worse when things are quiet and I am not busy. Sometimes they nag and nag until I am so tired of them popping up in my head, I could scream. It is almost like self torture. I have no idea why I can't think of puppies and rainbows instead.
I also seriously want to thank all of you for your very kind comments. There are so many things I put here that nobody in my real life knows about. BigD is huge about not "airing our dirty laundry" (he likes appearances of perfection) but in reality, I know EVERYONE has at least a smudge on their silk, and doing a little airing might help release the stain. I am not sure, but I am glad I can come here and purge a bit. It really does help. Having all the kind comments is strangely comforting and I feel like so many of you would be a blast to have over for a picnic.
I might even wear my new hairstyle.