Saturday, January 31, 2009

Helloooooooo

Nope I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I simply started my new job. How is it going you ask?? Well, if you are a physician you need to take heed to what I am about to say. Since the day I graduated from college I have worked in some area of medical care/testing. I have worked with physicians that are outstanding and some that scare the crap out of me. This post really has nothing to do with their intelligence..it has to do with their mouths, and what is in them when they are talking. For the past 10+ years I have transcribed records dictated by you. As you know these are medical/legal documents and I take pride in knowing that I have been providing you with these documents that cover your butt should you ever be reviewed or, god forbid, sued. But, this is a two way street, see, you have to speak in a language that I understand. If English is your second language then try to use the words in such a way that they sound remotely like English. It took me quite a long time earlier this week to realize that "puhdud" meant period. There is a growing list of words now that are new to me...well not really, I know the English versions of those words but your version, not so much. Taking a breath now and then, or even pausing when you come to the end of a thought is a nice touch. Also, if you could refrain from eating the double whopper and Slurpee while talking, that would be nice too. Oh, and when you belch or fart, yeah, I can hear that too. I have been spoiled for the past 10 years with clients that I have known forever and I know what they are going to say before they even know. I specifically targeted, ok profiled--I admit it, physicians that I knew locally. I still love you guys. Last night one of you sent me work that was so quick and easy that when I calculated what I made using an hourly scale...it was hovering around $30 an hour. I love you Dr. S. My new job is with a big teaching medical center. The cases are fascinating and much more involved than my local, FMD, Ortho, Uro etc. These patients are the sickest of the sick and my morbid personality really enjoys all the details. I am sick, I admit it. The other thing that you non physician people need to know is simply TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF! I have spent the last 3 days listening to list upon list of illnesses that could be prevented, or at least postponed, by not smoking, not gorging yourself with fat and actually moving your body around a bit each day. It is CRAZY how many 50 year old's are in horrid enough shape that they are ending up in ER's all over the place with total blockage in their main coronary artery (they call it the widow maker for a reason people). Even after all these years it still blows my mind that people recovering from heart attacks still choose to smoke. (I sometimes wonder if a head CAT scan would be in order to see if they actually DO have brains). So, if I only pop in a few times a week for awhile, this is why. See, I get paid by production (kinda like the 9 year old working in the factory in Bangladesh) so my little fingers are flying on my keyboard for 5 hours each day and when I am done....well, typing a post isn't high on my list. I am sure after a couple of weeks of getting used to the numbness I will be back in full force. Oh hell, who am I kidding....even pain can't keep me from giving my opinion on just about everything. But, don't even get me started on the octuplet lady with 6 kids already at home under the age of 7.She is craaaazy. PUHDUD!

7 comments:

Lorrie Veasey said...

LOL! I hope with time ALL the jobs get easy schmeasy lemon squeezy for you.

And I agree-TOTALLY NUTS-puhud.

Comedy Writer Jerry Perisho said...

Personally, I am hoping they sterilized that woman so that she'll never have another puhdud.

preppyplayer said...

I just knew you were busy!
Sounds like interesting work- I love the behind the scenes details too and it must be facinating to see out comes.

Laurie said...

LOL great post. I love medical anything and hope there are many great stories. Congrats on the new job.

Jade said...

Hehe, well I"m glad you found time in your finger cramping to whip this post out. It had me giggling the whole time. And I can understand why posting would be the last thing you'd want to do after 5 hours of typing.


Hope the slurpie drinking, gassy, mush talkers lighten up on you and allow you the ease in time needed for a new job ;-)

Dodi said...

If you'd like, you can dictate the blog entries and send them to me. I'll type them up and post them for you at an incredibly low price. (And I promise never to let on about any personal gaseous emissions that might occur in the background!)

raphnexx said...

Nicely said.This blog is amazingly odd but artistic.