Friday, January 09, 2009
A complicated man
I know none of you have been able to sleep wondering if I was still po'd at BigD. Well he is out of the doghouse. I took some wise person's advice (thanks Jerry:) and told him that he really upset me when he yelled at me for helping him (after HE asked me to help). You know what??? He was clueless. He didn't even realize how bad he made me feel. Sometimes he leaves me speechless, other times I sit here and write a whole post about him. The thing about BigD is...well, he is complicated. He is the youngest of 3 sons from parents that were the epitome of their era...the 50's. Mom always had on a dress and apron (she wore pants for the first time when BigD was in high school and it was a BIG DEAL, BigD and his brothers all remember when she did that....because it was so shocking!). Dad owned his own business and came home every day for lunch and when he went back to work, Mom cleaned, did laundry and started on dinner that was served promptly at 6 pm. Dad was the king of his castle and Mom was the homemaker. Both of BigD's brothers are extremely successful in business and for some reason BigD has always had this inferiority thing going on because he changed majors in college from business to law enforcement. He took an elective in that arena and was hooked. For some reason, he feels as though he is "less successful" than his brothers. He still refers to himself as the 'blacksheep' of the family. There has always been a little bit of the youngest child complex even though they are all grown men with families. He is very lucky though, they are all still very close. There are many things that make BigD the man that he is. He adores our children (and tolerates me most of the time:) He is a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde though. At work he is a tough, no crap taking, black and white, right and wrong kind of guy. There is no shade of gray when it comes to the laws and how they are followed. He has advanced degrees in many areas of law enforcement, and could talk circles around anyone about just about anything. Why is it then that he feels like a lesser person than his brothers? It is a pride thing. He is a *gasp* civil servant, a government employee, a 'blue collar' worker. This man has pride oozing from his pores and when he is placed in a situation where he is presented in anything but a good light, he becomes a scared, angry 10 year old. Not angry in a violent way...I would never tolerate that after having an abusive father, but angry on a personal level, internalizing all his insecurities and occasionally snapping with a sharp tongue. Nobody that knows him would ever believe what I just wrote. He comes across with all the confidence of a true leader. And he is f.u.n.n.y. REALLY funny. He can get laughing to the point where he is crying and can barely breathe....watching him laugh makes everyone laugh. Being a true child of his family, it doesn't cross his mind to grab the vacuum or dust rag. I am fairly certain that he doesn't know that we own a machine that you can put dishes in dirty and they come out clean.....the same for clothes. He is not at all helpful around here but he is the first one to complain when things are not in order....which quite frankly they rarely are. With 3 sons, 2 dogs, a cat, a huge house and the fact that I work 60 hours a week...well, you get it. I can't possibly have it all done, all the time. (with the two oldest living at college things are a bit cleaner and more in order...somewhat). Anyway,,,,this is a complicated man and even after 27 years, I am still learning things about him but mostly I am learning things about myself, which for the most part, is a good thing.