JUST TO MAKE YOU SMILE

WITH LOVE FROM ME TO YOU. IF AT LEAST ONE OF THESE DOESN'T MAKE YOU SMILE, HAVE SOMEONE TAKE YOU TO THE ER AND HAVE THEM CHECK TO SEE IF YOU HAVE A HEART.

Winking at Bernie

So you think I am not important?? Hell, I even named a boat. You can get all the details at http://www.scandaloushousewife.net/2009/04/bernies-boat-update.html ... I tried to do a link but my little green linky thing is broken. Now what I want to know, is don't you think Bernie needs to give OHN a little lovin? How about 6 hours worth of rent in his manse? C'mon Bernie, life is short, let me live a little. I also want you to pop over to http://ournameisblog.blogspot.com/2009/04/jewelry-giveawaybling-bling.html ... This blogger is a very talented mudslinger and is having a contest for some great jewelry from another talent. (Oh, how I love to hate those people that can create things while I sit here thinking "why the hell can't I do that"?) Hey, congratulate me on being a rebel this weekend. I was given orders to work overtime and guess what??? YEP, I told them that I had plans...which I did...and work wasn't one of them. Sitting outside in the sun, can be a plan right? I am almost scared to log into my account today and find out that it has been shut down, closed, locked with a double secret password, for defying THE MAN. So, if I am back on here after 9, you will all need to take up a collection for me, or at least send me your leftover meds.

water...i need waterrrrr

I am in sports mom hell today. S3 is my athlete. He plays basketball, football and lacrosse..the latter being his favorite, enormously time consuming, weather variable, weekend zapping sport. Don't get me wrong. I love watching him play. And, what the hell, I love sitting chatting with whoever is near me. Today though this mysteriously bright object appeared high over head and it began radiating intense heat. My pale Irish freckled self could feel skin sizzling. I sounded, but sadly didn't smell like, bacon. Someone told me it was called the sun, but living in Ohio, it is rarely seen and never when we have to sit outside for an 8 hour tournament. Most of the time, we are huddled together closer then corporate icons getting lap dances on a private jet, just to stay warm. But not today. At least this weekend our team was the host of the tournament,and I could go home between games to save at least one thin layer of dermis, but the next 3 weekends we will be traveling to distant fields, braving the curiously inconsistent weather patterns that plague our part of the country, toting along, sunscreen, an umbrella, and a parka. I shall be prepared. I was going to end there, but as my mind runs in a continuous lap and inconsistent thoughts and random things seem to blend together for some reason, when I type that I shall be prepared the thought came to me that it sounds like a girlscouting creed...I never was one because it always creeped me out that they had to go camping and sleep ON THE GROUND where bugs and slithering creatures roam. To me, and probably only to me..that is what nightmares are made of...it sends shivers down my spine to even think about it. I won't even mention where my mind just went after that last sentence.

Myron and Mabel

From my desk I can see our front sidewalk. Because I am so easily distracted, any movement outside my window gets my attention. This morning, I let the dogs out as usual and after a bit, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow move the length of the sidewalk, then Cosmo sat down and looked at our roof....and just sat there. We live kinda, sorta, a little bit, in the country. Not really because my grocery store is around the corner and I am only a couple minutes from two major highways...but we are rural enough that we have critters running wild. Last week there was a really HUGE ugly vulture swooping over our yard and the thought crossed my mind that little Cos could easily be a snack for a predator. With this thought bouncing back to my conscious level from the depths of my cranium, I jumped up and ran to the door, thinking that I would get there just in time to see a creature flying off with my little doggie in its grasp, (think those horrid flying monkeys in the Wizard of Ozzzz). When I got out there, Cos looked at me, then the roof again. When I looked up, honest to god, my first thought was, I have to get a picture and blog this. (I know, it is sad that my first thought is this blog). So, without further delay, I present my two new house guests, Myron and Mabel. I think they may have been looking for our pond, the only problem is, we don't have one. We do have a puddle though, so hopefully they will stick around. Poor Cos, he was so bewildered, he came in and fell asleep. Then tonight, it was sunny while it was raining and out my kitchen window was this rainbow. Now where the hell is my pot of gold? This has been a very strange day. (PS. The date on my camera is wrong and my camera is a cheap ebay piece of crap...I am writing a letter to Santa NOW telling him to get his little elves off their butts early and start working on getting me a decent camera).

YIKES

A random conversation happened this afternoon between a very approachable mom (that would be my part) and a very suddenly maturing son (that would be S3, who next month will be 14 1/2, not that he is counting down the months till he gets his temps or anything)~~~I was working in my office (yeah, I know, no shock there since my ass now is in the exact shape as my chair) and S3 wanders in with some "news": S3: Hey mom. Did you know that Vermont is trying to legalize sexting? ME: Uhhhh.....What? S3: Yeah, they are trying to make it so it is legal between 2 people. The only time it would be a crime is if someone forwarded it to a third person. ME: Do you know what sexting is? S3: Duh. It all started when a girl sent her ex-boyfriend pictures of herself naked showing him what he was missing and he sent it to a bunch of his friends. Oh, and it is a noun and is even in the dictionary now. (At this point I am thinking it is more a verb, but what the hell do I know?!) ME: You do know that it is a felony right? And that if you do it you can not only be prosecuted but have to spend the rest of your life as a sex offender right? S3: Yeah, I think the whole thing is stupid. Then he went back to the couch and flipped on espn. Then I wondered which part he thought was stupid, the sexting part or the felony part. I didn't have the nerve to ask him. When the hell did my little boy turn into someone who not only knows about sexting but strolls into my office to chat about it. I think life was simpler when I was his age and the only way we could communicate was with two cans and a string.

CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP

As I have mentioned here before, S1 is an amazing computer whiz. There really isn't a question that he can't answer or a problem he can't fix, even at times talking people down off the proverbial computer ledge, by phone, from his university apartment. Earlier this week an acquaintance~~that I have always thought was rather odd~~called me out of the blue, telling me she had heard S1 was a computer whiz and wondered if she could ask him some questions. While I hesitated a bit in giving her his cell number, I eventually caved because I figured he could use a few bucks (he charges less than any geeky squad and is ten times better). So..she called him. When she was describing what was going on, he had a pretty good idea what was wrong and told her. She wanted to be certain so she asked him if he would make a house call. Today, he traveled the hour from school to our town, spent 2 1/2 hours at her house, trying to rescue her 8 YEAR OLD, virus ridden, mess of a computer, and told her the same thing he had told her on the phone...it was a lost cause. Then she hired him to build them a new computer. They went through all the parts that needed to be ordered for their needs, and set up another appointment for installation once the various parts arrive. He then drove the hour back to school. For all of his work, she handed him a measly $30. He didn't look at the cash till he got home. This family has more money than god. They travel the world. Their kids study in Europe one semester each year. They have 4 kids. Each kid has a new car. There are two Mercedes sitting in their garage. His and hers. Her husband is a physician with a ginormous practice. I have no doubt her mascara costs more than $30. cheapcheapcheapcheap So lady, if by chance you stumble upon my blog, yes, this is about you. Now I know, you are not only weird, you are cheap too. (I advised S1 to hold the new parts hostage till she coughs up the cash for them or he may end up not only building the computer but paying for it too!) Had to get this off my chest. I feel better now, and S1 learned that some people are just plain crappy. (Oh, and on the way home, he had to put 15 of those bucks in the car for the gas he used getting here and back-geesh!)

It is time once more for Mama Kat's Writer's Challenge. This week the prompts are: 1. If I sent you four hundred dollars today what is ONE thing you would spend it on and why. P.S. I want my change. 2. What are your kids talking about? 3. Tell us about a local news story that's all the buzz right now in your neck of the woods. 4. Share some blogging advice. 5. Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened. Ok... #1~~Lets see, I think I would probably buy a lot of little things instead of one thing, but since Mama Kat is forcing me to choose just one, I would say a cleaning service to come and dehair and dedogsnot my house. How many hours would 400 bucks buy?? #2~~S1, is talking about landing the perfect summer job, he is holding out for management :) S2, well today is his birthday and he is bitching that he is at school and not at home where his wonderful momma would cook for him. S3, wants to get his phone back. It was removed from his little texting fingers because he got a crappy math grade. He will get it back when he brings up the grade..(yeah, we ARE the parents from hell.) #3~~Our local hospital was just gobbled up by the Clevel@and Clinic. I can only hope they come in and sweep out all the asshole administrators that are currently there. One of them was a pervert when I worked there 20 years ago, and he still is. All I can say for the reason he hasn't been fired...he must have some pretty good dirt on the two administrators up the ladder from him. #4~~Go for it. I don't hold back and it is such a wonderful release of my scrambled brains. It can be fun, it can be cathartic, it can be very time consuming, but do it anyway. #5~~I had to think about this one for a minute. I haven't been on a playground for a long time. Suddenly, I remembered that in 7th grade (I had moved to a new town and this was a new school to me, where all the kids had been together since 1st grade...don't EVER do that to your kids, it sucks) and I was on the playground at recess. I had made ONE friend and she and I were just standing there watching the torturous kick ball game when I turned around and the cutest boy in the whole school (Mike Sampsel, where are you?) was running backwards and smashed into me. I was horrified and thrilled at the same time. As he was picking himself up off the ground he muttered something about me being in the way, but by then I was certain we would marry someday and our children would play on the same playground. God was I a dolt. Your turn.

Playin footsies

One of my sistah bloggers has reached through the screen and become a friend. I was whining on her blog about not being included in the cool lunch table set of ladies and lo and behold, she not only invites me to sit with them, but she gives me a prize. Now, if you are into feet, these photos might give you a little tingle, so consider yourself warned. Actually, if you ARE into feet, post a comment and I will give you my address. I can only imagine that someone with a fetish would give amazing foot rubs, and truthfully, I don't care what it does to your nether regions, as long as you keep massaging. Do ya love the arch?? Thank you B~ I LOVE THEM! The other photo explains why my ankles are swollen....YES that IS coarse sea salt on my heart attack quiche. it. is. so. good.

kids and/or depression

 

I was reminising today, feeling a little down, anxious for warm air and sunshine, restless and feeling old. So, what do I do? I torture myself further by looking at old photos of the boys when they were little....ten minutes ago. This is one of hundreds of creations by S1. I think he is about 3 1/2 here. He was EXACTING about where each block had to go. There was a reason for each placement and if we offered to come "help" he would grit his teeth and tell us "NO! I DO IT!" He is still that way. He used to use all 250 blocks to build cities, he would work for hours and hours. We thought it was normal. Since he was our first, we had no other child to compare to. Then S2 was born. Wow. He came blasting to life at birth and hasn't slowed down since. I would bet my last dollar that he leveled this structure right after I took this picture. He recently told me that he was always so jealous of S1 and his amazing focus and ability to create immense cities out of blocks and matchbox cars. They have decided to rent an apartment together next year. God help us all.

SAD AND MADDENING

Early this morning 3 more police officers were killed in the line of duty. Not long ago it was 4. This is absolute madness. When I first married BigD, all my relatives and friends asked my if I was sure I wanted to marry a cop. They asked me if I worried all the time. They advised me that cops have a high suicide rate. An even higher divorce rate. I did stop and think about it...for about 3 minutes....and decided that none of us knows what will happen tomorrow and why would I want to not marry someone because of a what if situation. But, and it is a big but, times have changed since 1981. You can't go more than a week or two without hearing about another officer (or multiple) being killed while doing their jobs. Traffic stops and domestics carry the highest chances of death for an officer. It used to be an honorable job, and to most people it still is, but it also has become a job where "the bad guy" really doesn't give a shit anymore. The bad guys have changed. They used to get caught, do their time and either change or not. Now, they have no intention of coming out alive. They just don't care. There are gangs that have initiation rights of passage where killing a police officer garners them a higher ranking in the gang. Of course the mentally ill are in the mix too, being unclear of right and wrong. BigD and I sat there this afternoon watching the press conference from Pitts*burg and we both realized that the two officers that were injured, and not killed, were most likely being treated at the same place where BigD had his surgery last fall as it has a great trauma center. It's kind of weird knowing that the ER we walked passed several times every day, was tending to two officers that responded to backup the first three, and saw the carnage of their brother officers, two were shot in the head...so the vests they were or were not wearing, were of no use. These two, even though they were injured and not killed...they will never be the same. You simply cannot see your friends fatally wounded and go on as normal. I will be very surprised if they don't have issues for a very long time. I am not glorifying all police officers. There are bad cops, just like there are bad plumbers, pilots, teachers, doctors...and on and on. But, I will tell you that it is a close knit group. We can go to any city, anywhere, and are welcomed by the cops in that town, like we are friends. It is a fraternity, a brotherhood, a group that is bonded by seeing the horrific at a moments notice. They hold dying teenagers, thrown from a car, while waiting for an ambulance or helicopter to arrive. They walk up to cars, in the middle of the night, to tell the driver they have a taillight out and have no idea if the occupants just robbed a store and think the officer knows...when he doesn't...and decide they need to shoot him. There are so many frightening scenarios that seem to have become the norm rather than the unusual occurrence. We happen to have 4 officers in our family and two of my three want to follow in their dads footsteps. All those years ago when people were asking me if I was sure I wanted to marry a cop, I never thought about being a mother of one and now....I will be worried.