DO YOU B.ING?

Because of my deep and undying love for all of you....I feel that I need to inform you about Mi.crosofts newest suckyouintoourworld shopping experience.

If you haven't done so already, do yourself a favor and go to b.ing.com (without the period after the b) and open an account. When you go through B.ing to do your shopping you will get cash back.

Yes people. Free money.

I just bought BigD's Christmas present, got it on sale, got free shipping, and got 15% of my purchase price back....thrown right into my pay.pal account.

As I have told you before, I am known for being cheap thrifty and won't give up until I know I have the best deal.

In case you were wondering what I got him, since he doesn't read this, or really know how to do anything online but play games and check email, I snagged for him something that will make him make a little discharge into his undies...or at least raise the flag.

We have an antique television in our bedroom. Since he simply cannot miss an episode of anything that has to do with investigating homicides, where M.ike Row.e (or as I call him-hottie) is making his latest mess, or those guys that find out if things are myths---or can you really blow up a car with tea leaves and vinegar.....I bought BigD a new (no refurb etc) T.oshiba H.D.T.V. 32 inches, more inputs and outputs and any other kind of puts you could ever need, full year warranty, and the list goes on and on.

Guess how much it cost me by the time I got my discounts, shipping and B.ing cash back???

$280 bucks.

Yeah baby.

It is a little more than what we typically spend on each other, but I think I know what he is getting me this year (I have dropped enough hints...for cripes sake, I did everything but take a staple gun and nail the ad to his forehead) and this tv will be a HUGE surprise.

(I am guessing he is going to get me a camera. I have bitched and moaned about my $59 ebay camera for about two years now. Every photo has a ghostly orb floating near the head of the persons picture I am taking--and thanks to Tina way up there in the frozen tundra...I even hinted as to the brand I want).

I mentioned before that I sprung for basketball tickets for the boys, so we will wrap up a little cash for each of them and they are done too.

Now I have to shop for the dogs and me.

Me you ask?

Hell yes. When else am I ever going to get such a great deal on a new sweater or maybe that 4 slice toaster I have my eye on today....originally $60...today $15.

Happy shopping gang..and check out B.ing for your online shopping. **

**I am not getting paid to tell you about them, but if someone from B.ing reads this and wants to pay me....feel free. **

WHAT? Tomorrow is Thanksgiving?

Why didn't anyone tell me????

I actually am going to have 4, yes people~4 days off IN A ROW. All of my clients offices are closed so OHN gets to sit at her computer, smellin stinky, eating pie, and getting caught up on blog reading.

Oh, and the new-old job? I love it. For those of you new, I worked at one of my clients offices for about 9 months and left for what I thought would be greener (as in cash) pastures....and when I quit that less than green-more like vomit brown, jobfromhell a couple months ago, on a Friday..that next Monday(3 days later) my old client called me up and asked if I would ever consider coming back. They had no idea that I had spent the weekend looking on M.onster and C.raigs list looking for some work.

Karma.

This week, the manager looked at me, and smiled and said ---and this is a quote---"do you know how wonderful it is to have you back? " It could have made a girl cry.

It is sooo nice to be appreciated. She said I am the only one that has held that position that hasn't screwed up something significant enough that she had to scramble to fix it.

Too bad the doc is a solo practice or I would nudge for more bucks. The larger groups have more cash flow, but they are also more stressful and this job is so low stress it isn't even funny. The manager and I have a freakish ESP between us and I know what she needs before she says it...together we are unstoppable :)

So, I leave his office, come home to my office and continue to work, but I am such a good boss to me, that I give me as many breaks as me needs...and I don't dock me pay for having to pee. Yes, the other job docked me for a 2 minute pee break...they said I could go, but I had to make it up at the end of my shift. (Because of the way I was logged into their system, they knew when my fingers weren't flying across the keyboard. Assholes.

Also, no puppy yet. My next door friend picked theirs up last night and brought it over to shove that knife a little deeper into my heart. Honestly...it is the cutest puppy I have ever seen..EVER.

So folks, I will be eating tomorrow until my pants break. How about you?

I am making a prediction and rambling.

Remember I told you that I was feeling weak and losing my willpower about getting another pup?

No, I don't have one....BUT

I made up my mind that I didn't want one. I really wasn't sure I wanted to start all over with a puppy since my others are housebroken and have the calmness that comes with age.

Anyway, when I took my friend over to see the pups, I was relieved (sort of) that they only had 3 boy puppies left. All 4 females were spoken for. I had told myself that IF I got one, I wanted a female, because I am so completely outnumbered in this family by testosterone, and for Gods sake I needed a little estrogen support.

The pups owner told me at the time she was holding one of the females for a lady that wanted one, but her husband had said no. In the meantime, the husband called up the owner and told her he DID want one, but he was going to surprise his wife with it. For a fleeting second, I thought.....could I be that wife? Was that husband MY husband??

This lady would definitely be the kind to tell me that to my face, knowing full well it was me, but keeping it a secret. She would love to regale later, the story of how she told me about the lady getting a surprise, when in fact, it was me. I let that thought go and didn't really think much more about it. My friend did pick out one of the boy pups and is picking it up this coming Friday.

Then the other day, BigD and I had to end up at the same place, where one of last years pups goes to work with her owner....when I got there, he was holding one of the pups. The owner told me she had her dog AND the pup at work.(.her dog goes to work with her every day)...but she said she had the pup there because after work she was dropping it off at its new home.

There was something in her eyes that told me she was lying.....BigD was holding the puppy and looking at me the same way he has done in the past when he has lied to me.....yes, I know the look and that is a story for another day. I am thinking it was a setup and he wanted to see my reaction to holding the puppy and this lady would TOTALLY be the kind that would love to be in on this.

After all these years, I know when BigD is being evasive.

He asked if I wanted to hold the pup and I am telling you, that puppy breath about convinced me that I needed to stick that dog under my sweater and smuggle her home.

I later told BigD that it was good that they didn't have any of the females left because I would be on my way over there to bring one home.

He didn't say a word....no 'you're nuts' or 'are you out of your mind?'.

Therein lies the reason I think he is surprising me with one. He most certainly doesn't hesitate to tell me he thinks I am wrong, AND he never hesitates to tell me I have a Noah complex, desiring my own ark.

Honestly....I can't decide if I want a surprise puppy or not.

I mean, I DO have a name picked out just in case, but I also don't think I will be disappointed if I am wrong.

The photo is of the puppy mommas first litter last year, but they all pretty much look like this. Have you seen a cuter face lately? Oh, and the mom and dad dog, they both belong to BigD's best buddy...guess I should have mentioned that connection earlier huh?

SO...for the prediction...I am guessing next weekend or possibly for Christmas, I will be "surprised" with a puppy. We shall see.

AND YES, SHE IS

This is Lucious. If you have been reading for awhile, you will remember her from last year when BigD went through his lung surgery. Imagine my delight when we walked up to the check-in desk after a 2 1/2 hour drive to the medical center, and we were greeted by dear sweet Lucious.

AND YES, SHE IS.

(and BigD's scans were all good --yay...no more scary lung gunk)

Serial killer and laughing??

You want to know how the story of a serial killer made me bust a gut last night?

For those of you that may not have heard, there is a man in Cle.veland O.hio that was being served a warrant for his arrest, for rape. When the detectives arrived, they were stunned to find bodies in various degrees of decomposition in his home. Well, one thing led to another and to date, they have discovered 11 women in and near his home. They are beginning to dig in the yard etc....yeah, really bad stuff.

It appears as though all of the women were "troubled" and lived near the killer. Most of the women were drug addicts/prostitu.tes. (Many had children, and when many of the women had disappeared, the families didn't report them missing because the women had a habit of doing that).

Anyway. Last night I was listening to the news with S3. In the news here, they are calling it "The house of horrors". When the newscaster referred to it as that, S3 looked at me and said "wow, that's not very nice". I told him it really was a house of horrors and then he said......

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"Oh, I thought they said house of whores".

I'm sorry. I am a sick woman with a warped sense of humor, and even though this is a serious and sad news story, I laughed.

Where did it go?

Time.

I am talking about time.

Do you ever sit back and really think about all the things that have happened in your life over a certain period of time? It seems to zoom by.

Exactly 21 years ago this morning, a naive, yet mature, 15 year old gave birth to a baby boy.

At the time she was an honor student, athlete, youth group leader in her church, and she was in love. She was in love with an 18 year old boy and they had plans, like so many kids do at that age. They dreamed of getting married some day, having a family and the life that so many people long for.....what they didn't plan, was a pregnancy.

Suddenly their world of future plans were staring them in the face. Right now. Not down the road, or someday....right now.

The girl was very fortunate. When she told her family, instead of chastising her and telling her that she had to have an abortion, or raise the child as a consequence of her actions, they were very supportive, and let her decide what path her life, and the life of her baby would take.

After some careful thought she made the decision that the baby she was carrying needed much much more time, money and attention, than she was able to give him and made a plan for him to have a family, that didn't include her.

Many people make generalized statements about how birth-mothers are so unselfish, and it is true. But to be honest, there is a little bit of selfishness there too. She knew that at 15, her dreams of college and all the years of growing up, would be gone if she became a full time mother. The baby's father was also supportive of whatever she decided. He came from a family that was not supportive and from what I understand, breathed a sigh of relief when the girl decided to not raise the child, as it relieved him of any parenting responsibility.

While this all was going on in their lives, we had no idea how our life was going to change.

It is a strange story of timing (once again), friends, and a little bit of luck.

We had gotten the heads-up from a friend that worked at an international adoption agency, in the town next to us, that they were looking for 5.....yes, just 5 couples to put portfolios together for their first (and it turns out, only) domestic adoption.

We put together all the necessary documents, but there was one problem. We were not of the religion that this agency required. To be honest....I was ready to lie through my teeth to be accepted. By that time, we had been trying to have a family for 8 years. Enough was enough. I would have memorized the bible, word for word, if they had asked.

To attempt to circumvent the faith requirements, we asked our family and friends if they would consider writing to the agency, telling them honestly, the kind of people we are. I later had a chance to read those letters, and was blown away at how great we sounded :)

My biggest fear at the time, were the two things in the profile, that I was certain that a 15 year old girl would be turned off by, but yet, we had to be honest about our current occupations, so we didn't get our hopes up. BigD is in a profession that many teens dislike/fear, and at the time I was obviously working full time, and we didn't know if I would be able to switch to part time or not. So, there was the distinct possibility that I would have to continue to work, though we were hoping I could be a full time mom, but if I did have to continue working, our intent was to work opposite shifts, so that one of us would be home caring for the child.

Ironically....the two things that worried me the most....were the two things that made her select us. She was wise beyond her years. The social worker told me that the girl thought that it was a good thing that I had an education and career, in case something ever happened that I needed to provide for the child, in the event that something were to happen to BigD.

Hell, when I was 15, those kinds of thoughts were pushed so far to the back of my head, I am not even sure they were in there to begin with.

We were not told that she selected us. Unbelievably, our dear friend from the international agency was the one the agency board selected to represent the girl. Our friend tried to have another s.ocial worker assigned, she was fearful that somehow her connection to us would cause a problem down the line...impropriety issues etc. The higher-ups didn't budge. So, our dear friend sat with this girl as she looked at all 5 profiles. She told me later, she was sweating, because part of her wanted to recommend us, but ethically, she had to remain neutral and in fact, until the baby was placed with us, the girl never knew that our friend knew us personally. Our friend told her after she made her decision, that she had made a great one, that we were known very well to her......this made the girl even more at peace with her decision.

So, 21 years ago this morning, my son was born. I was about 45 miles away and had no idea of his existence.

Two weeks later, BigD and I were getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving with family when we got a phone call from our friend telling us to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. We had known her for 10 years and she had never done that before. My little hmmmmm antennae went up and I told BigD that something was up and I thought maybe we had been picked.

This agency does not do direct placements soon after birth. They are advocates for the birth-mother and want her to be sure she has made the decision that is right for her and the baby, so they placed her baby in a foster home, to give her time to be sure, and not make a hormonal decision.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, we the THE call. The call that we had prayed for and dreamed of, for soooo long. Our son's birth parents had both seen him that morning, to say goodbye, and sign the final papers.

We had a son.

We were to meet him three days later.

So much of that week is a blur. There were bosses to be told that we were taking time off (unlike when you are pregnant, give birth and automatically get sick time etc , we had to take our time off as unpaid leave--that is an issue for another post). We shopped for all the necessities that are needed for a baby, we had gotten nothing ahead of time, as having a room ready before that, was just too painful. Walking past an empty nursery is miserable.

I probably don't even need to say that neither of us slept on Wednesday night.

Thurday, Decemb.er 1, 1988 was the best day of my life. We had to wait at the agency for over an hour as the s.ocial worker got lost coming from the foster family's home to the agency so I was a total wreck, worried there had been an accident, the paper work fell through, the birth-mom had changed her mind, etc etc.....little did I know, that was only the first time I would worry about my child....it actually hasn't stopped since that day :)

Every N.ovember 10 I think about the young girl and the big decision she made. He is MY son, but in a sense, he is hers too. I know he is a part of her heart and that she thinks about him frequently. (To read a little more about her and how I found her 3 years ago...you can go back and read my post entitled (I think), G00gle rocked my world).**actually I just went back to find it so I could put the link, and I remembered that I had deleted it because at the time I was afraid of recognition....I will repost that story in the near future.

So, if you will excuse me, I am going to go have a good cry (I do that when I am happy sometimes), look at some photos, and try to figure out how 21 years have gone by without me knowing. (Yes, I have talked to him this morning. He went out with two guys, and his brother, last night at midnight, and bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate---I forgot to ask him if they carded him!)

Strange week and "Eddie" update

First the Eddie update.

He is awake and talking. (for those of you that have no idea what I am talking about, read my post from last weekend).

He has no memory of what happened, and in fact, when he woke up enough to realize he was in the hospital, the first thing he said was "why am I in the hospital, is my cancer back?". His father told him no, that he tried to kill himself....Eddie said he didn't believe him.....that he would never do that and Eddie asked "did you do it dad?" . There are many inconsistencies in this whole scenario....I can only hope that the investigation doesn't stop, because I have a sick feeling there is more to this than it appears.

Earlier this week, the mom called the school and asked if they could do anything about "kids talking" about the event. She told them the family is "embarrassed". When I first heard this...I thought surely she wasn't making this tragedy about her and her husband. But, it appears that her worry was what people would think of them as parents....not what help her son obviously needed. BigD thought I was being too hard on her, but I cannot imagine caring what people thought of ME when my child was hovering near death. If anything, I would hope it would open up dialogue at the school about reaching out for help when you need it. What I didn't post earlier in the week was that the detective that was on the scene that night, interviewing the father, said he has never seen a parent with such a LACK of emotion. He said it did not appear to be shock, just indifference.

Dad and Eddie were the only ones home at the time. He had told the detectives that he had been administering CPR, yet, after being released from the chin-up bar where he had hung himself with a belt, the father laid him down on the landing of the stairs, with his torso down over the first two steps. Also, when the paramedics removing his shirt at the scene, there was no evidence of any pinkish skin irritation on the chest, which would appear if CPR had taken place.

There are so many things about this event that just don't add up.

This whole week has been one strange thing after another. Bizarre calls at work, the military base shooting, the office shooting in Orlan.do, and the serial killer about 20 miles from here and just various odd happenings.

I went to bed last night at 8:00 because I was just drained..... and had a crazy crazy nightmare. It involved my mom, a police cruiser and my beagle. It is too weird to even type about, but it woke me up confused and shaken.

The moon must be in a very weird place right now.