Baby acrylics

So, I was having a conversation with S3, as we were going through the mountain of clothes he has outgrown, the mountain of hand-me-downs he won't wear because they are "stupid" and the mountain of smelly clothes that need to be burned. He came across a sweater vest (for those of you that don't know, it is a sweater, but it doesn't have any arms so your boobs are warm but your arms stay cold) that he wore as a joke to a school function, after buying it at goodwill for 50 cents. He tossed it into the burn pile. I was aghast. I looked at him horrified and asked "do you know how many baby acrylics had to die to make that sweater"? He looked at me and thought for a second then said "what does an acrylic look like"? I could barely keep a straight face. I told him I couldn't believe they hadn't taught him that in his ecology/biology class. Only when I nearly wet my pants laughing did he figure out that a baby acrylic looks like a big acrylic only smaller. duh. I am such a bitch. I should probably set aside a few bucks for his future therapy. Oh, and also the "detective" came by today to interview S3 about the he said/she said crap. (Yeah, glad he jumped right on that, it happened, what, about 2 weeks ago and there were 5 whole kids to get statements from---podunk donut sucker) So, here is the scoop. She said it happened against her will. He admits it happened and was consentual. At least they both agree they were grabbing the goods. The reason S3 got dragged into it, is the girl in her statement said S3 was the first person she talked to after "IT" happened. So now the monkey is on his back to determine her mood/affect right after the event. You have to be kidding me. You think a 14 year old boy can figure out a 14 year old girl? I have a 55 year old boy here that can't even do that. So S3, wrote up his version of what did or didn't happen....he saw no flirtation, no curious blanket rustling, no crying, no sudden movements, no hint from her after that anything was out of the ordinary (but again, he is a 14 year old boy, so unless she was wearing a ham sandwich and carrying a basketball, he probably would not notice anything). The nice officer said they are turning the whole thing over to the prosecutors office to see if they want to pursue it with charges. In the meantime, both the parties mothers are P.I.S.S.E.D.O.F.F. and are talking lawsuits, after being friends for over 20 years. Welcome to middle America. (And please send donations so we can prevent the slaughter of helpless baby acrylics)