Friday, July 17, 2009

He said---She said

S3 was at a friends house earlier this week. I really like this family. The mom (I will call her J) and dad are nice and have common sense and are doing a good job instilling values into their two kids. The son, is S3's age and they have been on several teams together and have become pretty good friends. While S3 was there, a couple more guys from the teams showed up along with a few girls they are all friends with, and live in that neighborhood.The mom and dad asked if they wanted to watch a movie. They have an awesome setup in their back yard with a projector and wireless speakers so they grabbed a bunch of pillows, blankets etc and plopped down on the grass to watch the movie. The next day the J calls me in a panic. The first thing she said was "S3 did not do anything wrong" so at this point I am thinking~what the hell is she about to tell me? Apparently, one of the girls I will call her B, went home that night, and sobbed to her sister, all night, that one of the boys (I will call him T) put his hand down her pants and then took her hand and put it down his. (they are both about to enter high school this fall) J was calling to find out if S3 saw or heard anything....because the girls parents went to the police and filed a report. She said if the police hadn't called here yet, they were about to. This all happened on Tuesday and J is still a wreck because whatever happened or didn't happen was in her yard. She is very good friends with T's mother and has been told to not talk to them until this is investigated. is a little back story on both of the "participants". B has a history of being a drama queen. She has been caught in flat out lies more than once, sobbing her innocence the whole time. She even told one of the guys a few months ago that she can lie better than anyone. T, is obnoxious. He is cocky (no pun intended)and is a 'get in your face' kind of kid. He is wickedly good at sports and thinks it makes him all around better than most of his peers. Do I think he is capable of doing this...yep, but I also think B is capable of lying. So, this has turned into a he said/she said situation. S3, didn't see a thing, said that B stuck around after the movie, laughing, joking. S3 said she did not appear upset at all the whole evening, in fact, after the movie they all went into the kitchen to eat. I grilled S3. Were they cuddling? No. Do they have crushes on each other? No. Do you think T would have done this? Maybe. Do you think B could be making it up? Maybe. S3 was laying on the grass next to T and didn't notice any squirming or anything odd that took his attention away from the movie. The parents were about 50 feet away, they didn't notice anything or anyone acting unusual. My take...I am thinking that it was probably a mutual grab fest and after she left, felt guilty, worried that T would spread the word about what they did, so she is crying assault. Yes, I know, I am a woman and any assault is a horrible thing, but falsely accusing someone is just as horrible. If you ask anyone in law enforcement, they will tell you there are many many times that men (mostly) are accused of assault after a wild night, when the woman decides the next day that it wasn't a good idea to have given up the goods. It is not fair. If T did do it, he needs to be held accountable. If B is lying, she needs to have some therapy. Her parents, by the way, are in complete denial that their daughter is as S3 stated "an attention seeker". As a mom of 3 sons, I have always worried about the accusations that could be made and thankfully have drilled into their thick little frontal lobes that when a girl says no, SHE MEANS IT. But, this girl never said no. She didn't leave. She wasn't upset until she got home that night. As of now T doesn't even know what he is being accused of. The police department that is handling this is getting statements from all the kids that were there before they show up at T's house on Monday to question him. (It is a rinky dink department and the cops there are either right out of the academy or are old and have been let go from "real" departments and are filling out their time until retirement and really don't want to be bothered actually working). I think if I had a daughter that told me she was accosted, my first call would have been to the boys parents, am I crazy to think this? Whatever they determine actually happened, one of the kids needs to be held accountable. What do you think? (I will update if S3 gets interviewed and what happens with this whole mess)


Anonymous said...

This proves that they're not gay.

Rob, Tina and the boys said...

Oh I'm so glad I have boys. IF it was my daughter, I would have marched right over to his house with my daughter in tow and questioned them both. But you are right. Boys get a bad wrap, because even if it's not true, it's true. Perception is reality in most cases.

Dodi said...

I have no idea of what to say to this situation, except "oh crap... I have two daughters!" I've known girls like that, and I've known boys like that.

I would have never really thought that I'd have to drill it in to my kids' heads that they cannot EVER falsely accuse anybody of anything - or when the real deal happens no one will believer them. crying wolf so to speak, only with much higher stakes.

Anonymous said...

Tough one. I hate to think that a girl would make that up. Drama or no gut says that she's telling the truth. What would her motivation be for lying...except for attention or some sort of revenge on the boy.

I'm leaning towards her being the victim and telling the truth.

DD said...

First off: did you hear about the kid who in a pissed off state, sent the sext message from his ex to his friends and was found guilty of distributing porn and now has to register as a sex offender??

With that being said, it's a difficult balance to give credence to what is probably normal teen-age 3rd base antics and the possibility that something that the girl didn't want to happen may have happened.

Yes, I would first talk to the parents, first alone, and then with both the kids in question. The key is to not accuse but to get the details and that's hard to do when talking to hormonally charged pre-adults.

Brandy said...

Wow. Just - wow. I don't even know what to say about all of that. Having a boy and a girl is scary. I'm going to have to drill into Aiden the "no means NO" montra while explaining to Olivia that if she is ever put in a situation she is not okay with to say no and to fight back if necessary.

I can honestly say I am not 100% positive about how I would handle the situation if it were my daughter doing the accusing. I first would have her tell me the story at least 10 times to listen for any inconsistencies, ask for details, who was around, what was heard or seen, etc. If at that point I really did feel like it was a situation were something inappropriate had happened I would take it to the authorities before I went to the boy involved. I guess my thinking is that if you involve the parents, and they take the flat "he didn't do it!" approach then you have the "he said, she said" without an outside opinion. At least with authorities involved they can interview everyone that is affected and get a more outside, unbiased (or at least assumed to be) opinion. Just my thought.

Of course I would definitely be interested to hear how it ends up playing out, for the boy and the girl. Ugh, raising kids is never easy.

Dr. Deb said...

Oh, wow, this IS some serious drama.

PS: I left some dinner spots on my blog for you.

Hit 40 said...

If it truly happened, the girl should have jumped up to complain. There is no physical evidence or witness. Plus, there were plenty of people there to have witnessed this.

The girls parents should have told her to stay away from the boy. And, in the future, she should make it clear when an advance to unwelcome. I doubt he just put his hand down her pants without a little something happening to make him think he could. Plus, why the hell would he do this with parents 50 feet away???

Why can't the girl be charged with filing a false police report??? I think the boys parents really should press charges against her. Her behavior / and her parents over reaction should be appropriately smacked down. I would have hired a lawyer right away to kick some serious white trash ass.

Hit 40 said...

I just read the other comments....

Why would she lie?? OMG!!!!! Being a teacher - I know why she lied!!!! Kids are always over fabricating events to get attention. I am sick of their games. And, I am sick of some parents taking things to new levels of ridiculousness. This is why the boys parents need to get an attorney right away. Maybe - the girl's family is looking for a little $$$. This is what happens at schools. Folks are always trying to sue for a little $$$ over events that really did not happen.

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Millennium Housewife said...

What a disturbing post. I can't tell you what I think, it isn't relevant, no one knows what really happend but the two involved. My concern is the consequences for both, whatever happened. How old do you start high school over there. If it's the same as here (UK) then it's 11, so young for anything to have happened!

Mrs4444 said...

Wow. That's tough. Sounds like there is a lot of information missing. I feel very bad for those kids. Locally, a teenaged boy was just sentenced to prison for having sex with a girl (who was drunk) at a party at one of the Packers coache's house (his son was charged, too.) I'm really glad those girls (2) were taken seriously. In your case, who knows what the truth is. I will be curious to know the results of the investigation.

And BTW, I loved your comments today--Funny and impressive. You should write a post on the subject :)

Gil said...

Am I missing something? Or maybe I'm living in the past, I dunno. But with that many people around, what the heck ever happened to causing a commotion (if she didn't like what was happening) and just saying NO? I mean, that boy didn't hold a gun to her head right? She could have moved right? She could have thwapped his arm and told him to fly to hell right? If she did none of those things, and was a willing participant, and enjoyed the emotions that it stirred in her, then she has no cause for complaint. Her compliance seems to indicate willingness and she's crying "wolf" after the fact to call attention to herself for whatever reason. Honestly, it was called heavy petting when I was growing up. We all did it at some point. But we didn't call the cops about it, cause in the end, the parties involved enjoyed it while it was happening.

Egad... methinks I'm old. *sighs*

Hit 40 said...

I like Gil. I agree 100%

Guzzo said...

They're just kids.

Calling the police to investigate it as some type of rape crime is an over-reaction. Both sets of parents should have gotten together with both kids to see what happened.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Thanks for the comment you left on my post today. I totally agree with does HIT home how young my Dad's donor was when we have kids that age. Reminds us to appreciate every moment we have with them....even when they are driving us nuts!