Updating the homestead

I thought you might like to see the new swing I put up while BigD was at work today.

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Jane Devin letter to young pregnant girls

I loved this letter that Jane Devin wrote as an open letter to expectant girls. I WOULD NOT recommend viewing the video if you are having a fragile day. It is heartbreaking. But....the letter is very well written and it is something I think every highschool should post in the girls restooms. http://janedevin.com

EWWWWWW

I know I already posted today but in the name of science I felt the need to inform my fellow bloggers about this new discovery. I was "job hunting" and stumbled upon this article. Medicine is wonderful but I really don't think I would rank these on my must have pet list. http://news.aol.com/story/_a/strange-creature-immune-to-pain/20080129120109990001 Around these parts we call that fugly.

Autism

I am sticking a link here that if you are in the process of IF or adopting, you may not want to watch as it has some pretty cute kids in it. BUT, you may want to click the link anyway as the money raised is for a very very important cause. Autism has touched my heart and soul and it has become almost an epidemic and the research is not being done. The video is about 3-4 minutes long but the money raised is well worth your time. The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.49 to Autism Speaks for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure for autism. When you have a moment, please visit the link below to watch the video and pass it along to your loved ones. They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help them to surpass this goal. This is very moving and a great way to contribute! http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

Follow up and lifes necessities

Well....I guess I should stay away from my keyboard when I am upset, my fingers pound out profanities when I am not looking. I re-read my post from yesterday and while I am still in shock I have so many things to be thankful for and I can't forget that. Strangely enough, BigD thinks that I am taking this situation too personally. I can't help it. I feel like I am being kicked to the curb but nobody has bothered to tell me...when they will, is yet to be seen. From a business standpoint, if I were their office manager I would have switched to EMR before now. Economically it does make sense. I just don't like the way it "isn't" being handled. I told the boys we are going to have to really watch our spending and they were all great and understanding. It's a little funny...they all think this is no big deal. Maybe I AM over-reacting but when I am worried about making the house payments, gas, electric, food, college tuition and books and the gazillion miscellaneous things that life throws at you, I don't think I am over reacting.

On the plus side, I have been blessed to be able to work from home the entire time the boys were growing up. I was here when they walked out the door in the morning and when they got off the bus. It will be a big change if I have to take on a 9-5 along with the other offices I still have and it will mean less time here but I don't dare complain...I have been too fortunate.

So anyway...S1 came home from college this weekend. He is building a computer for a local business man and had to talk to him about specs. When he walked in he asked if he could get some new shoes while he was home so I did what any self respecting American who is about to undergo a catastrophic loss of income would do...I gave him my credit card and said...go get some shoes son. And from what you can see....not a minute too soon. S1 RARELY wears sneakers. When the other kids were begging for the newest A*R J*RDANS or another trendy shoe, S1 was wearing these. This year is really the first year I have even seen him wearing jeans. He is one dressy dude. Now he can walk around campus and actually have some traction.

Got Doc's?

Fuck EMR’s . Seriously. I found out this morning BY ACCIDENT that I am going to be losing my biggest account—the one that makes the house payment--- because the office is converting to EMR. For those of you that don’t know what that is, they are electronic medical records where the physician uses a template on a computer to input your problems and it is saved so other physicians in that system can access the data when necessary-a paperless record so to speak. (This is a very tiny explanation but it gives you the basic idea). They are the newest trend in health care and while I knew that someday all physicians offices would be switched to this type of system, this office I was fairly certain would not. There are 3 docs and one CNP in this practice and two of the docs are older and not good with change. The young one however, he is fairly fresh out of med school and is computer savvy so he is the one pushing the EMR. I think the thing that pisses me off more than anything is that I found out by accident. I had a call this morning from one of the office girls about something totally unrelated and she mentioned that the docs signed the paper work last Monday! She didn’t even know that meant I would be out of a job until I told her. She feels terrible about saying anything and made me promise not to let on that I know what is coming. I won't rat her out but I will tell the entire internet community. So it will be very interesting to see if they give me any kind of notice, or just one day work will not show up in my inbox. To give you a bit of background I have taken care of their transcription for almost 10 years. Granted I am not actually an employee but I know them all very very well—they happen to be the boys and husband’s physicians too. Interesting. I have never had a complaint, only praise from them, I have saved their collective asses more than I can tell you and there is a part of me that hopes their EMR crashes and they have no backup. You just don’t pull this kind of thing without even a heads up. As recently as last week I spoke with their office manager and she was delightfully thanking me for an idea that I had that is saving them a lot of grief in the records department. I know it all comes down to cold hard cash. Yes, they did pay me for my work. I just think it sucks that they could do this without feeling any need to let me know that I need to start looking for a new job. If we had an acrimonious relationship I would get it but we had moved past the point of an ancillary employee to that of friend and I deserve better than this. I have other clients but they are single doctor practices and they only cover the miscellaneous expenses of the family as obviously they are charged according to the amount of work they need and they produce less work. I love what I do and I am very very good at it. I do not want to start job hunting. I am reeling right now and have run the gamut of emotions in the last couple of hours. I am pissed, hurt, scared, nervous, and a few other things. I spent the last two hours putting together my resume…which I haven't had to do in many many years. My references are great so with hope I will be able to pick up more single offices to make up the difference. Since my work is all done digitally, I am not limited to my office area…so any of you docs in the United States reading this, ignore my first word in his post and know that I am an honest, hard working, intelligent, responsible, reliable, well educated woman with needs. Shit.

A first

Thanks all for suggesting I keep the bowl. I have it on a shelf in my office. I still haven't decided what to put in it but I will think of something. This was too good not to share. I went to the grocery store with S3 today. I practically live at this store or at least my money does. I only needed a couple things for tonight's dinner so I was planning on popping in and out fast. I got to the produce area and noticed a gathering of people forming a sort of circle. At first I thought that maybe someone had passed out or needed medical attention but everyone was smiling so either they were being very rude or it wasn't something tragic. As we got closer I saw a really cute guy singing--odd place to belt out a song buddy but hey, whatever. Then I saw that he was singing to a girl that works at the store. She was holding flowers, and was blushing a glorious shade of pink. As the cute guy finished his song, he dropped to one knee and asked the blushing girl to marry him. There had to be at least 30 of us standing there watching amid the potatoes and carrots and when she said yes we all burst out in applause. It was absolutely charming. S3 thought it was pretty stupid (he is 13) and I stood there wondering what their future would bring. They seemed so young. He had obviously been planning this because either his or her parents were there with a video camera and others were taking pictures. The blushing girl looked completely surprised and completely in love. It was so sweet and at that moment, for the first time in quite some time, I felt old. Maybe old isn't the right word. Experienced seems to fit better. I don't think I would like to go back though. All of the things in my past have made me what I am today. I am certainly a LOT more confident than when I was this girls age but it would be nice to see if there is anything that could make me blush again.

It is just a bowl

It’s just a bowl.

It doesn’t matter that every time I use it I think of my mom. That was the bowl that she made her tuna fish in…the one with just the right amount of miracle whip to tuna ratio and given the day she added either chives or finely chopped green onions.

It is just a bowl.

It doesn’t matter that when we had egg salad, that bowl was in the fridge waiting for me to grab some crackers and sneak a scoop because it was just so good.

It is just a bowl. I keep telling myself that but when I heard that quiet little crack, I got that sinking feeling in my stomach like when I was 6 and someone just broke one of my toys. I even hesitated before I put it in the microwave, wondering if I should, but it is glass and I put glass bowls in the microwave all the time..just not this one.

It is just a bowl. Why am I so sad that it is going to head to the trash?? Because it is a tangible thing that I can actually touch that gives me good memories of a childhood that didn’t have that many highlights. I can’t believe I am even blogging about this..it’s just a bowl.

Tagged

I have been tagged by http://heretomaternity.wordpress.com/ to come up with seven things about me you don't know. I think I am pretty much an open book but I will try: 1) I have absolutely no artistic talent. NONE. I know people often say that while they are showing you their wonderful creations, but I truly can't even draw a straight line. 2) I am chronologically older than I feel. Some days I am truly surprised when I look in the mirror and see who is looking back. She is old. 3) I like to be alone. I love my family but there are many times where I am so overwhelmed by their loudness and needs that I secretly wish I could have a week with the house all to myself with the animals. (For the record my family includes 3 teen aged boys and a husband-I am not sure if it would be different with daughters...maybe they are less needy and quieter??) 4) I am a terrific bargain shopper, though I hate to shop. If I can't get it online or at my friendly neighborhood tar*et then, I probably won't buy it. I think EB$Y was invented for me. 5) I like to drive fast. I would love to get behind the wheel of a race car on a track and let loose! 6) I am very afraid of heights. In some weird way, I feel like I don't trust myself, that I would let myself jump or something. I am also terrified of snakes, especially small ones. The huge 10' pythons don't scare me as much as a garden snake. It literally sends me hyperventilating, at a dead run, to get away. 7) I hate cleaning and wish I could afford a cleaning lady to come in for about an hour each day, just to help me keep up. Now if you have read this, it is only fair that you pony up on your blog and tell me 7 things about you..c'mon, let 'er rip!

He does have 4 legs

I started to walk up stairs last night and not only was there a new gargoyle sitting on top of the railing (how he got there and stayed balanced, I have no idea) but there was what appeared to be a three legged dog sitting on the step talking to the gargoyle.

Relatives UGH!

You are about to hear all the gorey details of my trip with S3 to see my beloved family. BigD and the other boys should be sooo completely in my debt for not bitching at them to go. I have mentioned before that my brother and I have an odd relationship. He is many years older than I am and we have NOTHING in common. To give you a glimpse into what he is like I have to give a description, which believe it or not, is hard to do. I can't even say..oh yeah, he is just like so and so because he isn't. He is very unique. Lets start by saying he has been divorced a couple of times and neither time was because of him (this is his thought anyway). The first wife..who by the way I am still very close to, he walked out on because she "just didn't do it for me any more". I guess it didn't matter that he had been screwing anything with a hole while this wife was lovingly caring for his two kids. He left one day on a business trip and never really went home. She was devastated as were the kids. As his kids grew up, in his fantasy world he felt like he was a GREAT dad because when the mood struck, he sent money to them or bought things for them. These were usually items he bought while globetrotting..skiing in Aspen, boating up and down the Atlantic, zooming in and out of Vegas, etc. In the meantime both his kids needed braces on their teeth and grandma talked to the walked out on wife and convinced her to let grandma pay for them. She knew the kids needed them and since their mom was working just to keep them in a good school district, housing and feeding them, grandma helped out. Same with a portion of the kids college expenses. I could go on and on and on with stories but I will leave you with the most recent installment that happened on this most recent visit....... He is a big guy...6'5" and big..not fat, just big with a BOOMING voice (that is louder since his hearing started to go--haha)..Anyway, we went to an area sportsy type bar/restaurant, small but great food. I am getting ahead of myself there is more to tell before the food even arrived. He is an avid fan of one particular football team that happened to be playing on TV that night. This place had two TV's and both were tuned in the that city's team that was playing...fyi, this city is known for its fans. Anyway, we had to go through 3 tables and 2 separate waitresses before big old uncle rob was positioned to see the TV just right. We had to move condiments, appetizers, drinks, utensils etc. oh joy. Then he found out that at 9 pm a live band was scheduled to begin. That is when the shit started hitting the fan. He called over the manager, demanded that the TV he was closest to be changed to watch his favorite team (12 states away) instead of the local pro team, and he asked if it was necessary for the band to play. NO SHIT, I am not kidding. This guy obviously feels that the world revolves around him..unbelievable. When the manager assured him that yes, the band will be playing and no, he wasn't going to cancel their evening for big old uncle rob, he resigned himself to being the grumbly customer. Of course the food wasn't right (mine was fabulous) and had to be sent back....I am picturing the cooks spitting on his food at this point..then when it came back it was "better" but not really right. When the band started warming up, there were several ladies doing a line dance on the dance floor..which happened to be directly in front of the big TV...guess what he did?? He YELLED at the ladies "what the hell are you doing"? I wanted to kick his ass at this point, but what I did do was look him directly in the eye and told him they had as much right to be there as he did. He looked at me like I was the crazy one. This is the guy that wonders why there aren't many second dates when he goes out with a woman....honestly, I couldn't even make this shit up! The final straw was when my niece and her husband were having a discussion about something she wanted him to do outside....my dear brother took it upon himself to get into the middle of the discussion, that had nothing to do with him, and start repeatedly asking when he was going to get the task done and why hadn't he done it earlier?? If I were this guy I think I would have punched old uncle rob right in the nose. I could literally write a book about him. BigD and the boys can only take him in very small doses and I hate to say it but I am joining the club. (this is yet more proof that you can be genetically related to someone and be polar opposites!)

Family visit do or die

Tomorrow bright and early I head out for a 3 hour drive to visit my niece, her husband and my brother (her father). So far the only other member of my immediate family that I have been able to con into going is S3 and that was only after promising junk food for the duration of the trip. BigD really doesn't care for my family...I admit they can be an acquired taste. S1 and S2 have gracefully declined the trip preferring to stay here and pick fuzz out of their belly buttons. You see, my brother is a tad annoying. Dear old uncle rob is very loud, very opinionated, has atrocious manners and is a completely ignorant know-it-all. Other than that....he is a great guy. We weren't raised together because of a huge age difference and I truly believe that one of us was found in a cabbage patch because there is no way on this earth that the two of us were conceived by the same sperm and egg pool. Well..the same pool spread out over many years. I like to think that by the time I was conceived the sperm and egg had aged like a fine wine. When he was conceived it wasn't past the grape juice stage. I only have to put up with him for 24 hours. In case you were wondering why I am going there instead of having him here....one time I invited him and he stayed for almost a month...yeah, yet another time I almost ended up divorced. Wish me luck.

Early Morning Conversation

The following conversation happened this morning in my house.... HIM: Hey honey have you seen my dickie? ME: It's right between your leggies. HIM: Very funny, have you seen my dickie? ME: Not in a very long time. HIM: Never mind. Someone woke up without his sense of humor this morning. (For those of you that may not know, a dickie is a fake shirt that only has a collar, so you can wear a shirt or sweater and LOOK like you have another shirt on underneath but really you just have 1/3 of a shirt with no body or arms, only a collar). Do they even make these any more????

Awwwww moment

I have no idea how old they are but they look young.....ahhhhh, nothing like young love. (and when your head hits a rock knowing that you will still end up together:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno

ARE YOU ONE OF 4055?

At a gas station in Minocqua Wisconson an employee accidentally changed the price of gas from $3.299 to 32.9 cents before closing up for the night. People using a credit card at the pump after the station was closed were treated to an early Christmas present. AOL polled people if they would go ahead and buy the gas, knowing that most probably it was someones error. So far 29634 people answered and 4055 said no. I would like to meet those people and see what makes them tick. I am an honest person (note previous post about my stupid desk lamp) but if I were to be truthful...I would have to say that I would fill up my tank, all 22 gallons of it, spending $7.26 instead of $72.57, and probably call my kids to fill theirs up too. I am honest but not stupid. But....if I found out that the employee was forced to pay the difference, I would cough up the dough to help him/her cover the loss----on the other hand if it was some oil exec that would feel the pennies shift in his pocket then honesty be damned and pump away. The bastards.

weird week

I almost don't want to even go over what has been going on this week because I will have to think about it again. Most of the chaos was work related but some was family fueled. I get the normal stress this time of year but for some reason this year it is not a happy stress. I have a couple of accounts that I typically have to bail out of confusion on a regular basis. One is an office manager that micromanages every freakin detail of the office. Every time my caller ID says it is her calling I truly don't want to answer. The girls that work in her office like her has a human, she is not evil, she is just hovering constantly and refuses to let people do the work they were hired to do. She called me completely freaked out this week about a minor problem with their equipment....which I have nothing to do with.....and she was talking so fast and asking 10 questions in a row without even taking a breath. I half hoped she would suddenly gasp and quit breathing altogether. As I tried to address her panicked questions one by one, she would interrupt and ask a totally different question before I could address the first one. I finally told her to STOP. I think my mom voice booming through her earpiece caught her attention because she did stop-for a second-long enough for me to tell her to relax, that all was well. I told her I could help her (at least 8 of the 10 rambling questions she asked were similar enough to answer fairly easily) and that she was going to have a stroke if she didn't calm down. Yep..I really did tell her that...I couldn't help it. Anyway, within a reasonable amount of time I had taken care of HER problem. Later that day she called again..once again that valuable caller ID tempted me to take a quick trip to the bathroom or outside to scream but I answered and the most unbelievable thing happened....SHE THANKED ME. Wow, I didn't see that one coming. She told me that even though she rarely tells me (yeah, like never) that she appreciates all the things I do for them and that they don't go unnoticed. Wow. She then told me that if she ever hears of another office that needs my service she would gladly sing my praises. So, I guess the migraine that she induced was worth it after all. I have another client that is one of a large chain of extended care facilities. (they used to be called nursing homes but that is such a downer they changed the name to sound less like a smelly, dank, depressing place to somewhere you might want to vacation). Anyway this facility has about 200 clients (actually patients but again we are trying to sound vacationy) and a huge staff. Out of that huge staff, they have ONE person that is trained to send the work to me. One, uno and guess what????-she got very sick and had emergency surgery and is now out for 3 months. The administrator called me in a panic and this situation is a lot more difficult than the micro manager situation above. This facility has to conform to the standards of their national headquarters and they are a tad behind the times. In their efforts to control their facilities, they have set up their computers so that it is impossible for anything to be sent beyond their own network and since I am not technically an employee there (I am an ancillary service) I don't have employee access. Trust me when I tell you it is a huge clusterfuck of details but I have to figure this out because they account for about 1/4 of my income and I can't lose that account so I have spent countless hours on this problem, on the phone with the headquarters in another state, talking with their tech support etc etc......my headache is coming back just thinking about it. Then last but not least I found out that S2 got into some trouble last week. Big D and I talked it over and amazingly Big D didn't over react in a cop kinda way (which is shocking as any other time he would have screamed, yelled, etc--this time he sat with S2 and talked for 2 hours...wow) So this has been a huge stressor for me. I won't go into details here because I have already rambled enough this morning but I will probably tell you about it down the road. Lets just sum this up by saying that these events on top of a few more things that I have suppressed from my consciousness have caused me to have a horrid week. I am now inundated with work (one of my best girls is off too) and will be stuck at my computer all day and night. Tomorrow I have to take S2 on a college visit ( it is either tomorrow or next Monday-the call came during one of my chaos days this week and honest to God I can't remember which Monday it is)..shit, does anyone have any valium???

Pay it forward and Harley's sister

A wonderful blogger friend, Beagle, posted this today....so in honor or her plagiarizing Starfish, I am plagiarizing HER with a simple copy/paste with a promise. The following is mostly plagiarized from Starfish's blog, because I am feeling lazy today: I am participating in a Pay It Forward "exchange" that Starfish is doing (You can follow the links all the way back to it's origin to see all the people who will benefit!) I will be performing a few not so random acts of kindness. Here are the rules:I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a Comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange, and who make the same pledge on their own blogs . I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it in the the next three months, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward. So, like Beagle, the first 3 will get something from me...not sure yet what that something will be but I promise you I will put some thought into each persons gift. (Obviously I will need your "real" address but I promise to keep it private~don't put it in the comment section, I will give you my email address and you can email it to me.) Now on to the most important answer to many of your emailed questions....NO, we did not get the dog. When I called the dog warden and told him that we were very interested in Mary Lou (still a really stupid name-for a dog) his brusquely told me, "she is gone". My heart sank and I was scared to ask if she was gone because of euthanasia or adoption but he quickly told me that she was taken the very day her photo was posted. Apparently the website is only updated every couple of weeks--which I think is crazy if you are trying to find homes and you are a kill shelter there is a VERY SMALL window of time where you can actually see the animal and hopefully get there before the big needle! So, Mary Lou has a good home, Harley is still spoiled and a tad lonely so I am still looking. Here are my requirements...female (preferably but not mandatory), at least a year old, medium in size (no 8 pound yappers would fit with our family and we are waaaayyyy done with the 130 pound style) like 20-30 lbs or so, sweet, housebroken, minimal (known)health problems-obviously things happen as they age and we will do more than we should for them because they do become family members after all, and the dog must love attention and quiet times and have a great desire to be pampered and loved. Oh, it also has to love cats because they were here first and aren't going anywhere. So, if you have any suggestions, feel free. I have had a horrid week so far that I am too busy to post about right now but I will get it all out later today or maybe tomorrow. It is one of those bang your head against the wall weeks. YUK.

Please restrain me!

For some godforsaken reason today I was purusing the local animal shelter listings. I have toyed with the idea of getting harley a dog of his own but then I come to my senses the xanax wears off and realize I am nuts. Wellllll...today I was looking at the listings and came across this dog...she is 1 year old (same as harley) and was found as a stray in townX-same place harley was born....look at this photo of her on the website and tell me that she isn't his litter mate...

This is her pound photo>>>>

This photo is harley and his friend bo>>>>>>

I just about shit when I saw it. She even has the same funky hair style on her chest (though some people have said that about me;) Sooooo on Monday when the shelter opens the nut part of only-half-nuts will be calling the shelter in hopes that she hasn't been euthanized over the weekend. Something led me to that site this weekend and I am a believer in fate..if harley has a sister out there, then damn it we will make room for her in our family. I am out of my freaking mind!!!

This is a long one folks, grab the coffee and an extra donut

Thanksgiving. I will get to the snarky stuff first since that seems to be the highlight of most peoples day. We had to go to the SIL from hell house and I was in charge of making a couple of dishes (they were requested because she won't eat them, therefore she won't make them, but everyone else wants them so it is up to me. They turned out superbly once again. ) It was a very odd mix of people this year because other SIL and BIL were out of town, of the 5 big cousins only 1 was there and I discovered she is becoming an exact replica of her horrid mother. She is 26, has her masters degree and is pursuing her medical degree and is the most whiny, surly snot I have been around in quite some time. When S3 was kindly asking me some questions about her when we got home, he asked why she seemed so "rude". Good pickup on the vibe kid but the only way I could explain it to him was the theory about the kinds of people whose glass is 1/2 empty vs 1/2 full and I told him her glass was 1/2 empty AND it had a booger in the bottom. He understood completely. My good SIL is usually handy to have around to break up the conversation from the bad SIL monopolizing the entire evening ranting on and on about how her glass is 1/2 empty with a booger to boot. It really doesn't matter what the subject is, she always manages to find the 5% negative in anything and make it a 95% negative. It is absolutely exhausting trying to keep up. By the time we leave there I am ready to drive into a pond and sink to the bottom. Honestly, I was in bed within 5 minutes of being home---we got home at 9. I couldn't even watch Gray's Anatomy-thank God for Tiv*. I even good naturedly told her they are doing wonderful things these days with pharmaceuticals (insert any number of antidepressants here) and she promptly told me they were all poison. She is very big into homeopathy which is great, I believe in holistic medicine any time it is an option but it is obviously not working very well for her. On a much brighter note earlier in the day we were all still scuzzy-not showered or even really out of our sweats, the doorbell rang. At first I thought who in the hell shows up unannounced on Thanksgiving morning?! I saw the car pull in and I went and hid in the bedroom making S2 answer the door. After hearing snippets of the conversation between him and the guy at the door I realized it was one of BigD's old buddies. He was cruising through our city to get to his turkey day destination and decided to pop over to say hi. It was the highlight of my entire month. No joke, it really was. This guy is amazing. He has written a few books, has a few CD's out and has spoken all over the country to many groups from Heads of State to 3rd graders. He labels himself as a story teller and that he is. Most of what he writes is written from personal events, having had a very interesting life. He does weave some fabric in some of them but it is effortless so unless you know him you aren't sure which are all fact and which have bits of creativity woven in. He signed a copy of one of his new books for us but he made me promise to read the very last story in the book as soon as he left. He said if I didn't cry, he would pray for me because it would mean that something in me was broken. I did read it, and I did cry. He has a wonderful way with words and most of his stories in his most recent book are set in poetry style. Before you go 'yuk poetry sucks', let me tell you even S2 (who is a waaayyy too cool 17 year old and S3 who is a 13 year old puke this week) loved the book. S2 even sat at the kitchen table READING TO ME which in my best recollection has never happened before. I told this gentleman all about ETSY because he doesn't want to do Amazon (he loses too much control as they get 70-80% of each book sale and since he writes from his heart and soul, he said it is too painful for him to see them take that much of him. If he decides to give ETSY a shot, I will definitely give you a shout out...they would be wonderful housewarming gifts or hostess gifts or any number of kinds of gifts. Right now he just sells them after his "talks" to whatever audience hires him. He is cheap too...he only gets $500 for his time (some corporate folks pay thousands for speakers) because he really loves what he does. He is amazing. I couldn't help think that if I were to give one of his books to the SIL from hell, she would undoubtedly find something wrong with it.....I think I may give her one for Christmas and see what happens....stay tuned :)

Typical of me

If you knew me in real life you wouldn't be surprised that I bailed on blogging daily. I am the woman that has a huge basket of yarn that needs to be knitted, an abundance of beautiful fabric that is dying to be cross-stitched and a virtual library of books that I will get around to reading. I am a major procrastinator and I get nutsy if I start something and don't have time to finish it..which almost always happens. I am also a planner. I can plan on cleaning the bathroom, bedroom etc and even make a list of what needs to be done but yet I find myself making more lists than actually accomplishing the tasks. I am not lazy, I just am not focused unless it is a task that is making me cash...you know, like working. Last night I had a phone call from a neighbor that I haven't really talked to in about 3 years. There was no falling out or anything, we just hardly ever see each other except for the occasional wave from the mailboxes or bump into each other in the checkout line at the grocery store. She called out of the blue and left a message saying she had to ask me something. I assumed she was looking for someone to watch a dog, or something of that nature (since S2 and S3 both perform tasks for neighbors with the expectation of filling the little piggy banks if lucky). So when I called her back imagine my surprise when she invited me to lunch with 3 other ladies. I was so excited. I felt like I got picked to go with the cool girls to THE party that everyone wants an invitation to. Two of the ladies are new neighbors and the other one has lived here for about 2 years and we get along famously so I thought this would be fun....and it was. I laughed, talked, ate great lasagna and seriously didn't want to go home. The only thing that was a bit weird is that we are at completely different stages in our lives. I sat there wondering if it would be rude to ask them how old they were (the two newbie neighbors) because I am guessing I am probably closer to their mothers ages. They were chatting away about nap times etc and I have been thinking about how we are going to pay for S1's tuition next semester. The one thing that is universal though was our discussion about husbands..it made for quite a bit of laughter. When we were leaving they asked for my email address so I guess they didn't hate me...and...they invited me to the next lunch next month--yippee, I may be getting a life~

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was S1's birthday. Outwardly we celebrate it like any other birthday -the birthday person gets to pick dinner, either made by me or in a restaurant (yes, when they were young there were occasions we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of potato chips-yum)But, S1's birthday brings with it a little extra. There is a presence that is very prominent in my thoughts each November 10th. His birth mother. I truly have no idea how she must feel each November 10th. Last year, I found her. The adoption was a closed adoption so the chances of us ever making contact were very slim. (I posted about it with a posted entitled "Google rocked my world" if you care to read the whole story). Last night when we got home from our steak dinner (S1 had better land a terrific job someday, this kid has very expensive tastes!) I hopped online with my alter-ego screen name and sent her a brief note thanking her for her completely selfless decision 19 years ago. I think I am more stunned now than I even was then that she was able to hand this wonderful baby over to a couple not knowing us, not knowing if we were going to be good parents. I had to be tremendously difficult. We have exchanged a few emails in the past year, not much but enough that she feels she made the right decision even after all these years. She respects the fact that S1, at this time, had no desire to connect with her. Instead of being hurt, she thinks it is wonderful that he is so comfortable that he isn't longing to meet her. She has gone on to marry and have 4 children..sounds very happy and is someone that I can't even begin to thank. I think I love this woman.

SPANK ME

I know, I know, I missed day #5 of a month of postings. I could tell you that it was because I was finding a cure for world hunger, or climbing a mountain but really I was just arguing with an obnoxious 17 year old MALE. I put that in upper case because I believe it is pertinent to this post.

Here is the scenario.....I was sitting at my computer perusing all your wonderful blogs when S2 walks in with an attitude. I could smell it. He plops himself down on the couch in my office and begins a tirade of "why do you and dad--blah, blah, blah...". I sat there listening politely. Not once interrupting. He ranted on and on about how we have "no good reason" to deny him being with his friends on a nightly basis....now, mind you till this point I HAD NOT EVEN SAID ONE WORD. He continued with the old standby.."none of my friends parents have a problem with them being out every night" (then your friends parents suck--not said, but thought). When he finally took a breath I asked if I could say something at this point. I then calmly (and without a smirk I might add) mentioned that all his friends probably had grades that warranted them a few more privileges, they maybe kept their rooms a bit cleaner, helped around the house a bit more and were basically not obnoxious shits--ok, I didn't really say that part out loud but I was close.

Anyway....this tirade lasted for so long that my eyes were crossed by the end. I know that much if it was hormone fueled and peer pressured but as I sat there it occurred to me that in 5 months, by all legal standards he will be considered an adult. Folks, I hate to tell ya but 18 is no where near an adult.

This morning he was back to his sweet loving self and I slept peacefully with the help of a lovely little pill that I am going to keep on hand at all times from now on. In fact, I may take them several times a day in large doses since S3 is only 13 and I have years of this shit ahead.

OH--and for all of you that were wondering what I did about the lamp shade....I called the Wally-Mart and talked to the manager on duty, offered my credit card number so they could charge me and as I suspected he would say, he told me to forget it, that it was his cashiers error and thanked me for being honest~ but truthfully I think he sounded stunned that I had even bothered to call. So my conscience is clear and I have a cute little lamp...all is right with the world.

Day 4 of a month of posts

I don't know if I am going to be able to pull off this daily posting. I am very boring and not sure if I have anything of value to share that frequently. OH--and the time change thing...whose idea was it anyway? It always screws me up for a few days. I guess I am not the only one tired. I am taking this guy and heading upstairs...though I hate to wake him :)

Taking a poll

Okay..moral dilemma here. S1 is home for the weekend. Before he left for work today he gave me a laundry list (also some real live laundry) of things he needed back at school. Since he is heading out right from work tomorrow I had to go today to spend more money than I have in the checking account so I whipped out the old trusty credit card and headed over to Wally-Mart on the other side of town. I threw in the stuff he needed, workout wear, paper products, shoe inserts, and about $40.00 worth of other useless crap. Since everyone knows when you are using a credit card, it isn’t really money so I thought, "what the hell, I will get a few things for me while I am here". I am a candle freak and have one burning almost all the time so I found a delicious smelling vanilla one, then stumbled upon this cute little lamp for my office desk. I have been using an old one that I dug out of a closet and the shade doesn’t really fit so I thought this new one would be great. I then found a leather shade that I plopped on the lamp and it was a perfect look. Now fast forward to this evening. Because some of the things are for the office they are tax deductible so when I was filing the receipt I was marking off the things that could be deducted and saw that the check out boy…you know the one, he has the 3 eyebrow piercings, a tongue stud, and wears the spiked dog collar around his neck, the one with the lovely shade of black fingernail polish ..yeah, that guy…..he didn’t charge me for the shade. Since it went down the conveyer belt ON the lamp he probably thought it was all one item. So, do I go back over and tell them that I accidentally stole a shade and pay for it? (I have no idea what it cost but probably in the $8-$15 range if that even makes a difference). Had I just pitched the receipt I never would have even known about it but now that I do, I should probably do the right thing but then I think there are probably times where I was overcharged and not noticed. So, I am taking a poll…what would you do?

out to dinner

Now I know how our turkey feels on Thanksgiving morning..stuffed like I am right now. Honestly I can't remember the last time I was in a restaurant...I seriously think it was back in July when we were on vacation. We went out tonight because all the boys were here for the first time in awhile and wrangling everyone to be at the same place at the same time is not an easy task..oh and also because we had a gift certificate to use from a wonderful family that thanked us for doing something that we enjoyed doing for them so it was almost like we got "paid" for doing something nice...which I guess makes it doubly nice for us :) I undid my pants about 1/2 way through the meal so I could eat even more. Gluttony suits me well. I had forgotten how great it is to eat food that tastes nothing like the stuff I make. I used to love to cook until my dwellers started complaining about things...you know..."whats that green stuff in there", "this tastes weird", "do we have any peanut butter".. so I quit experimenting with fresh wonderful ingredients and stuck with the crap that comes in freezers and boxes. Now please excuse me while I go lay down and listen to my arteries harden.

Do I HAVE to post??

I was reading some of my favorites today and was surprised to note that apparently since I have a blog I am required to post every day this month. I was trying to think about what I could possibly have to say that could make up 30 posts but I think I am going to give it a try.

Today's post isn't really going to be poetic or terribly intelligent. I thought I would post a picture and ask for advice. I have lost a couch cushion...do you have any idea where it might be?

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I think he ate it. None of us can figure out how this cat became such a porker. He eats very little but on the other hand, the only time he moves is when he waddles from wherever he is sleeping to the next spot where he is going to nap. We have had him since he was a teenie little guy, having brought him home from a lady that was giving kitties away from her shopping cart. Now he is about 6 and he is still afraid of any noise that doesn't emanate from him. The only time he will go near BigD is when we are in bed. He will get up with us and purr so loudly that it is actually funny, he snuggles with the other cat and also the dog, but if BigD gets up, the cat scurries and hides. Watching him run is one of the funniest things I have ever seen..he crouches down so low that his belly slides along the floor. . None of us have every given him any reason to be afraid of us at all. When the house is quiet he loves us and especially loves his brother animals. My question to you is what in the heck can we do to help him lose weight? The obvious answer is to feed him less but he eats very little as it is now. Our other cat is on a special dry Purin* for cats with urinary problems so that is what this one eats too. I have tried feeding them separately with this one getting a low calorie food but they steal each others food so I gave up because I didn't want the other one to go into kidney failure. OH..and on top of all that...his meower is broken. It has never worked. The poor little guy will try and try to make a sound but it is a pathetic little peep of a noise. So help me out...I am counting on you because I don't think Je**y Cr*ig or Wei*ht Watc*ers accepts feline clients.

My life

Wow…now that Jenna gave me a shout out I feel like I have to write something incredibly inspiring or thought provoking. This is not easy for me. While at times I can be delightfully witty and charming, a good portion of my life is spent in the whirring of thoughts that spin through my brain. I have opinions on just about everything and while that can be a good thing, it can also be confusing. I think my life was more destined to be a UN ambassador because I am one of those annoying people that can usually see both sides of an argument, with the exception of my arguments with BigD, because then I am right and he is always wrong. In looking back over my life so far I am sometimes amazed at the amount of struggles I have overcome. If I were to watch a lifetime movie of my life I would walk away thinking that it was a fabrication of a writers imagination. There are so many things that just seemed insurmountable at the time and yet, here I am, alive and kicking to tell you about these events. I just don’t know where to start. My early years were spent in a very violent home. I was adored by my mother but she had her own struggles. My father was a very abusive alcoholic and when he was around nothing was stable. There are 3 times that I know I should have died because of him. Actually his feelings toward me were rather indifferent. I was more of a pawn in the game he played in terrorizing my mom. When I was 5 mom decided that she couldn’t take it any more and divorced. This was not an easy thing for a woman in a small, very Catholic, town (think seminary school, Catholic university, large mother house (this is where the nuns lived), and just about everything Catholic you can imagine. My grandmother went to mass every morning at 5 am her entire life. Even after they took her keys away, she used the one she had hidden to drive herself. As you can imagine a divorce was a scandal then (the early 1960’s) in that town. One of the reasons that I refer to myself as a "recovering Catholic" is because of the way the church handled the abuse my mom was suffering. At one visit with her priest, asking for help, with a broken arm, a body covered with bruises and a heart broken, she was told "this is your cross to bear" by her church counsel. She walked away, helpless. The defining moment that caused mom to divorce was the time that my father had beaten her and I was in the house. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother, lying on the floor, there was blood, and my father standing over her. I remember it as though it happened this morning. At that moment, she wasn’t afraid of what people thought any longer, her only thought was to protect me from such horrible sights in the future. After word got around that she was divorcing, people told her they couldn’t believe she had stayed married so long. If she had known she had their support, she may have divorced him earlier. In those days, domestic violence was not talked about. It was kept behind closed doors and nobody interfered, though they knew what was going on. I often wonder what course my life would have taken had someone reached out to my mom years before. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have been born so life apparently worked out the way it was destined. There are stories of abuse, kidnapping, and terror all in my little girl life. If any of the things that happened were to happen to a child today, the father would be in jail. I have too many memories to put into one post but the most vivid were the times he took me for a court ordered weekly dinner visit and we would end up 150 miles from home, at his families house, where he would dump me on cousins and aunts that wanted nothing to do with me, and would disappear to the local pub. I never felt welcome in his family’s home. I was always left to sit by myself and wait for him to return. To a child, those hours were like years. On one of the most memorable visits, I was to be returned home by 8 pm and that was when we were well into our drive to upstate New York. Finally at midnight, on our way home, my father decided he needed another one for the road. We stopped at an obscure bowling alley somewhere between where we were and my home. I was ordered to sit and wait till dear dad came out of the bar for me. I had finally had enough and mustered up all my courage to go to the phone and try to call my mom. This was back in the day where you could call the operator and tell her who you wanted to talk to and she could place the call and would wait on the line till your call was answered. When my mom answered, I told her I wanted to come home, I was crying, and now as an adult, I can only imagine the terror she was feeling. She asked me if there were any women near me and told me to go get one. I found a lady changing her shoes ready to leave and she came to the phone and spoke with my mom. I couldn’t really understand what they were talking about but just then my father appeared from the bar and grabbed the phone from the kind lady. There were very angry words exchanged and the ride home was terrifying. My father was drunk, the roads were winding and very dark and he was very angry. Later I found out that was the night that my mom decided that she would never let me leave with my father again. She called the court the next day and his visitations were stopped. I honestly think the saddest part of the whole story is that my father was a very handsome, incredibly intelligent man that built and lost several businesses because of alcohol. Well…I have no idea where that all came from this morning but there you have it. A small snippet of my life’s beginnings and I managed to survive and thrive even with all the ghosts in my past. There are more stories that I will post off and on but for now, I have to return to work.

A tidy dozen things about me

Well I guess I freaked out some blogger friends because I was a bit surprised about the lack of comments on my last post. Anyway...I have decided to further alienate you by telling you a bit about myself. I have always been a bit jealous when I see other bloggers getting tagged for things. I feel like the last kid picked for the cool team in gym class. Since nobody has asked, here are a few tidbits about what make me ....well... me. 1) I am a worrier. I worry about things that I have absolutely no control over so it really is a waste of time but I can't stop it. 2) I talk to my animals like they understand what I am saying...because they do. 3) When I am watching TV I don't always look at the actors in the scene. If there is a crowd scene or city street background I am scanning the sights instead of automatically looking at the actors speaking. 4) I hate walking on wet grass with bare feet. Actually I hate stepping in ANYTHING wet (except the shower of course). 5) I never drank coffee till I was 47. One day I was driving with S1 and we stopped at McDonalds and he got a cappuccino. It smelled so good I tried it and loved it. Now I am a drinker of Hill's Bros. French Vanilla/Fat Free cappuccino at least once a day, sometimes twice. 6) I don't drink the coffee when I first wake up. I have to drink a cold drink first thing, even when it is cold outside. It is either Peach Sna@@ple or Lipt@n green tea, citrus flavor. 7) The little inserted cards in magazines drive me crazy. When I get a magazine I go through and rip them out. 8) When I was a kid I was certain that I wanted 13 kids. Yeah I was crazy. 9) I also thought that if I accidentally swallowed a watermelon seed I would grow a watermelon in my stomach (see, I even worried when I was a kid) 10) As an adult I have realized that I had ADD as a kid. I completely zoned out in school and I wonder what my grades would have been like had ADD meds been around back then. ( I NEVER opened a book or did any homework in high school and managed C's but I will NOT EVER admit this to my kids). 11) It really pisses me off when people identify my kids when saying something stupid like "she has 3 kids, one is adopted" WTF...they are ALL my kids you asses. 12) I wish blogging had been around when I was younger. I wouldn't have felt so isolated when we were going through the IVF crap or adoption wait. Well...there are a dozen things about me. I will stop now, leaving you begging for more.

One childs story

This post is the one that I have gone back and forth about posting. The post itself it written by a fellow student in S1 college lit class. The assignment was to get to know something interesting about your subject and then write a paper. S1 opened up about his medical struggle and honestly I was floored. I have not changed anything below except everywhere the student placed S1's name, I have replaced it with ++++ to protect his identity. The reason I have hesitated about posting S1's condition is because there are many of you that read this that are in the midst of TTC or adopting and honestly, I didn't want this to freak you out. Even though this condition has NOTHING to do with either, I didn't want to add fear to your already strained worried minds. This post will also show you why I feel so incredibly guilty at times for not knowing something was wrong sooner. We really thought S1 was imagining. He is frighteningly brilliant, extremely witty, very artistic, and has a very old soul. From the time he was very very young he has had the soul of someone that should have lived long ago. He has always far surpassed his peers on so many levels that at times he had trouble making friends. He would get frustrated if the kids weren't playing fair or if someone couldn't remember the rules. He is also a killer at Mon*ply. Nobody has ever beaten him..ever. So ---with all that said, here is S1's story as told by a fellow student in a writing assignment. (I will also add a little addendum at the end). ++++ seems like a normal kid. Well, aside from telling people he loves them and to meet them in his room after class. That’s a little creepy. Besides that though, he is a typical college kid. Goes to class, parties on the weekends, has a job. But people do not know about the battle he waged with his mind when he was a kid. One that haunted him for years until it almost beat him, had him pinned up against the wall with nowhere to go. To tell this heroic tale, I need to take you back to when ++++was seven years old. That’s when it all started.In the movie “The Sixth Sense”, Halle Joel Osmet saw things that no one else could see. Dead people. Everywhere he went. This is what ++++went through. Whenever he would go to bed at night, people came into his room. They would walk around, act crazy and belligerent, and scare little ++++. The problem was, these people weren’t real. No one else could see them because they were in ++++head. It started out as a few people just walking around aimlessly in ++++room, but every night more and more people started showing up. They had twisted faces, evil sneers, and eventually they would try to attack ++++. One night, one of these “people” hit ++++in the face. This was one of the reasons that ++++slept in his parent’s room until he was twelve. His parents just thought that he was having nightmares, bad dreams. They didn’t realize the extent of the problem. When ++++would tell them about the people, they would tell him that it was all in his head, he was imagining it. It was in his head, but they didn’t think or know that he had an actually medical condition. ++++wouldn’t find this out for years, but he was bi-polar. The years passed, and ++++learned to live with his condition. He would sleep in the day, watch TV. at night to avoid his “friends.” Once he got the hang of it he thought that it wasn’t that bad. He thought he had it under control. He made a routine of sleeping after school, doing his work at night, and eventually he never saw the people and could sleep at night without being disturbed by his own mind. That was until they came out of hiding and into the daylight. ++++was now a sophomore in high school. It had been almost ten years since he first saw the people in his room. He had just gotten his driver’s license, and was heading home from work on the highway. He was a cautious driver. Keeping his distance from the car ahead of him, following the posted speed limit, checking his mirrors. He was looking in his rearview mirror when he saw them. The twisted faces. The people were following him and they were gaining on him fast. ++++couldn’t believe it. He thought he had gotten over them, thought he had beat them, would never see them again. He was wrong. The people were coming up fast so ++++put the pedal to the metal and started zooming down the highway. The once cautious driver was weaving in and out of lanes at one hundred thirty five miles an hour. The people still kept up. When he made it home, he turned around, expecting a confrontation with the people. But they were gone, nowhere to be found. ++++was confused, frustrated, scared that they would come back. He knew that if he didn’t do anything about this, maybe he’d be safe for now, but one day the people would come back. It could have been that day; it could have been 10 years down the road. ++++didn’t want to live in fear, never knowing where the people would show up. So he told his parent the full extent of these “nightmares” and they took him to the doctor. He was diagnosed with being bi-polar, and was prescribed medicine. Now the people are dead, and ++++can live his life without having to look over his shoulder. Well...there you have it. I just wanted to clarify one thing. One physician also suggested that instead of bipolar this may be a variant of autism. With all the talk in the news lately regarding the increasing evidence of Autism in our children, I have been doing alot of reading and personally I am leaning more toward one of the Autism spectrum disorders than I am bipolar disorder but in any case S1 is my son and I love him more than life itself.

A kid with a sense of humor that makes me old

This is just another little tidbit that adds to the wrinkles in my face and the rate at which I am aging. All the boys are usually fairly up front with me (not so much with BigD--cause, well, he carries a gun:) and there are times they will tell me things and say..."hey mom, don't tell dad". Shit. If they only knew how that puts me in an awkward position but I would rather they keep telling me things so I have to weigh my knowledge of their errors and decide which ones are "tell worthy" (similar to sponge worthy for you Seinfeld fans). Yesterday S2 was telling me a story about something he did. It was a year ago. (I said they tell me, I DIDN'T say it was instant). I have decided not to share it with BigD but the entire internet world..well, thats ok. Last year S2 had alot of trouble in school. He has some ADD issues but hates the way the meds make him feel so I don't force him to take them (my decision folks...yell at someone else). There are times when he takes them but he isn't consistent. Anyway, he had one class last year that was a real bear for him. The dreaded chemistry. (a bit of history here...it was the only class I ever failed) Sooo he is a bit like old mom in this area. Well he knew that things were snowballing into an F and a period of being grounded, no driving, no friends and heaven forbid no eleventh finger known as the beloved cell phone. S2 is a good looking kid, fun, loves to laugh and fortunately doesn't really know that he could get away with A LOT more than he does. People love him. Women love him. Bosses love him. Teachers love him. He lights up a room when he walks in, the only problem is sometimes that light is blinding to his common sense. When walking into his dreaded chemistry class last year, he saw there was a sub teacher that day and his little wheels started turning. He politely said good morning like a good boy, but he said it with a perfect British accent. It took him only an instant to decide that he was going to be British that day. This poor teacher spent the entire class thinking S2 was an exchange student and the thing that kills me...not one kid in that class blew his cover!! He even told the sub that he was excused from the scheduled exam that day because his class over in London was a bit behind. She then sent him to a desk in the back to listen to his Ipod. For those of you wondering..he never did take that test and this could explain why his final grade was horrible. Fortunately he didn't need that class as a grad requirement having taken all his sciences already but it sure didn't help his GPA. There are days when I just want to strangle him ~then there are days when I really wish I could hang out with him because he makes me laugh so hard.