Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Not good. S1's car is DOA unless SOMEONE can come up with $1500 to fix it. As far as I am concerned it isn't worth it. The car has over 150,000 miles on it and I think if SOMEONE is going to come up with $1500 it should be put toward a "new" car. (Of course, I know absolutely nothing about cars, except how to drive them). Does anyone know what a head gasket is? Is the the gasket that is in charge of all the other lesser working class gaskets? Well, his is broken and apparently like humpty dumpty, it can't be put together again. He also has a leaky exhaust (I have that after eating beans sometimes) and his spark plugs are not sparking or plugging I guess. So we have a very pissed off 20 year old, who is being greatly inconvenienced and is basically 'grounded' until he gets some wheels. He then told me he may drop one of his classes so he has time to work. This I am NOT thrilled about. It is a foreign language class that will almost guarantee him the job he wants as it is a very specific language that is much needed in the international government arena where he wants to work. When he started there were over 30 kids in the class, there are now 6. How come this parenting thing is so damn hard? I had to literally take a walk to keep away from my computer~~~to stop myself from looking for a car for him. I am sooo damn bad about wanting to do EVERYTHING for everybody. I need to learn how to step back but I don't have ANY experience in that department. I think I am this way because my own mom was so helpful to me till I was out on my own after college. This is the only way I have ever known how to parent. I have been deeply engrossed in the boys lives from day one and for the most part it has served me very well....they talk to me, the trust me, and share their lives with me. The only drawback is that I feel so guilty. (This is all ME...they do not make me feel this way...in fact they tell me that I worry too much about them, but they know it is out of love and caring, not anything else) I feel like I NEED to help whenever and however I can and knowing that I can't (financially) is really hard on me. Especially with S1. He is my fragile one, yet the one with the most potential to succeed in life greatly and I don't want that delayed. He deserves it. That last part sounds like I am showing a preference for him over the others. It is not that. The other two are very laid back, happy-go-lucky and will be successful in whatever they choose to do, by the mere fact that they chose it. S1 is special in different ways and will crumble if his life goal isn't within reach. Well...I am just starting to ramble now. I am so glad I discovered blogging. Sometimes writing out my thoughts helps me put things that are emotional into perspective. Thanks for hearing me out.