Thursday, May 27, 2010

Ohh yes. Yes I did.

I ran into an old friend at the grocery store earlier this evening. We both were at the service counter waiting to buy some stamps.

We were getting caught up, and when we were finished with our purchases, we moved over about 8 inches so we weren't blocking the counter.

She has just started selling real estate and I asked her how it was going. She told me that she actually showed the house next door to me, but the potential buyers felt that for the price point, it should be in perfect condition and it needs some paint and carpet (this is the house where we dog sat a few months back and the sweet pup was so distraught over his family being gone he had DIARRHEA all over the place. S3 was gagging and couldn't clean it up, so I did. It was disgusting.) Anyway, without giving you an exact asking price, lets just say it is what would be considered a home that an executive would buy. She also told me that it is a divorce situation....which didn't surprise me at all. Frankly the guy is kind of a toad. He never speaks unless he is at the door asking for our ladder. Zippo on personality, and frankly, S2 and I both think he is a pedop.hile He just gives us the creeps. (Yes, weirdos even live in expensive neighborhoods. Sadly at their asking price it could be years before they sell.)

So, she asked me what the guy did for a living. I told her where he worked and she queried how on earth he could afford that home (his position is more one of community service type job than actual employment). I told her that his wife is VP of a huge national corporation, and she was the one with the bucks.

She then surmised that the reason he hasn't done any interior sprucing is that he really doesn't want to sell because he will probably be moving to a less desirable area. I told her it was because he is a lazy slob.

Guess who was standing behind me at the service counter. Yep. Lazy slob.

Yes folks. This crazy shit happens to me all the time. I almost choked trying not to laugh. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, as he was LITERALLY 8 inches from me. If he had farted I would have felt it. When my friend saw me with the OH SHIT look on my face, and in fact I actually uttered those words, she instantly knew. We walked away practically hyperventilating.

When we were a safe distance away I asked her how long he had been standing there (my back was to him) and she had no idea. Believe me, with me telling her where he worked and in the next breath telling her where the wife worked......I can guarantee you there are no other people in our town with those EXACT jobs. He not only knew I was talking about him, but that I figured out he is a lazy slob.

I came home and told BigD, S2 and S3 what happened and we were all laughing so hard we were crying. Truth be told, when we saw the Realtor sign go up in the yard the OHN household did a little happy dance. I am betting he won't miss us either :)

11 comments:

Paige said...

That is such a day in my life, you have no idea

Tina said...

OMG I nearly peed my pants. I'm still laughing. Did he stay with the same realtor? :)

OHN said...

My friend isn't HIS Realtor...she was showing the house to HER clients who are in the market for a house.

Yo-yo Mama said...

That's the kind of conversation I would get caught at as well that my husband gets livid about! Again, too small of a town b/c he doesn't want to be known around town to be married to a smack talker.

You'd think after 5 yrs of dating, hewould have figured that out.

preppyplayer said...

That is my type of luck too. At least you got a laugh out of it and you weren't saying anything cruel or hurtful. If he is like a lot of guys he had probably tuned you out and was thinking about his own biz- I hope...
He's leaving anyway :)

*mary* said...

Ohhh man. That sucks! But I am glad you could laugh about it at home. I would have still been dying of embarrassment. Even if it's a sleaze-o like that I HATE getting busted talking about someone. It's only happened once but I still cringe at the thought! Haha. Glad the Creep is moving!

buffalodick said...

I know what my feet taste like too..

Gil said...

OMG. I would have laughed til I peed! Too freakin' funny.

And yet, this too sums up my sort of experiences! It's good that you made me giggle about them! Ya gotta laugh girl.

As my husband says, "I wear peppermint-flavoured socks on my feet cause they end up in my mouth so often."

awomanmyage said...

Uh-oh. Don't be surprised if he starts throwing loud parties.....

TeamWinks said...

Oh no! Too freakin' funny!

Unknown Mami said...

My jaw is still hanging open! OMG!!! I can't believe that happened. Hilarious and mortifying at the same time.