Thursday, July 31, 2008

family-who says we have to love them???

Love thy brother. Whoever wrote that in the bible, didn't know mine. Why is it that we cherish our friendships but wish some of our family members would crawl under a rock and not come out?? I just spent the week from hell with my brother, uncle robb and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. It started when he pulled in the driveway. I was on my way out, back to work after running home to pick up a flash-drive I had forgotten. It was my birthday and the boys had gotten me a huge pizza sized cookie for dessert later that night. As I was flying out to my car, I yelled jokingly to the boys to leave me a piece (it is survival of the fittest here, eat it before someone else does) and uncle robb says “yeah, you LOOK like you need a cookie”. Okay, in print that doesn’t come across with the condescending tone or eye roll or snicker. This is waaaayyyy more than brother/sister teasing. He is mean. He has always been mean. He was the kind of brother that would tickle me until I would cry, mean. The entire time he was here he was sarcastic, obnoxious and derogatory to me and to my kids. (BigD was away for a few days). He talked to the boys about if they were getting drunk, getting “lai.d”, keeping it “in their pants”, which girls on TV had fake “tit*s”. He even went as far as telling S2 that one of his 17 year old friends had “work done on her tit.s” and he knew this because of their shape. I have known this girl for years and years and trust me, nothing has been altered. At one point a good friend of mine was here wishing me a happy birthday and he started talking about an e-mail he wanted to remember to send S1…you know, the one with the “hot college bab.es”…..this friend has two beautiful daughters in college. We exchanged looks and she left, wishing me luck for the rest of his visit. The boys told me when he left that they think he is becoming one of those creepy old guys that needs to be kept away from high school girls. He knows everything, and when you start a conversation he hijacks it immediately and it becomes a one sided soliloquy of how freaking fabulous he is. In his world, nobody can come close to him in brains, or looks…..sadly he has lost all of his mirrors. A little back story here…he has been married and divorced twice, hates both “cun*s” that had the brains to leave him, doesn’t work and lives off a royalty check he gets twice a year for a business that he worked briefly and is very lucky that the checks still come. He has no health insurance so he shows up at doctors and hospitals to be fixed with never having any intention of paying, then laughs about it. He even stiffed people BigD and I know that helped him medically in the past. I was humiliated….he didn’t care. (These were doctors that I socialize with and now feel extremely awkward with them). Trust me when I tell you that this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I have decided that before he makes a return visit I will have a very direct talk with him about how he is to behave here. When three teenage boys are disgusted and embarrassed by the graphic obnoxious attitude of someone, that is saying something, as most things gross are hilarious to them. S1 told me he believes that uncle robb stopped maturing around age 12 and that S3-who is about to start 8th grade, has more class, tact and common decency than his 60 year old uncle. Well put S1, well put. Once I recover from this visit, I will post some fun posts. I just had to get this out there so my blood pressure would come down.

7 comments:

beagle said...

THIS is why we all need each other!

Sorry he was such a jerk to you on your birthday of all days.

I love this line . . . "sadly he has lost all of his mirrors"

Sitting in Silence said...

I so hear you...life is funny sometimes.....

Sorry you had such a bad time on your birthday...

xox

Rob, Tina and the boys said...

Happy belated birthday! So, if your brother is such a jerk why did he come to visit?

OHN said...

Hey ina...I am not sure if you are asking why he came or why I let him come. Firstly, he comes because he doesn't have a life and he has to travel between family members because we are the only ones nice enough not to tell him to go to hell. He never asks what dates or times are convenient...he calls and announces when he will be here. Over the past few years I have learned to tell him I need a departing date--one summer he came for 3 weeks and BigD and I almost divorced. Sadly, I am not joking. Any of my friends that have met him get the same glazed look in their eyes once he starts talking and ALL of them have asked me if I am SURE he is my brother. It is proof to me that genetics has noting to do with family.

tz said...

sigh.....family...you don't really get to choose them do you...

Deathstar said...

I have to admit - that often I wish I different sisters. Family - can't pick 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Topcat said...

My goodness. I laughed when you said "It started when he pulled in the driveway..." but realised quickly that you were SERIOUS.

What. A. Cocksucker. But you already know that. Does he drink, or was he just born that obnoxious?

And you BETTER have gotten some of your cookie. xoxo