Saturday, June 28, 2008

tidbits of nothing

I really don't have one specific thing to post today. The glory of having ADD is that I am able to stress/think about numerous things at one time. Yay for me.

I have a few questions that I wish I could have answers to....most of them at some point, boil down to money or lack of it.

The price of gas. The cost of college tuition. The heating bills from last winter that I just paid off with our tax refund. (Still waiting for the stimulus check...gosh golly gee, that one is going toward paying off the dentist-so much for stimulating MY economy).

You know when you make a life plan and it doesn't really turn out? I am sure everyone can relate to that on some level. 17 years ago when my mom died she was in the middle of selling her share of a family business. The deal finalized 3 days before she died...while she was in the ICU. My brother and I inherited her profit and it was a pretty damn nice profit. Shocked, sad and overwhelmed at the time (I had S1 who was 17 months old and S2 was 6 weeks old--yeah, I know the old cliche of "adopt and you will get pregnant"--still makes me cringe when people say it). Anyway (see the ADD kicking in here...not even one direct continuous coherent thought;) Big D and I were faced with what to do with the inheritance. Neither one of us are big gamblers so the thought of investing in stocks didn't appeal to us (thankfully because the market has tanked a few times since then) so we decided to invest in real estate. This was the best decision we ever made except our 'life plan' hasn't really worked.

We had planned on building and living in our dream home (which we did and do) and then when the two boys (we had no idea there would be an S3 at that point) were in high school, we would sell the house, downsize and use the money for their college. Sounds like a good plan, WAS a good plan but ---- nobody is buying these big houses now. So, here we sit looking at student loans, weighing good and bad and feeling ridiculous. I would bet almost anything that NONE of our neighbors are even wincing at the thought of tuition, hell they are probably even smiling when writing the checks. Me, well I feel like a heel. I know it is not my legal responsibility to give my kids an education past the age of 18 but I feel like a schmuck. It is almost comical to look around and see all the "things" we have yet our kids are looking at loans. I am not looking for sympathy or handouts I just don't want to feel like I do. The boys know that we are stuck in this situation till the economy changes and we can sell but I guarantee you, nobody on the outside would ever imagine that I am struggling like this. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything we have and still believe we made the best choice at the time to build the house rather than any other investment options (It has increased in market value almost double) but it really doesn't do us much good if we can't cash in on our investment.

I think I have mentioned before that I want to someday start an "average kid" scholarship. None of mine are athletes, only one is a genius (he made the Deans list-but again, no scholarship for that) and I think there needs to be a fund out there that regular kids that are smart but not brilliant, studious but like to have fun, and kids that will really make the world a better place...they need to get a little appreciation. I would love to know that I was helping some regular kid pay for his books or ease his stress over one semester of room and board etc. It would feel great to do that....maybe someday. If only I could win that lottery.

In other news the notorious uncle rob will be coming for a visit soon. Dear god, that reminds me I need to refill my x*anax. I wish I could put into words what his impending visits do to my family. When he first announces the dates of his visit (he never asks if it is ok, he just tells us when he will be here) there is a lot of joking and laughing about him but as the date draws closer the doom cloud starts to move in. S1 is headed off for a week at a friends, S2 is lining up as many odd jobs as he can and S3 is giddy with excitement (he hasn't quite caught on that uncle rob is a cranky old leach). As for BigD he will spend an extraordinary amount of time at work and upstairs "working" in his office. ("working" is a euphemism we use for playing online scrabble). I explained to uncle rob that now that I am working 2 jobs I won't be able to hang out much and that he will love our pups as they can sit with him while he flips through 120 channels over and over and over again, complaining about all the food I serve, questioning my parenting, telling all of us what is wrong with us as a family, (remember this man has been divorced twice and one of his own kids can't stand being around him), he reprimands my children, yells at my dogs, tells me I have no idea how to "train" a dog since he has had 2 in his lifetime-he is an expert. Basically he is an expert on just about everything yet he doesn't have a pot to pee in. (remember he and I inherited the exact same amount from our mom when she died....he blew it all in 2 years and now rents a little studio apartment and can't even qualify for a car loan-he makes his kid lease it for him. It is so pathetic and sad and yet he is so freaking obnoxious it is hard to work up any sympathy. OHHH and he thinks he is a stud. He will hang out in bars trying to pick up 30 year old's (he is 64---HUGE age gap between us thanks to my own moms IF problems) and wonders why he isn't "scoring". GAG.

I think I am done whining now. It always makes me feel better to get things out helps the nagging thoughts quiet down.

I also want to show you what two months of a little rain and some sun can do with a before photo from April and a now photo from June: I did absolutely NOTHING except pull a few weeds. Gotta love mother nature :)

1 comment:

tz said...

ooooh, lovely pictures of the garden...

and reading your post is like living in my brain...I'm soooo ADD myself..

we downsized our house 4 years ago (when the kiddos were real little) and started putting money into a college fund..we're hoping to have the house paid, some money in the college fund and hopefully you'll have your average kid scholarship fund set up and we'll be good to go...

the future scares me, we do without now so that in the future we'll be okay...but who knows maybe we should enjoy it more now???

it's hard to say, but you say you have so much and unable to give the kids what you want to give them...BUT they will always have room in your home and heart, a saftey net to fall back on, an ear to hear their problems, a voice of reason and love to help them through....i'm sure you've given them so much that is priceless...