Monday, April 16, 2007
I have had all these wonderful posts lurking in my head these past few days but as I sat down to write I put on the TV and saw the breaking news coming out of Virginia Tech, my heart is breaking and I just can't be witty. We are sending off out oldest son to college in August. I know this kind of thing doesn’t happen all the time on campuses but knowing that all these kids were doing what kids do, sleeping, eating, going to class…all the things my son will be doing soon. I want to go to college with my son, and follow him around everywhere he goes to watch him and keep him safe. No, I am not really going to do that, I just wish I could. When my children were placed in my arms, my entire world changed. I no longer think about myself first, in fact I rarely think about myself at all. I have a keen awareness of how the mothers in the animal kingdom feel. I would lay down my life without hesitation to protect my children. God help the person that causes my child harm. Ironically, my son and I spent all day last Thursday at his future campus getting his dorm assignment, room-mate name, and actually scheduling all of his first semester classes. Throughout the day we were split up and all the kids went with current students or advisors while the parents had sessions about how we are paying for the education, what meal plans to buy, grants and scholarships et cetera. By the time we were reunited we had been there for 7 hours (exhausting but extremely well organized day) and we had the option to stay for one more "talk" or we could leave if we had other places to be since all the scheduling and other imperatives were done. We chose to leave. We were both hungry and tired and felt that we had asked every question possible, gotten answers and we were set for fall semester to begin. Now the kicker….the last talk (that hardly anyone stayed to listen to) was about campus safety. Oh how I wish I had stayed. You can be assured that I will be calling the campus police dept to ask them how they would handle a situation like this at sons campus. Strangely, if I had a daughter I would have stayed…how is that for a double standard?! My son is a scrawny, tall, lanky, very un-athletic guy and yet I always assume that guys won't be victimized. I should know better. Many of the blogs I read are people struggling to become parents like we were. I always knew that I would love my children because I knew how much my mom loved me. At least I thought I new. I truly didn’t understand the sheer depth of her love for me till I became a mom. I can't even begin to think about losing a child in this manner. I have lost 4 babies (strangely all girls) but it was before I had ever held them. Those losses were horrible but while I loved those unborn girls, I hadn't held them while they were vomiting from illness, cleaned and bandaged their boo-boos, made their favorite foods just because I was thinking about them that day, surprised them with a note in their lunches et cetera. To all of you that are still struggling, please don’t give up. I KNOW infertility is at times mind numbingly painful but at the end of the road when you are a parent, you will have achieved what I perceive as the greatest blessing there is. If you are of the praying type, say an extra one for all those parents that have lost their sons and daughters today.