inbox or outbox?

I was cleaning my office this morning while I was waiting for my work to arrive. Some days it is in my inbox by 7 am other days it doesnt arrive till about 10.

The days it is late I get a chance to get caught up on my bill paying, filing, etc. My office is kind of like the hole in the house. Everything lands here. If you look around at any given moment it is full of officey type things but also, socks that were shed after school the day before from my hillbilly kids that hate to have their precious toes covered, homework assignments that I will be getting a call about later with whichever kid asking me to drive as fast as possible to bring that work in because it was due last week so it HAS to be there in the next 10 minutes, reorder forms for magazines that I never have time to read but "they are my favorites" to have a subscription to, and more miscellaneous crap that will probably never be needed.

This also happens to be the smallest room in the house. Thankfully I have a teenie tiny family heirloom desk (you know the kind they made when nobody ever grew to more than 5'1 and never weighed more than 95 pounds) that is very very small. My keyboard, monitor and a few papers basically maxes out the desktop area. Anyway, while I was filing a stack of papers I have been successfully ignoring for months someone quietly snuck (sneeked?) into my office and got comfy. My dilemma is I am not sure if this is filed as in box or out box. What do you think?

Terrifying the dog

Let me set the stage for this. It was early afternoon and I had yet to get a shower. (Started work at 6 am and got busy..as usual). Since Harley has been very well behaved I have been letting him out of my office little by little when I step out to use the bathroom or whatever. He is very content peeking into the rooms and he pretty much stays by my side. Anyway, I decided that as long as all the bedroom doors were closed and all the trash went out this morning, there was really nothing he could get into while I took my shower so I decided to let him roam around. Like I said for the last two months he has been "living" in my office (hey, if I can be there 16 hours a day, so can he). Until lately I had been putting him in his kennel when I have to leave my office for more than a couple minutes. My point is, that he really hadn’t been around when I have gone to shower. WELL….here we are, in the bathroom…he is at my feet. I took off my t-shirt and he suddenly sat up and stared at my chest. He was mesmerized by my boobs. It suddenly dawned on me, he had never seen me naked. I swear to you, he looked at the left one, then the right one, then the left again… If he could talk he would have surely let out a WHAT THE %#$@ ARE THOSE??? The poor boy put his ears back and went scurrying out of the bathroom with his tail between his legs. Lets just say I am no longer the perky, taut, little 36A I used to be. Age and gravity have done their job in helping my boobs, now about 38C, almost line up with my belly button so he probably thought my nipples were staring at him. Poor dog.

Virginia Tech

I have had all these wonderful posts lurking in my head these past few days but as I sat down to write I put on the TV and saw the breaking news coming out of Virginia Tech, my heart is breaking and I just can't be witty. We are sending off out oldest son to college in August. I know this kind of thing doesn’t happen all the time on campuses but knowing that all these kids were doing what kids do, sleeping, eating, going to class…all the things my son will be doing soon. I want to go to college with my son, and follow him around everywhere he goes to watch him and keep him safe. No, I am not really going to do that, I just wish I could. When my children were placed in my arms, my entire world changed. I no longer think about myself first, in fact I rarely think about myself at all. I have a keen awareness of how the mothers in the animal kingdom feel. I would lay down my life without hesitation to protect my children. God help the person that causes my child harm. Ironically, my son and I spent all day last Thursday at his future campus getting his dorm assignment, room-mate name, and actually scheduling all of his first semester classes. Throughout the day we were split up and all the kids went with current students or advisors while the parents had sessions about how we are paying for the education, what meal plans to buy, grants and scholarships et cetera. By the time we were reunited we had been there for 7 hours (exhausting but extremely well organized day) and we had the option to stay for one more "talk" or we could leave if we had other places to be since all the scheduling and other imperatives were done. We chose to leave. We were both hungry and tired and felt that we had asked every question possible, gotten answers and we were set for fall semester to begin. Now the kicker….the last talk (that hardly anyone stayed to listen to) was about campus safety. Oh how I wish I had stayed. You can be assured that I will be calling the campus police dept to ask them how they would handle a situation like this at sons campus. Strangely, if I had a daughter I would have stayed…how is that for a double standard?! My son is a scrawny, tall, lanky, very un-athletic guy and yet I always assume that guys won't be victimized. I should know better. Many of the blogs I read are people struggling to become parents like we were. I always knew that I would love my children because I knew how much my mom loved me. At least I thought I new. I truly didn’t understand the sheer depth of her love for me till I became a mom. I can't even begin to think about losing a child in this manner. I have lost 4 babies (strangely all girls) but it was before I had ever held them. Those losses were horrible but while I loved those unborn girls, I hadn't held them while they were vomiting from illness, cleaned and bandaged their boo-boos, made their favorite foods just because I was thinking about them that day, surprised them with a note in their lunches et cetera. To all of you that are still struggling, please don’t give up. I KNOW infertility is at times mind numbingly painful but at the end of the road when you are a parent, you will have achieved what I perceive as the greatest blessing there is. If you are of the praying type, say an extra one for all those parents that have lost their sons and daughters today.

THE MALE SPECIES

If you are a lover of all things male then you should skip this post as I am about to launch into a tirade about how unbelievably ignorant that particular species can be. A few weeks ago I had an abnormal pap, then another a couple weeks after that. My family physician referred me to a GYN specializing in abnormal testing. I went for what I thought would be a routine get-to-know-you kind of visit yesterday when Dr. Uterus saw the glint in my eye that he correctly interpreted as a patient that would likely cancel 4-10 visits before I actually came back to have any further testing done. Before I knew it, I was letting him see parts that even Big D has never seen. Dr. Uterus is well known for being a rather serious young man and in my opinion seemed very intelligent but not real comfortable with the face to face (he obviously prefers talking to nether regions). Anyway, to lighten things up (and to keep myself from screaming while the inside of one of my organs had chunks removed by some gawd awful equipment) I told him that at least he could have bought me dinner first. I thought the poor boy was going to hyperventilate. He was stunned then laughed very loud. His sidekick nurse looked at me like I had performed a miracle. The ice was broken, along with my cervix and uterus. We had a few more chuckles while he yanked out several chunks of my innards to be sent to Dr. Pathologist to see if we could possibly get the insurance company (because you know they DO rule the world) to allow me to have all these worthless parts removed and free me of all the crap said parts cause. Anyway, on to the tirade. I came home and while not going into specifics of what I had done, I let it be known that I was pretty uncomfortable and was going to take some pain medication (nice to take even without the pain;) and rest. Okay, I did tell them enough that they shouted EWWW and while running out of the room all thanked God that they weren't girls. As I walked in son #2 was staring out the window (insert my thought of him contemplating life and how to stop global warming) and I asked him what he was thinking about. In all seriousness he said that if the wind kept blowing like it is, and it continued to come from just the right direction, like it is, the garbage cans would blow close enough to the house that they might make it to the garage and he wouldn’t have to put them away. HUH? This one, he has a great future somewhere. Son 3# announced that he was going to friend J’s house and asked if I could take care of the neighbors dog (we are dog/house sitting for the hot little poodle next door-the one that prances around her yard in front of our poor ball-less Harley). Um, yeah son #3, I would love to put on boots, a coat, gloves, a hat (did I mention that it is snowing on April 5th?) and trudge next door to DO YOUR JOB THAT YOU AGREED TO DO—the answer is no..do it before you go to J’s house. Son #1 walked in about then to ask me what was for dinner. When I answered "what ever you find to shove in your mouth" he said we didn’t have any good food in the house (ie: cookies, pre-cooked lobster or filet, twice baked potatoes with bacon....this is the kid that will have a very very rude awakening when he arrives at college this fall and has to live on ramen noodles like everyone else :). I then offered to spring for Chinese food. He looked at me and as he turned to walk up the steps to his room he said "let me know when you get home with it". W.H.A.T.? Since we don’t have any places that deliver in our area we need to pick up. Without going into the fact that I called all of them spoiled rotten little snots, son #3 DID go do the pickup. Later in the evening I gathered them all around and asked what they thought they would have to do if I was no longer here…not in a morbid way, I may have said something to the effect of "you know some moms run away from their families and live idyllic lives on warm beaches". I am certain that the two cats and the dog would definitely starve to death, clothes would be worn till they smelled so bad that none of the sons would have any friends left, hairballs and slime would fill the house and all of the family would be sustained on Pepsi and Oreo’s since I wouldn’t be doing the shopping. In case you noticed that I didn’t mention Big D in this equation, he is a post all by himself. Lets just say, he never had any sisters and his mom was the epitome of a June Cleaver clone. He has never had a clue about anything female and probably never will.

Amazing

This amazes me: Couple Approach 80th Wedding Anniversary AP LUBEC, Maine (March 29) - Kathleen Tarbell "fell head over my stomach" for her husband Waldo when they met at a dance. They married in 1927, during Calvin Coolidge's presidency. This weekend, they'll celebrate their 80th anniversary. Waldo is 101 and Kathleen will turn 100 in June. The anniversary party will be Saturday afternoon at Oceanview Nursing Home, where the couple shares a large room. Maine's Office of Vital Records could not immediately determine if the Tarbells' marriage is the longest in the state. The 2007 Guinness Book of World Records lists a Rhode Island couple wed for 83 years as having the longest marriage among living people. Kathleen, a native of Pembroke, moved to Waldo's hometown of Meddybemps after they married. Two years later, they moved to Pembroke, where their two children, Helen Brown and Elliot Tarbell, were born. Waldo and Kathleen lived in their home in Pembroke until a few weeks ago. "I had to go to the hospital to have some X-rays taken. My back was killing me," Kathleen told the Bangor Daily News. After she was hospitalized, Waldo was moved to the nursing home and she later joined him. For 37 years, Waldo worked for Maine Central Railroad, at a starting wage of 37 cents an hour. After their children were raised, Kathleen worked for 32 years as a "herring choker and wrapper" at sardine factories. "Sometimes it'd be 10 o'clock at night before we'd get done. We'd go into work at eight in the morning. By the time we got home and got turned over in bed it was time to get up again," she recalled. Kathleen has been a Democrat her entire adult life. Waldo, originally a Republican , turned Democrat. "She converted me," he said. They remain up to speed on current events. Kathleen reads the newspaper every day, and she thinks the war in Iraq is "scandalous." "Somebody ought to take Bush and wring his neck, and I might be the one to do it," she said with a sparkle in her eye. I dont know her but I love her.

I have a brother

I have a brother. I have never really blogged about him because we have a complicated relationship. He is 12 years older than I am and to be truthful we are complete opposites in every aspect of life. He has lived a high rollers life of Aspen in the winter, Vegas in the spring et cetera. The only problem is that he is NOT wealthy, he has just lived as though he were. Now he is sick and has nothing to fall back on. No money, no health insurance and not too many people that want to be around him for any length of time because he can be very obnoxious. It makes me very sad but on the other hand there are so many things that he did or didn’t do that caused him to be like this that it is hard to feel too much sympathy while at the same time, loving him because he is my brother. When our mom was dying he was trying to "score" with his soon to be second ex wife and they hopped a plane, headed to California…she had never been there…and I sat in shock watching our mom die while I was cradling my 6 week old baby that was finally born healthy after the pregnancy from hell. Oh, he DID call every day to ask how she was doing..the conversations went something like this: Him: How is she. Me: Awful. I can barely recognize her. The resident perforated her colon today doing a colonoscopy because they saw a "spot" of blood in her underwear. She has kidney failure, is headed for sepsis, is conscious on the vent and they had to do a fasciotomy in both lower legs so they wouldn’t explode. She is so sick that they may have to open her up to replace the graft they put in last year for her AAA that has become grossly infected because it is synthetic and antibiotics won't help. The ICU nurses are angels sent from heaven and have been doing their best to make her comfortable even confronting some of the docs that have written her off. Him: Okay. Well, let me know if there is anything I can do. Me: Yeah, whatever. Hope you are enjoying your trip. (You worthless motherfucker. I am here watching the woman that has supported you your entire worthless life both emotionally and financially. Don’t worry about stopping by, my C-section barely hurts anymore and son#1 is such a great toddler that he doesn’t even mind that he is spending his days in a hospital waiting room since they have building blocks. ) Okay.. I didn’t actually say that but I wanted to more than you can imagine). Him: Oh, good. I will check in with you tomorrow. Do you think she is really sick? Do you want me to come back east? Me: You do whatever you have to do to live with yourself. (I can’t believe you are even asking..she is our mother you asshole..where else should you be??!!..again thought but not said). At one time I wondered if I was being too hard on him. Maybe he didn’t handle stress well, and when I talked to several friends and Big D, they looked at me like I had lost my mind. None of them could comprehend how his head had gotten so far up his ass. They all knew my mom and what an amazing woman she was. I think before she died my mom summed up my brother in very few words…. "I am starting to see traits of his father in him" . For my mom that was a loaded statement and she was very sad when she said it. (For the record my father was also an asshole. He was a violent drunk and the smartest and bravest thing my mom did was divorce him in a time in history when divorce was not the norm…and she was catholic to boot.) Anyway, what started this whole post is that my brother is sick and has nobody. He has kids that have a very at-arms-length- relationship though they love him. Like I said, it is very complicated. He is too young for Medicare, has no insurance and tons of health problems (some of which can be attributed to smoking, drinking, and lifestyle) and not one doctor will touch him. He has been "dismissed" by more than one doctor…I can't blame them, I am sure they are afraid he will sue if he isn't "cured". He is always looking for a way to make a quick buck and it is obvious. He was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for nothing life threatening but I had flashes of him going downhill at some point and wondering who would be there for him….even with our complicated history, I wouldn’t hesitate to be there for him, sit with him and be sure he wasn’t alone. Ironically one of his kids lives 15 minutes from him but can't seem to make the time to visit…hmmmm, like father like son??

VOTE FOR ME!

Okay gang~~Show me the love. I entered one of our kitties in a contest for lifetime TV...if you click this link and give me a 10 I am entered to win $1000.00 ~~ of course I would share :) Hey I gotta get the kid through college somehow. http://lifetimetv.com/photos/cats/rate.php?id=122203

My week in review

This week has been a roller-coaster of emotions. On Monday I got a call from my doctor telling me that my second pap was abnormal like my previous one a few weeks ago. I immediately got sick to my stomach with thoughts of cervical cancer and dying before my kids were all grown and visions of the Big D (which is what I will now call my husband here-some days it is Big Dave, Big Don, Big Darren, Big Dreamy but quite often it is Big Dick so depending on my mood Big D always seems to fit) finally getting that trophy wife that I am sure he fantasizes about. So, now my next step is to find an OB/Gyn that is on my insurance and pray they know what the hell is going on and don’t pussy foot (no pun intended) around and either take all these old rotten parts out or find out exactly why things have gone abnormal in the past year. On Wednesday Big D left for a 4-5 day trip with a busload of drunks headed to a St. Patrick’s day parade 15 hours from here (he plays in a bagpipe band). Sometimes I go on these trips but with 3 kids here at home and nobody around to stay with them and the fact that it costs an ass load more money if I go too (his room is split between guys if they bunk together but if I go I draw the line at his band-mates snoring in the next bed). Obviously it costs a lot less to send only one of us and since I am not in a band, he is the obvious choice. Normally when these rare trips come up and I am not going I have planned weeks in advance to paint rooms, refinish furniture, et cetera but this time it is a good thing that I didn’t. I have barely had time to brush my teeth. I spent all day Friday with son #1 on a college visit. As I said in a previous post he was accepted 3 places. The school we visited on Friday is his first choice and by the time we were ready to leave he had pretty much committed to that school. Today in the mail he gets a letter from his second choice offering him a full ride to the tune of $40,000.000 a year. Shit. I don’t want this to be about money. His first pick has an outstanding architecture program with a Masters in 5 years with the last year spent in Florence Italy and a 90%, yes 90%, employment percentage within 3 months of graduation. Sounds pretty good to me and would obviously be a great fit for him….but the other school with 40 freakin thousand a year, that is really hard for a miserly bitch like me to sneeze at. So, the drama continues…at least till I see if his first choice may cough up some bucks..that would make it a lot easier to not feel ripped off. Also yesterday, son # 3 asked if he could have a party. I said no. He is only 12 but thinks he is about 17. We compromised and I told him he could have a "few" kids over. We finally agreed on 7 and amazingly it ended up being 3 boys (4 with him) and 4 girls. Honest to God, I have NEVER heard 8 kids make so much noise in my life! Thankfully it was only for 2 hours but by the end of that time I was ready to hang every one of them upside down and staple their toes to the wall. I have to say it was an equal opportunity noisy crowd, the girls were squealing and the boys were wrestling. I tried numerous tricks to get them all quieted down, games, movies, food, they only worked for about 45 seconds and they were back at it. But, the real kicker of the night is that son #3 had his FIRST KISS. One of the girls that came over was a little shy, very pretty, sweet girl and it turns out she and son have been crushing on each other for about 2 months. Well last night he laid a big lip lock on her and lived to tell about it. He was on cloud 9 and didn’t even complain when I told him that he had to clean up the mess when they all left. His feet were barely touching the ground. So my week has gone from fear of cancer, jealously of Big D having a grand time without me, seeing my 18 year old "baby" beaming walking around his probable home for the next 5 years to my youngest having his first kiss. If I were a drinking girl, this St. Patty’s day would be a real humdinger. Son #1 and son #2 are with their friends tonight and son #3 is at a sleep over. I should be enjoying the peace and quiet but here I sit feeling sorry for myself. Tonight I feel like I am just an extra appendage that doesn’t belong anywhere important. Here is to my one person pity party~cheers.

not even a clever title

What a week. I have been very good about reading all my (too many;) blogs. I have not had time to post though. Lets see…since my last post husband is better but not back to normal..somehow this has become my fault. Don’t ask. Son #1 has pretty much decided on a college. He applied to 3, got into all and had to weigh all the options. One school is about $8,000 a year for tuition, another is around $9000 and the third is $39,000. I am trying not to push any of them but the $39,000 one almost made me choke on my tongue. Mind you this is BEFORE room and board and he is the first of 3 kids. We can either decide to blow the whole enchilada on one kid and tell the others-sorry outa luck, go into debt with a loan that you will be paying off till you have grandchildren, or we can hope that one of the other schools has the best program for what he wants to study. Fifteen years ago we invested in real estate and our plan was to sell our house when college time rolled around, buy a smaller place and get rid of expenses other than the basics. We have been living in a very large house in a beautiful neighborhood. Unfortunately in this price range homes are not selling so we are going to plan b. Oh, wait, we were young and stupid and didn’t have a plan b. I am typically a glass half full kinda girl and I also believe that all things work out the way they should. I learned a long time ago not to wonder when and why because things in my life have pretty much worked out the way they were meant to be, good or bad, there is usually a reason. Yesterday while at his last season basketball game son#3 got hurt and what was to be a quick afternoon of 2 basketball games ended up a very long day with a trip to the ER for an x-ray..thankfully nothing was broken but he is pretty sore today. THEN this morning, son #2 who also had a game yesterday, woke up telling me that his wrist really really hurt. I took a look and it doesn’t take a radiologist to see that his hand is sure sitting at a funny angle. Apparently the play that I missed (gabbing with another players mom) was when his fist went into the concrete wall. I have a feeling we may end up with another x-ray for our family this weekend…wonder if they give frequent flyer discounts. So to sum up the weekend, if any of you are radiologists that would like to buy a very large home, give me a heads up. Sorry for the boring post I feel drained and not the least bit clever this morning. I will take my happy pills and be back later~

marriage vows

Marriage vows. How seriously should they be taken? For the most part I agree with them though I didn’t agree to obey hubby. I rarely obey anyone. I am very easy going till someone gives me a direct order, especially given with a shitty tone, then I rebel. I do agree with the forsaking all others part..no sense in spreading icky diseases except back and forth between the two of you. The one part that I find I am having trouble with is the in sickness and in health part. Now mind you, I have willingly and with much love nursed hubby through a nearly fatal MRSA infection after a "routine" arthroscopy at our local hospital. This is a very long story that I will post at another time…this MRSA is a scary thing. Anyway, I digress. You see hubby is home with what seems like a pretty crappy case of bronchitis, lots of mucus and wheezing going on here these days. I have been a dutiful wife, bringing cheer and the occasional chicken soup to his bedside, rarely letting him see me recoil when he spews disgusting fungi every time he coughs. My problem?…I draw the line when he is sleeping on MY PILLOW! He sees nothing wrong with using mine if it can make him more comfortable. Mind you this is a man that has 4, yes 4, pillows. I have 1. When I went to bed last night my soft feather pillow that allows me to sleep peacefully was under his snot ridden head. Thankfully he had to get up to go to the bathroom and I scooped up my pillow, went to the closet and put 2 new pillow cases on it, after removing the one that was his viral catch basin. I then went to bed half pissed because I wondered if the germs had worked their way into the interior feathers and I was going to get sick even with new pillow cases. This morning when I got up I performed a very sneaky maneuver. As I arose slowly, I "accidentally" dropped my pillow off my side of the bed (the floor HAS to be cleaner than hubby at this point). I think he is probably sick enough that he won’t go looking for my pillow but just in case, I am headed to Bed Bath and Beyond this morning to buy myself a new pillow and some sort of pillowcase that he would hate to have under his snotty head. Mind you I am not a Howie Mandel type of germiphobe but in my opinion under no circumstances should a person ever use another persons pillow, toothbrush, underwear, and I will even go as far as not sharing eating utensils or double dipping a half chewed chip or carrot back into a community dip bowl~~it is just gross. My kids share my feelings, (momma has taught them well) and will verbally chastise anyone they see committing any of the germ sins.

The rambling queen

I like to believe that I am fairly intelligent. Blogger makes me feel stupid. I finally switched to "new" blogger because I couldn't leave witty, intelligent, thought provoking and eloquent responses on some blogs and I know these folks are wondering where I went. I am almost certain that they can't begin their days without my wisdom. SO, for those folks I have switched and I pray that this enables me to impart my vast years of knowledge in response to their blogs. It is snowing again. I really need a vacation. Hubby is being an ass. Sons are whiny and believe the world revolves around them. My bills are higher than my income. Son #2 got his first ticket and has to go to court (I hope it costs him a bunch to teach the little shit that YES, RULES DO APPLY TO HIM TOO, and I am not paying one single dime). The puppy is chewing everything in site, including some receipts I need for our taxes. Britney is a train wreck and her loser husband is looking like the better parent. scary. I need to clean my office. I can't remember the last time I saw a grown-up movie at a theater so the Oscar's mean nothing to me. Denny came back on Grey's last night-he is very very hot. The above paragraph proves either I need a vacation or medication..not sure which...or maybe both :)

Will power

Will power This is something that I used to have. Somewhere along the way it was either stolen or misplaced because I don’t have it any more. I have a personal goal to lose a bunch of weight before this summer since I am going to be forced to wear a bathing suit on a vacation that I desperately need. Tonight when I picked up son #3 from his basketball practice he happened to mention that he was a little bit STARVING TO DEATH. Even though I was pretty sure he was exaggerating slightly he was relentless and we ended up swinging through the golden arches. I personally haven't eaten any fast food in months and didn’t plan on having any this time either. When we pulled up to the sign the little man inside asked what I wanted…I was immediately spellbound by his slightly graveled tone and his rippling Ab’s—oh wait, that part was in my head. Anyway, I thought that since they have all these things for only a buck and I had 8 to spare I would get some things off the dollar menu to bring home for the other bottomless pit children for their midnight snack (the one before their 2 am snack). As we were pulling away with a bag of relatively warm double cheeseburgers I nonchalantly stuck my hand in the bag and managed to unwrap and devour a double cheeseburger without even removing my other hand from the wheel. As that first squirt of salty greasy meat slithered across my tongue and down my throat I was torn by orgasmic proportions of happiness and nauseating disgust for my lack of will power. If I didn’t hate puking, I would consider bulimia (no offense or disrespect to any of you skinny bitches that do this on a regular basis, I just hate puking). So, tomorrow I will have to somehow forgive myself and maybe pray that it will be sweatshirt weather in July in Florida.

out my window

This is happening out my window today. We have actually had about 6-8 more inches since I took these pix earlier this morning. Needless to say, the kids are home again. If they get another snow day tomorrow they will be off for the next 5 since they already have off Fri and Mon. Obviously it was fun at first but now I am losing my mind, or what is left of it. Son#2 thinks--yippee..no school, I am going to take mom's car and drive all over northeast Ohio doing donuts in parking lots..it aint happenin kid. So, because of his obnoxious mouth, annoying attitude and relentless whining that the world belongs to him, I grounded him....take that you little shit. The only problem with that is that having him out of the house for the day would be A WHOLE LOT more fun for me that seeing him sulk around every corner. It is days like this that I have to remember my infertile years and how I would cry every time I saw a baby. I should have been picturing them as teenagers.

One Mother busted

I just found out that one of my favorite blogs has had to shut down because the blogger was busted by one of her kids. Damn kids, they ruin everything. I only hope that this blogger knows she still has many of us out here that can relate to her horrible past year and will still be wondering how she is doing. My kids don't know I blog...they know I read them but not that I have one. I am not sure how they would react...actually they would probably not care too much and if anything, would call me dumb or stupid and would NEVER understand why I need to vent here. They just aren't that deep. Remember these are guys that have no clue why women love flowers, cry at love stories, keep drawings from when the kids were in kindergarten or anything remotely sentimental. I am doing my damned best to raise these males with some sort of sensitivity but it is much like a salmon swimming up stream..by the time I get there I will die.

random thoughts

For those of you that are wondering...Harley is doing great. I am soooo glad that I followed my gut and got another pup. He isn't replacing Tucker but he is becoming a new member of the family in his own way. Here are a couple photos to show you how we treat animals that become family members..yeah, we are a bit over the top. The pillow is son #2.

Our phone rang a bit ago and it was our school systems computer generated calling system to let us know that the kids don't have school tomorrow...it is too damn cold! I honestly do get it...the kids that have to walk etc but I don't ever remember having school closed for much of anything when I was a kid. Yeah, I know " I used to walk 150 miles barefoot across jagged glass in my day"...no gramps it wasnt quite that bad but I lived in an area of the country that we had snow from halloween till Easter and not much stopped us from getting where we needed to go. Right now I think it will be fun having the boys home tomorrow...ask me again about 10 am when they are really annoying me. As I sit here in the blissful peace and quiet of my office there is a group of males of various ages sitting in my family room watching the game. As I have established in previous posts, I don't care much for football so I encouraged husband to invite his best buddy over with his kid that is friends with son #3. I cooked alot of artery clogging food then retreated to the warmth and comfort of my office and back to back episodes of Monk. For some reason, I totally get that guy.

Actually I have no business sitting here blogging (and I just added another 3 blogs to my list of ones I will keep reading~~I would show you my blog roll, but I can't figure out how to do that). I have about 3 hours of actual work to do that needs to be done by 7 am....just can't seem to get interested right now. I think I will wander upstairs, crank up the electric blanket and call it a night. The work will still be there when I get up and what would take me 3 hours tonight will only take me about an hour when I am actually functioning in the morning :)

nitey nite.

mid night awakenings

I crashed into bed early last night. If you have read my last couple of posts that were the tip of my weeklong iceberg and I needed sleep-BAAD! In my sound sleep I heard a sound that needed my attention..no not the new puppy who is a dream puppy and sleeps quietly all night-no, this sound was more of a sobbing. When I woke up enough I realized it was my husband beside me in bed and the sobbing sound I heard was actually him laughing hysterically into his pillow. He was laughing so hard that he couldn't even tell me why he was laughing. The room was dark, TV off and as far as I could see there was nothing funny anywhere. Well, between gasps for air, he told me that he had just had the loudest longest deepest fart he has ever had. WHAT? You woke me up at 2:30 am to tell me about a fart? Apparently his Chipotle earlier in the evening was coming back to haunt him. Do you know what had him so hysterical??? Just when he was praising himself on the depth and resonance of his bowel sounds he heard our sons bedroom door shut..the son that is afraid of things that go bump in the night. He was hysterical because his fart was so horrendous it scared his kid. Did I mention that there was NO alcohol involved??!! This is just a man that easily amused and oddly enough it is one of the things I love about him. I am not sure what that says about me.

Very sad day in the neighborhood

Three children lost their mom last night. My 41 year old neighbor died from cancer. I can't even imagine knowing I was dying. Obviously I know that I will die someday but to know you have X amount of time would be absolute torture. I wouldn't worry about my husband, he would be fine. In fact he probably would have a new honey fairly quick as there are many women out there known as "badge sniffers" that would love to snag onto a guy like him. But I absolutely cannot imagine knowing my kids were losing me. I don't have an over inflated ego, I know there are other women in their life that could be there for them, but they aren't mom. I still miss my mom and she has been gone 16 years. This neighbors kids are 15, 13, and 9. Their entire world has changed and I can't think of one thing I can do to make it better for them. As I mentioned before, this lady and I were casual neighbors, you know the kind, wave, say hi in the store, chat in line at the post office but we weren't buddies. In some bizarre way I almost feel like I let her down.

Google rocked my world.

Google rocked my world two days ago. I was helping a blogger friend with some adoption information and accidentally and shockingly found our sons birthmother. She had posted contact information on an adoption site so that if son#1 ever wanted to find her, he would be able to without much problem. After I picked myself up from my boneless heap on the floor and took a Xanax, I decided to e-mail her. I got a new screen name, since AOL is kind enough to allow each account several names it was easy to create a new persona. I wanted something that wouldn’t be at all familiar to anyone. Anyhow, I wrote. Not a lot at first because I was stunned and really didn’t know what to say. My main reason for contacting her is that by my calculations she was probably married by now and possibly had children. Our son has some medical issues that can be genetic and if for no other reason, I wanted her to know that her other kids may develop the same condition. I did tell her a few things about him but not too much in case it was not really her…well, it was. She e-mailed back and told me things that only she would know and we have been sharing e-mails the past few days. I wasn’t sure when I was going to tell my son, or how he would react. He is a very sensitive kid and went through a tough period a couple years ago. Things have completely turned around for him and he is a very happy well adjusted young man now and I really didn’t want to churn up his heart and I wasn’t sure if this would or not. On the other hand, he turned 18 recently and has every right to be aware of his biological history. On the positive side, she sounds wonderful. I have always been very open and honest with my boys, sometimes probably too open but that’s just me and since they all feel close to me and are willing to talk, I guess they are okay. I decided to tell my son today about the contact. I practiced in my mind all day how and what I would tell him. Obviously it would be the truth but I wanted to make it as palatable as possible. I printed out our communication for him to read if he chose to then told him I wanted to have a chat. He is a very no-nonsense kid with a wonderful dry witty sense of humor and the whole time I was giving him the prelude he wanted the meat of the story…to quote him "cut to the chase Mom". I started to tell him the background of how I stumbled upon some information, yada, yada, yada and finally got to the part about corresponding with his birthmother. His reaction was a little less interested than I thought it would be. In fact he really didn’t care much at all. I gave him the highlights of her current life, married, children, job et cetera and that was enough and he went to the fridge for a drink of OJ before taking a quick nap and heading off to Starbuck’s with his girlfriend. Here I am, my head reeling like Linda Blair minus the pea soup (though I was close to puking several times the last couple days) and he says as much as –yeah, who cares? I suppose that is a good thing…maybe he doesn’t care because we have filled every one of his parenting needs and he is happy with the status quo. Actually there is a part of me that is ready to jump to the moon with happiness that he didn’t dissolve into tears telling me he had always had a longing to meet her. The other part of me is a bit confused. If I were him, I would be so curious about so many things. He really doesn’t care. When I asked him if he minded if I e-mailed her a photo, he didn’t care. When I asked if he minded if I asked her a few more questions, he didn’t care. I kept looking into his eyes to see if it was a denial thing or maybe shock or fear and all I saw was the same look I get when I ask what he would like for dinner…he didn’t care. I think I have aged 10 years in the past 48 hours.

I would like to introduce you

None of you really know me but if you did you would be impressed that I lasted this long without dog slobber all over me. I fell in love again today and my husband doesn't care. This little guy licked and squirmed his way into my heart and now the lady that wanted AN OLDER DOG at some point NEXT FALL, ended up with a 13 pound puppy in the middle of winter. (mom is a slutty sheltie that was hangin out with her neighborhood horny boy dog of unknown heritage)If you drive down the street and see a crazy woman standing in a blizzard or rainstorm with a puppy, that would be me. Please allow me to introduce you to Harley Earl. He was a Christmas present from a lady to her kids then they discovered that puppies are a lot of work-- DUH! and since mom and dad both work full time and kids are in school all day, this little guy has spent the first few weeks of his life in a cage..he has NO IDEA that today is the luckiest day in his life! So far he is very quiet, playful but not crazed and he hasn't peed in the house...so far..so good :)

Entering a contest

The following is a true story. It happened to me. I am hoping to win a contest for vacation nightmares...let me know if you agree that this should surely win! Again..I swear every word is true. Our cruise through Puerto Rico When our cruise ship docked in San Juan mid afternoon, they told us we had the whole afternoon, actually till we departed again at midnight, to do some sightseeing. One of the things that we had hoped to see was the El Moro (the famous fort) that afternoon before returning to the ship for dinner and departing to our next port. Being on a budget, we decided to take a local bus from the dock area to the fort instead of a costlier taxi. When I asked the driver if he went to El Moro, he said yes and we climbed aboard. We were pretty tickled because it was on 50 cents each and not only would we see the fort, we would get to see a little of San Juan also. We traveled along and picked up more people along the route, obviously going back to their homes at the end of their workday. It seemed as though we were leaving the city limits but we were still tickled that we were getting a $1.00 tour of San Juan even if we didn't make it to the fort before it closed. I did approach the bus driver twice to be sure he was in fact going to El Moro and he said yes. Well---about 25 minutes into what was to be a 5 minute bus ride and the workers were starting to be dropped off at their mountain side homes and I was starting to get nervous. We thought that at the very least the bus would make the turn around to finish its pickup/dropoff loop and we would end up back at the ship, hopefully not missing dinner. We were getting deeper and deeper into the mountainous forest on a very narrow, extremely winding road, with all that was visible were shacks built into the side of the mountain, a few bars and many many goats tied up to tree stumps. By this time we had been on the bus for over 45 minutes and we were obviously not headed back to San Juan. When we approached the driver again, we were the last people on the bus that had been standing room only 45 minutes before. We pulled into a deserted town and the bus stopped. The driver motioned for us to get off the bus. We once again asked him when he was turning around to go back to San Juan..this time he just laughed at us and told us we owed him an extra $2.00 each for the scenic route then he removed us from the bus telling us that he would come back the next day. Apparently the drivers take their busses home each night. He knew all along where he was going to kick us off the bus. Here we were stranded in this abandoned "town" that consisted of about 10 boarded up storefronts. As the bus pulled away I started to cry. Never had I been in such a terrifying situation. We were many many miles from San Juan, high up on a mountain with nobody in site. My husband is a police officer here in Ohio and his first thought was to find a police station. We started walking not knowing which way to go. The only way I can describe this town (Comarillo) was that it was eerily like the ghost towns in old western movies, quiet, boarded up storefronts and no people anywhere. We stumbled upon two men that leered and grinned at us and I was sure they were going to attack and/or kill us. When my husband asked for the "policía" they laughed and said no, never offering an ounce of concern in our direction. We very quickly got to the edge of the town, since it was only 1 block long, it didn't take much time. At the end of the road was a very small building that had a very old and small fire truck inside. We went inside and saw someone in the back with their feet propped up in a desk. When we approached the man, and asked him how we could get back to San Juan, he had no idea what we were saying as he spoke no English. That is when I started to come unglued. Now I wasn't worried about dinner any more, I was worried about our survival. After using as much sign language and hand gestures as we could I was losing hope of him ever understanding. Suddenly there was a voice in English saying "may I help you?" Finally someone we could talk to that would understand. We explained that we had been kidnapped/hijacked and he told us we were very very lucky that he was there. He goes to that town one day a month to visit his Mother and that was the day. He was getting into his car to go home when he heard English being spoken and nobody that far up the mountain spoke English so he came to see who we were. He asked if we could trust him to help usÂ…at that point we had no choice. Either he was a guardian angel or he was working with the bus driver and we were going to be led astray once more. We had to trust him. We got into his car and on our way back down the hill he told us that he is a teacher in a town about ½ way between San Juan and Comarillo. He would take us to a bus that for a fee, would take us to a ferry that would take us to the ship docks. When we arrived at that "bus" (actually a van) he explained in Spanish to the two drivers what happened and then turned to us, telling us these two drivers would take us the rest of the way to the ferry. Once again, we had to trust that we were going to be okay. After sitting still inside the van for 15 minutes we asked why we weren't on our way and the drivers said we had to wait for the van to fill.Well there was nobody around for miles and miles so we knew it wasn't going to happen. We offered to pay enough to cover filling the quota of the van, a price was agreed upon and off we went. By the time we got to the ferry, I could see the cruise ship far in the distance but it was still a wonderful site. Worst case scenario, we could swim! We did finally get back to the ship before it departed at midnight but not before a very drunken man tried to pick up my husband on the ferry. If I hadn't been shaking from fear it would have been extremely funny. I have a friend that grew up in Puerto Rico and have told her this story and she says that we were very very lucky indeed as that is a very dangerous area we were lucky to get out without incident. I have tried to find that guardian angel teacher and have never been able to locate him. In our state of fear, it never crossed our minds to ask for his name and address to give him a proper thank you for getting us out of the most frightening time in our newly married life.

Womb transplant

This morning on Good Morning America there was a 10 second blurb about physicians beginning the process of planning the worlds first womb transplant. They are screening infertiles and hope to perform the transplant later this year. YOOHOO, over here....I would feel blessed to be able to give my no longer needed womb to someone. I find it strikingly odd they have never done this before. In the age of medicine we are in, I would think this had been going on for quite some time but it apparently hasn't. For me, infertility was a horrendous time in my life. From the time I was a very little girl when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up..I thought they were nuts.OBVIOUSLY I wanted to be a Mom..what else was there? Sure I could have been an astronaut but not if it meant I couldn't take my kids with me. I am sure it comes from the fact that I had a wonderful relationship with my own Mom and Grandmother, two very strong but gentle women in my life. Anyway...if any of you infertile blog buddies out there can figure out how I can give you my womb, let me know. I would be happy to oblige.

Where do I begin?

Well--the game sucked but the trip was a blast. There is quite the story to be written here as things didn't go completely as expected. Our "free" tickets fell through. So here we are game day trying to get scalped tickets, cheap, for the game. Scalpers were asking $1200.00 EACH (yeah, I think I just found my new job!) so we waited till the game started and figured the price would come down since the scalpers didn't want to get stuck holding worthless tickets. For about 15 minutes it looked like we were out of luck and we were on our way out to the parking lot to tailgate with the other 10,000 people that didn't have tickets. As we were on our way out, a man, a VERY LARGE man, (seriously think 6'5" about 325-all muscle man) sauntered up to us asking if we wanted to get in. He somehow had acquired (I am positive it was all legal) 4 ALL ACCESS passes. The deal was that he would wear one, take 3 of us in wearing the 3 other passes and come back out to get the 4th person and the money. I was scared shitless since hubby was the one that chose to stay out with the money and get taken in last. Without giving away any secrets, hubby is in law enforcement, and carries a badge and gun so he figured it anyone was gonna "get rolled" it should be him because he could at least maybe scare the guy away. The three of us went inside and it seemed like an eternity till hubby walked through the door with the VERY LARGE man. The way I figured it out, as I had seen this man earlier doing the same thing over and over...he honestly raked in at least $20,000 that I could figure. We figured out that the lady at the door was getting a cut each time she allowed him to bring people in. It was a very lucrative night for her and the VERY LARGE man. Once inside it was standing room only (since we didn't have "tickets" we figured inside standing was better than outside standing.....then...friends that did have seats called our cells and said there were seats near them that had been open the whole 1st quarter and to come on down, all they could do was have us move if the seater owners showed up so off we went. We ended up 3 rows from the field..AMAZING and I don't even like football. I think hubby had a series of strokes from shock as he was drooling all over himself. The whole thing was an unbelievable adventure. There were many small details that I am leaving out because it would take too much time to write the whole story but suffice to say, it was one of those once in a lifetime stories that will be told over and over. And no, I still don't like football.

I'll be back-GO BUCKS!

Just a short break...this week has been nuts at our house--I have been reading blogs but there hasnt been enough time to write. Now I am packing and leaving for the Championship game in Arizona....I will be back on Tuesday and will post pix for any of you that may be Buckeye fans! (As you probably remember, I don't give a shit about football but I DO give a shit about getting out of town for 3 days)..Arizona-watch out, here I come!)

Only half nuts: 2007

2007

Happy New Year to all of you. For all my blogs that are trying to expand their family, my wish to you is a baby filled 2007. Those of you that are trying to quit a bad habit, think about how you are hurting those you love, that may be the motivation you need. Those of you that are feeling low, go out of your way to make a friend by being a friend. As for me, I think I will write my story. I will start at the beginning and post pieces as I go along. There are too many things that nobody knows and it is all part of what makes me, well, me. I found out today that our very young neighbor has entered Hospice. She is not someone I know well though our youngest boys play together. I knew she was sick but I didn't know she was dying. I think the thing that makes me feel the worst is that I never really cared for her. She always had an air of superiority and I thought she was stuck up. Now I never will get to know her and it makes me sad that I never gave her a chance. Maybe she would have been a good friend. All I can think of is all the times I am whiney about stupid things that in comparison are miniscule to what their family is enduring. What a crappy way for them to start a new year.

Please talk me out of it

I spent a couple of days with family in Michigan and fell madly in love with their dog. I want another one-no I don't, yes I do, no I don't..you get the idea. What I want is the perfect dog..no shedding, cuddly, housebroken but not old, sweet, small enough to fit on the chair with me but not so small it quivers and pees everytime it gets happy. I made my family promise me when we lost our two dogs that they would not get me a Christmas puppy..you know what~I think I was secretly a little disappointed--no I wasn't, yes I was, no I wasn't...whatever. I have a list why getting another dog right now would be wrong..I have to remember to post it all over the house to keep me from caving!

Being a mom

Being a mom basically means working all the time. Whether you are at your paying job or home, you are working. Yesterday I heard the following three questions in a 20 minute time span while I was sitting on the couch reading a new book I got for Christmas: Son#1 "Mom, what’s wrong?" Son#2 "What are you doing Mom?" Son#3 "Are you sick?" THEY WERE ALL TOTALLY SERIOUS! Okay boys this is what a mother looks like when she isn’t cooking for your bottomless food receptacles, washing mountains of your smelly socks and underwear, cleaning the house that you can defile in moments upon entering, refereeing yet another ridiculous disagreement between three semi grown young men that should grow the hell up, answering endless phone calls from cute little lovelies that want to be your girlfriends, and actually working a FULL TIME job on top of it all. If nothing else it screamed to me that I need to spend more time on my ass so it isn't such a foreign sight to my family. I decided today, again, that I will be only laundering hubby’s and my clothes. They all know how to run the washing machine and for a period of time, all were doing their own laundry. When I really looked at the clothes in there today…somehow many many articles of apparel belonged to the boys…they have been slowly sneaking their clothes in my wash loads….not any more. One of them is a bit weird about touching things that have previously touched a body, even his own…he won't use a towel more than once and uses a couple of them each day. The other one, will use them over again but has to find one that is dry on his floor where it landed the day before (don’t even ask-his room is uninhabitable.) The last one I have to push into the shower and describe what soap is..(though he is noticing girls so I am thinking that will change soon and he will join his brothers in either the only touch a towel once or the bedroom floor towel supply.) During the summer they all had certain things they had to accomplish before leaving the house. Once school started I let up a bit because they needed to concentrate on their grades…well guess what guys, we are a week into winter break but summer rules apply starting today. Too bad they don’t know I have this blog and won't ever read this, but rest assured they will all get "the talk" tonight!

A funny link

Every Saturday morning I get a copy of an e-newletter that just cracks me up. It proves how many completely stupid people there are all over the place. If you are bored, check it out. http://thisistrue.com. It is free, no, I don't know the guy and have nothing to gain. I think we can all use a little chuckle now and then. I now have 3 hours to bake 6 dozen cookies, wrap 27 presents, clean the house, and go grocery shopping. I am woman, hear me roar. (for those of you that are waaay younger than me, that was a song long ago sung by a lady named Helen Reddy--I have no idea what ever happened to her). Bye for now~

I have to vent

I own my own company. I love being my own boss. Some people are just nasty a**holes. One of my clients called yesterday screaming at me for something that turned out to be TOTALLY UNRELATED to my service. The problem was with one of his office staffers. Ok,I can take it with the best of them but don't call yelling at me for something that has nothing to do with me. I think the thing that ticks me off the most is that this particular physician goes on frequent rants, all while proclaiming to be "a good Christian"..don't even get me started~I just have to remember that for every one like this guy, there are 20 that I get praise from for doing a great job-so why does it bug me so much that this guy is a jerk?

SCORE!

I am notorious for being, shall we say, frugal.I can't remember the last time I paid full price for anything. Today I hit the motherload. My cell phone has been missing an antenna for about 2 weeks. Since I use it for work, it was getting rather old having to run to a window to get a signal every time I got a call. I trucked off today to my friendly cell phone store and asked for a new antenna--they don't carry those at this store but for $25.00 I could order one or go to a larger Spr*#t store. Uhh, I don't think so. My contract is up so I am free to shop around. When I told that to the darling little sales girl I could see her squirming to keep me as a customer. To make a long story short, I ended up with 3, yes, 3 new phones-GOOD phones (think $300 each if purchased), not like the oldies we have been carrying around....so for the price of an antenna for my ancient phone I got a new one for me and two for my older boys for Christmas-SCORE! These phones do everything but wipe butts and the monthly fee is only $10.00 too so I am quite proud of myself. After I left there I went to our local office supply store (where my son happens to work after school and on weekends). I won't tell you which one but it isn't Office Max and it isn't Office Depot and it starts with an S. Anyway, when I was checking out, I asked the cute little check out girl if they gave discounts to family members of employees (I figured what the heck, one of my main purposes in life is to embarrass my kids), she kinda laughed and said "sure, why not"....and took off another 15% off my total. SCORE! Then off to Kohls--same thing...same 15% discount...SCORE! Came home and got a phone call about a video arcade game we were trying to sell....got $100.00 for it (we got it for free about 4 years ago, but estimated current value about $150-$175)-the guy was thrilled to get a deal and I got a SCORE! What a day :)