Bittersweet

If you are a parent, your one goal in life, is to raise, happy, healthy, self-sufficient beings to adulthood. Nobody ever told me how hard it would be to let them go once they got there. S1 came home for a surprise 24 hour visit. He called from a few miles down the road, said he was almost here and asked what was in the fridge. (the last part is standard operating procedure). I could tell he wanted to tell me something. I could see it in his eyes. First I asked if he was OK. He assured me he was fine, great in fact. He had news of the "I met a girl" variety, then he landed the boom. He has decided that this summer, he will not be coming home. He is staying in college town, getting a job there (one that he can continue to work even into the school year) and he is moving to a house with 3 other guys. I know they can't keep coming home forever but when they start to "officially" leave...and have a REAL life..it is bittersweet. It is what we worked so hard to accomplish all these years..isn't it? As I sit here at my desk, getting ready to work, I am really loving the creaking of the floor above me, in the room that he will not be sleeping in this summer, knowing that at least till this afternoon, I will be able to hear him padding around up there. (Okay..I know that he isn't moving to the outer limits, he will still be about an hour from home, but it still isn't the same, so allow me my pity party...just for today.) Also, I have to work a mandatory 8 hours of overtime today..what the hell is that about?? I was self-employed forever so this is a real shock to my lazy system. Also, BigD is going out this evening to a fundraiser for his "band". They have it every year, and every year I choose to stay home. It is too loud, the smell of beer in the place is overwhelming and I usually get more and more pissed at the night rolls on. So, I will be here, alone, licking my wounds. It might be time for me to go buy a chocolate cake, sit in bed, watch movies and stuff my face. Sounds like a plan.

Joke of the day

One of my less reserved friends sent me this joke today...I wish I could credit the writer but I have no idea who it is....Jerry~is it you?? In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal called the Suleman: You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

diet anyone?

Somebody spilled.

Blogher 2009 anyone?

So, I have been sitting here contemplating my navel, thinking about all the places that I have never been, all the places that BigD has gone with "the guys" and thinking that maybe I need to go somewhere. Usually I am very content when he goes on his guy weekend or work seminars etc. Actually I relish the time alone...no cooking, no cleaning...hell I can turn into trailer trash if I want. But...I have been thinking that I would like to see Chicago. I have heard it is great and there is a rumor going around that there are going to be some fun ladies there this July. Any of you fun ladies going? I am seriously considering it. I think it would be good for BigD to spend a couple days at home taking care of things, and S1 and S2 would probably be here too...maybe a few days without old mom would do them some good. So, convince me that I should go.

My problems are small

There is a blog I have been following for quite some time now. Actually it is 3 blogs, mom, dad and Gavin each have one and they each give you a different view of their story. This is a young family that is dealing with a very difficult situation. Some days I am almost afraid to go to their posting to see what has happened since the last time. If you need a dose of reality, in getting your own "problems" in perspective, pop over and read their story and maybe send them a cyber hug. They can always use them. http://gavinowens.blogspot.com/

Shaking my head

Well folks....wanna hear what I got for Valentines Day? I am going to tell you anyway. NADA, ZIPPO, ZILCH, not even a "will you be mine?". Now guess was BigD got. A new car. Today. In about an hour. The evolving drama of S1's broken car and his needs for transportation brought out the kid in BigD. He (all on his own) decided that we should let S1 use our REALLY OLD-we are talking 12 years old folks-car. It is in amazing shape, has very low mileage and if taken care of will last many more years. So, BigD decides that we are going to let the kid use this car and BigD went out today, hooked up with a car dealer buddy and hammered out a sweet deal on a new (3 year old) vehicle. I have a 4 year old car that we owe nothing on and the old beast has been paid off forever so with the stimulus BS and rebates and buddy hookups this really should be affordable (the big guy is working OT for the payments) and the little boy in him has a new toy. Guess he won't need sex tonight.

Final diagnosis

Not good. S1's car is DOA unless SOMEONE can come up with $1500 to fix it. As far as I am concerned it isn't worth it. The car has over 150,000 miles on it and I think if SOMEONE is going to come up with $1500 it should be put toward a "new" car. (Of course, I know absolutely nothing about cars, except how to drive them). Does anyone know what a head gasket is? Is the the gasket that is in charge of all the other lesser working class gaskets? Well, his is broken and apparently like humpty dumpty, it can't be put together again. He also has a leaky exhaust (I have that after eating beans sometimes) and his spark plugs are not sparking or plugging I guess. So we have a very pissed off 20 year old, who is being greatly inconvenienced and is basically 'grounded' until he gets some wheels. He then told me he may drop one of his classes so he has time to work. This I am NOT thrilled about. It is a foreign language class that will almost guarantee him the job he wants as it is a very specific language that is much needed in the international government arena where he wants to work. When he started there were over 30 kids in the class, there are now 6. How come this parenting thing is so damn hard? I had to literally take a walk to keep away from my computer~~~to stop myself from looking for a car for him. I am sooo damn bad about wanting to do EVERYTHING for everybody. I need to learn how to step back but I don't have ANY experience in that department. I think I am this way because my own mom was so helpful to me till I was out on my own after college. This is the only way I have ever known how to parent. I have been deeply engrossed in the boys lives from day one and for the most part it has served me very well....they talk to me, the trust me, and share their lives with me. The only drawback is that I feel so guilty. (This is all ME...they do not make me feel this way...in fact they tell me that I worry too much about them, but they know it is out of love and caring, not anything else) I feel like I NEED to help whenever and however I can and knowing that I can't (financially) is really hard on me. Especially with S1. He is my fragile one, yet the one with the most potential to succeed in life greatly and I don't want that delayed. He deserves it. That last part sounds like I am showing a preference for him over the others. It is not that. The other two are very laid back, happy-go-lucky and will be successful in whatever they choose to do, by the mere fact that they chose it. S1 is special in different ways and will crumble if his life goal isn't within reach. Well...I am just starting to ramble now. I am so glad I discovered blogging. Sometimes writing out my thoughts helps me put things that are emotional into perspective. Thanks for hearing me out.

*UPDATED Being a bitch or encouraging self sufficiency?

I can’t decide which I am doing right now. Oldest son called from college in a panic this morning. He lives off campus and his car is “broken”. I don’t know diddley about cars so for me to describe it would be as effective as me trying to explain how tons of jetliner can stay up the air without falling. So…I won’t go into that part of the story but here is my question…well, I will get to the question in a minute, first I need to lay some foundation. Oldest son has a bit of a worst case scenario personality. If something is wrong, in his interpretation it is REALLY wrong. If he is sick, he goo*gles till he is sure he has malaria. This is not a good trait unless he applies it towards his classes and then it makes him a fabulous student. He wants to succeed so he does. I have mentioned before..he is freakishly bright and that is not just a proud momma talking. Anyway, he calls telling me in a somewhat frantic voice that his car is his “life line” and how can he possibly “survive” without it. (I casually mention that the university shuttle does travel down his road but that was met with “it doesn’t go by all the time, only about once an hour”…to which I think…..yeah, so sit your butt down and wait for it like a regular person….but he isn’t a regular person. He is a man with a plan and doesn’t like diversion. He lives for structure and routine. So, he calls the local Ford dealership (mistake #1 son, don’t ever call a dealership…they are very expensive) and makes an appointment for today and wants me to come to university town to follow him there with his “broken” car then take him over to university and wait till he finishes classes at 5, return him to the dealership to pick up the car, ohhhhh AND pay for it too. I almost fell for it without even thinking. He is my child that I would walk on the hottest coals for (I would walk hot coals for the other two as well, but they don’t have the same exacting personality as oldest does and they go with the flow whereas oldest has a very low threshold for stress and needs more structure in his day/life. I decided as I was showering to leave that I would call the dealership myself and see what they had to say. They informed me that running the diagnostics would be $114. THAT IS BEFORE ANY ACTUAL REPAIR/LABOR WOULD EVEN COMMENCE. I about crapped. I took it upon myself to call a local car repair place in university town and he told me they charge $65 and if they can tell what is wrong by popping the hood, they wouldn’t charge the diagnostic fee. Sounds good to me. I called oldest back and told him what I had done and that he needed to call local repair man and make an appointment there. I intervened but still made him do some legwork. He called me back and told me they couldn’t fix it till Wednesday and good lord, today was only Monday…he may just shrivel up and die by then. How would he get groceries? How would he eat dinner? How would he take out this new girl he has been seeing? The intelligent person in me wants to tell him to suck it up and deal with it. Shit happens. That is exactly what I would do if this same event happened with the other two boys. So I am straddling the fence here. How much do I help? How much do I let him figure it out without stressing him out to the point where he can’t study? Since I am working from home, BigD and I could share one car for a few days so I am thinking about letting oldest use one of our cars. This would be a lot easier if he were at a school too far away to even consider this, but he is about 45 minutes from here. What do I do? Be honest, I need some real people thoughts here. At age 20 should I still be intervening or telling him to figure it out? * Well the world hasn't collapsed around him. I already knew what I had to do, it is just hard to let go and let him handle things. Ironically he is very mature for his age in most areas but some, the ones that change his routine or cause him inconvenience, set him off. He worked part-time for 2 years in high school to buy his car (it had 140,000 miles on it when he got it two years ago) so it means quite a bit to him having his own wheels, plus living off campus means a little extra hoofing to get around. He ended up taking the car to the second place, leaving it there and catching a bus to class. He is annoyed but dealing with it. Hopefully he will have it back by midweek and it will be one more thing in his 'I took care of it myself' column. Thank you all for the smack upside my head reminding me that my job really is to let him learn and keep an arms distance. As for helping him pay for the repair, it is something I really need to do. He is taking an accelerated program at school and really doesn't have time to work with his class load. He is trying to graduate in 2 1/2 years instead of 4....so mom will type a little faster for a couple weeks to help him out.

just one more

This is a wonderfully creative (short 1:20) piece from a 20 year old....I love it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Little bit of love

If this doesn't warm your heart on a cold February morning....well my friend, you must have a heart of stone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rooyt3ptNco (you may have to copy/paste as my linky thingy isn't working)

much needed levity

I almost quit my new job this morning. I am having a real problem with the company not being very streamlined. When I am doing a job, any job, I do it right. Being methodical and precise is part of who I am so when I have to deal with people that are supposed to be management I expect them to ACT like management. Twice in the past two days I have gotten emails from people that completely contradict each other. I called today and could only speak with a third individual that told me to listen to management A and ignore management B. Ok..but its my ass on the line if B is the one with clout. I can't imagine someone going into this particular job/company without years of experience as they don't bother to take even one day to provide any type of instruction. They have their own operating system that has all sorts of quirks and subtleties and even as recently as today (my 5th day with them) I discovered that there are F key prompts that I could be using....I can't believe they don't do at least a short demo for part of a day when a newbie starts! I have been thrown in the deep end of the pool and nobody has pointed out where the water wings are. Very frustrating. Anyway...in the midst of a mini meltdown this morning, I clocked out for my 15 minute break (15 minutes per 5 hour shift) and checked my email. My wonderful husband had sent me the following in an email. It made me laugh when I really needed one. The subject line reads: "How do you know when someones butt smells?" Feel free to click on the image to enlarge :) Gotta love that man.