Grrrrr Mr. Blogger

I have written two brilliant posts today and blogger keeps giving me an error message. SO, instead of thrilling you with witty prose, I am going to give you a couple photos from the past few days. The "boys" waiting for their turn at the controller. (Yes, I do let my dogs on the leather couch and yes I know they shouldn't be there.) When is a cake not a cake? When it is a perfectly sculpted pile of snow on my bird bath thanks to mother nature. Walking into my office. Does anyone else have OCD dogs that line up their toys? Well...that's about it for now. BigD and S3 are out till 8 so I am off to do absolutely nothing, in absolute quiet, ALL BY MYSELF.

Can't let today pass

MY President took the oath of office today. Yes, he may be the President of the entire country but today I feel as though he belongs to me. I have defended him to some members of my family that think he will ruin our nation. I have watched with immense pride as my two oldest sons voted for the first time in their lives. I am very rarely wrong in summing up an individual based on many traits and this man has scored very high on my class meter. I think he is smart. I think he is confident. I think he will effect the change that is so desperately needed to turn our country back into the country that other nations admire and not jeer. My President, if given a chance to prove himself to the naysayers, will without a doubt, be historical, and not just because of his race.

One question

Click here: YouTube - The Animal Odd Couple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U After you look at the video...I have one question * * * * * * * * * * * how the the dog get a spinal injury in the first place? Me thinks the friendship may have been tested by a not so subtle move by the elephant....hmmmm, the untold story.

Global warming...my ass!

I really need to move. I recently discovered an island in the Caribbean named Barbuda. You must google images of this island. Go ahead, I'll wait. Someday I will live there and not here, where this morning the wind chill is 15 degrees BELOW zero. This isn't funny folks. I much prefer white sand to white snow. Ok, all you winter lovers, I think snow is beautiful, yes, I really do. If it could snow at about 72 degrees life would be great. I know I have been unusually quiet lately. I have been reading and commenting more than writing. I am in a bit of a funk. Do you ever have those times where you just feel overwhelmed by even the smallest task? I have been trying to pinpoint what the problem is, gnawing at me constantly in the back of every thought, and I think it basically all comes down to cash. I don't have enough. I was supposed to start my new job on December 1st but at that time we were in the middle of dealing with BigD's lung booger so I told them to go ahead and fill my position. Unbelievably they didn't. They held it open for me. FOR 4 WEEKS. Then I told them I just couldn't work the hours they wanted. It would take me away from S3 and all of his sports and activities that occurred between 3 pm and 8 pm and I would be working both Friday and Saturday evenings till 8. I would literally be clocking in as S3 walked in the door from school every day. As hard as it was to tell them no, I had to. I am too old to start working a grunt shift that keeps me from my family. I told them this on a Friday afternoon. On Monday they called and said they wanted me to stay with the company (this blew my mind because I hadn't even started and they were acting like I was an important part of their team) and offered me a day shift. Wow. I start this coming week and I will tell you, I can't wait to start having those paychecks deposited into my account. (I still have my regular clients but they are not enough to bring in my portion of the family chunk necessary for survival). I have a stack of bills from doctors, hospitals, college tuition x2, books, along with the usual insurance, house payments, property taxes, gas, electric, phone, etc etc etc. It will take me a very long time to get back into the position where I will be able to pay a bill when it arrives, but I have to believe that it will happen. (As a point of reference, I am known to be very frugal so we aren't talking about unnecessary expenditures here, no mani-pedi runs, no steak dinners out with friends etc. I have friends that ask me how I am able to make $1 last like $5....yes, at times I am sure they even call me cheap instead of frugal but hey, it's a talent I can't deny:) When I pay bills it feels so good to be able to cross that off the "to do" list and having them all sitting on my desk, piling up day by day, is very very stressful for me and makes me very distracted from anything joyful. AND I AM COLD. I AM NOT PLEASANT WHEN I AM COLD. So, all of you witty bloggers, keep blogging and posting your funny or thoughtful or ordinary posts and I will keep reading and escaping from my funk and for that I thank you. Love, Debbie Downer

New computer madness

For Christmas BigD got me a new computer. Well actually all the parts for a new computer. S1 built it for me last night (after returning a faulty motherboard initially). Well...S1 hates Micro*soft so when he builds computers for people he uses a Lin*ux/Ubun*tu system that is really slick. But, me being old and stuck in my ways....I am having one hell of a time getting used to this system this morning. You know, old dog-new tricks. Worst of all, none of my favorites are on this system. I am SO glad that blogger introduced me to the dashboard faves thing so I do have many of my blogs at that link but there are others that I check once in awhile so I am going to have to add them as I think of them. If you know anyone that deserves a kick ass computer with free phone tech support for life (from a really smart, self proclaimed geek) let me know. You too can be the owner of such a computer (with ridiculous processing speed--so fast it goes to the next page while I am still THINKING about clicking the mouse) for about $600-$700 bucks. (his fee, includes everything:) For work I am hoping the new system is compatible with the new employer...if not, you will probably hear my scream..wherever you are. I have a phone conference today with their Human Relations Department head. Oh crap...it's in 15 minutes...gotta run. Speaking of old dogs, I want to leave you with a challenge. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

A complicated man

I know none of you have been able to sleep wondering if I was still po'd at BigD. Well he is out of the doghouse. I took some wise person's advice (thanks Jerry:) and told him that he really upset me when he yelled at me for helping him (after HE asked me to help). You know what??? He was clueless. He didn't even realize how bad he made me feel. Sometimes he leaves me speechless, other times I sit here and write a whole post about him. The thing about BigD is...well, he is complicated. He is the youngest of 3 sons from parents that were the epitome of their era...the 50's. Mom always had on a dress and apron (she wore pants for the first time when BigD was in high school and it was a BIG DEAL, BigD and his brothers all remember when she did that....because it was so shocking!). Dad owned his own business and came home every day for lunch and when he went back to work, Mom cleaned, did laundry and started on dinner that was served promptly at 6 pm. Dad was the king of his castle and Mom was the homemaker. Both of BigD's brothers are extremely successful in business and for some reason BigD has always had this inferiority thing going on because he changed majors in college from business to law enforcement. He took an elective in that arena and was hooked. For some reason, he feels as though he is "less successful" than his brothers. He still refers to himself as the 'blacksheep' of the family. There has always been a little bit of the youngest child complex even though they are all grown men with families. He is very lucky though, they are all still very close. There are many things that make BigD the man that he is. He adores our children (and tolerates me most of the time:) He is a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde though. At work he is a tough, no crap taking, black and white, right and wrong kind of guy. There is no shade of gray when it comes to the laws and how they are followed. He has advanced degrees in many areas of law enforcement, and could talk circles around anyone about just about anything. Why is it then that he feels like a lesser person than his brothers? It is a pride thing. He is a *gasp* civil servant, a government employee, a 'blue collar' worker. This man has pride oozing from his pores and when he is placed in a situation where he is presented in anything but a good light, he becomes a scared, angry 10 year old. Not angry in a violent way...I would never tolerate that after having an abusive father, but angry on a personal level, internalizing all his insecurities and occasionally snapping with a sharp tongue. Nobody that knows him would ever believe what I just wrote. He comes across with all the confidence of a true leader. And he is f.u.n.n.y. REALLY funny. He can get laughing to the point where he is crying and can barely breathe....watching him laugh makes everyone laugh. Being a true child of his family, it doesn't cross his mind to grab the vacuum or dust rag. I am fairly certain that he doesn't know that we own a machine that you can put dishes in dirty and they come out clean.....the same for clothes. He is not at all helpful around here but he is the first one to complain when things are not in order....which quite frankly they rarely are. With 3 sons, 2 dogs, a cat, a huge house and the fact that I work 60 hours a week...well, you get it. I can't possibly have it all done, all the time. (with the two oldest living at college things are a bit cleaner and more in order...somewhat). Anyway,,,,this is a complicated man and even after 27 years, I am still learning things about him but mostly I am learning things about myself, which for the most part, is a good thing.

marriage and other crap

Ok..so the next time I am boohooing about poor BigD losing a body part, remind me of tonight and what an asshole he is. He couldn't connect his new printer to his computer..got half way done and told me to try. I tried..it wasn't compatible with his operating system so he just needed an update. While I updated his ubuntu it froze. Soooo had to go back to square one and reinstall. I backed up his documents and proceeded to redo the system. So tonight he comes barreling into my office BITCHING that I screwed up his computer...he can't find his links to his *ahem* sites. I told him they were still there, they just weren't on the desktop. He knows NOTHING about computers except how to turn it on, click on links and open email. (Seriously he doesn't even know what blogging means.) The only reason I didn't go off on him was because S2 and S3 were there and I didn't want them hear me tell him that his porn is safe and sound and them to sneak to see what shit he looks at on gross sites. So, now he is pissed at me FOR NO REASON after he ASKED ME to install his printer that he couldn't install. WTF! On days like this it is very easy for 27 years of marriage to feel like 26 too many. He has the personality that when he doesn't know how to do something and it is pointed out to him, he gets very defensive...see he is perfect. He can't stand for flaws to be pointed out..so we don't. We tiptoe around him and yes, talk about him behind his back...cause that's what family does you know. His own mother warned me about him.."he doesn't take criticism very well, even when he was little"...I should have listened..we mothers know our sons. When he was "sick" I was his angel, could do nothing wrong, he wanted me to sleep on a chair beside his bed so I was there when he woke up, etc etc....well, looks like things are back to normal. Yep, at least for today, BigD does stand for BigDick (and not in a good way).

Referral to another blog

I am still not convinced that these are little old ladies but they sure do write insightful posts. If you haven't read any of their stuff...shoot on over there and check them out. (They especially got rolling when S.Palin was hot in the news, so if you have time to check out some of the posts from early last fall, it is worth a cup of coffee to sit yourself down and get a laugh) http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/2009/01/05/getting-the-bad-guys/

Life in 100 words

Teendoc sent out a challenge to write you life story in 100 words. Exactly 100. Try it. Surprise baby born when mom was almost 40. Grew up with much love from her, parents divorced when I was 5, shitty dad out of picture by age 8. Got stepfather at age 10, moved to new city, too shy to make friends=miserable. Hated snob filled private high school. After college found job, found husband, still live in town where we were married. 8 years infertile, 4 losses-all girls, have 3 sons. Built both houses lived in since married. Working hard to pay life’s bills=very stressed. Finally like myself. Very proud of sons. Mostly happily married. Wouldn’t change a thing.

A must read

The link below is to a blog that I started reading not too long ago. He is a very insightful young surgeon and I personally think this is the best New Years post I have ever read. http://ohiosurgery.blogspot.com

Good morning 2009

So what was I doing when the big ball dropped you ask? I don't remember. I am fairly certain it involved some drool and some snoring. We did manage to go to dinner with all 3 boys before the two youngest scattered to "parties" (that were mediocre at best according to the report this morning). BigD and S1 had a rousing game of scrabble in the kitchen while polishing off the gift nuts we received. Me...well, I turned on my electric blanket (I promise I will be more 'green' conscious this year but I refuse to give up the blanket suckas).I cranked the blanket up to the sweat like a whore position, grabbed the remote which is usually ensconced tightly in BigD's grip and watched mindless television with my 2 doggies snuggled up beside me. It doesn't get better than that. I hope 2009 is the best of all years for all of you. I hope your wildest dreams come true, your jobs stays stable, your bank account grows and most importantly, you are surrounded by the people that you love.

Your chuckle for the day

If you are a youngin you may not relate to this but it had me wanting to share because it is too good not to. Send it on to your parent's or anyone you think would appreciate the humor. http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb

two photos

Hello all.....I may regret this. In the event that you know us in real life, please tell me so I can make sure I never include you in any of my "I hate this person" posts. It would be embarrassing. Anyway....the following photos are of S2--the one that thinks he is not at all good looking. Obviously he is stupid. He has no girlfriend because he is afraid he will get shot down if he asks someone out...you know, because he is so unattractive and all.

The second photo is of me, BigD, S1, S2, S3 and really old aunty. I could fill the whole internet with hilarious stories at old aunty's expense but since it is considered cruel to laugh at people, I will not do that today. Tomorrow, maybe. Trust me when I say that dementia can be fun. She still has a quick wit and knows she can't remember and even laughs at herself. OH, and for those of you that thing BigD looks old because of his white hair, he got that white hair when he was 29. Coincidentally a mere 2 years after we married. Everything is always MY fault.

Please note that I am the woman in the photo that is hiding behind everyone because I have gotten so damn fat. I have a story about that too but I will save that for another day too because the oven timer just buzzed and I have to take the cookies out.

Ugly? A matter of opinion

My family is so very cruel. Every morning when I plug in the tree there is something missing. MY ORNAMENT. For years, I have lived through a chorus of "that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen", "are you going to scrub the pot with that after dinner" "I hope the lights melt that damn thing" and on and on and on.

Each morning MY ORNAMENT is missing. I have to search to find it. Sometimes it is buried deep within the tree. One time I found it in a sauce pot in the cupboard. It has survived being thrown over me, monkey in the middle style. This is the ornament that some day, when my ashes are glistening on a white sandy beach somewhere, my little snot heads will talk about and I bet will actually argue about who gets to keep moms ornament.

I have had it for as long as I remember. I have no idea who gave it to me or maybe even made it for me, but my little pot scrubbing Santa, in all its plastic goodness has hung on every tree I ever remember and will continue to do so. Ugly is a matter of opinion and my opinion is the only one that counts :) Anyone else have an ugly on their tree?

This little girl

She had such a confusing childhood. Nothing unlike many children have, but she didn't understand so many things. At a very early age she learned how to not make noise because it might make her father mad. When he was mad he was very mean. She thought it was all her fault because she didn't know what else could possibly make someone so angry. She tried so hard to be quiet, not leave toys laying around, and she tried to be invisible.

She learned to escape into her little fantasy world in her head. It was just like a television show. You know...the one where the family all sits at dinner, laughing, and the kids tell the parents how swell they are. The one where the father calmly explains why he said "no" to a particular request. The one where the father never hit the mother or the mother was never lying on the kitchen floor with blood around her. The television shows that were an escape from that was happening in her house, not daily, but too often. Ozzie and Harriett, The Cleaver Family..they were all what she wished for.

She was so confused but relieved when her father told her that he was moving out. He blamed her mother, saying she was a bad mother. This was very confusing because she seemed like a really good mother. In fact her mother was the one that always protected her.

There were words swirling that a 6 year old didn't understand. Divorce. Alcoholic. Safety. There was whispering. Nobody in her town had parents that were divorced. She was the only one and everyone was whispering about it which made her want that fantasy life even more. She had no idea that the reason people were whispering is that they were worried for her...she was too young to understand all of it. All she knew is that people were looking and talking about her and it was embarrassing.

That Christmas she asked Santa for a doll. This was a special doll that actually moved when you wound up the special wheel on her back. He told her that if she was very good, she would get the doll. She was certain it wouldn't be there because she must have been very bad. Her father had moved to a different house, her mother was nervous, the police stopped by to say hi but she knew that police arrested bad people and took them away and she was sure she had been bad for all of this to happen.

When I found this picture I had planned on telling all of you that this Santa was actually our mailman that dressed up on Christmas Eve and for $10 he would make a stop at your house, pose for a few pix and be on the way to his next house. I am here to tell you, Mr. Bozer was THE BEST SANTA EVER! He was a good friend of my mom's and spent an extra few minutes at my house before heading back to the North Pole to load up the sleigh. It was an amazing thing for me....I actually had the REAL Santa come to my house. I didn't know for years that so many people were trying so hard to make me happy. They understood all the things that were happening that I thought were my fault. Now I look back and wonder what would have happened had they not all been there to support my mom. After my parents divorced, many asked her what took her so long. You have to understand, this was a different time. A time when 50% of marriages didn't end. A time when you stayed married no matter what.

I started this post to tell you a happy story of a little girl who got the doll she really wanted. The one that she would treat with love and could be the baby she could take care of and protect. I had no idea all of this other stuff would come out. I guess some memories stick around long after you thought they were gone.

My bloods a boilin

Short but VERY LOUD, LARGE FONT rant here. I have a real problem with Ticketmaster. If you want to see any event in our area,(major city, not podunkville) you have to buy your ticket/s from them. They are a bunch of bottom feeders. I just bought 2 tickets to the Transiberianorchestra for S1. This is his Christmas present. (the whole point of this post isn't to have you sit there and think "she bought him THAT?"---he is not a typical 20 year old, we have covered this before, now go back to my rant) These tickets were $37 each. Two tickets should be $74. Right? How come they ended up costing $93.30 you ask? Because this company charges $7.50 convenience fee PER TICKET, a handling fee PER TICKET and then they charge you TO PRINT THE TICKET ON YOUR OWN PRINTER AT HOME!! $19.30 in extra charges. Assholes.

People

I have lost a reader. When you only have 12 to begin with, and you lose 1, it is noticeable. Hell, thats like getting an extra large pizza with a piece missing....or buying a jumbo package of toilet paper that is a roll shy. I know why this reader left. It was my snide remark about the shoe thrower. This reader took offense and let me know about it. To set the record straight...IT WAS A JOKE. I never expected to ever be Heather "Dooce" Armstrong ~~ that blogging queen has thousands of readers and gets hundreds of responses to her posts, but hell, I can't even get 12 to stick around? Maybe it was my delivery. Maybe this person was the last person in the US to still think Dubya was a good leader and can't understand why a man felt the need to lob a shoe. Maybe I need to work on my material. I will try to come up with some more interesting material and get back with you. In the meantime....are all you kiddies ready for Christmas?? We won't be having much of one around here if mr. mailman, mr. ups man, and mr. fedex man don't show up soon. I will be wrapping a lot of pieces of paper with item descriptions written on them and passing those off as the real thing. I only went to one store to shop. Honest. And it was a drug store. All the rest was via ebay, overstock, and amazon. Christmas cards..not only are they not sent, I haven't bought any yet. So those of you that are anxiously waiting for my card to appear....please don't wait. Go about your business, move along, there is nothing to see here. I was supposed to have both of the college boys home now. Only one is here. S1 has decided to stay at his apartment a little longer. Seems as though there is a female that has been circling him for a few weeks and finally came in for the kill last week and they have been seeing each other daily since. Yes...I did say S1. The same kid that had dated the love of his life for 3 years. His only real girlfriend ever. Over Thanksgiving she told him she wanted to be able to date other guys to be sure S1 was her true love....the only catch was, she didn't want him to date anyone else. Yes. She really told him that. Well he was broken hearted, we sat on his bed for 3 hours one night and I tried to explain women to a young man with no sisters...this was not easy. He was crushed. I was crushed that he was crushed. I was also a little peeved that she really thought this idea of her dating and him not dating was an acceptable idea. So fast forward~~the circling girl came in for a landing and S1 is having fun. Another young adulthood crisis averted. Oh, and circling girl is older. 3 years older. Is graduating this year. She thinks S1 is wonderful, so I know I will like her :)

Tell the truth

How many of you would like to give the shoeless man a high five? (you only need to watch the first 10 seconds). C'mon, you can't tell me that this didn't make you think hmmmmm. Though the first thing I thought when I saw it was why did it take his SS agents sooooo looooong to react. (insert another hmmmm here.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0125Qrn24EQ

Somebody didn't read the directions

ANYONE GOT A STRAW?

BigD's lung is fillin' up with lung juice again. We are headed BACK to Pittsburgh again on Thursday for what we HOPE will be a quick round-trip visit. Hopefully they will just stick a pin in him. This time, I am throwing a small suitcase in the back of the car...j.u.s.t. i.n. c.a.s.e.You know that if I don't we will definately have to spend the night (or more) but being prepared means that we will be home~~before having to sleep somewhere other than my bed. I knew something was up because his voice changed again and he started to get back his annoying little cough cough. I called the office and they wanted us to come over today but neither of us was prepared mentally to go there again, yet. Plus tomorrow morning S3 has an appointment to have his toenail removed (ewww, gross, I know) and I am not going to reschedule at this point because he has been gearing himself up for this. He is not the most courageous tiger in the zoo and this is taking all the nerve he can gather. SO, when I called the office they agreed to let BigD get a chest xray here in small town and fax them the report. They said there isn't a ton of lung juice there right now and we had to pinky swear that we would go to an ER if he got short of breath or symptomatic at all other than the cough, cough. Somewhere in this flurry of activity, I need to do some Christmas shopping! I will have some pretty pissed off guys in my house if Santa doesn't swing by our shack on Christmas eve and leave a little sumpin sumpin under the tree. But tonight I am going to look at puppies. God help me if they are as cute as everyone has told me. A friends dog had a litter of 8 and I have avoided going there (having a hubby in and out of the hospital has helped me keep away) but I have to see them tonight as I am picking up S3 at their house in a bit. Please remind me over and over that I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER DOG in my life. I love my 2 and NO they DON'T need a little sister. (7 girls and only 1 boy puppy who already picked his family). I may post a photo though, if they let me take one. (a photo, not a puppy)

GO AHEAD, PET HIM, HONEST--HE WON'T BITE

30 SECONDS LATER:

FINALLY!!

Got the call today......drum roll please~~not cancer.

While that is terrific news it came with a bit of an unexpected diagnosis. Apparently at some point in time BigD had an infarct in one (or more) of his pulmonary vessels causing a large area of scar tissue that became a globby cystic jelly filled fibrous mass.

We will have a followup with Super Uber Doc in a couple of weeks to ask some more specific questions pertaining to what comes next but for the time being, the last 2 1/2 months of worry is over.

Now for your viewing pleasure is a photo journal of our trip. Some of the photos at the end are gross so if you are eating dinner right now, don't look. The night before the big CUT we spent the night in a hotel after going out and buying toothbrushes etc etc. This photo of the bed in the morning is an indication of how well we slept.

I LOVED the humor in these next shots.....the first one says "please follow the arrows"

After yet ANOTHER PET scan...we had to go see the Uber Doc which required signing in and then registering with my new BFF....check out her name, and YES she was :) She was delightful!

This next photo made me soooo sad. This kid was about 18-19. We sat in the waiting room for 2 hours waiting for BigD to be taken back to the surgery dept. This kid was waiting for someone to go back too. It took every ounce of my being to not go over to him and beg him to please start taking care of himself. He is a medical disaster waiting to happen. In the two hour time frame we sat there, he went through 3 cans of pop, a gift size container of M&M's and a couple bags of chips. So sad.

Once BigD was taken back to surgery they plunk the family in this terrific waiting area. It is actually 6 waiting areas in one.Each one had a TV, rocker, chairs and lamps. It was very comfortable. Each patient is given a number and you can follow along through the surgery process by finding their number on the board. It tells you what part of the surgical process he/she is in at that time. Very cool idea. The following are photos of the "room" S3 and I stayed in while BigD was an inpatient. My BIL is a wonderful, world traveler that floated us some of his Marr*iott points and we had a nicer room than we have had on some vacations.

Here is the view from the room and a shot that made me chuckle.

The sign says not to block the door :) NOW HERE COMES THE ONES THAT HAVE A TAD OF GROSSNESS TO THEM. ALTHOUGH IF YOU ARE LIKE MOST PEOPLE THAT SLOW DOWN AT THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT JUST TO SEE SOMETHING...YOU MIGHT LIKE THESE.

Two chest tubes, not one, but two, because he always has to be a showoff.

The goal is NOT to fill these. This is where they put your extra parts when they discharge you. We are sooo freakin glad to be home.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS....THEY WORKED :)

Short update

Hi guys...We are still in Pittsburgh. BigD was supposed to be released today but on his discharge xray they saw something they didnt like so we are here till at least tomorrow. The kicker is, the pain meds they are giving him are making him feel fine and he is not a patient man (are there really any of those out there?) so he is antzy. My fabulous wonderful brother-in-law works here in Pittsburgh several times a month and is here now so he brought my laptop. I was having serious blog withdrawal not knowing what was going on :) I have S3 here with me so I am not alone. EVERYONE I have had an occasion to deal with here in this city has been remarkable. I will leave here wanting to be the poster child for Pittsburgh promoting. My friend called last night and told me she and a couple other friends are making extras for Thanksgiving for us so I don't have to cook AND my sister-in-law went to my house and did ALL of my laundry. I may have to convince BigD to have another surgery next month and I might get my bathrooms cleaned for me :) Yes, I did just make a joke. I am feeling slap-happy from being in the same stinky clothes (did buy some new undies though and B-I-L brought a small bag for me with the computer too. ) I just want to be in my own bed, in my own shower and I miss my dogs.

The booger waved

Story to follow.....still in Pittsburgh,,,third day in the same clothes...BigD is minus part of a lung and I just read that A. Simpson had her baby....see the world does go on when life is crumbling around you. :) I am ok. Big D WILL be ok....path reports to follow. I will blog when I get home, snagging a 'puter here for a minute. Hell, I am such a good blogger I even have photos to post. THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR GOOD WISHES AND FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT PRAY, THANKS FOR THAT TOO :) Love, OHN.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

In one hour we will leave the warm cozy confines of our home and haul our butts over to see Uber Super Doc once again. So for the most part of the day I will be sitting....in a car, in a waiting room, in another waiting room, and in the car. The whole process will take about 12 hours then we will come home and fall into our bed. Anybody want to come over around 6 and turn on our electric blanket for us so it will be toasty warm when we get home? Damn, that would be a great trick to teach the dogs! BigD will be having yet another PET scan to compare the size of his lung booger to the last time we saw it. God, I hope it doesn't wave. I am saying it here first....I am betting that uber super doc will want to whack out 1/3 of the lung. I have tried to tell BigD that this man is a s.u.r.g.e.o.n and that is what they do. That is how he keeps his wife in Dolce and his kids in private school...surgeons cut. Thankfully they do or many of us would be screwed. BUT, BigD has to keep in mind that another opinion prior to the sound of the saw cutting through his chest would be a good idea. I love doctors...I really do. Some of the funniest people I hang with are doctors but lets face it...in ANY career....not everyone can be tops in their class. Hmmmmm. I sure as hell hope that this guy was hovering somewhere in the top half at least. So off we go for another day of vending machine food and good times. I'll be back.

What's in a name?

My friend Rebel is FORCING me to do this. I did take the liberty of swapping a few letters so nobody can really find me. Though, if you happen to have a cracker jack decoder ring, you probably are on your way over right now. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's & father's middle names) Bernie Edward NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad ) Eddie Bob STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)Suchri DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color, fav animal) Blue Tiger SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live) Marie Monty (not giving away the real place so my stalkers can't find me) SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav alcoholic drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Rose Kahlua FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name) Chel ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet's name, current street name) Cosmo Creek PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on) Chico Street

BRAIN SPINNING DAY

Why is it that so many times in life, multiple things happen in one day? I can sail along with absolutely nothing for weeks then in a matter of hours have several things change the course of my week, or life. We have been waiting and waiting to get the report on BigD's most recent biopsy and culture. I haven't gone into detail here the moronic staff that populates Dr from another land's office. I think I mentioned the pierced lovely that hovers the front desk and makes a lasting impression. She is only one of 4 lovelies that I have had the misfortune to deal with. Am I wrong that in a professional setting that staff should act, well, professional?? That means no open mouth gum chawing, bubble snapping, bra strap arranging, loud talking bimbos. Part of the problem is that most doctors aren't willing to pay more than minimum wage and as the saying goes, you get what you pay for. So, I called two days ago to get this report. OBVIOUSLY we are worried. This whole mess started 8 weeks ago and we are still twirling in our seats waiting for an answer. Dr from another land does not have a phone option to actually speak to any one of the bimbettes. You can push 1 to get the automated refill line, 2 to leave a message for an appointment and 3 to leave a message for a return call. I chose 3, left a detailed message about who I was, what specific reports I wanted to have, the date of the procedure, the fact that BigD is still coughing like a sick rhino and requested that we get a call back with what the good doc found out along with what the next step should be depending on the results. Today I get a call from the bimbette that thinks she is very very important. She tries so hard to impress me with using her "big girl words" except they are usually out of context and grammatically horrid. I am certainly not the language police but if you really don't know the meaning of the words you are using and when to use them.....don't use them. (Remember I left a DETAILED message regarding the information we were hoping to receive when they called back so she knew the WHOLE story before she called) When I thanked her for finally calling back, she said the following: HER: "Ok, so you want to know about the results?" ME: "Yes, we are obviously concerned" HER: "It was negative" ME: "Which was negative? Both the biopsy and the culture?" HER: "I don't know" ME: "What don't you know?" HER: "I don't know what he did" ME: "Isn't it in the chart?"that you should have right in front of you, you stupid bitch? "I spoke with him when he came out of the OR and he told me he did a biopsy and a scraping for culture" HER: "Oh" ME: "Would it be possible for you to ask him which was negative, or if both were?" HER: "I guess" ME: "And while you are at it, could you ask him what is next since there is still a big mass in my husbands lung?" trying to sound pleasant when I wanted to scream HER: "Ok. But I am leaving soon" ME: "I will be available all day tomorrow" HER: "Whats your number?" ME: "XXX-XXX-XXXX" the same one you just called dingdong HER: "Yah, ok, have a good one" ME: too stunned to even talk at this point so I walked to the kitchen to bang my head against the oven door. THEN ten minutes after that conversation I got a call offering me a job. On a lark yesterday I went on Mo.nster and filled out an application in my field, put together a resume in LITERALLY 10 minutes, uploaded it and today had a 45 minute phone interview/test/ assessment and bam....they offered me the position. I am torn because I really like the office I am working in but the pay is measly and I really miss working from home. This new position is home based and it is also product pay so if I bust my cute little butt, I can make much more (I think) than I am making at Dr. doesn't wash his hands (as mentioned in prior post about his potty habits). Tomorrow I am going to hand in my resignation and hope that I don't regret it. I have already changed my mind 10 times. I know that once I resign, I can't take it back so I am going over and over it in my head. The new job will keep me chained to my desk for a 5 hour shot and I have to work on Saturdays but then again I will be home and I love being home. THEN...I am having an issue with S3, nothing huge, but concerning. Long story short, I think he is being made fun of and used in a capacity at school that is bothering me. I will figure it out and I am too tired to type it all out but it is just one more thing that is making my brain spin today. So, how about a show of hands...thumbs up or down on the job change? I don't do change well and always worry if I am making the right decision. On the outside I look like I have it 'all goin on' but really I am an indecisive blob of jello.

Twenty years ago...

....you gave birth to a baby boy. Nobody knew at that time what life would bring over the years but you made a decision that would change your life, your sons life and my life. You were wise enough to know that you were not financially or emotionally ready to parent this baby boy and you made the decision to let two strangers raise and nurture your son. You were 16 and had the option of terminating the pregnancy yet in your wisdom (well beyond your years) you knew that this little life had a purpose and you set aside the whispers from your church family, the taunts of classmates and the suggestions from well meaning people and decided to give birth then courageously give your child to a couple that were longing to be parents. I am still amazed that you chose us. We were many years older than the other 4 couples you were also considering and we were almost certain that you would exclude us for that reason along with a few more. After all, when you are 16, a couple that is in their 30's must seem ancient. Through your wisdom beyond your years you decided that our age was an advantage. You felt it meant we were stronger in our marriage and we had overcome many obstacles by that time. You chose us to be your sons parents. How can we possibly begin to express to you what our son means to us. We love him even more than any written word can describe. Thank you is such a feeble phrase at this point. You changed my life. You made me a mom. The one thing that I had dreamt about from the time I was old enough to ....... well, I don't remember a time EVER that I didn't want to be a mom. Your courage and wisdom at such a young age changed so many lives and continues to do so. Our son is a wonderful man now. I know you are thinking about him today, on his birthday, and I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. I hope your life has become the wonderful life that you deserve. As feeble as it sounds....thank you.

Hello?? Where is everyone??

Twice this past week I have driven past our county board of elections and the lines have literally wrapped around the building. Twice I wanted to hop into line and probably wait 1-1 1/2 hours to cast my vote. Twice this week I have had to be other places too soon to wait in line. Today I didn't have to work in my "other" job that takes me out of my comfy sweats and puts me in ridiculous shoes that only someone who never wears them must have designed. So I thought that maybe this morning after a parent teacher conference, but before BigD's bronchoscopy I could shoot over to the poll. Well the conference lasted a freaking 45 minutes with a combination of 4 teachers all telling me how delightful my 14 year old son is, and of course I took all the credit for his good qualities and blamed his wicked, sarcastic humor on his father. ANYWAY~because it took so long there was no way I would have time to wait in line to vote and still take BigD to the hospital for the lung rotorooter. He had the bronchoscopy, woke up, bitched about how hungry he was, they gave him a muffin and juice (they told him they had to make sure he could swallow while he was still in the hospital so he wouldn't crumble at our kitchen table and ruin dinner) and we were out of there. He felt well enough to go vote with me, (where my vote canceled his) and lo and behold, who should show up at our little polling place but S1 and S2 both having driven 45 min. home to vote (so that would be 3 votes negating 1 vote;) then somehow I was conned into spending 1/2 of my paycheck from "other" office feeding everyone at a local restaurant. (Actually it was the second one we went to. BigD had heard about a new place in town that was good and supposedly reasonable but when they seated us and I saw that the least expensive thing on the menu was a $12 appetizer, I loaded up my STARVING TEENAGE BOY brood and went down the road to a more moderately priced place and still managed to spend $75 to make a dent in their appetites). Anyway, my whole point to this post was voting. Remember the 1 1/2 hour wait that I passed twice this week?? When we got to the polling place there was NOT ONE PERSON waiting in line. We literally walked in, showed our ID's walked over to the electronic machines and were out of there. I asked the workers what the day had been like (this was about 5 o'clock) and they said this morning there were about 20 people waiting at one point but that most of the day, people had trickled in. I guess all the people that voted earlier, well, voted earlier. I am soooo glad I didn't wait in line earlier this week! So, here I sit refreshing my computer over and over to see what the results are looking like. Either way, no matter who you all voted for, my hope is that our incoming president can bring our wonderful nation back to what it should be. I don't worry as much for myself but for my kids and their kids. We need a little work, but it can be done. p.s.--in about a week we will have the results of the newest biopsy and the doctor from another land also did some scrapings to be sent for culturing....I think I like the way this guy thinks :)

A teeny update

We saw the doctor from another land (LG=lung guy) on Thursday, not uber super doc in Pittsburgh but our local pulmonologist. We needed to start back at the beginning because the non-information we were getting was confusing and depressing.

He kicked back and spent over 45 minutes with us (though it might have had more to do with the fact that we were his last patients for the morning rather than loving us unconditionally) and he zipped out his computer and showed us the scans, slice by slice. We were able to see the plaques, the mass, the needle aspiration attempt (nobody is convinced that the radiologist was dead on with his target even though when we asked him he said his average is 'around 100%'). LG told us that since the first biopsy was negdeeb and the PET was negdeeb at this point he would be inclined to wait 3 months, rinse and repeat.

By the end of the visit though, after really listening to what we were saying he did think that BigD should maybe have a bronchosopy after all ~~~~~~YES, this is what I wanted 3 weeks ago. In my opinion if you can actually see the lung booger with your own eyes, it is much better than relying on a CT--but then again I have always been a hands on learner....tell me, read to me, explain to me, it all works.... but not as well as when I can hold, see, or do what ever it is I am supposed to learning.

So Tuesday he is going to go in, scope away and try to get another few specimens for the path lab. The lung booger is in a location that may be hard to reach with the scope but he is going to try. OH, he also said that in his opinion he doesn't think the diaphragm is involved, he believes the booger is contained in the lower lobe of the lung that just happens to be butted up against the diaphragm.

The one thing that this whole mess has done though is make S1 and S2 come down off their newly independent high horses and realize that family is indeed important. Neither one has actually come out and said they are worried but the fact that they keep popping home for a night or two here and there, surely tells me something. I am positive it is not my fantastic cooking that draws them home and sometimes they dont even bring dirty laundry!!

I has to be concern for their dad. This morning, as I sit here in my office I have S1 upstairs in his bed (which is right above my office and sometimes the floor creaks and it is a wonderful sound:), S2 is on the big chair in the family room, and he brought a friend who is on the couch. In no time at all I will be in the kitchen slaving over pancakes, eggs, sausage, bagels etc etc and you know what...I will actually be loving it. I am always at my cheeriest when I have all my guys here. It fills my heart. I know that before long they will have their own families and I will be placed a little further away in their priorities so I am loving all this while I can.

On a closing note---last night was halloween. I bought 60 bags of doritos to pass out (I have always given out fab candy but anything we have left, I eat, so I decided to go the non chocolate route this year). So this morning, I have 48 bags left. Yep, we only had 12 goblins come to the house. When S2 was wondering why, it dawned on him that the neighborhood has undergone a natural evolution. Most of us here are my age and the old trick or treaters are his age and are off at school. We have a few new "young" families starting to move in but not many.

I had a bit of an argument with S3 about going out last night. He just turned 14 and I personally think that is too old (its never too old if you are going to an organized party but to ring doorbells, when you can get a job and buy your own damn candy....its too old). Because I am woman, hear me roar, I won the battle and he switched to scare mode. He decided to hide in the bushes and scare the little goblins that came.....so I ask you, if you turned around to leave and saw this child, would you be frightened???

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