Relatives UGH!

You are about to hear all the gorey details of my trip with S3 to see my beloved family. BigD and the other boys should be sooo completely in my debt for not bitching at them to go. I have mentioned before that my brother and I have an odd relationship. He is many years older than I am and we have NOTHING in common. To give you a glimpse into what he is like I have to give a description, which believe it or not, is hard to do. I can't even say..oh yeah, he is just like so and so because he isn't. He is very unique. Lets start by saying he has been divorced a couple of times and neither time was because of him (this is his thought anyway). The first wife..who by the way I am still very close to, he walked out on because she "just didn't do it for me any more". I guess it didn't matter that he had been screwing anything with a hole while this wife was lovingly caring for his two kids. He left one day on a business trip and never really went home. She was devastated as were the kids. As his kids grew up, in his fantasy world he felt like he was a GREAT dad because when the mood struck, he sent money to them or bought things for them. These were usually items he bought while globetrotting..skiing in Aspen, boating up and down the Atlantic, zooming in and out of Vegas, etc. In the meantime both his kids needed braces on their teeth and grandma talked to the walked out on wife and convinced her to let grandma pay for them. She knew the kids needed them and since their mom was working just to keep them in a good school district, housing and feeding them, grandma helped out. Same with a portion of the kids college expenses. I could go on and on and on with stories but I will leave you with the most recent installment that happened on this most recent visit....... He is a big guy...6'5" and big..not fat, just big with a BOOMING voice (that is louder since his hearing started to go--haha)..Anyway, we went to an area sportsy type bar/restaurant, small but great food. I am getting ahead of myself there is more to tell before the food even arrived. He is an avid fan of one particular football team that happened to be playing on TV that night. This place had two TV's and both were tuned in the that city's team that was playing...fyi, this city is known for its fans. Anyway, we had to go through 3 tables and 2 separate waitresses before big old uncle rob was positioned to see the TV just right. We had to move condiments, appetizers, drinks, utensils etc. oh joy. Then he found out that at 9 pm a live band was scheduled to begin. That is when the shit started hitting the fan. He called over the manager, demanded that the TV he was closest to be changed to watch his favorite team (12 states away) instead of the local pro team, and he asked if it was necessary for the band to play. NO SHIT, I am not kidding. This guy obviously feels that the world revolves around him..unbelievable. When the manager assured him that yes, the band will be playing and no, he wasn't going to cancel their evening for big old uncle rob, he resigned himself to being the grumbly customer. Of course the food wasn't right (mine was fabulous) and had to be sent back....I am picturing the cooks spitting on his food at this point..then when it came back it was "better" but not really right. When the band started warming up, there were several ladies doing a line dance on the dance floor..which happened to be directly in front of the big TV...guess what he did?? He YELLED at the ladies "what the hell are you doing"? I wanted to kick his ass at this point, but what I did do was look him directly in the eye and told him they had as much right to be there as he did. He looked at me like I was the crazy one. This is the guy that wonders why there aren't many second dates when he goes out with a woman....honestly, I couldn't even make this shit up! The final straw was when my niece and her husband were having a discussion about something she wanted him to do outside....my dear brother took it upon himself to get into the middle of the discussion, that had nothing to do with him, and start repeatedly asking when he was going to get the task done and why hadn't he done it earlier?? If I were this guy I think I would have punched old uncle rob right in the nose. I could literally write a book about him. BigD and the boys can only take him in very small doses and I hate to say it but I am joining the club. (this is yet more proof that you can be genetically related to someone and be polar opposites!)

Family visit do or die

Tomorrow bright and early I head out for a 3 hour drive to visit my niece, her husband and my brother (her father). So far the only other member of my immediate family that I have been able to con into going is S3 and that was only after promising junk food for the duration of the trip. BigD really doesn't care for my family...I admit they can be an acquired taste. S1 and S2 have gracefully declined the trip preferring to stay here and pick fuzz out of their belly buttons. You see, my brother is a tad annoying. Dear old uncle rob is very loud, very opinionated, has atrocious manners and is a completely ignorant know-it-all. Other than that....he is a great guy. We weren't raised together because of a huge age difference and I truly believe that one of us was found in a cabbage patch because there is no way on this earth that the two of us were conceived by the same sperm and egg pool. Well..the same pool spread out over many years. I like to think that by the time I was conceived the sperm and egg had aged like a fine wine. When he was conceived it wasn't past the grape juice stage. I only have to put up with him for 24 hours. In case you were wondering why I am going there instead of having him here....one time I invited him and he stayed for almost a month...yeah, yet another time I almost ended up divorced. Wish me luck.