What to do?

We have lived in our home for 16 years and had a few neighbors come and go. From the time S2 (son#2--the boys will be referred to as S1, S2, S3 from now on:) was a very little guy he could be found running from our house to the next door neighbors house. They were very nice people with 2 daughters, the oldest being the same age as S2. As families we didn't socialize outside of being friendly neighbors and the occasional grill out on the deck. Mom is a very high ranking executive at a large corporation and dad has a similar position in a different company. (this isn't the reason we didn't spend alot of time together, we just had different life priorities) For awhile, when I was between careers, I did home daycare for other working moms. It was ideal for me as I was able to stay home with my kids and also able to make some money helping other moms that needed a safe, happy place for their kids. Most of the kids I watched had moms that worked part time (though there was an occasional one that felt my role was to raise their children but that is another whole post sometime) and it was a perfect blend of me having what they needed. Frequently when V's (the little girl that is S2's age) grandparents were away, (they were the ones that watched her while her parents were gone) she would come here and play. S2 loved it...she was his best friend and they spent hours and hours and hours on those day and on weekends running around, building forts, hiding in the bushes with walkie talkies pretending who knows what, skating, riding bikes, and on and on. One night when we were eating dinner I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up. I was sure she would say she wanted to be important like her mom or a doctor like her grandpa but she got very quiet and said "I want to be a mom like you that can stay at the house" BAM. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This little girl had the best of everything but the one thing she wanted...her mom to be home and do the simple things like bake blueberry muffins. She helped me do that one day and was amazed that you didn't only get muffins from the gourmet market! At the risk of devastating her mom, I never told her what she said. Even if I had it wouldn't have swayed her to stay home, she was very ensconced in her executive roll and lived for it. Well, S2 and V were inseparable when V was at home but the parents decided they wanted to live closer to their employers so they moved when the kids were about 12. While S2 and V kept in touch it was difficult because they were too young for constant phoning etc and this was pre-instant messages and texting so they were pretty much limited to the occasional visit and began to lose touch. Once they reached high school, though in different cities, they regained contact and periodically chatted and got caught up. Well, a few days ago S2 found her on Faceb**k and left her a message. He was a bit caught off guard with how she responded. As it turns out, she is in a relationship with another girl. She is completely confident, athletic, popular (she has tons of photos with friends in her faceb**k, including several photos of her with her girlfriend in some intimate poses). S2 was stunned but quickly recovered and it really doesn't bother him at all. I on the other hand was not stunned as I always suspected even when she was younger that her life would take a different path than a lot of other little girls. It all goes back to the nature/nurture question of sexuality. My personal belief is that you are born the way you are. I do NOT believe one can "turn gay" or be swayed one way or the other...you either are or you aren't. I truly think that if someone could turn their sexuality on and off, nobody would choose to be gay, it is still too hard in this world. People are ostracized for being gay and I can't imagine anyone willingly choosing to be slurred, denied opportunities, told they are going to hell, etc. I am very proud of V for having the courage as a young woman to admit to being different than her peers. It had to be very very difficult and I can only imagine the day she told her parents. With the "perfect family" image they always maintained, this announcement had to be totally shocking to them. I would love to know if they have even told their friends...my guess would be that they have not and that makes me sad.

I need opinions

Wow! was I a Debbie Downer last post. Sorry about that. Sometimes I vent and feel so much better after and that was one of those times. Thanks all of you that expressed concern over my marriage. I am pretty certain that all is well. Next week we will have been married 26 years and honestly for the most part I wouldn’t really change anything,,,not even the bad times. Actually, those times have helped me grow into a much more confident and self sufficient woman. While the "bad" times are happening it is hard to see the bright side but once things have settled and I can think more clearly there is always a positive. Now for the thing I need your opinion about. I have a dilemma and I think I handled it correctly but let me know what you think…. About 2 weeks ago son#3 asked if his friend *Damian (name changed but fits the kid in question) over to play. Sure I said! Damian arrives and seems a little off to me but hell, he is 12 and aren't all 12 year old boys a little off?? Anyway I was upstairs folding clothes quietly (our laundry is on the second floor…best idea I ever had, btw). We have a 2 story family room so looking out of the laundry room I can see the family room/kitchen area. So, I look out of the laundry room in time to see Damian picking up one of the kitties. (insert awww moment thinking he was going to cuddle with our little fuzzball). In a split second I see him taunting the dog with the cat. Shaking the cat at the dog. If that wasn’t bad enough, in another split second Damian throws….yes, I said THROWS the cat across the family room, launching him about 12 feet. I was absolutely horrified. When I let out a very loud "DAMIAN what did you just do"? he looks up at me and says "oh, sorry" with absolutely NO remorse. The only thing he was upset about is that he got caught. The little demon child then shrugs his shoulders and walks out the back door. Needless to say my blood was boiling by that point. I went to tell Big D and he looked at me like surely I was mistaken..sorry, no mistake, saw it with my very own eyes. At that point I called in son#3 and told him to get Damian’s things packed up (yeah, Damian thought he was coming to spend the night even though I have never met his mother nor did she call to confirm this supposed arrangement). I was so incredibly pissed that I was afraid I was going to launch HIM across the room, so I had son#2 drive him home. Again no call from mom about why her son was home again after she thought he was going to be here, even though she never called in the first place about that! I sat son#3 down and for the first time in my momming history, I told one of my kids that they were not to play with a certain individual any more and that Damian was not welcome in our home. I was blunt, and honest with son#3, told him why and why it concerned me, especially the lack of remorse. This kid scares the hell out of me…do we have an upcoming Jeffr*y Dahm*r on our hands?? He started with animal abuse too as do many serial killers and just plain old nut cases. My question is…one of my friends thinks I went too far in banning the little (monster), um child from my home. What do you think?? Be honest, I can take it if you all agree with my friend I just need to hear from people who don’t know the kid and his family as my friend does. (To make matters worse, I saw him this weekend with his family and their PUPPY..I almost went up to his mother to tell her what he did but we were in a gathering for a game (son and Damian play on the same sport team) and I didn’t think it was the right place to tell someone that her kid is frightening. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you would do.