MIXED EMOTIONS

When your children are very little your world is consumed with milestones. The first REAL smile that isn’t immediately followed by a full diaper, the giggle you hear coming from their room when they wake up and see their favorite stuffed bear in their crib with them. The milestones don’t stop as they grow. The first day of school, first love and subsequent broken heart, being accepted or rejected by the “it” kids, driving and first fender benders and on and on. Life is a series of events that hopefully lead you to become a fulfilled adult. One of those milestones is beginning your life away from home. Last year S1 started college and along with my broken heart was a proud heart. I had no concerns that he would not do well scholastically (he made the Dean’s list) but I worried about his social life. He is different than many of his peers. We have always said he had an old soul, even as a child he had visions and understanding that most people three times his age don’t have. This year, he has moved to an apartment and his room here at home is empty. Completely empty. I find that I want to close the door because it kicks me in the gut every time I walk by and see another reminder that he has truly begun his adult life and I can only hope that we have given him enough love and lessons that he can be happy and grab every morsel of life that comes his way. Today S2 leaves. Once again I have mixed emotions. He is my social butterfly. As I type this, he and two of his buddies are sleeping on my family room floor, having spent the night after a farewell bonfire we had last night (I say WE loosely, I was not invited but did provide chocolate and marshmallows). When I looked out back last night the roaring bonfire lit up the shadows of so many of the kids that I have watched grow up. Some of these kids started out together in preschool. They were all laughing and I could tell by the sounds that it was a mix of excitement and maybe a little worry about what lies ahead. It is going to be so quiet here. For all the times that I have bitched that these kids have eaten everything in my fridge, kept me awake at night with laughter while playing video games or watching movies….I am really going to miss that. I know I still have S3 and believe me it will help. He is active in sports and loves to be surrounded by friends so I know he will pick up where S2 leaves off….but…one child does not replace another. They each have their own niche in the world. I am off to load up the car and fully expect to leave the university today through tear filled eyes, and will most definitely consume large amount of chocolate today.