Saturday, November 10, 2007
Happy Birthday
Yesterday was S1's birthday. Outwardly we celebrate it like any other birthday -the birthday person gets to pick dinner, either made by me or in a restaurant (yes, when they were young there were occasions we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of potato chips-yum)But, S1's birthday brings with it a little extra. There is a presence that is very prominent in my thoughts each November 10th.
His birth mother.
I truly have no idea how she must feel each November 10th. Last year, I found her. The adoption was a closed adoption so the chances of us ever making contact were very slim. (I posted about it with a posted entitled "Google rocked my world" if you care to read the whole story). Last night when we got home from our steak dinner (S1 had better land a terrific job someday, this kid has very expensive tastes!) I hopped online with my alter-ego screen name and sent her a brief note thanking her for her completely selfless decision 19 years ago.
I think I am more stunned now than I even was then that she was able to hand this wonderful baby over to a couple not knowing us, not knowing if we were going to be good parents. I had to be tremendously difficult. We have exchanged a few emails in the past year, not much but enough that she feels she made the right decision even after all these years. She respects the fact that S1, at this time, had no desire to connect with her. Instead of being hurt, she thinks it is wonderful that he is so comfortable that he isn't longing to meet her.
She has gone on to marry and have 4 children..sounds very happy and is someone that I can't even begin to thank.
I think I love this woman.
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6 comments:
1st what a wonderful post. and how wonderful to have been given such a gift, i agree that giving a child to another woman is a wonderful selfless gift. not sure i could do it myself
i keep reading your comments on 'sitting in silence' and for the longest time i thought, ohn is such an interesting name...then i got to your blog and realized it's the letters in your blog title...
haha
but very nice blog, enjoyed reading it...a bit scary to read the post about the teens...my boys are still young yet...yikes.
What a tremendous amount of love the two of you share.
I loved reading this. Because we are in the middle of the beginning (if that even makes sense), I often don't let myself think so far ahead. reading your blog helps me imagine a life many years from now without feeling anxious and confused about what will happen.
I think it's wonderful that you are able to be so open and honest with your family. That's an amazing amoung to love!
Being adopted myself, I always find it interesting to read the thoughts from the other sides - yours as the gifted mom and the birth mother. I think it's great you take the time to give her the occasional 'hello', particulaly because it will be a good foundation for if/when S1 ever does decide to make that connection.
for me it wasn't about meeting my parents as much as wanting to see if I had a sister or a brother. I already had a mom and dad, but additional siblings seemed like less of a threat or replacement then more parents.
Happy Birthday s1!
I think it's great that you found the birth mother and have taken the time to thank her and let her know things are good. I can't imagine how it must feel to give up your child, but I would think it would help to know he is happy and healthy.
I am fascinated by this story. We're in an open adoption with DD's firstmom, and a now-closed adoption with DS's firstmom. So the search and reunion thing, which I was hoping to avoid, may be something we eventually deal with.
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