Thursday, July 31, 2008
Love thy brother. Whoever wrote that in the bible, didn't know mine. Why is it that we cherish our friendships but wish some of our family members would crawl under a rock and not come out?? I just spent the week from hell with my brother, uncle robb and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. It started when he pulled in the driveway. I was on my way out, back to work after running home to pick up a flash-drive I had forgotten. It was my birthday and the boys had gotten me a huge pizza sized cookie for dessert later that night. As I was flying out to my car, I yelled jokingly to the boys to leave me a piece (it is survival of the fittest here, eat it before someone else does) and uncle robb says “yeah, you LOOK like you need a cookie”. Okay, in print that doesn’t come across with the condescending tone or eye roll or snicker. This is waaaayyyy more than brother/sister teasing. He is mean. He has always been mean. He was the kind of brother that would tickle me until I would cry, mean. The entire time he was here he was sarcastic, obnoxious and derogatory to me and to my kids. (BigD was away for a few days). He talked to the boys about if they were getting drunk, getting “lai.d”, keeping it “in their pants”, which girls on TV had fake “tit*s”. He even went as far as telling S2 that one of his 17 year old friends had “work done on her tit.s” and he knew this because of their shape. I have known this girl for years and years and trust me, nothing has been altered. At one point a good friend of mine was here wishing me a happy birthday and he started talking about an e-mail he wanted to remember to send S1…you know, the one with the “hot college bab.es”…..this friend has two beautiful daughters in college. We exchanged looks and she left, wishing me luck for the rest of his visit. The boys told me when he left that they think he is becoming one of those creepy old guys that needs to be kept away from high school girls. He knows everything, and when you start a conversation he hijacks it immediately and it becomes a one sided soliloquy of how freaking fabulous he is. In his world, nobody can come close to him in brains, or looks…..sadly he has lost all of his mirrors. A little back story here…he has been married and divorced twice, hates both “cun*s” that had the brains to leave him, doesn’t work and lives off a royalty check he gets twice a year for a business that he worked briefly and is very lucky that the checks still come. He has no health insurance so he shows up at doctors and hospitals to be fixed with never having any intention of paying, then laughs about it. He even stiffed people BigD and I know that helped him medically in the past. I was humiliated….he didn’t care. (These were doctors that I socialize with and now feel extremely awkward with them). Trust me when I tell you that this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I have decided that before he makes a return visit I will have a very direct talk with him about how he is to behave here. When three teenage boys are disgusted and embarrassed by the graphic obnoxious attitude of someone, that is saying something, as most things gross are hilarious to them. S1 told me he believes that uncle robb stopped maturing around age 12 and that S3-who is about to start 8th grade, has more class, tact and common decency than his 60 year old uncle. Well put S1, well put. Once I recover from this visit, I will post some fun posts. I just had to get this out there so my blood pressure would come down.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Do you know what CYA stands for? It is a common term where we live meaning ‘cover your ass’. I am in the midst of dealing with a bunch of doctors that are doing a bang up job of CYA. We have a 91 year old auntie that is circling the drain and is a DNR (meaning do not resuscitate in case of being found unresponsive basically). Well dear old auntie, I will call her Ezmerelda because it could be her name. I am pretty sure people named their babies things like that back in 1917. Anyway, Ezzie has been going downhill for the past year. Up until then she was living on her own and other than not bathing and using her favorite chair for a toilet, she was getting along okay. About 2 months ago we had a family meeting and decided that Ezzie needed to have someone checking her throughout the day and since she lived about 2000 miles away, it was hard to pop over on a lunch break. We moved Ezzie and all her belongings to an assisted care apartment near us. This place is screwing her over to the tune of about $6000 a month but she gets 3-6 meals a day so hey, I guess it is a bargain. Starting about 3 weeks ago we noticed a rapid decline in her condition. Like I said, SHE IS 91, so we weren't very alarmed. She talks all the time about wanting to be with her parents and all her sibs (they are all supposedly in heaven but we aren’t too sure as a couple of them that weren't very nice really probably went to hell). Ezzie is tired. Tired of living, tired of pain, tired of being old and just plain old tired. She is confused, getting a tad nasty and not breathing all that well. She has COPD which is a lung condition that decreases a persons ability to breathe without struggling. Without going into a ton of medical info, your oxygen level in your blood should be ideally in the high 90’s. Ezzie’s runs around 75. Two weeks ago it plummeted to 48, yes, 48. That level is pretty much around the time that St. Peter is deciding whether he should open the gates. Here begins our saga of the local doctor playing CYA. He insists on admitting her to the hospital every time her oxygen level dips. Dear doc, we KNOW it is dipping, she is 91 and wants to die. We have told you over and over that she is a DNR, these are HER wishes, signed. As I write this she is in the hospital for the second time in two weeks and has been there for 3 days. The doctor is waiting for some "lab results" to see if she can go back to her apartment and sit in her chair and refuse to take a bath. Does he really think with her condition that he is going to cure her? Has he noticed that she rips out the nasal canula as soon as his back is turned? Has he heard her when she tells me he is “worthless”? How do you cure 91?? We have tried to tell Dr. gonnapullherthrough, that he won’t be sued if she dies. He really doesn’t need to admit her every time she starts to head toward the light. This may sound cruel but it really isn’t. If you knew her you would know she is ready to let go. But instead we sit with her at the hospital and answer the same questions over and over to everyone who walks in. Last night she wanted a piece of pie. I was told by the nurse she had to ask the doctor if Ezzie could have it. Give me a break….if I make it to 91 and want a fucking piece of pie, GET ME ONE! For cripe sake, she doesn’t have any dietary restrictions, she only has 2 teeth left so I was going to get her something soft, she eats like a horse (think 2 breakfasts, 2 lunches and 2 dinners, all mushed of course…not so much out of actual hunger, she just forgets that she has already eaten) and in my opinion if she wants to eat chocolate covered farts let her. I need to go get my living well in order. today. Shit, what a week!
Friday, July 04, 2008
Hey gang...I am making plans to be in NYC for a longish weekend from 9-11 through 9-14 for the memorial activities...I need advice. I want to see a play, get into the VIEW for a taping on the 12th, eat great "local" food, no tourist traps or chain restaurants, great shopping (maybe chin*atown--love the bags. I am sort of known in my circle as a bag whore) and we are staying at the New*Yorker hotel on 8th ave. So...suggestions are welcome. AND...if you want to meet me for a quick breakfast, I'm buying :) (I would love to meet you blog ladies). We have gone to NYC several times for the memorial activities since the attacks. As I mentioned before, BigD is in "law enforcement" and has some ny*pd friends and he is very active in memorial society things so we go as often as we can afford. This year, we can't afford it but are going anyway-HA!I have determined that I will be fully nuts (instead of only half nuts) if I don't plan a get away. NYC is an amazing place. If I were young, very rich and single, I would live there. Since I am none of these, I just visit. My only concern is that there is another couple that may be joining us and I am not real fond of the lady half of the couple. She isn't a bad person we just have NOTHING in common. She is 14 years younger than me, she parties A LOT, likes to only wear 1/2 of her clothes and adores attention. Now take those things away and you have me. It will be interesting. I know I will be in the minority when I say I want to chill and wander the city taking it all in, instead of hanging out in every irish pub we see. I don't mind a few along the way but I have no intention of spending my entire trip comparing beer bottles. So, I need anyone from NYC or that has traveled there enough to know, to tell me the places to go. (We will be at Battery Park on Friday afternoon for the memorial parade and Saturday night at Town Hall on W43rd for the concert but other than that, I am open for suggestions).